isolation diaries 13: it changed my life ?

[merzb]

10/05

I called M (he's one of my best friends who lives in ___) recently and we talked about Stoner, the book I mentioned I read recently. It keeps coming back to this fucking book.

Spoilers, by the way, if you keep reading.Like the way I understand the book is that it's about this guy who never bothered(*) to think about how he felt and never

Comments

[meistergedanken]

""you're always making a choice - even when you don't actively make one."

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice! - Freewill, by RUSH

[masobelle]

I'm super tired right now but I want to comment on this before bed because I found this super interesting. The idea of... well, of having an idea and hanging on to it despite everything is something I think about a lot, because I've always said that I have a goal and know where I'm going and this is what I want. I've had periods where I've thought 'is that really what I want?' and that is frightening as hell, damn, it's scary as fuck because what am I supposed to do if I don't go home? Where will home be?

I'm lucky in that when I have those moments, I've been able to visit home and go 'ahhh yep, that's right, this is what I want and I know why I want it'. But that goal of going home is choosing the thing that makes me happy over the ambitious thing, or the adventurous thing, or the glamorous thing. It's the unambitious, non-glamorous option haha.

[brainbeast]

I used to always worry about confrontation whenI was younger, but I was also massively introverted and shy. These days I somehow almost thrive on it.. it's really weird. I still consider myself an introvert!

[space_66]

Those are some great life takeouts.

A big part of the problem i think too is that being self aware and in tune with our own internal workings seems to be generally viewed by a lot of people not as a strength and valuable desirable thing, but as something weird and lame, a kind of weakness even, or some kinda “hippie thing” as you say yourself in this post haha. This was especially the case for me when I was younger with most of the other guys i grew up around. For some reason it was considered a weakness to ever let anyone know if something or someone really affected you, so the more bulletproof you could act the better you were accepted. But of course we are all affected by things right? And so to just not acknowledge any of that and try to brush off and act like we aren’t affected by things happening and the people in our lives is really just bullshitting to ourselves. And it's so damn hard to learn anything about ourselves and how to better function as human beings through that kind of bullshit.