Fic: Never Enough
Title:
Remus Lupin found his gaze drifting once again toward the door.
Meanwhile, Molly and Hestia were surreptitiously muttering to each other and occasionally glancing at him. Moody was still droning on about new security measures that the Order should utilize. And, most unsettling of all, Sirius was smirking at him in a decidedly Marauderesque fashion.
The only one who was missing from this tableau of was Nymphadora Tonks. The young Auror, who shared eye rolls and muffled snorts with him and Sirius, was no where to be seen. She was late at times, but never by halfway through a meeting. He searched his mind for any snippet of conversation from the previous day for an indication that she wouldn’t be there and found none.
The meeting dragged on for another half hour as meetings without Dumbledore tended to do. But, finally, only he and Sirius remained. "So, your lady love wasn’t here tonight."
Remus didn’t bother to respond. He knew couldn’t convince Sirius to drop whatever he wanted to say, but he was also well aware that rising to his bait would only make him worse. They stared at each other for some minutes until Sirius snorted. "Don’t think I can’t out-wait you, Moony. Between the year living in caves, eating rats, and the past months in this Merlin damned house I’ve developed much more patience than I had in school."
The last sentence was delivered with less bitterness than usual, but it was a timely reminder of the unfairness of his friend’s situation. The least Remus could do was to let him tease him. "Fine, I’ll bite. And I believe Emmeline had a guard shift at the Ministry tonight."
"You know very well that I didn’t mean Emmeline."
"Oh, really? Hmm. Whomever did you mean, then?"
"My little cousin, of course. You already knew that Emmeline wouldn’t be there, but you expected Tonks to stumble in any minute. I saw you watching the door." He winced a little; he hoped he hadn’t been that obvious. "Besides, Emmeline’s not the one you sit next to every meeting and have your own little jokes with." His smirk grew dangerously close to falling off the sides of his face.
"That’s what friends do, Padfoot. They spend time together and enjoy each other’s company."
"Friends, hmm? Do friends feel the need to brush their hands against each other’s at every opportunity or spend half an hour saying good night in the hallway?"
He didn’t really know what to say to that; it was no use protesting. "Have you ever had a friendship with a woman?"
"No, except Lily, who was a very special case. I’d say it’s impossible, but I know we’ll never agree on that point. But, anyway, aren’t you wondering where she is?"
He would be lying if he said he didn’t, but he didn’t want to give his old friend’s fertile imagination more fodder than necessary. "If you care to tell me where she is."
"I do, as a matter of fact. She came by earlier. She claimed she wanted to say goodbye to me for a few days, but you should have seen her when I told her you were running errands and wouldn’t be back for a few hours. It was as if I’d stolen all her Christmas presents. But she said that Scrimgeour sprang a surprise assignment on her. The Auror Office got a tip that I’d be in Central Europe this weekend, so he sent her and some bloke- I think it started with a P- to investigate. She thinks its because she won’t be a good Ministry lackey and kiss Fudge’s arse."
The thought of Tonks and another man going away together, even in a purely professional capacity, was oddly wrenching for Remus. He knew he had no claim on her. He just hoped, though he tried not to, that she wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than him.
He forced his face to remain impassive as he thought of what to say without betraying himself too much. "Well, that is unfortunate for her, but she and Kingsley have talked about how Scrimgeour seems to be growing more suspicious of them."
Sirius considered him closely for a few moments. "I’m not going to get anything out of you tonight, am I?"
"No." Remus was immeasurably relieved that he seemed prepared to give in, at least for the time being.
"Fine, but I will be reminding you of this conversation in the very near future."
That night, as he lay in bed tossing and turning, he felt assaulted by thoughts that he could no longer control. He was not a man who often had the luxury of self-delusion. The moon waxed and waned, pulling his body as it pulled the vast seas, no matter how much he wanted to tell himself that it wouldn’t happen. Time moved on inexorably no matter how much he had wanted it to stop and leave him behind at times. In the same way, he could not deny that Nymphadora Tonks touched a part of him that had remained isolated for a fair number of years.
But that didn’t mean he should risk her friendship, did it? They were friends, the best of friends. She understood him in a way that even Sirius could not. After all, Sirius had chosen to learn Animagery, to change his form completely. He and Tonks were shapeshifters because of circumstances beyond their control. She knew what to say and what not to say about his condition instinctually.
And that shared trait was the least of their compatibility. They could talk and laugh for hours and still have a fountain of words to tell each other. He looked forward to spending even five minutes in a day with her. And when days passed without her, he felt somehow bereft. He wasn’t quite sure how she had become such a staple of his existence, but desire for her company was now as intrinsic to him as physical hunger. And the feeling had not abated, as it would have if it were a mere infatuation. It only grew with each succeeding week.
So it went for the next three days. Decision and indecision waged trench warfare, moving back and forth by the hour, with neither side gaining a definite victory. As he was surrendering to the world of dreams, he resolved to tell her what he felt. As he woke to cold, watery sunlight, he resolved to maintain the status quo steadfastly.
After those agonizingly long days and nights, a tell-tale crash echoed throughout the hallway. Remus rushed to silence the portrait and then bounded down the stairs to assist the heap of adorably blushing Tonks. "Wotcher, Remus. I thought I was definitely too knackered to trip over anything today." Grinning, he held out his hand to help her up. "It’s nice to be back to civilization, though."
"Somehow, I don’t think most people would consider the company of a werewolf and an ex-convict and the raving portrait of the latter’s mother civilization, Nymphadora."
Her retort was instantaneous, and she didn’t even bother to correct him for using her proper name. "Most people haven’t spent the past three days with Percival Proudfoot."
"Ah, yes, Sirius told me about your mission. Was it that bad?"
She scowled at him. "A rock would be better company. I’m not saying that he’s a bad Auror, but it takes a lot of coaxing just to make him string three words together. And don’t call me Nymphadora."
He should have seen that coming, he thought with fond amusement. "Don’t you dare laugh at me, Remus Lupin. I’m already on my last nerve."
"I wasn’t laughing at you." He was barely suppressing a smile, but nothing more.
"Your eyebrow was in its I’m-amused-but-I-really-shouldn’t-laugh-position, though. I know all your tricks." Her speed at sussing him did not help him not to laugh.
It also exponentially increased his worrying urge to snog her senseless.
"Not all of them, surely. I am a Marauder."
"Hmm, then I guess I’ll just have to spend more time studying you."
"Well, you could start by joining me for tea." She beamed up at him. He readied the kettle and Summoned the accompaniments as she slumped into a chair. She really did look exhausted, but he supposed it was little worse than the usual tiredness of living a double life.
When he brought everything over to the table and slid in next to her, Tonks asked, "So, did I miss anything terribly exciting?"
"Well, you should feel grateful that you were unable to attend the meeting. It lasted two and a half hours."
She snorted. "No! Is that a record?"
"It may be." He didn’t know, but he thought it was probably close. They paused, smiling at each other and sipping their tea.
"Anything else?" He shook his head no. "The two of you are awfully dull without me."
"Indeed." She was still grinning, but he felt as if his breath had been stolen. All his resolutions and counter arguments came back to him in a rush. "I missed you." Judging from her slightly wide eyes and rounded mouth, that was the last thing she expected him to say. Which was not surprising because he hadn’t meant to say it either.
"I was only gone for three days," she practically whispered. Her words were almost a question.
"I still missed you," he replied equally softly. They were suddenly very close, and Remus did the only appropriate thing in such a situation.
He took her face in his hands and kissed her. He pulled away after only a few moments and smiled sheepishly at her. "I’ve wanted to do that for a long time."
"I’ve wanted you to do that for a long time." This time she leaned in and touched her mouth to his; they kissed in a way that was much lengthier and more exploratory. "Why now?" she asked somewhat breathily after coming up for air.
He winced inwardly. Honestly, he did not know and he didn’t really want to broach this subject while his brain was not fully functioning. However, he settled on being honest. "As I said, I missed you, rather a lot. I’ve come to realize how much I crave your presence." He winced again, outwardly this time. "I hope you don’t take the last part the wrong way."
"No, no, I’m flattered. I think I’ve fancied you since sometime in September."
"That long?"
She ran her finger around the edge of her mug. "Yeah."
"Me too." Her smile could easily have lit the whole world.
He couldn’t quite believe his good fortune or rid himself of the nagging thought that she would change her mind soon enough. But he pushed such notions aside and was determined to live up to his House. "In that case, would you come to dinner with me on Friday?"
"I’d like that." They set the time and finished their tea. He kissed her once more in the corridor before she left, thoroughly and lingeringly.
He decided that he never would get enough of Nymphadora Tonks, and he was certain that he never wanted to.
The End
Never Enough
Author: bookish_brownie
Rating and Warnings: PG
Prompts: "Other women cloy the appetites they feed, but she makes hungry where most she satisfies…"- Antony and Cleopatra; friend
Word Count: 1864
Summary: Remus misses Tonks while she is away on a mission; set November OOTP.
Author’s Notes: Any and all comments are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy!