[He managed to hold the aggressive stance for all of another two seconds, and then his shoulders slumped. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his jaw, and let out a low breath. As he did, the tension bled from his neck, from his coiled fists, which went lax and dropped to his sides.
He didn't open his eyes again as he spoke.]
Cas...
[His voice broke a little, sounded as haggard as he looked.]
Please. I get... your family needs you. I get that. But you can't keep... I can't keep saying goodbye to you, do you get that? I- you left a note, Cas. I thought- I thought I was never gonna see you again.
[A beat.]
I'm not sure that you get... I'm not sure that it means the same thing to you as it does to me.
That note has been and will always be my greatest regret. It was wrong, I know that now. I would give anything to take it back.
[Castiel confessed, stepping closer, so close that their foreheads were almost touching. Blue eyes searched the man before , trying to get Dean to open his eyes through sheer will alone.]
Do not question the merits of my feelings for you.
[The mans expression was pained as he leaned in closer.]
Just- Damn it Dean. Open your eyes, You'll see how I intend to remain by your side.
[When Dean opens his eyes at such a close distance he will begin to notice some things about Cas. Like how his beard seemed to be growing in, or how his skin looked worn and there was a shadow forming about his brow. There was a dirt smudge on his collar, his cuff was frayed and his clothing was far more wrinkled than usual. Not the usual pristine cleanliness that the angels presented themselves in at all times. No , Castiels tired expression and badly bed headed hair made him look all more human.]
[He could feel it, like he could always feel Cas's proximity, a subtle energy more than any warmth in the space right in front of him. His fists tightened again, resisting the urge to... to what?
To lash out? Punch him, maybe, or fist a hand in his coat and drag him closer? He's not sure which, just that he's too drunk, too tired, too empty for this. He... he can't ride this roller coaster, god damn it, he's just not stable enough since Sam fell.]
No.
[But it was more like a question, a choked plea. Mercy, please.
He opened them anyway, eyes focusing on the blues in front of him, flicking down to take in his lips, his cheeks, his face, all the subtle changes, the little details that had started to blur thanks to the alcohol, thanks to Dean's fervor in trying to forget them.
A hand came up of it's own accord, fingers curling around Cas's jaw. It wasn't a tender caress, more like a firm grip to direct his chin to a more pointed angle.
But for how longAs much as he wanted to believe, that thought... it kept coming back. What
( ... )
[Punch, kick, scream. It was all deserved and honestly Castiel had been expecting it. Dean Winchester was a very action oriented person. If he was angry then you know. He made sure you knew it. The apparent calm that was coming from the hunter was actually a lot more frightening. Castiel would rather have Dean throwing lamps at him then this. At least with the lamps there was still passion, a fire. With Dean holding him in place, near tears and voice so quiet... Damn, it just really sunk in how much the man before him broke Dean
( ... )
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He didn't open his eyes again as he spoke.]
Cas...
[His voice broke a little, sounded as haggard as he looked.]
Please. I get... your family needs you. I get that. But you can't keep... I can't keep saying goodbye to you, do you get that? I- you left a note, Cas. I thought- I thought I was never gonna see you again.
[A beat.]
I'm not sure that you get... I'm not sure that it means the same thing to you as it does to me.
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[Castiel confessed, stepping closer, so close that their foreheads were almost touching. Blue eyes searched the man before , trying to get Dean to open his eyes through sheer will alone.]
Do not question the merits of my feelings for you.
[The mans expression was pained as he leaned in closer.]
Just- Damn it Dean. Open your eyes, You'll see how I intend to remain by your side.
[When Dean opens his eyes at such a close distance he will begin to notice some things about Cas. Like how his beard seemed to be growing in, or how his skin looked worn and there was a shadow forming about his brow. There was a dirt smudge on his collar, his cuff was frayed and his clothing was far more wrinkled than usual. Not the usual pristine cleanliness that the angels presented themselves in at all times. No , Castiels tired expression and badly bed headed hair made him look all more human.]
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To lash out? Punch him, maybe, or fist a hand in his coat and drag him closer? He's not sure which, just that he's too drunk, too tired, too empty for this. He... he can't ride this roller coaster, god damn it, he's just not stable enough since Sam fell.]
No.
[But it was more like a question, a choked plea. Mercy, please.
He opened them anyway, eyes focusing on the blues in front of him, flicking down to take in his lips, his cheeks, his face, all the subtle changes, the little details that had started to blur thanks to the alcohol, thanks to Dean's fervor in trying to forget them.
A hand came up of it's own accord, fingers curling around Cas's jaw. It wasn't a tender caress, more like a firm grip to direct his chin to a more pointed angle.
But for how longAs much as he wanted to believe, that thought... it kept coming back. What ( ... )
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