[A volcano is erupting inside Kyou's mind. ...Of anger. He - I act like it - why - what's he got to be so complacent about?! ...Of confusion. What th- ...Of wordless fury.]
You're the special one, and - and everyone loves you. Everyone...
[His lips can't form the words. His mind can.]
[Yuki and Haru, walking along, laughing together.] [Yuki and Kisa. The best of friends.] [Yuki and Tohru. Him stroking her hair.]
...No, they don't. [Kyo, you're an idiot. And so simple. Yuki almost smiles at him, half-pitying. They didn't love, but fear him. Or want something. Just a few people.. he could count on in this world to not, at least.. not all the time. But he'd never been.. admired as Kyo. Looked up to. Sought --] You are, Kyo.
[He feels everything inside him recoil at the look in the Rat's eyes. I hate him. I hate him hate him hate him.]
[Maybe his mouth was betraying him and talking nonsense, but his fists wouldn't!
He spurs forward, springing his legs out, lithe, angry in a way that was new to him. Angry, but powerless. There was no escaping his betraying mouth, as his fist makes contact with skin...]
And I wish I were you - [he replies, simply. Not batting an eyelash at his sudden lunge of attack. Eyes cold, stern as he throws him] But surely.. you don't hate what you 'are' so much as you claim?
You can't be 'me', Kyo. [and he didn't want to be him. Not physically. Not emotionally.
But he wished he were like him. Possessed those qualities he had in abundance that Yuki himself lacked... which he was sure were true of Kyo's opinions on himself, too. But it couldn't --]
I mean.. we... we can deal. As we are. We have to. Right?
[He feels tired. Not relieved, despite this mad spurt of truth-telling, which ought to be cathartic or something - but defeated. A demon inside him curled up, disappeared like an autumn leaf.]
I dunno. Yeah. I guess. It's not like I have a choice, right? You don't have to deal with anything. You're perfect the way you are.
[Oh god. If he could beat up his mind right now, he gladly would. What the hell did that even mean. Stupid cat. His mind laughed at himself]
Yes, you do - to coin a cliche phrase. You can be 'the best you can be', as yourself. Right? [he frowns] Shouldn't you strive for that? Or are you truly 'stupid'?
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[Scowls; bites down on the cupcake, despite himself. Chews tastelessly; stares, and hopes he intimidates.]
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Because I'm so damn jealous of you!
[Wait... That's not what he was planning to say...]
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You're the special one, and - and everyone loves you. Everyone...
[His lips can't form the words. His mind can.]
[Yuki and Haru, walking along, laughing together.]
[Yuki and Kisa. The best of friends.]
[Yuki and Tohru. Him stroking her hair.]
[...Of shame.]
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[Maybe his mouth was betraying him and talking nonsense, but his fists wouldn't!
He spurs forward, springing his legs out, lithe, angry in a way that was new to him. Angry, but powerless. There was no escaping his betraying mouth, as his fist makes contact with skin...]
I wish I were you.
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What do you - mean -?
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But he wished he were like him. Possessed those qualities he had in abundance that Yuki himself lacked... which he was sure were true of Kyo's opinions on himself, too. But it couldn't --]
I mean.. we... we can deal. As we are. We have to. Right?
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I dunno. Yeah. I guess. It's not like I have a choice, right? You don't have to deal with anything. You're perfect the way you are.
[Oh god. If he could beat up his mind right now, he gladly would. What the hell did that even mean. Stupid cat. His mind laughed at himself]
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Damn you!!!! Get away from me! I hate you! I'll beat you one of these days! One of these days, I'll make you say you're sorry!!!!
[He storms away, his words fuming, his movements jerked, forced, coming out of a shock.
But somewhere inside of himself, he feels a shadow, a whisper, a moment, of something different. Of something calm.]
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