Jeeves and Wooster School Years AU! Fic
Title: Bertie and the Boy Who Cried 'Uncle'
Rating:PG
Word Count: 1845
Pairings: Bertie/Jeeves young and confused?
Summary: Part the Jeeves and Wooster School Years AU. Jeeves is a bit of, well...a bully. And Bertie, deciding that that is THAT, decides to do something about it. *evil grin*
Author's Notes: Part of the Young!Jeeves and Young!Bertie AU that has consumed my life..but luckily, I've got zekkass along for the ride as co-conspirator, fellow bunny generator, and beta! Thanks also to jestana for inspiring this particular bunny, by demanding a sequel to this picture I drew.
"Why so glum, Bertie?"
Bingo plopped down beside me on the stairs. Bingo may not be considered the sharpest thingie in the whatsit, but when you got right down to it, when you got to the real M. and P. of life, he'd know when a chap was down and in need of the old S. to lean on.
"Is it that Jeeves, again?" he asked, the picture of sympathy.
"Hit it right on the head, Bingo," I said, positively low.
"What was it this time?" he asked.
"Got me in trouble in class. Again. And the worst part is, I just know he'll be waiting outside for me. I don't know what he finds so bally terrible about my hat, that he has to go and steal it everyday. But every day, Bingo! A chap should be able to walk through life and have his headgear go unmolested!" I declared, getting a touch indignant, now that there was a soul to share my woes with.
"Truer words never spoken, Bertie old thing," Bingo said, nodding. "But what are you going to do about it?"
"Oh, he always gives me my hat back when he gets tired of watching me jump for it--"
"No, no. What are you going to do about Jeeves?"
"Sit here until the dinner bell, I suppose."
"What?!"
"Well, why else do you think I'm sitting here! I'm avoiding him. Surely he'll get tired of waiting and go back to the dorm eventually. I'll just smoke him out, you know."
"Bertie! You're just going to hide?"
"That's the plan, yes. What?" I asked, miffed at Bingo's rummy look.
"Bertie, I've known you a good long time. This Jeeves chap has broken you."
"Has NOT!" I said, indignant.
"Has TOO. You, hiding from a foe? Running away from a fight? Where's your courage man! Where's your pride!"
"This isn't Hiding. This is…Strategy. You wouldn't understand."
"You're Hiding."
"I knew you wouldn't understand."
"You can't do this all year, Bertie."
"We Woosters endure, Bingo. I'm sure I'll get used to it."
"No, no, you have to stand up to this Jeeves. Show him what's what! Show him that fighting Wooster spirit!"
"…You have SEEN Jeeves, right?"
"'Course."
"Tallish chap? Broad shoulders?"
"Yes, yes, I know Jeeves."
"I may have pride, but I'm not stupid, Bingo--he'd flatten me! The world will be short of one Wooster!"
"Nonsense! Just…catch him off guard. Get a good shot in. Just…STAND up to him Bertie! Once you do that, and he sees you're not such an easy mark, he'll never bother you again."
"Says YOU," I said, and I meant it to sting.
"No, really, I've a cousin who was in your posish. Tormented daily by this real thuggish sort. Finally got up the courage to tell him off. Punched him in the nose and all that. And this fellow just sort of went all wide eyed and ran off. Never bothered him again."
"…Really?" I said. Bingo's cousin's posish sounding too good to be true.
"That's precisely what happened," Bingo said, crossing his heart.
Suddenly, there was a shining beacon of H. before this Wooster's eyes. Though we Woosters are of a more peaceful sort, let it be said that when pushed, we will push back!
Bingo left then, and I sat in the stairwell, thinking more about how to handle this Jeeves.
~*~
Hiding in the bushes outside of my dorm, I thought I was safe. The dinner bell had just rung, calling one and all to get to the dining hall or suffer the consequences, and the stampede to the dining hall had passed--there was silence all around. True, there was a goodish risk that I would be late for dinner as well, and the thought sent shivers down the Wooster spine. But it was important to avoid Jeeves at all cost until I was ready to implement my plan for confronting him. Which really only required getting up enough courage to tell him off, but still, the courage had to be gathered. Wasn't just something one slapped together at the last minute all willy-nilly, what!
Sure the coast was clear, I emerged from the bushes and was about to make the quick walk to the dorm when the soft clearing of a throat heralded my doom.
"You're going to be late for dinner, Wooster," a voice much too helpful said behind me. "I was wondering where you had gotten yourself to, you know."
I turned around, and my worst fears were confirmed. Jeeves had been waiting all along. He had that cool, smug look on his face, features still and polite to a fault. It was the face he gave to teachers in and out of class and to school mates that were about to get it.
"Jeeves!" I said, and to my horror it came as a squeak. Not the sort of stuff you want to hear come out of your mouth just as you are about to tell a fellow off. "Jeeves," I said again, this time it coming out right, "well, it's just none of your business, is it, what!" I said. "Now, I have to get ready for dinner, so, if you would excuse me--"
I sidestepped him, and thought myself free and clear.
Until Jeeves grabbed my blasted hat, that is.
"I thought I told you this was an unseemly hat," he said, pretending to examine it carefully, but smirking the whole time.
"Jeeves, give it back!" I said, the familiar old feelings of anger and frustration coming up again.
"Now, now, Bertie, this is for your own good," he said, sticking it in his back pocket, smirking.
I rather dislike that smirk.
I tried to grab my hat from his back pocket, but he glided out of the way. "Jeeves, you ass, we'll both be late for dinner at this rate!" I growled as I tried another grab, one which he only moved away from just as effortlessly.
"Oh, that's not a concern for me, Wooster--I'm dressed for dinner, so I only have to get to the dining hall in the next ten minutes. You however, still need to change. It's Wednesday, after all. Wednesdays are formal dining," he said, gliding again out of my grasp.
Now, ask any of my teachers. Even ask any of my aunts. They will tell you that in the gray matter, Bertram gives good effort but lacks actual talent. But it can't be denied that once in a while, I am more than capable of coming up with a real corker at the drop--or should I say, grab?--of a hat.
I stopped trying to get my hat back. I even took a step back. And I gave Jeeves a look that whenever I get it from the headmaster or my Aunt Agatha, it pins me right at the third button on my vest and keeps me completely stuck. The sort of look that makes a chap quiver like jelly.
Well, Jeeves didn't quiver, I'm afraid, but he did give pause.
"I don't have time for this!" I said.
Jeeves' eyebrow, the real formidable one, rose. We rather stared at each other for a bit, and he broke first.
"Very well," he said, cool and calm as glass. "I'll hold on to it then," he said, and he turned to walk away.
This was my chance, and I say to you that I took it running. Quite literally. My crusading ancestors shed a tear in pride, let me tell you!
As soon as Jeeves turned his back, I broke into as much of a run I could manage in such a short distance, and tackled him. In whatsit, I don't think I would have knocked him over if he wasn't still pivoting at that point. But luckily, he was, and his usually impeccable balance was thrown off and we landed on the ground.
There's a trick, I think, to trying to tackle a much bigger chap like Jeeves. One, is that he's an awfully lot stronger. And there's an awfully lot more of him to pin. He's taller than me, certainly, but there's also that where I'm scrawny he's rather filled out. And the rummiest thought occurred to me as I landed on top of him that if I wasn't careful, he could easily flip me and get the upper hand. And the thought of Jeeves being in the posish I was in at the moment wasn't a happy one!
Well, this inspired a little more fight in the old Wooster limbs, and when he twisted I pulled back and when he pushed I pushed back, and when he tried to buck me off I pinned him down again, until he finally stopped moving. Got really rather still in fact.
If there is one thing I've learned from American dime novels, it's that the proper thing to say in a moment like this was "alright, say 'uncle'!" I've never quite been sure why, but "uncle" I suppose is just as good as any as terms of surrender.
"Say 'uncle'!" I said, not a little triumphant and out of breath.
He tried pushing me off again, and to keep his hands down I had to slide myself up to his waist. That's when I noticed…well he…he was getting rather pinkish around the ears and cheeks, something I'd never seen before. And he looked positively afraid to move. I was beginning to suspect that Bingo's advice was working a little too well. If I knew tackling Jeeves would have had this effect on him, I would have done it sooner. He was like a lamb being led to the alter and who knows what's what.
"Well, come on then," I said, deciding to stick to the natural order of these sort of things. "Say 'uncle'!"
I gave a grin. I was rather enjoying this. Very fallen mighty and all that. I leaned in to give the command again--
If I thought Jeeves had given the good fight before, he really put his all in now. His eyes widened further than I could have imagined, and he pushed me off desperately. I was tossed right off of him and landed hard on my side. I thought I was really a goner now. I was sure his revenge would be swift and what not.
But instead he jumped to his feet and fixed his jacket and all that while pointedly keeping his back to me. He was still straightening his tie when he looked down at me. He looked like he was trying to come up with something pointed to say, something really cutting, but you could see him swallowing the words.
"We are late for dinner," he finally announced, and if wasn't for the fact he was focusing on the ground while smoothing down his already smooth hair, I would have thought he was back to his cool, aloof self.
He turned and walked towards the dining hall, as still and effortless as ever.
He even left my hat on the ground where it had fallen.
Rating:PG
Word Count: 1845
Pairings: Bertie/Jeeves young and confused?
Summary: Part the Jeeves and Wooster School Years AU. Jeeves is a bit of, well...a bully. And Bertie, deciding that that is THAT, decides to do something about it. *evil grin*
Author's Notes: Part of the Young!Jeeves and Young!Bertie AU that has consumed my life..but luckily, I've got zekkass along for the ride as co-conspirator, fellow bunny generator, and beta! Thanks also to jestana for inspiring this particular bunny, by demanding a sequel to this picture I drew.
"Why so glum, Bertie?"
Bingo plopped down beside me on the stairs. Bingo may not be considered the sharpest thingie in the whatsit, but when you got right down to it, when you got to the real M. and P. of life, he'd know when a chap was down and in need of the old S. to lean on.
"Is it that Jeeves, again?" he asked, the picture of sympathy.
"Hit it right on the head, Bingo," I said, positively low.
"What was it this time?" he asked.
"Got me in trouble in class. Again. And the worst part is, I just know he'll be waiting outside for me. I don't know what he finds so bally terrible about my hat, that he has to go and steal it everyday. But every day, Bingo! A chap should be able to walk through life and have his headgear go unmolested!" I declared, getting a touch indignant, now that there was a soul to share my woes with.
"Truer words never spoken, Bertie old thing," Bingo said, nodding. "But what are you going to do about it?"
"Oh, he always gives me my hat back when he gets tired of watching me jump for it--"
"No, no. What are you going to do about Jeeves?"
"Sit here until the dinner bell, I suppose."
"What?!"
"Well, why else do you think I'm sitting here! I'm avoiding him. Surely he'll get tired of waiting and go back to the dorm eventually. I'll just smoke him out, you know."
"Bertie! You're just going to hide?"
"That's the plan, yes. What?" I asked, miffed at Bingo's rummy look.
"Bertie, I've known you a good long time. This Jeeves chap has broken you."
"Has NOT!" I said, indignant.
"Has TOO. You, hiding from a foe? Running away from a fight? Where's your courage man! Where's your pride!"
"This isn't Hiding. This is…Strategy. You wouldn't understand."
"You're Hiding."
"I knew you wouldn't understand."
"You can't do this all year, Bertie."
"We Woosters endure, Bingo. I'm sure I'll get used to it."
"No, no, you have to stand up to this Jeeves. Show him what's what! Show him that fighting Wooster spirit!"
"…You have SEEN Jeeves, right?"
"'Course."
"Tallish chap? Broad shoulders?"
"Yes, yes, I know Jeeves."
"I may have pride, but I'm not stupid, Bingo--he'd flatten me! The world will be short of one Wooster!"
"Nonsense! Just…catch him off guard. Get a good shot in. Just…STAND up to him Bertie! Once you do that, and he sees you're not such an easy mark, he'll never bother you again."
"Says YOU," I said, and I meant it to sting.
"No, really, I've a cousin who was in your posish. Tormented daily by this real thuggish sort. Finally got up the courage to tell him off. Punched him in the nose and all that. And this fellow just sort of went all wide eyed and ran off. Never bothered him again."
"…Really?" I said. Bingo's cousin's posish sounding too good to be true.
"That's precisely what happened," Bingo said, crossing his heart.
Suddenly, there was a shining beacon of H. before this Wooster's eyes. Though we Woosters are of a more peaceful sort, let it be said that when pushed, we will push back!
Bingo left then, and I sat in the stairwell, thinking more about how to handle this Jeeves.
~*~
Hiding in the bushes outside of my dorm, I thought I was safe. The dinner bell had just rung, calling one and all to get to the dining hall or suffer the consequences, and the stampede to the dining hall had passed--there was silence all around. True, there was a goodish risk that I would be late for dinner as well, and the thought sent shivers down the Wooster spine. But it was important to avoid Jeeves at all cost until I was ready to implement my plan for confronting him. Which really only required getting up enough courage to tell him off, but still, the courage had to be gathered. Wasn't just something one slapped together at the last minute all willy-nilly, what!
Sure the coast was clear, I emerged from the bushes and was about to make the quick walk to the dorm when the soft clearing of a throat heralded my doom.
"You're going to be late for dinner, Wooster," a voice much too helpful said behind me. "I was wondering where you had gotten yourself to, you know."
I turned around, and my worst fears were confirmed. Jeeves had been waiting all along. He had that cool, smug look on his face, features still and polite to a fault. It was the face he gave to teachers in and out of class and to school mates that were about to get it.
"Jeeves!" I said, and to my horror it came as a squeak. Not the sort of stuff you want to hear come out of your mouth just as you are about to tell a fellow off. "Jeeves," I said again, this time it coming out right, "well, it's just none of your business, is it, what!" I said. "Now, I have to get ready for dinner, so, if you would excuse me--"
I sidestepped him, and thought myself free and clear.
Until Jeeves grabbed my blasted hat, that is.
"I thought I told you this was an unseemly hat," he said, pretending to examine it carefully, but smirking the whole time.
"Jeeves, give it back!" I said, the familiar old feelings of anger and frustration coming up again.
"Now, now, Bertie, this is for your own good," he said, sticking it in his back pocket, smirking.
I rather dislike that smirk.
I tried to grab my hat from his back pocket, but he glided out of the way. "Jeeves, you ass, we'll both be late for dinner at this rate!" I growled as I tried another grab, one which he only moved away from just as effortlessly.
"Oh, that's not a concern for me, Wooster--I'm dressed for dinner, so I only have to get to the dining hall in the next ten minutes. You however, still need to change. It's Wednesday, after all. Wednesdays are formal dining," he said, gliding again out of my grasp.
Now, ask any of my teachers. Even ask any of my aunts. They will tell you that in the gray matter, Bertram gives good effort but lacks actual talent. But it can't be denied that once in a while, I am more than capable of coming up with a real corker at the drop--or should I say, grab?--of a hat.
I stopped trying to get my hat back. I even took a step back. And I gave Jeeves a look that whenever I get it from the headmaster or my Aunt Agatha, it pins me right at the third button on my vest and keeps me completely stuck. The sort of look that makes a chap quiver like jelly.
Well, Jeeves didn't quiver, I'm afraid, but he did give pause.
"I don't have time for this!" I said.
Jeeves' eyebrow, the real formidable one, rose. We rather stared at each other for a bit, and he broke first.
"Very well," he said, cool and calm as glass. "I'll hold on to it then," he said, and he turned to walk away.
This was my chance, and I say to you that I took it running. Quite literally. My crusading ancestors shed a tear in pride, let me tell you!
As soon as Jeeves turned his back, I broke into as much of a run I could manage in such a short distance, and tackled him. In whatsit, I don't think I would have knocked him over if he wasn't still pivoting at that point. But luckily, he was, and his usually impeccable balance was thrown off and we landed on the ground.
There's a trick, I think, to trying to tackle a much bigger chap like Jeeves. One, is that he's an awfully lot stronger. And there's an awfully lot more of him to pin. He's taller than me, certainly, but there's also that where I'm scrawny he's rather filled out. And the rummiest thought occurred to me as I landed on top of him that if I wasn't careful, he could easily flip me and get the upper hand. And the thought of Jeeves being in the posish I was in at the moment wasn't a happy one!
Well, this inspired a little more fight in the old Wooster limbs, and when he twisted I pulled back and when he pushed I pushed back, and when he tried to buck me off I pinned him down again, until he finally stopped moving. Got really rather still in fact.
If there is one thing I've learned from American dime novels, it's that the proper thing to say in a moment like this was "alright, say 'uncle'!" I've never quite been sure why, but "uncle" I suppose is just as good as any as terms of surrender.
"Say 'uncle'!" I said, not a little triumphant and out of breath.
He tried pushing me off again, and to keep his hands down I had to slide myself up to his waist. That's when I noticed…well he…he was getting rather pinkish around the ears and cheeks, something I'd never seen before. And he looked positively afraid to move. I was beginning to suspect that Bingo's advice was working a little too well. If I knew tackling Jeeves would have had this effect on him, I would have done it sooner. He was like a lamb being led to the alter and who knows what's what.
"Well, come on then," I said, deciding to stick to the natural order of these sort of things. "Say 'uncle'!"
I gave a grin. I was rather enjoying this. Very fallen mighty and all that. I leaned in to give the command again--
If I thought Jeeves had given the good fight before, he really put his all in now. His eyes widened further than I could have imagined, and he pushed me off desperately. I was tossed right off of him and landed hard on my side. I thought I was really a goner now. I was sure his revenge would be swift and what not.
But instead he jumped to his feet and fixed his jacket and all that while pointedly keeping his back to me. He was still straightening his tie when he looked down at me. He looked like he was trying to come up with something pointed to say, something really cutting, but you could see him swallowing the words.
"We are late for dinner," he finally announced, and if wasn't for the fact he was focusing on the ground while smoothing down his already smooth hair, I would have thought he was back to his cool, aloof self.
He turned and walked towards the dining hall, as still and effortless as ever.
He even left my hat on the ground where it had fallen.