Comments | merthin: Brigit's Flame January 2011 Third entry: Guns and Roses

merthin

Brigit's Flame January 2011 Third entry: Guns and Roses

Jan 23, 2011 14:17

"Chandra."

...

"Chandra!"

"Hmm, what?" Chandra glanced up from the diagnostic console she had been examining. The yield from the missile's explosive head just wasn't hot enough to cut through the Ragulian's external hull. If she could just get the intermix of ...

"You have no idea what day it is, do you?" William chided her.

Chandra thought for a moment ( Read more... )

brigits flame, writing

Comments 8

keppiehed January 23 2011, 23:49:04 UTC

Now that is what I call using a prompt. Wow, you really went for it. Great dialogue, as well. I admire that in a story. Well done!

merthin January 23 2011, 23:49:51 UTC

Thank you. You are most kind.

eyedsofmarch January 24 2011, 18:23:48 UTC

Loved it!

merthin January 31 2011, 08:56:17 UTC

Thank you for reading and commenting. :-) I'm glad you liked it.

chuck_the_plant January 27 2011, 22:43:57 UTC

I enjoyed your story a lot! I liked the way the characters interacted with each other, the way their professional attitudes and personal attitudes seems to mesh so well (probably because they first got to know each other in a professional setting). If I had to make one suggestion, I'd like to know a little bit more about Chandra's "experiment" that William took the blame for. This seems to be a pivotal turning point in their relationship, and I'd like to know what life was like between them before it.

merthin January 31 2011, 08:58:12 UTC

Ah yes, I can see how that is a bit bare of chord there as far as their past relationship. It all makes perfect sense...in my head. ;-) Thanks for reading and commenting.

aquarius_galuxy January 29 2011, 14:24:55 UTC

*giggles* I liked this piece! Chandra fascinates me with her personality, and I wasn't surprised when she managed to think of a solution from the rose thorns. I also like how you deepened William's character with his commander's habit. =p

Something I might change would be the way you phrased "She flung her arms around his neck and leapt into his arms." -> I'd think that leaping into his arms, before flinging her arms around his neck, would be easier to imagine. =p

I enjoyed this, thanks for the read! =p

merthin January 31 2011, 09:11:33 UTC

Thank you for reading and commenting and I'm so glad you like Chandra's character. Both she and William (occasionally Richard) are recurring characters in my writing. Their relationship spans dozens if not hundreds of lifetimes, sometimes turning out well, sometimes not so much. If you'd care to read another (much better, IMHO) short featuring them, you can go here: http://merthin.livejournal.com/124929.html