(no subject)

[jncar]

For some reason LJ insisted that my story was too long for one entry, and wouldn't let me post it all at once (?).

So here is the rest:

Thirty minutes later he found himself crouched behind Honeyduke’s Sweetshop, while Tonks fumbled to enlarge the narrow cellar window enough for them to squeeze through. As he watched the slowly expanding window-frame, he wondered for what felt like the hundredth time that evening why in the world he’d let her talk him into this. Then she turned, and flashed him her trademark smile while reaching out to squeeze his hand. Oh-that was why.

“I think this did the trick,” she said. “Sirius, you go first.”

The large black dog crouched down on all fours, and wriggled its way through the window. He let out a small yap, to signal his safe arrival inside. Tonks looked at Remus, and gestured at the window. “Ladies first,” he said. “I insist.”

“All right,” she replied. “Here goes nothing.” She turned, and scrambled feet first through the window. Remus gripped her hands, and helped lower her gently to the waiting cellar floor. “All clear,” she said. “Come on down.”

Remus wasn’t exactly what Tonks would call graceful as he shimmied through the narrow window, but she did notice that he seemed to be taking very particular care not to muss the cardigan that she had bought for him. So sweet! She didn’t realize that she’d been staring and grinning like a ninny, until Sirius-once more in his natural form-came up behind her and loudly asked, “Were you looking at Moony’s bum?”

“Hush-not so loud!” she hissed. Remus turned around from where he’d just landed on the floor.

“She was looking at your bum, mate,” said Sirius, a little softer this time.

Remus just looked at her with a little smile on his face, and raised one eyebrow in an unspoken question.

“I wasn’t…not really,” mumbled Tonks. “Well-it is a very nice bum,” she finished brightly.

Remus chuckled. “Thank you. I’ve always thought so myself.”

Before Tonks could collect herself for a reply, Sirius said, “Come on, lovebirds. I’ve got the trap door open.”

Tonks could feel herself flushing with embarrassment as she turned to follow Sirius. Remus walked close beside her, and brushed the tips of his fingers against her hand, sending shivers down her spine. Sirius returned to his dog form, and bounded into the dark hole gaping at her feet. Tonks stared down the hole uneasily. She’d always been absurdly afraid of the dark. “I think we’re going to need some light,” she said.

“Allow me,” said Remus. He held his left hand out, palm up, and squinted hard at for a second. Then, a ghostly ball of dancing blue flames appeared, hovering just over his palm, and casting an eerie glow over their surroundings.

“Are you trying to impress me with that?” Tonks asked.

“That depends,” he replied.

“On what?”

“On whether or not you find this impressive,” he said, his most mischievous grin dancing on his face.

Tonks fought the urge to laugh, and replied, “Oh, not at all. More of a parlor trick, really.”

“Then no, I wasn’t trying to impress you,” he replied, with a grin that showed he could see right through her. “Ladies first, remember?” He gestured toward the passage’s dark entrance.

Doing her best to swallow her fear, Tonks stepped down the rough stone stairs into the passage below, with only the faint glimmer of Remus’s flames to guide her way. Just as she reached the bottom, a great black shape reared out of the darkness, and flung itself at her. She let out a piercing scream, and fell back hard on her bottom. “Ooof!”

“Get away from her, you careless git!” Remus yelled at the large dog happily drooling on Tonks’s face. “You could have hurt her!” He stepped solicitously forward to help Tonks to her feet.

Sirius resumed his human form, and scowled at Remus. “All your damned yelling is going to rouse the proprietors!” he whispered loudly. He thought he could hear people stirring up above them.

“My yelling!?” said Remus far too loudly.

“Yes, your yelling!” replied Sirius, even more loudly.

“Oh shite!” exclaimed Tonks at the sound of the cellar door opening. “Close the trap door! Quick!”

Sirius dashed back up the stone stairs, and hastily pulled the trap door closed. Remus rekindled the flames in one hand, while grabbing Tonks hand with his other, and leading her deeper into the passage. “There goes our easy escape,” muttered Remus, not really caring whether or not Sirius was following them. “They’ll be on their guard for the rest of the night. Now we’ll have to change our plans, and come back out via the Whomping Willow passage, which means we’ll have to cut across the grounds. Why did I have to yell like that?”

“It’s all right, Remus. You were just standing up for me. It was very chivalrous of you.” Tonks was actually quite delighted at the way he had leapt to her defense. And the way he was gripping her hand, and keeping her close to him in the tight passageway. If she didn’t get a kiss out of him by the end of the night, she was going to be very disappointed in herself.

Remus slowed their pace. Her comment about chivalry had reminded him of something. “Your fall back there was rather hard-how is your…?” He glanced suggestively down at the part of her anatomy in question.

“Oh, I’ll live,” she replied. “I might have a bit of a bruise, but nothing too bad.” She patted her bottom lightly.

“Would you like to kiss it better?” came Sirius’s snide voice from behind them.

“Would you?” retorted Tonks before Remus had a chance to speak up.

“I’m game if you are, love,” replied Sirius, finally catching up with them.

“If you even think about trying that, Sirius Black, I’ll turn your balls into grapes and squash them flat before you have time to say ouch.” And she looked serious, too. Remus was impressed.

“Oooh,” said Sirius, instinctively shielding his tender area with his hand. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” she said.

Sirius hesitated. “Maybe…some other day.”

“I thought so,” she replied haughtily, and turned to storm up the passage-as much as one can storm up a passage six feet tall and four feet wide-with Remus in tow. What a woman.

After several minutes of climbing up the steep slopes and stairs of the passage, they finally arrived at their destination-the exit through the humpbacked witch. Here they paused, to reassess their further plans. Or, more to the point, to plan their further plans. Remus normally didn’t like going into action so terribly unprepared, but this time he honestly hadn’t thought that they would get this far, so hadn’t bothered planning for more.

Sirius pulled the map out of his pocket, tapped it with his wand, and recited the words, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” The map spread out before them on the parchment, and, like they had expected, nearly all of the dots were clustered in the great hall.

“Did I mention that I love your password? It’s simply brilliant,” said Tonks.

“It was my idea,” replied Sirius.

“Why am I not surprised.”

After studying the map for a moment, Sirius said, “It looks fairly straightforward. While everyone is gathered down in the Great Hall, we can head on up to Gryffindor tower unimpeded, and leave the map on Harry’s bed. It’ll be perfectly easy-and perfectly safe. Don’t you think, Nanny Lupin?”

“Your plan sounds good, in theory,” said Remus, studying the map. “However, it has one crucial flaw.”

“And that is?”

“The password. We need the new password to get past the Fat Lady.”

“Oh bugger,” said Sirius, peering back at the map.

Tonks smiled. Now was her time to shine. “I think I have your solution, boys,” she said. “And there she is.” She jabbed one of the tiny black dots crowding the Great Hall.

“What?” said Sirius, looking rather empty-headed.

“Livia Bolanger,” said Tonks. “She’s the niece of one of my girlfriends. I’ve seen her a dozen times. And it seems she’s been sorted into Gryffindor.”

“So?” replied Sirius.

Tonks sighed. “Remus really is giving you far too much credit when he says you helped make this map. Your brain is so devoid of rational thought that you couldn’t make a cheese sandwich, let alone something like this.”

“Hey!” retorted Sirius. “That’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?” she said. She looked at Remus, her eyebrows raised in question. He shrugged and nodded, looking apologetically at Sirius.

“You see? Remus agrees with me,” she said.

“Traitor.” Sirius scowled at Remus.

“So,” said Remus brightly, ignoring Sirius’s last comment, and determined to prove himself intellectually superior to the dolt sitting beside him, “I assume your plan involves morphing yourself to look like Livia Bolanger, and asking one of the Prefects for the password.”

Tonks smiled sweetly at him. “It’s nice to know that someone here is capable of complex thought.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore. Either of you,” said Sirius, pouting.

“Good,” said Remus. “Shall I go with you?”

“No-it’ll be safer if I go by myself,” she said, ignoring Sirius as he stuck out his tongue at her, and started making obscene gestures. “I’ll transfigure my clothes into school robes, morph myself to look like Livia, lure her into one of the bathrooms with a note, and then go ask one of the Prefects for the password. I think Weasley would be best-he’s less suspicious than Hermione. I should be back in less than twenty minutes, and then we can head up to Gryffindor Tower. Sound good?”

“Sounds wonderful,” said Remus. She really was brilliant. Brilliant and beautiful. He wondered hopefully if he could get a kiss out of her before the night was through. Sirius made another obscene gesture. They ignored him.

Ron Weasley was enjoying the start of term feast. The house elves always prepared the best selection of food for the feasts, and tonight was no exception. He was in the middle of stuffing another bite of pork pie into his mouth when a scrawny little girl with long brown hair pulled back into a tight plait approached him.

Mr. Weasley?” she said.

He nearly choked. “Oo ‘aking a mi?” he slurred around his mouthful of food. The girl just looked at him with wide eyes, her mouth hanging slightly open. With heroic effort, Ron swallowed an enormous lump of unchewed pie. He cleared his throat. “I said are you talking to me?”

The girl nodded.

“Well, what is it?”

“I … I need the password to get into the dormitory.”

“You’ll have to wait until after the feast, like everyone else,” said Ron. Daft first years. They had a thing or two to learn.

“But I have to take my medication!” she whined. “I left it in my trunk, and Mummy says that I simply must take it with food, or it won’t do me any good!”

Ron began to hope that whatever she had, it wasn’t catching. “Fine,” he said, wishing that Hermione wasn’t so busy talking to Parvati, so that she could deal with the little girl. “It’s mimbulus mimbletonia.” He hoped desperately that he had pronounced it correctly. “You got that?” The girl nodded. She stood staring at him for another moment.

“Well, go on then,” he said. She turned tail, and scampered out of the room. Ron shook his head. First years. Daft little buggers. Happily, he returned to his pork pie. Three bites later, it occurred to him that the scrawny kid might not know the way to Gryffindor Tower. With a sigh, he stood up to follow her. Prefect duty was going to be far more of a chore than it was worth.

As he strode down the length of the table, he caught sight of the little girl chatting happily with several other first years. “Hey,” said Ron, approaching her, “did you find it all right?”

“Find what?” she replied, looking surprised.

“Gryffindor Tower?”

“I wasn’t looking for Gryffindor Tower,” she said.

“But you… And then you…What about your medication?” he said, gesturing back and forth in pantomime of their earlier exchange.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” replied the girl.

“Oh,” said Ron. “Okay. I’ll just…go sit back down then.” He’d been so sure she was the one. Could there possibly be two first year girls that looked exactly alike? Maybe twins?

As he strode away, he heard one of the girl’s companions say, “I think he’s the one who needs medication.” As the girls all dissolved into giggles, Ron scowled. Stupid kids. But they didn’t ruin his mood for long. As soon as he returned to his seat, it was time for pudding. One bite of his favorite chocolate tart was enough for him to put the incident out of his mind completely. Maybe being a Prefect wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Tonks’s mind was spinning as she stormed back up to the third floor to rejoin her boys. She could hardly believe her eyes when she caught the awful sight of the new teacher seated on the dais. It couldn’t be possible. How could Dumbledore allow it? How could he possibly let that woman teach Defense Against the Dark Arts? That same awful woman who had been the sole member of the Wizengamot to opposed her hiring by the Auror department on the grounds that “Metamorphmagi are inherently untrustworthy”? That same pathetic human being who had drafted the legislation the left Remus virtually unemployable? Now, of all times, when the children needed a good Defense teacher more than ever? It couldn’t be happening. Something had to be done.

In the meantime, Remus and Sirius sat uncomfortably just inside the passageway, waiting for Tonks to return. Remus held the map in his hands, and watched it intently to track her progress. Sirius managed to maintain his resolve not to talk to Remus any more for nearly four minutes-it must have been a record. After that, he started rambling on about the times two years ago when he snuck into Hogwarts in his dog form, and how different it had looked from that point of view.

Remus spent most of the half-hour waiting for Tonks mechanically responding to Sirius’s stories with monosyllabic words and grunts. Finally, as he tracked Tonks’s dot on the map drawing closer to them, Sirius said something unexpected. “Moony-I just had the most remarkable thought. What if you learned to be an Animagus, and you could turn yourself into your werewolf form at will? Then, before the full moon each month, you could change into the wolf the painless way, and the transformation wouldn’t hurt. What do you think of that?”

Remus sat in stunned silence. It sounded so simple-but it couldn’t possibly work, could it? “How the bloody hell do you expect me to process something like that when I’m still getting over all that Firewhiskey, and worried sick that we’ll all be caught and incarcerated? And how in blazes did you think of that at a time like this?”

“Because I’m the real genius,” said Sirius, with a twinkle in his eyes. “I’m just better at hiding it.”

Remus shook his head. “It can’t be that simple. It just can’t be, or someone would have already done it. No. You must be wrong.”

“Oh, because I thought of it, it must be wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Bastard.”

“I’ll go to the Ministry Library tomorrow, and look it up. Then you’ll see. It’s not that easy.”

“I’ll bet you ten Galleons you don’t find anything at your precious library.”

“Make it twenty,” said Remus. With twenty Galleons, he could take Tonks out to a very nice dinner. And he was certain he would win.

“You’re on,” said Sirius.

With that, the doorway to the passage opened up, and a small brown-haired girl peered down at them. Remus really hoped that it was Tonks. If not, they were in serious trouble.

She smiled. “Come on boys-let’s roll.”

They slunk along the corridors of the castle, checking the map constantly to be sure the coast was clear. Sirius had returned to his dog form, to better protect his identity should they be caught, and Tonks remained disguised as a student just in case they needed the cover. As they proceeded quickly toward Gryffindor Tower, Tonks whispered loudly at them. “We need to stop by the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor’s office on our way out of the castle.”

“Why?” replied Remus.

“Because we need to set up some sort of booby trap. She has to be gotten rid of-Hogwarts won’t survive a year with her around.”

Remus grabbed her elbow and looked down into her childish face. “Tonks, what the hell is going on?”

“It’s Umbridge. Dolores Umbridge. I trust you recognize the name?”

He did. He could feel cold rage boiling inside of him at the thought of Dolores Umbridge teaching his classes. “All right. We’ll do it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” said Sirius, just after morphing back to his true form. “Are you two honestly talking about killing someone?”

“Not killing,” said Tonks. “Just some sort of serious injury.”

“Or a memory charm-it worked wonders on Lockhart,” said Remus.

“Just hold on a minute!” said Sirius. “I hate to be the voice of reason here-I really, really hate it-but you two are being insane! We’ve got less than a half an hour before those kids get out of the feast and start swarming all over this castle. We don’t have time for any elaborate booby traps. Not to mention, I’d really hate to see the two of you get locked up in Azkaban. Home would be even more dismal without you, and I just don’t think I could bear that. So please-forget about this lady that has your knickers in knots, and let’s just deliver the map and get out of here.”

Remus and Tonks looked intently at each other, as if each was waiting for the other to make the call. Finally, Remus spoke. “All right. We won’t do her any serious harm. But if you give us three minutes, I’m sure we can at least arrange for a nasty surprise or two in her office.”

“Fine,” said Sirius. “Now let’s get going!” He morphed back into the dog, and bounded on toward the stairs to Gryffindor Tower.

The Fat Lady accepted the password, but did give Remus an odd look. “What are you doing here, Professor?” she asked.

“Just…a security check for the Headmaster,” he replied.

The Fat Lady gave a little shrug. “Very well, then. Go on in.” The painting swung wide, admitting them to the common room.

They dashed up to the dormitories, and searched around for Harry’s trunk sitting at the end of one of the beds. “Here it is!” called Sirius.

Remus dashed over to him with the map. “Are you sure this is his bed?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” retorted Sirius. “I do know my own godson’s trunk, thank you very much.”

“Then here we go,” said Remus. “Mishchief managed.” He tapped the map with his wand, deactivating it. He placed the map on Harry’s pillow with a fond smile. “Use it wisely,” he whispered.

“Now let’s get the hell out of here, and down to Umbridge’s office before the feast is over!” said Tonks.

Remus and Tonks took off running, with Snuffles bounding lightly before them. Remus didn’t think he had ever gone from Gryffindor Tower all the way down to the second floor faster in his life. They skidded to a halt in front of the office door.

“Alohomora!” said Tonks. The door popped open with a little click, and the three friends slipped inside.

“Good God!” exclaimed Remus. “What has she done with my office?”

The room was barely recognizable. Every surface was covered with flowers and lace, and from one wall dozens of wide-eyed, bow-wearing kittens blinked sweetly at him from a large collection of decorative plates.

“It’s horrific!” said Tonks.

“Now this is just wrong,” said Sirius.

Remus gritted his teeth, and repressed the urge to blast the kittens into oblivion. “Let’s do this quick.”

They scurried around the office, each leaving their own little surprises for its occupant.

When Remus was finished, he moved to the door. “Are you done?”

“Just finished,” said Tonks.

“All done,” said Sirius.

“Let’s move,” said Remus. Sirius morphed back into Snuffles, and they hustled down the hall.

As they stepped off the stairs and onto the first floor, Snuffles paused, pricking his ears up. Remus could hear it too-the sound of a large group of children headed their way. “Run!” he exclaimed.

They dashed down the nearest corridor, but there was no escape. The sounds of approaching children were no longer just behind them, but to their right as well. “This way,” said Tonks, pointing down a nearby corridor. They dashed after her. She led them into the dark and empty History of Magic classroom, and slammed the door shut behind them. She sealed the door with a locking charm, and barricaded it with a thin blanket of pushing-fog.

The three of them stood panting, listening to the sound of dozens of chattering children streaming past the room.

“That was a close one,” said Sirius. “So what do we do now?”

“The only thing we can do,” replied Remus. “Wait it out, and sneak out after curfew.”

“Damn,” said Sirius. “I was hoping for something that involved a little less …waiting.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t think we had time for anything else,” said Tonks.

“Don’t worry, you made the right choice,” said Remus.

They all sat down on various tabletops, and prepared to wait.

“So,” asked Sirius, “what did you do in Umbridge’s office.”

Tonks quirked a smile. “I pulled an old Muggle prank with a magical twist. I conjured up a drawing pin-an oversized drawing pin with a very long point-disillusioned it, and put it on her chair. She’ll get quite a surprise next time she sits down at her desk.”

“Smashing,” said Sirius. “And you?” he asked Remus.

Remus smiled. “I charmed all of her books to contain nothing but the text of Wandering With Werewolves, by Gilderoy Lockhart.”

They all chuckled. “Brilliant!” said Tonks.

“What did you do?” Remus asked Sirius.

“I charmed some of her kittens to start performing acts of a carnal nature.”

Tonks and Remus burst out laughing. “You are a genius,” Remus said finally. “An evil genius!”

Sirius gave a mocking little bow. “Thank you, very much.”

With that, the three friends settled back to wait.

When Dean Thomas arrived at his bed that night, he was surprised to find a tattered piece of old parchment lying on his pillow. With hardly a second thought, he tossed it casually to the ground, where it slid slightly under his bedside cabinet, so that only a corner of it was visible.

Remus, Sirius, and Tonks spent most of the next two hours pacing, making inconsequential small talk, and staring out the window at their ultimate destination: the Whomping Willow. Eventually, Sirius stretched out on the floor, and appeared to fall asleep. Feeling tired of pacing, Remus sat down on a desk near the door, and Tonks sat beside him. She had returned to her normal appearance, but her feet still dangled a few inches off the floor, and swung them back and forth restlessly.

“I’m beginning to think that you should have just given Harry the map when you went down to the Great Hall. If you had, we’d have been home hours ago,” said Remus quietly.

“But then we would have missed out on all this fun,” said Tonks with a small smile, nudging him playfully with her shoulder.

Remus smiled back, and nudged her in return. “I have had fun, in spite of it all.”

“Me too,” she said, leaning into him.

Remus was suddenly very aware of how close she was-her face only inches from his own. She felt so warm and soft leaning against him. And her perfume smelled intoxicating. With Sirius asleep on the other side of the room, they suddenly felt very, very alone.

He turned his face toward hers, and she turned hers toward him. They sat there staring into each other’s eyes, both wearing silly, eager grins. He reached forward with one hand, and grazed his fingers along her cheek, finally cradling the side of her face in his palm. He leaned forward, and she leaned in to meet him. Their lips danced lightly against each other, moving slowly and tentatively at first, then with more vigor and passion. He pulled her tighter against his body, deepening their kiss as she twined her fingers through his hair.

Oh yes indeed, he was a very good snogger.

As the couple became increasingly engrossed in one another, they failed to notice that the barricade of pushing-fog had completely evaporated. And they also failed to notice the small clicking sound of a large mechanical key turning in the door-lock.

Suddenly a light from the corridor poured over them as the door swung wide.

Remus and Tonks pulled away from each other’s faces to stare in stunned amazement at the figure in the doorway. It was caretaker Filch holding a lantern, his mouth hanging open in a dumbfounded expression.

“What the hell?” he said. “Professor Lupin?”

Remus hastily withdrew his hand from under Tonks’s shirt. “Erm…hello,” he said to the bewildered looking old man.

“Stupefy!” An unexpected voice echoed through the large classroom. Filch’s eyes rolled up in his head, and he toppled backward to land with a thunk on the floor, his lantern clattering, and going out. Mrs. Norris, who had been slinking around her master’s feet, yowled with fear, and took off down the corridor.

Remus turned to see Sirius standing, his wand outstretched.

“I thought you were asleep!” said Tonks.

“I know,” replied Sirius, leering at her with a wicked grin. “The show was much more interesting when you thought I wasn’t watching.”

“You really are horrible, you know,” said Remus.

“I do my best. What now?”

Tonks hopped off the desk, and strode over to Filch’s prone form. “I’ll alter his memory, and we’ll leave him here to sleep it off.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Sirius.

Tonks carefully performed the memory charm, and then Remus and Sirius picked up Filch and laid him out on the table at the front of the room.

“Now let’s get the hell out of here,” said Tonks.

“I’ve never agreed with you more,” said Sirius.

Luna Lovegood was having trouble sleeping that night, as was often the case after exciting days. She stood in her window, looking out over the school grounds, trying to pick out shapes in the darkness. Suddenly, a large black dog dashed across the grounds toward the Whomping Willow. She watched in surprise as a man and a woman, running hand in hand, followed it.

The dog dodged the flailing branches of the tree, and seemed to nudge a dent at the base of the trunk with his nose. Immediately, the tree raised all of its branches in the air, and stood perfectly still. The man and woman followed the dog under the tree. Then, mysteriously, the dog disappeared into the ground around the tree roots. The man and woman walked to the spot where the dog had vanished, and paused. The man pulled the woman into his arms, and kissed her. Then they too vanished into base of the tree.

A Grim and some lovers, vanishing into the earth beneath some tree roots. Luna pondered this strange vision. Death and love sinking into the source of life? Whatever could it mean? She’d have to ask Professor Trelawney tomorrow. Humming softly to herself, she returned to her bed.

When Ron awoke in the morning, he sat up and stretched happily. It was good to be back where he belonged. He hopped out of bed, and the stone floor felt cold under his feet. As he looked around trying to find where he’d tossed his slippers, he noticed a strangely familiar piece of parchment sticking out from under Dean’s cabinet. He leaned over, and picked it up with growing excitement.

“Harry! Harry!” he said, running over to his friend’s bed. “Look what I found!”

Harry sat up, running his hand through his hair, and put on his glasses. “What is it?”

“Look!” said Ron, handing him the parchment.

A grin spread slowly over Harry’s face as he recognized it. “I thought this was gone forever. Where’d you find it?”

“Over there on the floor.”

“How’d it get there?”

Ron shrugged. “I’ve no idea.”

Harry discussed the matter considerably with his friends throughout the day, and they finally decided that it was a mystery that they would never solve. But Harry didn’t really care. He was just glad to have his map back.

When Remus woke in the morning, he stretched happily, and rolled over to look at the head of tousled pink hair lying beside him.

“Good morning,” he said softly.

“Good morning indeed,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Yes-in spite of Sirius’s loneliness-having the kids out of the house was a very, very good thing.