Ravens In My Mind by bratty_jedi

[bratty_jedi]

Title: Ravens In My Mind
Author: bratty_jedi
Rating & Warnings: Suitable for all audiences
Prompts: Day of Adversity, Raven, Drama, Location 40 (I think I got them all as long as metaphorically counts!)
Word Count: c. 1,500 words
Summary: Nothing exists beyond this white path that has no beginning or end. If I can stay on in it, I won’t have to think about

Comments

[mrstater]

Wow. Most of the post-Chapter 11 fics I've read have Remus almost immediately changing his mind, so first off this one stands out just because Remus seems to be going into an even darker place after that, and I think what you did with him regarding his violence toward Harry as indicative of a violent werewolf nature that could bring harm to his family is really, really well-thought.

The other bit I really liked was that Remus can't believe anyone would think he would give up wife and child unless he had no other choice was really good, too. Remus is so desperate, but I think that gets lots in Harry's POV, so it's nice to read more Remusy thoughts in his own mind. (Oh, and your first person is great, too. Not an easy POV!)

The flashbacks are great and poignant, and like ladybracknell I think the last line is perfect.

Really excellent work.

[bratty_jedi]

Most of the post-Chapter 11 fics I've read have Remus almost immediately changing his mind, so first off this one stands out just because Remus seems to be going into an even darker place after that

I just don't see how what harry says could snap Remus out of anything. harry doesn't make any sense. In one breath he accuses Remus of being reckless and in the next of being a coward. How's that work? I really think Remus has to work through a lot of stuff on his own. He's never going to believe anything about his condition until HE thinks it rather than someone else telling him it. Of course, now that I got him pretty close to rock bottom in this piece, I've no idea how he'd get back up. Perhaps I'll have to tackle that some other time?

I think what you did with him regarding his violence toward Harry as indicative of a violent werewolf nature that could bring harm to his family is really, really well-thoughtWhen I was reading over the stuff you typed up for me, it really stood out to me that JKR describes the temperature as

[katyhasclogs]

I really enjoyed this! It was unusual, but it worked really well.

I particularly liked how what Remus is doing physically (forcing himself to keep walking along the same path, taking shelter) reflects what is happening in his mind. He's literally and metaphorically keeping to the path.

One of the best things I've read so far I think. :)

[bratty_jedi]

One of the best things I've read so far I think. :)
Wow. Thanks a lot!

I'm glad to know you think the metaphorical and mental aspects of this and the physical ones blended together. That was definitely one of the trick aspects of writing this piece.

[jncar]

This is an excellent exploration of a very dark time in Remus's life. I really like your choices for his thoughts, and the imagery.

Well done.

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks so much!

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks so much! This was an interesting piece for me to try to write, in large part due to the tone of it, so I'm very pleased that you like it.

[jesspallas]

Very effective imagery. Nicely done. :)

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks much!