A Thin Line
Title: A Thin Line
Author: scarlett71177
Rating & Warnings: G
Prompts: A Day of Hesitation, Essence of Murtlap, Drama/Angst, Location Prompt 32- Bedroom
Word Count: 1618
Summary: Remus contemplates going off to the final battle.
What makes a man a hero or a coward? Can he be both simultaneously? Or does the dichotomous nature of the situation entirely prevent it? A soldier is eternally seen as brave, but what of the simple man who leaves for battle, turning his back on his family, unsure of what might become of them? Is he valiant?
For months I have wondered what I would do when the situation arose-could I leave Dora and Teddy? And it seems the time has come, the decision no easier to make today than it was nearly a year ago.
News came from the Weasleys not long ago, urging members of the Order to show up at the Hog’s Head. I didn’t need the message to know that I was needed; I sensed a feeling all day-something culminating.
I should have gone, should have left immediately, Harry needs me, but Dora and Teddy were out. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye, even though it would have been the easy way out. For I fear that one glimpse of her and our son would undo all the fortitude I’d amassed in the last few minutes. Was I worried that she would ask me to stay, or was I worried I’d offer to stay? It would be unimaginable to turn my back on the friends that stood up for me countless times, protected my life with their own, but could I leave my wife and son?
I’ve sidestepped death for years-how much longer can I continue to borrow luck? I should have died when I was five-and a hundred times since then. Having my own family gave me so much more to consider. I promised James and Lily years ago that I would always watch out for Harry, and I always knew that giving my life for the Order was, potentially, all part of the process
But I also promised myself to Dora, vowed to be with her in good times and bad, in sickness and health, to love, honour, and cherish her until death do us part. If I leave, am I letting her down? Though I haven’t provided much for her in terms of material possessions, I feel as though it’s my responsibility to do what I can. I know if Tonks went back to work she’d go back to making a sufficient wage on her own, and the Black family vault could support her and Teddy for years, but that isn’t what I want for them. And Teddy-if I don’t go today, if I don’t stand up for what I believe in, what message would I send my son? What would he think of his father?
I have paced the floor of the bedroom, much as I’ve done the last two months since Teddy’s birth. Hearing his fussing never failed to prompt me out of bed, my feet shuffling toward the cot in the corner to quiet him so Dora could sleep. Together we’d walk across the floor and I’d sing in hushed whispers and pat his back softly until he fell back asleep. Today there was none of that peace as I tread the floor, lost in contemplation. Today there was torture, anguish, and heavy footfalls.
As if right on cue, a mellifluous voice and a gentle coo interrupts the cacophony inside my own head.
“Daddy, we’re home!”
My heart races. To think, I almost threw my life away-I could have missed out on the last two months with Teddy, as it is I missed out on a year with Dora.
“Coming,” I call softly, knowing what it is I must do. I take a glance around the bedroom at the Tonks’ family home-the bedroom Dora grew up in. If anything should happen, she, Teddy, and Andromeda will be safe here. My mind is relieved, though my heart still aches selfishly to stay.
I promised Harry a picture of Teddy when I saw him last at Bill and Fleur’s. I’ve never been good at apologies, but I hope he knows how sorry I am for how I behaved last summer. He’ll be a wonderful godfather. A stack of photos rest atop the bureau; I grab a couple and stick them into the inner pocket of my robes. Without a backwards glance I slowly descend the stairs, wand stowed safely in my back pocket. I smirk; Mad Eye would give me an earful for picking up on my wife’s less than vigilant habit.
The sight that greets me at the foot of the stairs is enough to make me change my mind again. Teddy, who has been trying so hard to make his sparkling blue eyes focus lately, and is beginning to smile socially, rocks back and forth in his swing, seemingly watching Dora dance around the kitchen. My wife, ever the Weird Sisters fan, is humming a familiar melody as she manoeuvres around the kitchen putting odds and sods away.
“Hello, wife.”
She spins around, slightly startled, but a beautiful and genuine smile appears on her face.
“Wotcher, husband!” She stands up on tiptoe to kiss my cheek, gently resting her hands on my chest. “Say ‘hi’ to Daddy, Teddy,” she says, fairly singing as she returns to the sack lying on the counter.
I turn to my son and smile, bending down to tickle his chin. He gurgles, the beginning of a smile spreading across his miniature face. “Were you a good boy for Mummy?”
“He’s always a good boy,” Dora says behind me. “Though I’m not surprised-he’s got perfect parents, doesn’t he?” She giggles and walks her fingers up my back. “And since he’s always such a good boy, maybe we’ll have to speed up our plans to expand our family, eh?”
She trails her fingers suggestively along my collar and it causes me to shiver. Oh how I would love to throw caution to the wind and take her upstairs right now, but if things end badly today-could I leave her with even more responsibility because of my haste?
I smile and blush instinctively. “I got some essence of Murtlap while I was out today. We used up the last after the full moon last month.”
I close my eyes for a moment, remembering. Laying in bed with her, letting her dab the essence of Murtlap on my skin, listening to her tell me about any and everything that had come to pass in the hours since we’d last seen one another. Her words and the sensitivity she possessed were far more healing than the ointment. Coming home to her after the last few full moons has been like coming home to an angel. I never gave her the credit she deserved. Three years she asked if she could be there for me, but I always kept her at arm’s length. She never patronized, never pitied. As usual, she took everything in stride, but still made me feel important, that I deserved her love, that I was human.
Even when she was 9 months pregnant with Teddy, she greeted me at the door shortly after sunrise with an embrace, a kiss, and what I needed most-her reassurance. And it didn’t just spill forth from her lips with every utterance, but it reached her eyes, and I was left with no doubt she took her vows to me seriously. I wish I could have made as good on my promises. It was my every intention, when I returned to her, to spend the rest of my life trying-but now…
“I may not need it,” I say hesitantly, scooping up Teddy in my arms.
She whirls around to face me, hope blossoming in her eyes. “Have you decided to take the Wolfsbane again? We can afford it, I swear.”
“No, I haven’t.” I stare down at my son. Is it vane to think he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen? My heart constricts at the thought of saying goodbye. “Dora, it’s time.”
Time. Time has always been against me. I’ve never taken advantage of it, and now it may be too late.
She knows exactly what I mean and her face falls. I don’t have to say the words ‘Voldemort’ or ‘final battle.’ “When-when did you get the call?”
“Not long ago. I should be there by now. I just-I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” I can’t bear to look at her now-if I stare into that beautiful face I might not go.
“This isn’t goodbye.”
I know how hard this is for her; she’s an Auror, she’s never turned her back on a battle. We’ve spent so many nights dreaming of a happier, safer world for Teddy, she wanted to do her part-to make a world he could grow up in without fear. She’s a soldier; standing up for what she believes in, protecting others has been ingrained and instilled in her since her first lessons in Auror training.
“If I don’t go now-I won’t at all.”
I lean down, pressing a kiss to my son’s forehead and stroke the side of his cheek. There’s so much I wanted to tell him, show him, but I may not have the chance. I force a smile and place Teddy in Dora’s arms. “Stay here, he needs you.”
Her response is automatic. “He needs you too… come home.”
She won’t cry, but I can see the tears forming in her sparkling eyes. How can I leave them? Does leaving make me a hero or a coward? The line between bravery and fear has become narrower every day over the last three years.
I feel as though I’m leaving half my heart behind with them. I take her heart-shaped face in my hands and press a kiss to her warm lips. “I love you, we’ll be together soon.”
Author: scarlett71177
Rating & Warnings: G
Prompts: A Day of Hesitation, Essence of Murtlap, Drama/Angst, Location Prompt 32- Bedroom
Word Count: 1618
Summary: Remus contemplates going off to the final battle.
What makes a man a hero or a coward? Can he be both simultaneously? Or does the dichotomous nature of the situation entirely prevent it? A soldier is eternally seen as brave, but what of the simple man who leaves for battle, turning his back on his family, unsure of what might become of them? Is he valiant?
For months I have wondered what I would do when the situation arose-could I leave Dora and Teddy? And it seems the time has come, the decision no easier to make today than it was nearly a year ago.
News came from the Weasleys not long ago, urging members of the Order to show up at the Hog’s Head. I didn’t need the message to know that I was needed; I sensed a feeling all day-something culminating.
I should have gone, should have left immediately, Harry needs me, but Dora and Teddy were out. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye, even though it would have been the easy way out. For I fear that one glimpse of her and our son would undo all the fortitude I’d amassed in the last few minutes. Was I worried that she would ask me to stay, or was I worried I’d offer to stay? It would be unimaginable to turn my back on the friends that stood up for me countless times, protected my life with their own, but could I leave my wife and son?
I’ve sidestepped death for years-how much longer can I continue to borrow luck? I should have died when I was five-and a hundred times since then. Having my own family gave me so much more to consider. I promised James and Lily years ago that I would always watch out for Harry, and I always knew that giving my life for the Order was, potentially, all part of the process
But I also promised myself to Dora, vowed to be with her in good times and bad, in sickness and health, to love, honour, and cherish her until death do us part. If I leave, am I letting her down? Though I haven’t provided much for her in terms of material possessions, I feel as though it’s my responsibility to do what I can. I know if Tonks went back to work she’d go back to making a sufficient wage on her own, and the Black family vault could support her and Teddy for years, but that isn’t what I want for them. And Teddy-if I don’t go today, if I don’t stand up for what I believe in, what message would I send my son? What would he think of his father?
I have paced the floor of the bedroom, much as I’ve done the last two months since Teddy’s birth. Hearing his fussing never failed to prompt me out of bed, my feet shuffling toward the cot in the corner to quiet him so Dora could sleep. Together we’d walk across the floor and I’d sing in hushed whispers and pat his back softly until he fell back asleep. Today there was none of that peace as I tread the floor, lost in contemplation. Today there was torture, anguish, and heavy footfalls.
As if right on cue, a mellifluous voice and a gentle coo interrupts the cacophony inside my own head.
“Daddy, we’re home!”
My heart races. To think, I almost threw my life away-I could have missed out on the last two months with Teddy, as it is I missed out on a year with Dora.
“Coming,” I call softly, knowing what it is I must do. I take a glance around the bedroom at the Tonks’ family home-the bedroom Dora grew up in. If anything should happen, she, Teddy, and Andromeda will be safe here. My mind is relieved, though my heart still aches selfishly to stay.
I promised Harry a picture of Teddy when I saw him last at Bill and Fleur’s. I’ve never been good at apologies, but I hope he knows how sorry I am for how I behaved last summer. He’ll be a wonderful godfather. A stack of photos rest atop the bureau; I grab a couple and stick them into the inner pocket of my robes. Without a backwards glance I slowly descend the stairs, wand stowed safely in my back pocket. I smirk; Mad Eye would give me an earful for picking up on my wife’s less than vigilant habit.
The sight that greets me at the foot of the stairs is enough to make me change my mind again. Teddy, who has been trying so hard to make his sparkling blue eyes focus lately, and is beginning to smile socially, rocks back and forth in his swing, seemingly watching Dora dance around the kitchen. My wife, ever the Weird Sisters fan, is humming a familiar melody as she manoeuvres around the kitchen putting odds and sods away.
“Hello, wife.”
She spins around, slightly startled, but a beautiful and genuine smile appears on her face.
“Wotcher, husband!” She stands up on tiptoe to kiss my cheek, gently resting her hands on my chest. “Say ‘hi’ to Daddy, Teddy,” she says, fairly singing as she returns to the sack lying on the counter.
I turn to my son and smile, bending down to tickle his chin. He gurgles, the beginning of a smile spreading across his miniature face. “Were you a good boy for Mummy?”
“He’s always a good boy,” Dora says behind me. “Though I’m not surprised-he’s got perfect parents, doesn’t he?” She giggles and walks her fingers up my back. “And since he’s always such a good boy, maybe we’ll have to speed up our plans to expand our family, eh?”
She trails her fingers suggestively along my collar and it causes me to shiver. Oh how I would love to throw caution to the wind and take her upstairs right now, but if things end badly today-could I leave her with even more responsibility because of my haste?
I smile and blush instinctively. “I got some essence of Murtlap while I was out today. We used up the last after the full moon last month.”
I close my eyes for a moment, remembering. Laying in bed with her, letting her dab the essence of Murtlap on my skin, listening to her tell me about any and everything that had come to pass in the hours since we’d last seen one another. Her words and the sensitivity she possessed were far more healing than the ointment. Coming home to her after the last few full moons has been like coming home to an angel. I never gave her the credit she deserved. Three years she asked if she could be there for me, but I always kept her at arm’s length. She never patronized, never pitied. As usual, she took everything in stride, but still made me feel important, that I deserved her love, that I was human.
Even when she was 9 months pregnant with Teddy, she greeted me at the door shortly after sunrise with an embrace, a kiss, and what I needed most-her reassurance. And it didn’t just spill forth from her lips with every utterance, but it reached her eyes, and I was left with no doubt she took her vows to me seriously. I wish I could have made as good on my promises. It was my every intention, when I returned to her, to spend the rest of my life trying-but now…
“I may not need it,” I say hesitantly, scooping up Teddy in my arms.
She whirls around to face me, hope blossoming in her eyes. “Have you decided to take the Wolfsbane again? We can afford it, I swear.”
“No, I haven’t.” I stare down at my son. Is it vane to think he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen? My heart constricts at the thought of saying goodbye. “Dora, it’s time.”
Time. Time has always been against me. I’ve never taken advantage of it, and now it may be too late.
She knows exactly what I mean and her face falls. I don’t have to say the words ‘Voldemort’ or ‘final battle.’ “When-when did you get the call?”
“Not long ago. I should be there by now. I just-I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” I can’t bear to look at her now-if I stare into that beautiful face I might not go.
“This isn’t goodbye.”
I know how hard this is for her; she’s an Auror, she’s never turned her back on a battle. We’ve spent so many nights dreaming of a happier, safer world for Teddy, she wanted to do her part-to make a world he could grow up in without fear. She’s a soldier; standing up for what she believes in, protecting others has been ingrained and instilled in her since her first lessons in Auror training.
“If I don’t go now-I won’t at all.”
I lean down, pressing a kiss to my son’s forehead and stroke the side of his cheek. There’s so much I wanted to tell him, show him, but I may not have the chance. I force a smile and place Teddy in Dora’s arms. “Stay here, he needs you.”
Her response is automatic. “He needs you too… come home.”
She won’t cry, but I can see the tears forming in her sparkling eyes. How can I leave them? Does leaving make me a hero or a coward? The line between bravery and fear has become narrower every day over the last three years.
I feel as though I’m leaving half my heart behind with them. I take her heart-shaped face in my hands and press a kiss to her warm lips. “I love you, we’ll be together soon.”