11! Because I'm awful.werewolf_hackerSeptember 5 2012, 17:32:42 UTC
[It's a rare day off, and Ben is seated on the sofa after breakfast working on his memoirs some more. He's sitting sideways with his stocking feet in Maria's lap, and his typing gets rather emphatic for a few moments before it slows and then trickles to a stop. He rests his cheek on the sofa back and rubs his forehead.]
I don't know what possessed me to think this was a good idea.
and awesome <3inwhichwarSeptember 5 2012, 17:52:12 UTC
[Maria looks up from rubbing Julius's belly -- the cat has stuffed himself, upside-down, between her leg and the arm of the couch and is dozing with all four feet in the air, occasionally rousing himself enough to bat lazily at her wrist.
She makes a quiet, sympathetic kind of nonsense noise and holds her hand out to him. The unspoken rules about touching have gotten even more lax, but she still offers more often than not, out of respect for him, out of love for him and a ferocious desire not to hurt or push him inadvertently.]
[Grazina is sleeping on Ben's knees, twitching occasionally from whatever kitten dreams she's having. Ben reaches over and takes Maria's hand.] Stuff like this-- [He waves his free hand at his computer.] Is the reason I thank God for you. I had rape issues before slavery turned me into a sex toy for desperate and lonely people.
Re: <3 <3 <3inwhichwarSeptember 5 2012, 20:44:00 UTC
[Maria flinches, bodily and painfully, and for a moment her expression vacillates between wounded and horrified and furious on his behalf before it resolves itself into something sharp and dangerous. It's the face she makes in those rare moments when the crippled-old-woman act flakes away.]
Tell me where to find them and I will see to it they are made very dead for it, Volchok moy.
[The smile he gives back to Maria is sad and crooked, and he squeezes her hand.] I took care of the last one myself. The others are scattered. Hell, Maria, half the time they don't even tell me what city I'm in, let alone give me their full names.
[Something in her heart twists, and she realizes yet again that unless she finds some way to prevent it he's going to be right back in that vicious cycle as soon as something happens to her. She can't let that happen. She can't.
She just hasn't found a good way to prevent it yet. Not for lack of trying.]
Nevertheless. I am not without resources. I will make it happen for you, if you want it.
[His mouth pulls to one side, and he shakes his head.] I don't think so, honey. Neither one of us needs the additional stain on our soul. They'll pay for it. In the end. [Something in his expression goes feral at that.] Touching the Lord's anointed has bad consequences. I might be retired and tarnished, but I'm still His Hound in my heart.
[Maria squeezes his fingers. Privately, she's not sure that one more or less stain on her own soul, if she has one, is going to make any differences in the long run. But she'll let the subject drop without saying as much, because she doesn't want to make him sad.]
You are as good a man as any that I ever met. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
[He closes his eyes and nods. Considering the kind of people she used to hang around, he's not sure what that says about him, honestly. But he knows she means it as a compliment, and he takes it as one.] And anyone who talks smack about you is gonna have a pissed-off Army Ranger werewolf up in their face. [He glares at his computer screen.] All these idiots thought they were "good" people. But they treated me like-- [He stops and shakes his head again.]
You don't do that. You're better than any of them ever even thought about being.
[She shakes her head, drawing her thumb over his knuckles. Her voice goes quiet and sad.]
I wish I had come along sooner. Or that someone had. That you had known something better than all that for at least a little while, between when she died and now.
[His shrug is rough.] I think it was worse when they were making me hurt other wolves. At least if a Master was hurting me, it was just me, you know? I could bear that; it just made me angry. The pits... they broke me in ways I'd forgot I could be broken.
[She reaches out with her other hand and cradles his fingers between her own, like she can protect him by doing that. Like she can shelter him from the past.]
It is alright that you have not. Such things, they stay with you. Like a scar in the heart.
[His free hand comes up and rubs the sigil, which burned pretty fiercely the night he killed his last Master. He nods and swallows hard.] I just can't let it consume me. I have to remember who I am. I'm not That Guy. Janni didn't love That Guy, you don't love That Guy, and Dad's Hound is not That Guy.
[A sigh, as he remembers his last Master, and Romek's men.] At least, not very often.
[Her fingers tighten around his hand, and her voice is very grave. She knows that it's important to him, being a good man, not being That Guy. But the world is the world and she's not young enough to be under any illusions.]
I will love you no matter if you are That Guy or not, Volchok. Nothing you do will change it, that I love you.
I know. Still. I'll try to keep That Guy on a leash. I've had Wrath issues for going on a hundred years. This-- [His fingers brush the collar. He doesn't actually mind wearing it for her; it gives him a sense of security, of belonging to someone he trusts utterly. And he knows that's wrong, he knows that's one more way he's lost the plot somehow, but his subconscious is a gleefully mean bastard and enjoys reminding him that if the collar comes off, he is in so much trouble.] Hasn't really done anything to mitigate them.
Until now. [He swallows and shakes his head.] And I know how wrong that is.
Is it so very wrong a thing to be angry, though? When you have suffered what you have suffered, when people have done such things to you, is it such a sin?
I don't know what possessed me to think this was a good idea.
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She makes a quiet, sympathetic kind of nonsense noise and holds her hand out to him. The unspoken rules about touching have gotten even more lax, but she still offers more often than not, out of respect for him, out of love for him and a ferocious desire not to hurt or push him inadvertently.]
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Tell me where to find them and I will see to it they are made very dead for it, Volchok moy.
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She just hasn't found a good way to prevent it yet. Not for lack of trying.]
Nevertheless. I am not without resources. I will make it happen for you, if you want it.
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You are as good a man as any that I ever met. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
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You don't do that. You're better than any of them ever even thought about being.
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[She shakes her head, drawing her thumb over his knuckles. Her voice goes quiet and sad.]
I wish I had come along sooner. Or that someone had. That you had known something better than all that for at least a little while, between when she died and now.
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I'm still not sure I've gotten that back.
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[She reaches out with her other hand and cradles his fingers between her own, like she can protect him by doing that. Like she can shelter him from the past.]
It is alright that you have not. Such things, they stay with you. Like a scar in the heart.
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[A sigh, as he remembers his last Master, and Romek's men.] At least, not very often.
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[Her fingers tighten around his hand, and her voice is very grave. She knows that it's important to him, being a good man, not being That Guy. But the world is the world and she's not young enough to be under any illusions.]
I will love you no matter if you are That Guy or not, Volchok. Nothing you do will change it, that I love you.
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Until now. [He swallows and shakes his head.] And I know how wrong that is.
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Is it so very wrong a thing to be angry, though? When you have suffered what you have suffered, when people have done such things to you, is it such a sin?
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