Fic post!
Yes, I wrote one.
Title: Somewhere I Have Never Traveled
Author: melora98
Rating: PG
Pairing: SS/HP
Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously. I only took them out of England for a little bit. Art is by lawofsyllogism (THANKS!!)
Feedback: Please!
Warnings: snarry, AU, no magic, and I made them American. Sorry.
Betas: ac1d6urn and d_n_me94 (thanks SO much to both of you!!)
Archive: From Dusk till Dawn Severus Snape/Harry Potter Fuh-Q-Fest.
Challenge: Wave X "Not here, not now! No magic?"
Somewhere I Have Never Traveled
By Melora
*
The town of Normal, Illinois lived up to its name. The Normal Public Library on West College Avenue, however, did not. Severus knew that well; he had worked at the library for years and the expected ‘normal public’ had yet to show up. Instead, he got the oddest characters pestering him with their absurd questions and even more absurd expectations of his duty to answer them. The questions usually ranged from ‘how can I make a fortune by staying at home and twiddling my thumbs’ to ‘I need the yellow book that I checked out a year ago, but I don’t remember the title or the author.’
Severus was only a librarian, not a magician, after all. And that was exactly how he liked it.
He liked the serenity of those quiet moments when everyone around him had their noses in a book and paid him no mind. There was nothing better than being left alone with the tranquility of study and research. Severus’s research methods were old-school, and it was often his nimble fingers that searched through the narrow drawers of the card catalog for the information his patrons had asked for. He knew his library inside and out and he was known himself as the librarian who could find anything and everything, if you were brave enough to face this stern facade and ask the right question.
Severus was always scheduled first on the reference desk, and was therefore first to turn on the electronic paraphernalia that everyone thought was so damn wonderful, first to sort the newspapers for the town homeless to read, and first to finally unlock the doors to let those homeless in. His lip always curled with distaste at this part, letting people in; his library would be so much more pleasant without the patrons ruining it.
On this particular morning, Severus’s day began as any average day at Normal Public Library. The only thing different was that this day had brought the first snow of the year, which meant Severus was grumpier than usual due to the chilling wind and the slushy puddles on the streets. No matter how hard he tried to stay warm, the cold always seeped into his thin frame, making his bones ache. He also knew that soon the slushy mud would be tracked all over the spotless library floors. Patrons would be sniffling and coughing and pawing the shelves, spreading their germs everywhere.
He hated winter.
He had just unlocked the front doors - precisely at nine according to his own black antique wristwatch, which he re-set every evening before bed - when a short, bundled-up person burst through the door past him, pausing only to pound his heavily-booted feet, knocking off the snow before making a beeline for the reference desk across the hall.
Severus eyed the mess on the floor, growled inwardly, and took his time walking over to the desk, his long strides slow and deliberate. Just to make the offending patron wait a bit longer, he picked up the phone and dialed maintenance to come and mop up the melting slush. It wouldn’t do to leave a puddle for someone else to slip in.
His task accomplished, he finally turned to this first patron of the day, who was surprisingly not yet rebuffed by Severus’s surly disregard. The young man had taken off his knitted maroon and yellow hat (which looked more like a bird’s nest than a hat), which left his dark hair standing up every which way as he unwound a matching knitted scarf from his face. His glasses had completely fogged up, so he brushed his fingers like windshield wipers over them, revealing vividly green eyes. The young man blinked and grinned up at Severus.
Severus realized he had been staring, mouth slightly agape, at this garish display of color blindness and cleared his throat, looking down his nose at the young man in the most intimidating way he could manage. An ISU student, no doubt. Most likely just beginning to research for a last-minute paper, just the type to demand that I do most of his work. Severus held back a sneer.
“May I help you?” he drawled, making sure his voice held just the right amount of scorn to indicate the question had better be something other than directions to the restrooms or else.
Severus frowned when no answer came. The young man, not looking quite as panicked as Severus had hoped, scrounged around in his pockets and then pushed a laminated card forward on the counter. Severus took it and his eyes widened at what he read.
‘Hello! I’m deaf,’ it said on top. The finer script proclaimed: ‘I can read lips if you speak slowly, or we can communicate by writing.’
Severus arched an eyebrow. If that ghastly hat and scarf are any indication, the kid is color-blind as well. He sighed and reached for his pen. His mind ran longingly to his co-worker, Miss Chang, who simply loved this sort of challenge. Unfortunately, she was still in Hawaii with her new husband (which reminded him that she certainly wasn’t Miss Chang any longer.) Any excuse to avoid work and leave me with double duties on short notice, the melodramatic trollop.
On a scrap of paper Severus wrote: ‘How may I help you?’
The man’s grin grew wider - if possible - and he pulled the paper and the pen out of Severus’s grasp. ‘Deatheaters Health & Life Insurance Co. History, past contracts, newspaper articles, and anything else you can find.’
Severus pursed his lips. Doable. I can check the business corporation guides, and then move onto periodicals, and newspapers. He crooked a long finger at the man to follow him and led the way into the periodicals kept in the main reference area. He motioned at an available seat by the table and proceeded to pull down stacks of reference books. He jotted a quick note to tell the man to proceed with these items while he went to check the card catalog for more. The man’s eyes brightened; he smiled and nodded happily before bending over the first book. Severus left him to it and spent the rest of the morning rather contentedly engrossed in more research on the company.
D. E. Insurance was a local company, owned by a man named T. Riddle. It must be family-owned, because the references go back a good fifty years. No man alone can start and run a business that long, Severus decided as he turned another page. He had not asked the young man his reason for researching this company and he certainly didn’t care to ask it now. It’s none of my business, and unless he asks me to look up another company, my duty here is done. Besides, if he is student - and Severus strongly suspected he was - it’s important for him to learn to find things on his own.
After depositing more written references and instructions at the man’s side several hours later, Severus saw that he was hard at work, open books and notes spread all around him. Frowning at a notebook full of undecipherable scrawl, Severus jotted another quick note to let the man know that he would be at the desk if he needed anything more. The young man smiled up at him and quickly wrote: ‘What’s your name?’
Mouth twisting, Severus signed the paper as he always did with personal checks: first, middle, and last. The man squinted and his mouth formed an ‘o’. Serves him right for being curious. Now he is obligated to remember it.
But the young man just shrugged and scribbled something, holding the paper up for Severus to see. ‘I’m Harry,’ it said.
Severus arched an eyebrow. “Just Harry?”
A hastily added ‘Potter’ appeared below.
Snape nodded and enunciated carefully while looking straight at the young man, the way he had learned through years of working with the public and elderly people who had trouble hearing, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Potter,” and then left him to his work.
Later that day, his supervisor Minerva entered the staff room as he sat at his desk writing more catalog cards. “Severus,” she said in her wavering voice. “You were helping a patron this morning?”
“Yes,” he answered, looking up. “Is he still here? Does he need anything?”
“He just left,” she said, and handed him a folded piece of paper, pulled from a spiral-bound notebook with the messy nubs still hanging off the edge. She pursed her lips at him approvingly and shuffled out.
With some trepidation, Severus unfolded the note and read Potter’s messy scrawled script.
'Mr. Severus Snape, thank you for your assistance. You did a great job; please let your manager know. I hope you’re around tomorrow; I’ll probably need more help.
Harry.'
Severus raised his eyebrow. A note? No one ever sends me thank-you notes! They’re too damn frightened after I’m through with them and those who aren’t are too busy to care. He folded the page and was about to drop it in the recycle bin when he stopped, and instead set it in the drawer of his desk before returning to his catalog cards.
*
The next morning when Severus went to open the doors of the library, he was rather quick to notice the bundled-up shape in the maroon and yellow hat waiting outside. He's right on time. Excellent! Not that I expected - or wanted - him to come back. At all. Nonetheless, he let Harry - Mr. Potter - inside, and this time the young man even paused to wipe his feet on the mat provided. Smiling at Severus and giving him a small wave of a hand in greeting, Potter pranced over to the reference desk. Severus scowled but followed, wondering: What does he need now?
Potter already had his request written out on a piece of paper, which he pushed towards Severus as he took his place behind the desk. Severus slipped his on his reading glasses and squinted at the scribbles.
'Need more information on the same company but older sources. Anything before 1950?'
Severus nodded and took out his pen. ‘We have older archives in the basement. I’ll take you down after 10 AM.’
Potter scanned the note rapidly and nodded back. He jotted ‘I’ll wait,’ and wandered off to the bookshelves. Severus watched him go with a heavy-lidded glare. He bounces when he walks. That undeniable cheerfulness both intrigued and annoyed him. Most people didn’t bother to be cheerful in front of Severus. Except for the ‘conspiracy’ man. Funny old guy spends practically all of his time here and never fails to rattle off some new paranoid idea, be it about UFOs or government cover-ups. He’s the only one who’s ever smiled and asked me about my day. Of course he must only be nice to me because everyone else avoids him like the plague and I could care less if he’s a lunatic. I don’t discriminate. Everyone is a lunatic around here.
His short morning was satisfactory. He spent it glaring down potential patrons and surreptitiously watching Potter bounce about the library. He stood up immediately when a familiar chirped greeting - “Morning, Severus!” - had caused his spine to seize up and his teeth to grind together. He turned to nod curtly at the round-figured, jumper-clad Cho. Honeymoon must be over, then.
“Good morning,” Severus said solemnly.
“Oh how I missed this place!” She smiled, spreading her arms as though to embrace the whole library. “I’ve brought pictures from Hawaii; they’re in the staff room. And everyone gets a coconut!”
“Thrilling,” Snape drawled. His lip curled in a sneer at this forced exchange of niceties. “You’re looking... excessively tanned.”
Cho rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t be mean. We had a wonderful time.”
“Ah yes, and how is Husband Number Three?”
She sighed, long used to his jibes. “Cedric is fine, thanks.”
Severus snorted and stood up to locate Harry - no, Mr. Potter. “Tell Minerva when she gets in that I’ve got the basement key and I’ll be down in the older archives with a patron.”
Cho’s dark eyes grew wide. “Oh my!” She grinned. “Eloping with a patron and it’s not even noon yet? Is she unusually fond of irritable old grumps or does she just have a thing for librarians?”
Snape sneered. “Neither, I’m certain. But if I do elope, I’ll be sure to let Mister Potter in on my plan.”
“Oh goodness!” Cho gasped. “Potter? Would it be the famous Harry Potter? How exciting!”
“Famous?” Snape arched an eyebrow.
“Honestly, and you call yourself an information professional!” She glared disapprovingly. “Have you even read the paper this week?” At his long-suffering sigh, she chuckled. ”You’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
“Ah, I see,” Snape said, already walking away from her. “I’ll do my best to keep my excitement in check.” Now I’m certainly not going to touch the paper. It’s a matter of principle. How famous can he be? His hair and clothes are a mess; he doesn’t look old enough to shave yet. In fact I doubt he’s even in college.
In the staff room he grabbed the archives key from his desk and was on his way out when Minerva walked in. “Oh, Severus, did you get your coconut?”
Prying old gossipmonger. “Minerva, I’ll be down in the archives with a patron, probably for the rest of the day.”
“Oh? Are you helping that young man again?” She set her bag down at her desk and took off her coat. “Careful, Severus. Soon enough your other fans will be jealous of all that attention.”
What fans? Severus grunted. Her dreadful sense of humor is getting worse. “I’m quite sure anyone at this library would be much more eager to accept Ms. Diggory’s help.” He looked back through the door and frowned. “Since we’re on the subject of my ‘fans’, have you seen the ‘conspiracy’ man lately? He hasn’t shown up for days. Pity; he was the best entertainment we’ve had in this place for a while.”
Minerva pursed her lips: “Yes, sweet old guy. I hope nothing’s happened to him,” She sat down at her desk and smiled as innocently as the cat that ate the canary. “Have a good time helping your new fan, Severus.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, but nodded and headed out to find Potter.
*
Even Potter’s footsteps are quiet, Severus thought as they made their way down to the basement. If it wasn’t for his hat, I’d start thinking that I had a second shadow. How does a deaf man know if he is being quiet?
In the archives room, Snape felt around in the dark for the light switch on the wall. The fluorescents buzzed into life, and he led Potter over to the caged area where the older periodicals were kept. It’s always soothing down here, he thought. Peaceful. I love this smell. He breathed deeply. The archives smelled of old paper and decaying leather, of dust and secret things. Everything down here was silent and still; information waiting to be found and utilized by someone who knew where to look for it.
The items Severus needed were kept in a caged-in section of the basement under additional locks. No patrons ever ventured down here but Severus had always made sure that the locks were in place in order to keep out any industrious coworkers who might try to mess up his classification scheme. If Cho or Minerva ever decide to ‘clear out the junk’ they’ll just have get through me for the key first.
He unlocked the cage door, and turned to gesture Potter inside, but instead of walking ahead, Potter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Hmmm. I might not be the only person in the world to appreciate the scent of an old book after all. The corner of his mouth quirked as Harry glanced up, finally realizing that he was being watched. Severus simply nodded and gestured again into the caged area. Harry gave him a lopsided smile, and eagerly stepped inside to look around.
Snape grabbed two notepads and pens from the nearby desk and the search began. The first volumes of newspapers were the easiest to locate, residing in large pull-out drawers. He placed these on the table in front of Potter who delved eagerly into them, already making notes.
The company had been held under one name, Thomas M. Riddle, for quite some time. ‘M’ stood for ‘Marvolo’, Severus discovered. Harry was quite excited when Severus found a reference to a different business held under the name of Tom Marvolo, a company which had been shut down due to a criminal record. Apparently we’re getting somewhere. He is grinning like it’s Christmas come early and he wrote three pages of notes on that article alone. Each article led to another reference which led to another name, and another company shut down for various criminal reasons. Marvolo Riddle, Marv Thomas, Thom Voldemort... this is getting absurd...
They worked for what must have been hours; the only sounds disturbing the silence were the rustling of the yellowed pages and the dull thud of an occasional reference book pulled from the shelf and dropped on the table. Severus settled into the special calm that often settled over him when he was immersed deeply in research. He didn’t even mind Harry’s quiet company. They didn’t need to communicate at all; when Severus saw something relevant, more names or company references, he would slide the book across the table to Harry, who would take it and frantically scribble in his notes. They sat across from each other, surrounded by tall stacks of papers and books. Ancient dust stirred up and settled again on the table surface.
Then Harry sneezed.
It was probably the first sound he’d heard out of the young man, and it startled him into realizing how long they had been at work.
Harry glanced up sheepishly and hid his nose in his sleeve. Snape frowned and dug a clean handkerchief out of his pocket, which he handed over. Kids nowadays, he lamented. Completely unprepared for the world. He checked his wristwatch and realized that the library would be closing in less than an hour. He drew a pad of paper closer and jotted quickly: ‘Closing time soon. Continue tomorrow?’
Harry read the note, and gave him a thumbs up, smiling.
Severus stood and stepped around the table to stretch his stiff back. When he turned, he thought he caught a flicker of something in Harry’s eyes as the young man watched him. I’ve seen that kind of look before, he thought, stunned. It almost looks like he is interested in something other than my books. Oh, nonsense! He can’t be interested. No one is ever interested in me. I imagined it; that’s all there is to it.
Severus motioned toward the door. “After you,” he said softly. Harry stood up, the chair legs squawking slightly across the floor. Instead of turning to leave, he focused instead on Severus’s outstretched hand and paused. As though quickly making a decision, Harry stepped forward and grasped Severus’s large, bony hand in both of his, squeezing lightly. Startled, Severus tried to pull away but Harry didn’t let go. Warm fingers, Severus noted distractedly. Such small, warm hands.
Harry looked up and very slowly mouthed, “Thank you.” Snape could feel Harry’s fingers pressing against his hand - tiny subconscious gestures - as if he couldn’t quite stop signing the way some people couldn’t stop their lips from moving when they read. Fascinated, Severus grasped back and held on. Harry’s lips were still, but it seemed to Severus that there might be something more, something left unsaid... things that were only suggested by the touch of Harry’s fingertips against his hand. The moment passed, and rapidly feeling awkward under the man’s intent gaze, Severus cleared his throat and stepped back. Harry just smiled, his eyes sparkling mischievously behind his plain, round glasses.
Severus straightened, adjusted his sleeves and tried to think nothing of it.
And then Harry gave him a very deliberate wink.
Severus just stood there, stunned, as Harry casually turned to gather his coat with the garish scarf and hat from the table before exiting the cage, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Nothing did happen. I’m imagining things again, Severus thought. So he followed him up the stairs, trying very hard not to think of the light touch of Harry’s fingers and trying not to consider what might have happened if he hadn’t pulled away. There was nothing to consider: nothing at all.
*
The next morning brought Potter to the doors of the library as soon as Severus opened them. He wiped his feet on the mat, and made his way over to the reference desk. Severus followed, bemused at how quickly they had fallen into this pattern. He went behind the reference desk and slipped on his reading glasses as he watched Harry untangle himself from the mass of knitted maroon and yellow absurdity. It was too late when Severus saw him glance down at the book on the counter: The American Sign Language, Handshape Starter: A Beginner's Guide. When Harry looked up, Severus knew exactly what he must be thinking: pathetic. First staring at him like a love-sick idiot and now trying to learn sign language: can I be any more predictable? But the smile that slowly spread on Harry’s face was so bright that he almost caught himself smiling in return. Harry pulled out his notepad and jotted down: ‘Were you going to read that?’
He’d spent all of last evening and most of the night poring over the book, page by page, until he had been startled by the chime of the clock marking three AM. Three? I have to be at work before nine! And the book could teach him only so much with pictures and descriptions; he was quite certain that he had some gestures wrong. With a slight shake of his head, Severus said softly: “Done with it.”
‘What have you learned?’ Potter’s eyes sparkled and Severus raised his right hand and hoped he had the sequence right. Two fingers to the side, a fist, cross index and middle finger, repeat again, and at last, a ‘Y’ shape. He stopped. Damn! I should’ve used his last name instead; it’s not too late to add it on, is it? He raised his hand but Harry beamed and gave him a thumbs-up.
‘I can teach you more,’ Harry wrote on the paper. Hesitantly, Snape nodded, then raised his right hand in an ‘S’ sign and tilted it up and down like the book said to do for ‘yes’. Even some basic signs would be a relief from writing notes every time I want to say something, Severus thought. And it might come in useful again someday. He steadfastly clung to these as the only reasons he was even mildly interested in Harry teaching him more.
“10 A-M,” Harry signed slow enough for Severus to understand and pointed in the direction of the basement with a quizzical look. Severus nodded, and finally let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when Harry moved off once more to peruse the bookshelves and wait.
*
He is actually a decent teacher, Severus realized with surprise. Severus had always learned quickly, and when they had made their way down into the basement archives once again, he hoped Harry would be impressed with what he’d picked up from the book the night before. Harry prompted him in writing, and watched Severus sign, correcting him as needed and grinning all the while. After some time, Harry began signing in full sentences so Severus could interpret them. Severus discovered that mouthing the words silently, as Harry did, helped him remember the correct signs.
When he came across a gesture he wasn’t familiar with, Severus would shake his head and Harry would lean over to demonstrate it again, this time by folding Severus’s fingers into a correct shape and guiding his hand to move. Soon enough Severus had caught himself shaking his head more than necessary just because a more thorough demonstration would follow, and he found that he enjoyed the touch of Harry’s warm fingers. Absolutely horrified by the thought that Harry might notice, he tried harder to pay more attention to the signs and less to the fact that it was Harry’s hands making them.
“The book is on the table,” Severus translated, a lucky combination of guessing and lip-reading. Harry beamed at him and looked around the room, trying to find something more challenging.
“You are taller than me,” Severus said as Harry gestured, gazing at him. He gestured again, and Severus swallowed. “Your eyes are black.” True, but... is he trying to embarrass me?
“Hmm.” Severus watched carefully as Harry pointed at him and added a few more gestures, this time without mouthing the words. “You like my hair?”
Harry’s eyes sparkled and Severus didn’t know whether to slick his hair back or pull at it in frustration. He ducked his head instead, letting it cover his face. Focus! This is strictly professional. He composed himself, and arched an eyebrow at Harry. He spoke carefully, “Is this the best you can do?”
Harry’s eyes narrowed with the determined look of someone who didn’t back down from a challenge when he saw one. He grinned and signed slowly: “Watch and learn.” Yikes, that grin looks about as innocent as Minerva’s. What have I got myself into now? Severus winced. Harry moved his hands again, much faster now than he had before.
Severus wasn’t the type to back down from a challenge either, so he narrowed his eyes and tried to catch any familiar gestures that would help him guess the meaning of this flurry of motions. Harry’s fingers, hands, and mouth moved all at once, pointing and drawing vague shapes in the air. Sometimes Harry even pointed at him and Severus had a suspicion he was somehow included in this one-sided conversation, but it was all too fast for him to determine in which way.
Yet he still watched, his eyebrows drawn together and wondering what Harry’s odd, dreamy expression might mean. He thought he caught a familiar gesture when Harry’s fingers touched his mouth, and then his cheek. Severus’s eyes widened. Surely, he doesn’t mean... he can’t possibly... does he?
Harry stopped in the middle of the phrase, it seemed. He blinked, and took off his glasses under pretense of cleaning the lenses. He kept them clasped loosely in his hand rather than putting them back on. Severus thought he noticed a tinge of pink on his face. Not signing any more, Harry turned to the table instead and reached for Severus’s pen. ‘It was a poem,’ he scribbled and held up for Severus to see. ‘Sorry, got carried away.’
Severus grabbed the pen out of his hand. ‘Repeat the last line,’ he wrote, trying to behave casually. Harry laid his glasses on the table and subjected Severus to another round of rapid gestures.
“No.” Severus shook his head. Not those. He reached for Harry’s wrist and then mimicked the gesture he had seen by touching his fingers first to the side of Harry’s mouth, then his cheek. “This.”
He looked into Harry’s eyes, much more exposed now without the heavy round frames of his glasses shielding them. I do hope I understood him correctly. I know that gesture! “Did you mean it?” he whispered. His heart skipped a beat as Harry's hand twitched, still clasped in Severus's.
Of course not, his rationality told him. It’s just a poem, he said so himself. And I don’t even know for sure if I interpreted the gestures correctly. Then again, no one had ever told Severus Snape that they wanted to kiss him, not even when Severus was much younger and still hoped occasionally that someone would. This is absurd.
Harry’s grin faded, and his face became serious. He frowned, but the way his eyes were still focused on Severus made his breath hitch as Harry leaned forward slightly, looking straight at Severus’s mouth. He’s so close. Severus’s heart pounded in his chest. What am I going to do if he tries to...? Oh, he is... Fuck! He’s about to kiss me. In the library. At work!
Severus jumped back so fast he almost knocked over his chair. Harry blinked and stared, a question in his eyes. Severus bit down on his tongue and shook his head. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind, irrational and frantic. “Not here,” he signed at last. Harry paused, looking confused; but nodded and slipped his glasses back on.
Feeling as if he had stepped too quickly down an unexpected drop, Severus swallowed and took a calming breath or two before he asked, pointing at Harry’s earlier written explanation: “What poem?”
‘ee cummings,’ Harry wrote. ‘I Have Found What You Are Like. Know it?’ When Severus shook his head, Harry shrugged at him, as untroubled as before, and reached across the table for a reference book. Severus slid back into his chair and hid himself behind an up-raised book of his own, gratefully accepting this chance to retreat back into familiar territory.
They spent the rest of the afternoon in an uneasy silence. Severus was distracted again and again by his own chaotic thoughts, each one about Harry. After the source of his distraction had finally stood to leave with his usual blissful smile and small wave, Severus made his way back into the stacks upstairs, to the poetry section.
He pulled a random compilation of ee cummings’s works from the shelf, looking in the index for the poem Harry had mentioned. He found it easily, and his eyes skimmed over the beginning lines, focusing, finally, on the end.
And the coolness of your smile is
Stirringofbirds between my arms; but
I should rather than anything
Have (almost when hugeness will shut
quietly) almost
your kiss
*
The next morning, Severus did not wait for Harry to come back. He did not look around searching for the familiar maroon and yellow hat, did not crane his neck to check on every sound of the front door opening, no matter how much Cho and Minerva had tried to claim otherwise. I wouldn’t admit such a thing to them even if it was true, which it isn’t. When his time on the desk was up, he remained, glaring at the patrons for the rest of the morning. Cho, who had come to replace him, only looked at him askance and left him alone.
Severus did read the current newspaper, though. He noticed an announcement that a chamber orchestra from Chicago would be giving a concert in town. The silly kid probably never ventured outside his college campus, he thought. How much are the tickets? Two? Oh, that’s certainly rational? How much more besotted can I possibly act? He glared at the ad for the third time and winced. Idiot! What good will it do to invite a deaf man to a concert?
The next morning arrived, and then the next, but still Severus did not see Harry at the library doors no matter how often he looked. The weekend with its two full days of no work and no prospects to keep his mind distracted from the memory of Harry’s warm hands stretched long before him. By that time, Severus determined exactly what had happened. I behaved inappropriately toward a young - much younger! - man who only needed assistance with his research. I never should have taken his teasing as anything but friendly. I ought to have my head examined!
Monday arrived, and Severus moved through the opening procedures with leaden steps, his glare heavy and his narrow lips twisted into a mocking scowl. He thumbed through his book on sign language and went to put it back on the shelf. It didn’t do me much good in the first place and now I certainly won’t use it. He obviously never planned on returning at all.
At nine he unlocked the library doors and made his way slowly around the reference desk to perch on his stool and glare at the incoming patrons with, perhaps, a bit less vehemence than usual. He barely glanced at the face of a man who approached the desk. Black wool pea coat. Suit and tie, neatly pressed. Must be a businessman, his subconscious registered so he automatically responded with a crisp “May I help you, sir?” Businessmen are worth the trouble of helping; at least they know what they want and always ask for it directly.
Only when he received no answer did Severus stop and look directly at the man’s face.
Mischievous green eyes sparkled at him through the familiar round glasses. Harry?! His dark hair - normally in disarray - was now neatly combed, and his smart business clothes had aged him by at least a decade. But the little wave of greeting was unmistakably his, and it took Severus a few moments before he could settle his face back into a cool mask of indifference.
“Good morning,” Harry signed. “Miss me?”
Severus was caught between rage and relief. How dare he show up NOW and act as though nothing happened! Vile little serpent, doesn't he know how much he's infected my thoughts? He could have at least sent a note saying he wouldn't return. That’s not asking too much, is it? He reined in the urge to shake the young man by the shoulders and demand his explanation. Focus. Now, dammit! He’ll think I’m a lunatic. Getting a hold of himself, he opted for false indifference. “Certainly not,” he said, glaring down his nose at the man, his hands clutching the edge of the counter for support. Even if he wanted to, Severus wouldn’t have been able to respond in sign language just then.
Harry winced. The whelp looked genuinely sorry when he reached for a pencil and a scrap of paper. ‘I had to go,’ he wrote. ‘To win the case.’
“What case?” Severus glared. What do I care, anyway?
“I am sorry,” Harry signed, and touched his hand briefly to Severus’s before going back to writing. “The case against Thomas Riddle.”
What ‘case’ could he have possibly won with just a handful of jumbled notes? Severus snorted, and crossed his arms. But his curiosity betrayed him, and when Harry unfolded the rest of today’s newspaper in front of him, Severus scanned the article he pointed to on the front page:
Deaf Attorney heads into 2006 with first high-profile win of the year
NORMAL - Assistant District Attorney Harry Potter announced today that T. Riddle, CEO of Deatheaters Health & Life Insurance Co. has been charged with fraud over a ten year period between 1995 and 2005 by claiming the life savings of multiple victims and refusing to disburse payment.
District Attorney H. Slughorn stated, “The work of this young Prosecutor is outstanding. It’s like magic. He knows just where to look for the clues. He has a brilliant career ahead of him.”
According to the charges, the investigation uncovered additional evidence that Riddle has operated similar schemes under several false identities, including T. Marvolo, and T. Voldemort. This evidence revealed that Riddle was leader of a group of over 30 individuals - including attorneys, medical doctors, and other licensed medical professionals - engaged in various schemes using middlemen and runners to submit false claims to insurance companies of over $236,000 by staging automobile accidents, submitting insurance claims for property damage, medical and bodily injury that contained false and exaggerated information, ordering expensive and baseless diagnostic tests and equipment, and filing fraudulent lawsuits.
Police Commissioner Filch said: "Insurance fraud is just another way for criminals to pick the pocket of the law-abiding public. This case demonstrates that no matter who is involved, they will be pursued, arrested and prosecuted."
The defendant has been charged with Insurance Fraud, Grand Larceny, Falsifying Business Records, Tampering With Public Records, Falsely Reporting an Incident and Conspiracy and will face up to twenty years in prison if convicted.
“Pity we can’t hang criminals by their thumbs anymore. I’ve got all the chains ready,” Commissioner Filch was eager to add.
Assistant District Attorney? He’s a lawyer. How can he be a lawyer? He doesn’t look old enough to buy a drink. He winced at the irony. Precisely! And I almost kissed him; I knew better than that. Severus shook his head in despair. Now I can’t decide which is worse: thinking that he’s too young for college or knowing what he does for a living. But perhaps if I had taken Cho’s advice and read the paper, I wouldn’t be in this mess now. He looked up and met Harry’s mischievous gaze. Harry pointed intently at the paragraph which outlined the “additional evidence” and then at Severus. “Thank you,” he signed.
Severus nodded and bit down on his lip, feeling foolish. “You are welcome,” he responded slowly in sign language, and searched his memory for the right gestures. “I am glad I could help...”
Exasperated, Harry interrupted with a series of rapid gestures. “Come with me. Lunch. There is someone I’d like you to meet.”
Hesitantly, Severus nodded again. He told Harry to meet him in front of the library at noon.
*
Severus stood in the pristine white hospital room, extremely uncomfortable under the old man’s bright-eyed scrutiny. The man lying in the hospital bed did not speak for a long time, but exchanged gestures with Harry, their eyes both flicking to him repeatedly. He knew they were talking about him, but he was too flustered to follow the gestures to know what they were saying.
The old man was the same one who had so often come into the library before, the ‘conspiracy’ man. Severus had been startled to see him here, looking frailer than ever in his purple hospital gown. His grizzled, long beard matched the color of white walls, and his face was drawn and pale, but his eyes were bright and alert still. Harry obviously knew him well, too. What in the world is going on, Severus wondered as he shifted from foot to foot, watching them trade gestures.
At last, the old man cleared his throat. “Forgive me, my boy. I haven’t seen Harry for quite some time, and I’ve been anxious to learn how he was doing on the case.”
Severus scowled at the endearment but nodded curtly.
The old man peered at him over the semicircle glasses perched on his nose and smiled as if he had a secret to tell. “He told me all about how you helped him. He is quite impressed with your research skills.”
Severus raised his eyebrow. “Precisely how do you know Mr. Potter?”
“When I became ill, my insurance company refused to pay my medical bills,” the man replied, shaking his grizzled head. “Then Harry came along. He simply saved me...” His clear blue eyes fixed on Harry standing at the foot of his bed. “Saved us all, in fact. Quite a young hero, our Harry.”
Hero? Him? Severus snorted at such a ludicrous thought.
The man’s echoing chuckle quickly turned into a cough. “Yes, a true hero,” he wheezed between the hacking coughs. “But even heroes need... guidance...” He wheezed heavily for a moment, and flopped back into his pillows, his eyes closed. Severus hesitated, concerned.
“Sir? Are you all right?”
The old man’s eyes opened suddenly and scanned the room. “Oh, look,” he whispered reverently, his bright eyes focused on something between Severus and Harry, “Magic!”
What? Severus glanced between Harry and himself. “Magic? There’s no such thing.”
The old man closed his eyes again with a long sigh. Severus stepped closer. The thin chest underneath the purple gown was absolutely still. Severus couldn’t even see him breathing.
From the corner of his eye, Severus saw Harry bolt out the door. Severus frantically looked about and spotted a large red button on the wall next to the bed. He pressed it and held it down hoping the nurses were paying attention.
Almost immediately, a nurse bustled into the room, followed hard on the heels by Harry. Severus quickly stepped out of the way. “He began talking nonsense and then went still,” Severus gasped. He glared back at what he interpreted as an accusatory look from the nurse. “What are you looking at me for? I didn’t even touch him!”
To his dismay the nurse seemed not at all concerned as she wrapped her hand around the old man’s narrow wrist. She poked and prodded and tsked, and then stepped back, putting her hands on her hips. “Very funny,” she said sternly to the still form. “Now stop playing. You’ve scared your poor visitors to death.”
Severus felt like sliding to the floor with relief as the old man chuckled softly and cracked open his eyes, as mischievous as Harry’s.
“I apologize,” the nurse said. “He’s been practicing dying for weeks now.”
“But this time I had my final words polished to perfection,” the old man protested faintly. “Magic! I’ll have to remember that when the real time comes.”
Harry approached the hospital bed and lightly slapped the old man’s foot covered by the blanket. The man chuckled and then signed and spoke at once, “Forgive me. Allow an old man his final amusements.” Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly.
Much less forgiving than Harry, Severus scowled and folded his arms again, intent to not reveal just how much the sight of the man lying absolutely still in the hospital bed had scared him.
“Speaking of final amusements...” the clear blue eyes sparkled as he looked at them each in turn, his gnarled hands forming the gestures as he spoke. “I hope, Severus, you will forgive me for recommending you to young Harry. I knew that as far as this research went, you were the only one who could help him.”
“You told him to come to me?” Severus asked, incredulous.
“I knew you’d get along. Two lonely souls,” the old man chuckled at Severus’s surprised face. “It was a wise poet who said, ‘I would rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance’.”
Silence fell as Severus looked back at Harry, who shrugged at him and ran a hand through his hair.
“Aha!” They both jumped as the old man exclaimed and threw up his hands. “Those would have been wonderful final words as well! I should write these down. Nurse Poppy!” and he began repeatedly pushing the call button next to his bed.
“What is it? What’s all this?” the nurse reappeared, huffing with exasperation. “Out, you two. He’s getting far too worked up to have such a long visit. Go on, shoo shoo shoo.” And she gently nudged them out of the room as the old man gleefully waved his farewells. “Goodbye, and good luck you two! Remember, Magic!”
Outside, the snow had begun to fall once more. The large, fluffy clusters of snowflakes fell silently all around them, muting the sounds of traffic and making everything else seem very far away. Severus could hear the crunching of their footsteps in the snow, eerily loud in the winter stillness.
Does the world seem this peaceful to Harry every day in all the silence, Severus wondered. He looked down at the young man walking beside him. Harry had thrust his glove-less hands into his pockets, and his nose was red from the chill. He stopped and looked up. Severus paused. Harry freed one hand to gesture up around at the snow, smiling. Perhaps winter isn’t such a bad season after all. Severus smiled back slightly, understanding perfectly what Harry meant. Beautiful.
They might have been alone before and been content with it. But now, a promise of something yet undefined hung between them in the cold air. Severus briefly entertained the thought of stopping here, where the trees shielded the view of the street, and bending down to capture a kiss from Harry’s lips.
Not here, Severus thought to himself. Not now... Not just yet.
Instead, Severus pulled a small library book from his pocket and offered it to Harry. Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by ee cummings. Harry took it, glancing in surprise at the folded paper marking one of the pages.
Severus turned and began walking again toward the library, leaving Harry to look at the page in private. It wasn’t long until Harry had once more fallen into step next to him, leaning in just a little bit closer for shared warmth. He had the book clutched to his chest. Severus smiled then, privately. The words he had discovered in its pages came back to him like echoes of his own thoughts: ‘somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch because they are too near...’
He looked now for that silence in Harry’s eyes. Silent, yes, but full of promise, and hope. He could be content with that, for now.
***
For the full text of poems cited in this story: click here and here.
Title: Somewhere I Have Never Traveled
Author: melora98
Rating: PG
Pairing: SS/HP
Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously. I only took them out of England for a little bit. Art is by lawofsyllogism (THANKS!!)
Feedback: Please!
Warnings: snarry, AU, no magic, and I made them American. Sorry.
Betas: ac1d6urn and d_n_me94 (thanks SO much to both of you!!)
Archive: From Dusk till Dawn Severus Snape/Harry Potter Fuh-Q-Fest.
Challenge: Wave X "Not here, not now! No magic?"
Somewhere I Have Never Traveled
By Melora
*
The town of Normal, Illinois lived up to its name. The Normal Public Library on West College Avenue, however, did not. Severus knew that well; he had worked at the library for years and the expected ‘normal public’ had yet to show up. Instead, he got the oddest characters pestering him with their absurd questions and even more absurd expectations of his duty to answer them. The questions usually ranged from ‘how can I make a fortune by staying at home and twiddling my thumbs’ to ‘I need the yellow book that I checked out a year ago, but I don’t remember the title or the author.’
Severus was only a librarian, not a magician, after all. And that was exactly how he liked it.
He liked the serenity of those quiet moments when everyone around him had their noses in a book and paid him no mind. There was nothing better than being left alone with the tranquility of study and research. Severus’s research methods were old-school, and it was often his nimble fingers that searched through the narrow drawers of the card catalog for the information his patrons had asked for. He knew his library inside and out and he was known himself as the librarian who could find anything and everything, if you were brave enough to face this stern facade and ask the right question.
Severus was always scheduled first on the reference desk, and was therefore first to turn on the electronic paraphernalia that everyone thought was so damn wonderful, first to sort the newspapers for the town homeless to read, and first to finally unlock the doors to let those homeless in. His lip always curled with distaste at this part, letting people in; his library would be so much more pleasant without the patrons ruining it.
On this particular morning, Severus’s day began as any average day at Normal Public Library. The only thing different was that this day had brought the first snow of the year, which meant Severus was grumpier than usual due to the chilling wind and the slushy puddles on the streets. No matter how hard he tried to stay warm, the cold always seeped into his thin frame, making his bones ache. He also knew that soon the slushy mud would be tracked all over the spotless library floors. Patrons would be sniffling and coughing and pawing the shelves, spreading their germs everywhere.
He hated winter.
He had just unlocked the front doors - precisely at nine according to his own black antique wristwatch, which he re-set every evening before bed - when a short, bundled-up person burst through the door past him, pausing only to pound his heavily-booted feet, knocking off the snow before making a beeline for the reference desk across the hall.
Severus eyed the mess on the floor, growled inwardly, and took his time walking over to the desk, his long strides slow and deliberate. Just to make the offending patron wait a bit longer, he picked up the phone and dialed maintenance to come and mop up the melting slush. It wouldn’t do to leave a puddle for someone else to slip in.
His task accomplished, he finally turned to this first patron of the day, who was surprisingly not yet rebuffed by Severus’s surly disregard. The young man had taken off his knitted maroon and yellow hat (which looked more like a bird’s nest than a hat), which left his dark hair standing up every which way as he unwound a matching knitted scarf from his face. His glasses had completely fogged up, so he brushed his fingers like windshield wipers over them, revealing vividly green eyes. The young man blinked and grinned up at Severus.
Severus realized he had been staring, mouth slightly agape, at this garish display of color blindness and cleared his throat, looking down his nose at the young man in the most intimidating way he could manage. An ISU student, no doubt. Most likely just beginning to research for a last-minute paper, just the type to demand that I do most of his work. Severus held back a sneer.
“May I help you?” he drawled, making sure his voice held just the right amount of scorn to indicate the question had better be something other than directions to the restrooms or else.
Severus frowned when no answer came. The young man, not looking quite as panicked as Severus had hoped, scrounged around in his pockets and then pushed a laminated card forward on the counter. Severus took it and his eyes widened at what he read.
‘Hello! I’m deaf,’ it said on top. The finer script proclaimed: ‘I can read lips if you speak slowly, or we can communicate by writing.’
Severus arched an eyebrow. If that ghastly hat and scarf are any indication, the kid is color-blind as well. He sighed and reached for his pen. His mind ran longingly to his co-worker, Miss Chang, who simply loved this sort of challenge. Unfortunately, she was still in Hawaii with her new husband (which reminded him that she certainly wasn’t Miss Chang any longer.) Any excuse to avoid work and leave me with double duties on short notice, the melodramatic trollop.
On a scrap of paper Severus wrote: ‘How may I help you?’
The man’s grin grew wider - if possible - and he pulled the paper and the pen out of Severus’s grasp. ‘Deatheaters Health & Life Insurance Co. History, past contracts, newspaper articles, and anything else you can find.’
Severus pursed his lips. Doable. I can check the business corporation guides, and then move onto periodicals, and newspapers. He crooked a long finger at the man to follow him and led the way into the periodicals kept in the main reference area. He motioned at an available seat by the table and proceeded to pull down stacks of reference books. He jotted a quick note to tell the man to proceed with these items while he went to check the card catalog for more. The man’s eyes brightened; he smiled and nodded happily before bending over the first book. Severus left him to it and spent the rest of the morning rather contentedly engrossed in more research on the company.
D. E. Insurance was a local company, owned by a man named T. Riddle. It must be family-owned, because the references go back a good fifty years. No man alone can start and run a business that long, Severus decided as he turned another page. He had not asked the young man his reason for researching this company and he certainly didn’t care to ask it now. It’s none of my business, and unless he asks me to look up another company, my duty here is done. Besides, if he is student - and Severus strongly suspected he was - it’s important for him to learn to find things on his own.
After depositing more written references and instructions at the man’s side several hours later, Severus saw that he was hard at work, open books and notes spread all around him. Frowning at a notebook full of undecipherable scrawl, Severus jotted another quick note to let the man know that he would be at the desk if he needed anything more. The young man smiled up at him and quickly wrote: ‘What’s your name?’
Mouth twisting, Severus signed the paper as he always did with personal checks: first, middle, and last. The man squinted and his mouth formed an ‘o’. Serves him right for being curious. Now he is obligated to remember it.
But the young man just shrugged and scribbled something, holding the paper up for Severus to see. ‘I’m Harry,’ it said.
Severus arched an eyebrow. “Just Harry?”
A hastily added ‘Potter’ appeared below.
Snape nodded and enunciated carefully while looking straight at the young man, the way he had learned through years of working with the public and elderly people who had trouble hearing, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Potter,” and then left him to his work.
Later that day, his supervisor Minerva entered the staff room as he sat at his desk writing more catalog cards. “Severus,” she said in her wavering voice. “You were helping a patron this morning?”
“Yes,” he answered, looking up. “Is he still here? Does he need anything?”
“He just left,” she said, and handed him a folded piece of paper, pulled from a spiral-bound notebook with the messy nubs still hanging off the edge. She pursed her lips at him approvingly and shuffled out.
With some trepidation, Severus unfolded the note and read Potter’s messy scrawled script.
'Mr. Severus Snape, thank you for your assistance. You did a great job; please let your manager know. I hope you’re around tomorrow; I’ll probably need more help.
Harry.'
Severus raised his eyebrow. A note? No one ever sends me thank-you notes! They’re too damn frightened after I’m through with them and those who aren’t are too busy to care. He folded the page and was about to drop it in the recycle bin when he stopped, and instead set it in the drawer of his desk before returning to his catalog cards.
*
The next morning when Severus went to open the doors of the library, he was rather quick to notice the bundled-up shape in the maroon and yellow hat waiting outside. He's right on time. Excellent! Not that I expected - or wanted - him to come back. At all. Nonetheless, he let Harry - Mr. Potter - inside, and this time the young man even paused to wipe his feet on the mat provided. Smiling at Severus and giving him a small wave of a hand in greeting, Potter pranced over to the reference desk. Severus scowled but followed, wondering: What does he need now?
Potter already had his request written out on a piece of paper, which he pushed towards Severus as he took his place behind the desk. Severus slipped his on his reading glasses and squinted at the scribbles.
'Need more information on the same company but older sources. Anything before 1950?'
Severus nodded and took out his pen. ‘We have older archives in the basement. I’ll take you down after 10 AM.’
Potter scanned the note rapidly and nodded back. He jotted ‘I’ll wait,’ and wandered off to the bookshelves. Severus watched him go with a heavy-lidded glare. He bounces when he walks. That undeniable cheerfulness both intrigued and annoyed him. Most people didn’t bother to be cheerful in front of Severus. Except for the ‘conspiracy’ man. Funny old guy spends practically all of his time here and never fails to rattle off some new paranoid idea, be it about UFOs or government cover-ups. He’s the only one who’s ever smiled and asked me about my day. Of course he must only be nice to me because everyone else avoids him like the plague and I could care less if he’s a lunatic. I don’t discriminate. Everyone is a lunatic around here.
His short morning was satisfactory. He spent it glaring down potential patrons and surreptitiously watching Potter bounce about the library. He stood up immediately when a familiar chirped greeting - “Morning, Severus!” - had caused his spine to seize up and his teeth to grind together. He turned to nod curtly at the round-figured, jumper-clad Cho. Honeymoon must be over, then.
“Good morning,” Severus said solemnly.
“Oh how I missed this place!” She smiled, spreading her arms as though to embrace the whole library. “I’ve brought pictures from Hawaii; they’re in the staff room. And everyone gets a coconut!”
“Thrilling,” Snape drawled. His lip curled in a sneer at this forced exchange of niceties. “You’re looking... excessively tanned.”
Cho rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t be mean. We had a wonderful time.”
“Ah yes, and how is Husband Number Three?”
She sighed, long used to his jibes. “Cedric is fine, thanks.”
Severus snorted and stood up to locate Harry - no, Mr. Potter. “Tell Minerva when she gets in that I’ve got the basement key and I’ll be down in the older archives with a patron.”
Cho’s dark eyes grew wide. “Oh my!” She grinned. “Eloping with a patron and it’s not even noon yet? Is she unusually fond of irritable old grumps or does she just have a thing for librarians?”
Snape sneered. “Neither, I’m certain. But if I do elope, I’ll be sure to let Mister Potter in on my plan.”
“Oh goodness!” Cho gasped. “Potter? Would it be the famous Harry Potter? How exciting!”
“Famous?” Snape arched an eyebrow.
“Honestly, and you call yourself an information professional!” She glared disapprovingly. “Have you even read the paper this week?” At his long-suffering sigh, she chuckled. ”You’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
“Ah, I see,” Snape said, already walking away from her. “I’ll do my best to keep my excitement in check.” Now I’m certainly not going to touch the paper. It’s a matter of principle. How famous can he be? His hair and clothes are a mess; he doesn’t look old enough to shave yet. In fact I doubt he’s even in college.
In the staff room he grabbed the archives key from his desk and was on his way out when Minerva walked in. “Oh, Severus, did you get your coconut?”
Prying old gossipmonger. “Minerva, I’ll be down in the archives with a patron, probably for the rest of the day.”
“Oh? Are you helping that young man again?” She set her bag down at her desk and took off her coat. “Careful, Severus. Soon enough your other fans will be jealous of all that attention.”
What fans? Severus grunted. Her dreadful sense of humor is getting worse. “I’m quite sure anyone at this library would be much more eager to accept Ms. Diggory’s help.” He looked back through the door and frowned. “Since we’re on the subject of my ‘fans’, have you seen the ‘conspiracy’ man lately? He hasn’t shown up for days. Pity; he was the best entertainment we’ve had in this place for a while.”
Minerva pursed her lips: “Yes, sweet old guy. I hope nothing’s happened to him,” She sat down at her desk and smiled as innocently as the cat that ate the canary. “Have a good time helping your new fan, Severus.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, but nodded and headed out to find Potter.
*
Even Potter’s footsteps are quiet, Severus thought as they made their way down to the basement. If it wasn’t for his hat, I’d start thinking that I had a second shadow. How does a deaf man know if he is being quiet?
In the archives room, Snape felt around in the dark for the light switch on the wall. The fluorescents buzzed into life, and he led Potter over to the caged area where the older periodicals were kept. It’s always soothing down here, he thought. Peaceful. I love this smell. He breathed deeply. The archives smelled of old paper and decaying leather, of dust and secret things. Everything down here was silent and still; information waiting to be found and utilized by someone who knew where to look for it.
The items Severus needed were kept in a caged-in section of the basement under additional locks. No patrons ever ventured down here but Severus had always made sure that the locks were in place in order to keep out any industrious coworkers who might try to mess up his classification scheme. If Cho or Minerva ever decide to ‘clear out the junk’ they’ll just have get through me for the key first.
He unlocked the cage door, and turned to gesture Potter inside, but instead of walking ahead, Potter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Hmmm. I might not be the only person in the world to appreciate the scent of an old book after all. The corner of his mouth quirked as Harry glanced up, finally realizing that he was being watched. Severus simply nodded and gestured again into the caged area. Harry gave him a lopsided smile, and eagerly stepped inside to look around.
Snape grabbed two notepads and pens from the nearby desk and the search began. The first volumes of newspapers were the easiest to locate, residing in large pull-out drawers. He placed these on the table in front of Potter who delved eagerly into them, already making notes.
The company had been held under one name, Thomas M. Riddle, for quite some time. ‘M’ stood for ‘Marvolo’, Severus discovered. Harry was quite excited when Severus found a reference to a different business held under the name of Tom Marvolo, a company which had been shut down due to a criminal record. Apparently we’re getting somewhere. He is grinning like it’s Christmas come early and he wrote three pages of notes on that article alone. Each article led to another reference which led to another name, and another company shut down for various criminal reasons. Marvolo Riddle, Marv Thomas, Thom Voldemort... this is getting absurd...
They worked for what must have been hours; the only sounds disturbing the silence were the rustling of the yellowed pages and the dull thud of an occasional reference book pulled from the shelf and dropped on the table. Severus settled into the special calm that often settled over him when he was immersed deeply in research. He didn’t even mind Harry’s quiet company. They didn’t need to communicate at all; when Severus saw something relevant, more names or company references, he would slide the book across the table to Harry, who would take it and frantically scribble in his notes. They sat across from each other, surrounded by tall stacks of papers and books. Ancient dust stirred up and settled again on the table surface.
Then Harry sneezed.
It was probably the first sound he’d heard out of the young man, and it startled him into realizing how long they had been at work.
Harry glanced up sheepishly and hid his nose in his sleeve. Snape frowned and dug a clean handkerchief out of his pocket, which he handed over. Kids nowadays, he lamented. Completely unprepared for the world. He checked his wristwatch and realized that the library would be closing in less than an hour. He drew a pad of paper closer and jotted quickly: ‘Closing time soon. Continue tomorrow?’
Harry read the note, and gave him a thumbs up, smiling.
Severus stood and stepped around the table to stretch his stiff back. When he turned, he thought he caught a flicker of something in Harry’s eyes as the young man watched him. I’ve seen that kind of look before, he thought, stunned. It almost looks like he is interested in something other than my books. Oh, nonsense! He can’t be interested. No one is ever interested in me. I imagined it; that’s all there is to it.
Severus motioned toward the door. “After you,” he said softly. Harry stood up, the chair legs squawking slightly across the floor. Instead of turning to leave, he focused instead on Severus’s outstretched hand and paused. As though quickly making a decision, Harry stepped forward and grasped Severus’s large, bony hand in both of his, squeezing lightly. Startled, Severus tried to pull away but Harry didn’t let go. Warm fingers, Severus noted distractedly. Such small, warm hands.
Harry looked up and very slowly mouthed, “Thank you.” Snape could feel Harry’s fingers pressing against his hand - tiny subconscious gestures - as if he couldn’t quite stop signing the way some people couldn’t stop their lips from moving when they read. Fascinated, Severus grasped back and held on. Harry’s lips were still, but it seemed to Severus that there might be something more, something left unsaid... things that were only suggested by the touch of Harry’s fingertips against his hand. The moment passed, and rapidly feeling awkward under the man’s intent gaze, Severus cleared his throat and stepped back. Harry just smiled, his eyes sparkling mischievously behind his plain, round glasses.
Severus straightened, adjusted his sleeves and tried to think nothing of it.
And then Harry gave him a very deliberate wink.
Severus just stood there, stunned, as Harry casually turned to gather his coat with the garish scarf and hat from the table before exiting the cage, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Nothing did happen. I’m imagining things again, Severus thought. So he followed him up the stairs, trying very hard not to think of the light touch of Harry’s fingers and trying not to consider what might have happened if he hadn’t pulled away. There was nothing to consider: nothing at all.
*
The next morning brought Potter to the doors of the library as soon as Severus opened them. He wiped his feet on the mat, and made his way over to the reference desk. Severus followed, bemused at how quickly they had fallen into this pattern. He went behind the reference desk and slipped on his reading glasses as he watched Harry untangle himself from the mass of knitted maroon and yellow absurdity. It was too late when Severus saw him glance down at the book on the counter: The American Sign Language, Handshape Starter: A Beginner's Guide. When Harry looked up, Severus knew exactly what he must be thinking: pathetic. First staring at him like a love-sick idiot and now trying to learn sign language: can I be any more predictable? But the smile that slowly spread on Harry’s face was so bright that he almost caught himself smiling in return. Harry pulled out his notepad and jotted down: ‘Were you going to read that?’
He’d spent all of last evening and most of the night poring over the book, page by page, until he had been startled by the chime of the clock marking three AM. Three? I have to be at work before nine! And the book could teach him only so much with pictures and descriptions; he was quite certain that he had some gestures wrong. With a slight shake of his head, Severus said softly: “Done with it.”
‘What have you learned?’ Potter’s eyes sparkled and Severus raised his right hand and hoped he had the sequence right. Two fingers to the side, a fist, cross index and middle finger, repeat again, and at last, a ‘Y’ shape. He stopped. Damn! I should’ve used his last name instead; it’s not too late to add it on, is it? He raised his hand but Harry beamed and gave him a thumbs-up.
‘I can teach you more,’ Harry wrote on the paper. Hesitantly, Snape nodded, then raised his right hand in an ‘S’ sign and tilted it up and down like the book said to do for ‘yes’. Even some basic signs would be a relief from writing notes every time I want to say something, Severus thought. And it might come in useful again someday. He steadfastly clung to these as the only reasons he was even mildly interested in Harry teaching him more.
“10 A-M,” Harry signed slow enough for Severus to understand and pointed in the direction of the basement with a quizzical look. Severus nodded, and finally let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when Harry moved off once more to peruse the bookshelves and wait.
*
He is actually a decent teacher, Severus realized with surprise. Severus had always learned quickly, and when they had made their way down into the basement archives once again, he hoped Harry would be impressed with what he’d picked up from the book the night before. Harry prompted him in writing, and watched Severus sign, correcting him as needed and grinning all the while. After some time, Harry began signing in full sentences so Severus could interpret them. Severus discovered that mouthing the words silently, as Harry did, helped him remember the correct signs.
When he came across a gesture he wasn’t familiar with, Severus would shake his head and Harry would lean over to demonstrate it again, this time by folding Severus’s fingers into a correct shape and guiding his hand to move. Soon enough Severus had caught himself shaking his head more than necessary just because a more thorough demonstration would follow, and he found that he enjoyed the touch of Harry’s warm fingers. Absolutely horrified by the thought that Harry might notice, he tried harder to pay more attention to the signs and less to the fact that it was Harry’s hands making them.
“The book is on the table,” Severus translated, a lucky combination of guessing and lip-reading. Harry beamed at him and looked around the room, trying to find something more challenging.
“You are taller than me,” Severus said as Harry gestured, gazing at him. He gestured again, and Severus swallowed. “Your eyes are black.” True, but... is he trying to embarrass me?
“Hmm.” Severus watched carefully as Harry pointed at him and added a few more gestures, this time without mouthing the words. “You like my hair?”
Harry’s eyes sparkled and Severus didn’t know whether to slick his hair back or pull at it in frustration. He ducked his head instead, letting it cover his face. Focus! This is strictly professional. He composed himself, and arched an eyebrow at Harry. He spoke carefully, “Is this the best you can do?”
Harry’s eyes narrowed with the determined look of someone who didn’t back down from a challenge when he saw one. He grinned and signed slowly: “Watch and learn.” Yikes, that grin looks about as innocent as Minerva’s. What have I got myself into now? Severus winced. Harry moved his hands again, much faster now than he had before.
Severus wasn’t the type to back down from a challenge either, so he narrowed his eyes and tried to catch any familiar gestures that would help him guess the meaning of this flurry of motions. Harry’s fingers, hands, and mouth moved all at once, pointing and drawing vague shapes in the air. Sometimes Harry even pointed at him and Severus had a suspicion he was somehow included in this one-sided conversation, but it was all too fast for him to determine in which way.
Yet he still watched, his eyebrows drawn together and wondering what Harry’s odd, dreamy expression might mean. He thought he caught a familiar gesture when Harry’s fingers touched his mouth, and then his cheek. Severus’s eyes widened. Surely, he doesn’t mean... he can’t possibly... does he?
Harry stopped in the middle of the phrase, it seemed. He blinked, and took off his glasses under pretense of cleaning the lenses. He kept them clasped loosely in his hand rather than putting them back on. Severus thought he noticed a tinge of pink on his face. Not signing any more, Harry turned to the table instead and reached for Severus’s pen. ‘It was a poem,’ he scribbled and held up for Severus to see. ‘Sorry, got carried away.’
Severus grabbed the pen out of his hand. ‘Repeat the last line,’ he wrote, trying to behave casually. Harry laid his glasses on the table and subjected Severus to another round of rapid gestures.
“No.” Severus shook his head. Not those. He reached for Harry’s wrist and then mimicked the gesture he had seen by touching his fingers first to the side of Harry’s mouth, then his cheek. “This.”
He looked into Harry’s eyes, much more exposed now without the heavy round frames of his glasses shielding them. I do hope I understood him correctly. I know that gesture! “Did you mean it?” he whispered. His heart skipped a beat as Harry's hand twitched, still clasped in Severus's.
Of course not, his rationality told him. It’s just a poem, he said so himself. And I don’t even know for sure if I interpreted the gestures correctly. Then again, no one had ever told Severus Snape that they wanted to kiss him, not even when Severus was much younger and still hoped occasionally that someone would. This is absurd.
Harry’s grin faded, and his face became serious. He frowned, but the way his eyes were still focused on Severus made his breath hitch as Harry leaned forward slightly, looking straight at Severus’s mouth. He’s so close. Severus’s heart pounded in his chest. What am I going to do if he tries to...? Oh, he is... Fuck! He’s about to kiss me. In the library. At work!
Severus jumped back so fast he almost knocked over his chair. Harry blinked and stared, a question in his eyes. Severus bit down on his tongue and shook his head. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind, irrational and frantic. “Not here,” he signed at last. Harry paused, looking confused; but nodded and slipped his glasses back on.
Feeling as if he had stepped too quickly down an unexpected drop, Severus swallowed and took a calming breath or two before he asked, pointing at Harry’s earlier written explanation: “What poem?”
‘ee cummings,’ Harry wrote. ‘I Have Found What You Are Like. Know it?’ When Severus shook his head, Harry shrugged at him, as untroubled as before, and reached across the table for a reference book. Severus slid back into his chair and hid himself behind an up-raised book of his own, gratefully accepting this chance to retreat back into familiar territory.
They spent the rest of the afternoon in an uneasy silence. Severus was distracted again and again by his own chaotic thoughts, each one about Harry. After the source of his distraction had finally stood to leave with his usual blissful smile and small wave, Severus made his way back into the stacks upstairs, to the poetry section.
He pulled a random compilation of ee cummings’s works from the shelf, looking in the index for the poem Harry had mentioned. He found it easily, and his eyes skimmed over the beginning lines, focusing, finally, on the end.
And the coolness of your smile is
Stirringofbirds between my arms; but
I should rather than anything
Have (almost when hugeness will shut
quietly) almost
your kiss
*
The next morning, Severus did not wait for Harry to come back. He did not look around searching for the familiar maroon and yellow hat, did not crane his neck to check on every sound of the front door opening, no matter how much Cho and Minerva had tried to claim otherwise. I wouldn’t admit such a thing to them even if it was true, which it isn’t. When his time on the desk was up, he remained, glaring at the patrons for the rest of the morning. Cho, who had come to replace him, only looked at him askance and left him alone.
Severus did read the current newspaper, though. He noticed an announcement that a chamber orchestra from Chicago would be giving a concert in town. The silly kid probably never ventured outside his college campus, he thought. How much are the tickets? Two? Oh, that’s certainly rational? How much more besotted can I possibly act? He glared at the ad for the third time and winced. Idiot! What good will it do to invite a deaf man to a concert?
The next morning arrived, and then the next, but still Severus did not see Harry at the library doors no matter how often he looked. The weekend with its two full days of no work and no prospects to keep his mind distracted from the memory of Harry’s warm hands stretched long before him. By that time, Severus determined exactly what had happened. I behaved inappropriately toward a young - much younger! - man who only needed assistance with his research. I never should have taken his teasing as anything but friendly. I ought to have my head examined!
Monday arrived, and Severus moved through the opening procedures with leaden steps, his glare heavy and his narrow lips twisted into a mocking scowl. He thumbed through his book on sign language and went to put it back on the shelf. It didn’t do me much good in the first place and now I certainly won’t use it. He obviously never planned on returning at all.
At nine he unlocked the library doors and made his way slowly around the reference desk to perch on his stool and glare at the incoming patrons with, perhaps, a bit less vehemence than usual. He barely glanced at the face of a man who approached the desk. Black wool pea coat. Suit and tie, neatly pressed. Must be a businessman, his subconscious registered so he automatically responded with a crisp “May I help you, sir?” Businessmen are worth the trouble of helping; at least they know what they want and always ask for it directly.
Only when he received no answer did Severus stop and look directly at the man’s face.
Mischievous green eyes sparkled at him through the familiar round glasses. Harry?! His dark hair - normally in disarray - was now neatly combed, and his smart business clothes had aged him by at least a decade. But the little wave of greeting was unmistakably his, and it took Severus a few moments before he could settle his face back into a cool mask of indifference.
“Good morning,” Harry signed. “Miss me?”
Severus was caught between rage and relief. How dare he show up NOW and act as though nothing happened! Vile little serpent, doesn't he know how much he's infected my thoughts? He could have at least sent a note saying he wouldn't return. That’s not asking too much, is it? He reined in the urge to shake the young man by the shoulders and demand his explanation. Focus. Now, dammit! He’ll think I’m a lunatic. Getting a hold of himself, he opted for false indifference. “Certainly not,” he said, glaring down his nose at the man, his hands clutching the edge of the counter for support. Even if he wanted to, Severus wouldn’t have been able to respond in sign language just then.
Harry winced. The whelp looked genuinely sorry when he reached for a pencil and a scrap of paper. ‘I had to go,’ he wrote. ‘To win the case.’
“What case?” Severus glared. What do I care, anyway?
“I am sorry,” Harry signed, and touched his hand briefly to Severus’s before going back to writing. “The case against Thomas Riddle.”
What ‘case’ could he have possibly won with just a handful of jumbled notes? Severus snorted, and crossed his arms. But his curiosity betrayed him, and when Harry unfolded the rest of today’s newspaper in front of him, Severus scanned the article he pointed to on the front page:
Deaf Attorney heads into 2006 with first high-profile win of the year
NORMAL - Assistant District Attorney Harry Potter announced today that T. Riddle, CEO of Deatheaters Health & Life Insurance Co. has been charged with fraud over a ten year period between 1995 and 2005 by claiming the life savings of multiple victims and refusing to disburse payment.
District Attorney H. Slughorn stated, “The work of this young Prosecutor is outstanding. It’s like magic. He knows just where to look for the clues. He has a brilliant career ahead of him.”
According to the charges, the investigation uncovered additional evidence that Riddle has operated similar schemes under several false identities, including T. Marvolo, and T. Voldemort. This evidence revealed that Riddle was leader of a group of over 30 individuals - including attorneys, medical doctors, and other licensed medical professionals - engaged in various schemes using middlemen and runners to submit false claims to insurance companies of over $236,000 by staging automobile accidents, submitting insurance claims for property damage, medical and bodily injury that contained false and exaggerated information, ordering expensive and baseless diagnostic tests and equipment, and filing fraudulent lawsuits.
Police Commissioner Filch said: "Insurance fraud is just another way for criminals to pick the pocket of the law-abiding public. This case demonstrates that no matter who is involved, they will be pursued, arrested and prosecuted."
The defendant has been charged with Insurance Fraud, Grand Larceny, Falsifying Business Records, Tampering With Public Records, Falsely Reporting an Incident and Conspiracy and will face up to twenty years in prison if convicted.
“Pity we can’t hang criminals by their thumbs anymore. I’ve got all the chains ready,” Commissioner Filch was eager to add.
Assistant District Attorney? He’s a lawyer. How can he be a lawyer? He doesn’t look old enough to buy a drink. He winced at the irony. Precisely! And I almost kissed him; I knew better than that. Severus shook his head in despair. Now I can’t decide which is worse: thinking that he’s too young for college or knowing what he does for a living. But perhaps if I had taken Cho’s advice and read the paper, I wouldn’t be in this mess now. He looked up and met Harry’s mischievous gaze. Harry pointed intently at the paragraph which outlined the “additional evidence” and then at Severus. “Thank you,” he signed.
Severus nodded and bit down on his lip, feeling foolish. “You are welcome,” he responded slowly in sign language, and searched his memory for the right gestures. “I am glad I could help...”
Exasperated, Harry interrupted with a series of rapid gestures. “Come with me. Lunch. There is someone I’d like you to meet.”
Hesitantly, Severus nodded again. He told Harry to meet him in front of the library at noon.
*
Severus stood in the pristine white hospital room, extremely uncomfortable under the old man’s bright-eyed scrutiny. The man lying in the hospital bed did not speak for a long time, but exchanged gestures with Harry, their eyes both flicking to him repeatedly. He knew they were talking about him, but he was too flustered to follow the gestures to know what they were saying.
The old man was the same one who had so often come into the library before, the ‘conspiracy’ man. Severus had been startled to see him here, looking frailer than ever in his purple hospital gown. His grizzled, long beard matched the color of white walls, and his face was drawn and pale, but his eyes were bright and alert still. Harry obviously knew him well, too. What in the world is going on, Severus wondered as he shifted from foot to foot, watching them trade gestures.
At last, the old man cleared his throat. “Forgive me, my boy. I haven’t seen Harry for quite some time, and I’ve been anxious to learn how he was doing on the case.”
Severus scowled at the endearment but nodded curtly.
The old man peered at him over the semicircle glasses perched on his nose and smiled as if he had a secret to tell. “He told me all about how you helped him. He is quite impressed with your research skills.”
Severus raised his eyebrow. “Precisely how do you know Mr. Potter?”
“When I became ill, my insurance company refused to pay my medical bills,” the man replied, shaking his grizzled head. “Then Harry came along. He simply saved me...” His clear blue eyes fixed on Harry standing at the foot of his bed. “Saved us all, in fact. Quite a young hero, our Harry.”
Hero? Him? Severus snorted at such a ludicrous thought.
The man’s echoing chuckle quickly turned into a cough. “Yes, a true hero,” he wheezed between the hacking coughs. “But even heroes need... guidance...” He wheezed heavily for a moment, and flopped back into his pillows, his eyes closed. Severus hesitated, concerned.
“Sir? Are you all right?”
The old man’s eyes opened suddenly and scanned the room. “Oh, look,” he whispered reverently, his bright eyes focused on something between Severus and Harry, “Magic!”
What? Severus glanced between Harry and himself. “Magic? There’s no such thing.”
The old man closed his eyes again with a long sigh. Severus stepped closer. The thin chest underneath the purple gown was absolutely still. Severus couldn’t even see him breathing.
From the corner of his eye, Severus saw Harry bolt out the door. Severus frantically looked about and spotted a large red button on the wall next to the bed. He pressed it and held it down hoping the nurses were paying attention.
Almost immediately, a nurse bustled into the room, followed hard on the heels by Harry. Severus quickly stepped out of the way. “He began talking nonsense and then went still,” Severus gasped. He glared back at what he interpreted as an accusatory look from the nurse. “What are you looking at me for? I didn’t even touch him!”
To his dismay the nurse seemed not at all concerned as she wrapped her hand around the old man’s narrow wrist. She poked and prodded and tsked, and then stepped back, putting her hands on her hips. “Very funny,” she said sternly to the still form. “Now stop playing. You’ve scared your poor visitors to death.”
Severus felt like sliding to the floor with relief as the old man chuckled softly and cracked open his eyes, as mischievous as Harry’s.
“I apologize,” the nurse said. “He’s been practicing dying for weeks now.”
“But this time I had my final words polished to perfection,” the old man protested faintly. “Magic! I’ll have to remember that when the real time comes.”
Harry approached the hospital bed and lightly slapped the old man’s foot covered by the blanket. The man chuckled and then signed and spoke at once, “Forgive me. Allow an old man his final amusements.” Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly.
Much less forgiving than Harry, Severus scowled and folded his arms again, intent to not reveal just how much the sight of the man lying absolutely still in the hospital bed had scared him.
“Speaking of final amusements...” the clear blue eyes sparkled as he looked at them each in turn, his gnarled hands forming the gestures as he spoke. “I hope, Severus, you will forgive me for recommending you to young Harry. I knew that as far as this research went, you were the only one who could help him.”
“You told him to come to me?” Severus asked, incredulous.
“I knew you’d get along. Two lonely souls,” the old man chuckled at Severus’s surprised face. “It was a wise poet who said, ‘I would rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance’.”
Silence fell as Severus looked back at Harry, who shrugged at him and ran a hand through his hair.
“Aha!” They both jumped as the old man exclaimed and threw up his hands. “Those would have been wonderful final words as well! I should write these down. Nurse Poppy!” and he began repeatedly pushing the call button next to his bed.
“What is it? What’s all this?” the nurse reappeared, huffing with exasperation. “Out, you two. He’s getting far too worked up to have such a long visit. Go on, shoo shoo shoo.” And she gently nudged them out of the room as the old man gleefully waved his farewells. “Goodbye, and good luck you two! Remember, Magic!”
Outside, the snow had begun to fall once more. The large, fluffy clusters of snowflakes fell silently all around them, muting the sounds of traffic and making everything else seem very far away. Severus could hear the crunching of their footsteps in the snow, eerily loud in the winter stillness.
Does the world seem this peaceful to Harry every day in all the silence, Severus wondered. He looked down at the young man walking beside him. Harry had thrust his glove-less hands into his pockets, and his nose was red from the chill. He stopped and looked up. Severus paused. Harry freed one hand to gesture up around at the snow, smiling. Perhaps winter isn’t such a bad season after all. Severus smiled back slightly, understanding perfectly what Harry meant. Beautiful.
They might have been alone before and been content with it. But now, a promise of something yet undefined hung between them in the cold air. Severus briefly entertained the thought of stopping here, where the trees shielded the view of the street, and bending down to capture a kiss from Harry’s lips.
Not here, Severus thought to himself. Not now... Not just yet.
Instead, Severus pulled a small library book from his pocket and offered it to Harry. Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by ee cummings. Harry took it, glancing in surprise at the folded paper marking one of the pages.
Severus turned and began walking again toward the library, leaving Harry to look at the page in private. It wasn’t long until Harry had once more fallen into step next to him, leaning in just a little bit closer for shared warmth. He had the book clutched to his chest. Severus smiled then, privately. The words he had discovered in its pages came back to him like echoes of his own thoughts: ‘somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch because they are too near...’
He looked now for that silence in Harry’s eyes. Silent, yes, but full of promise, and hope. He could be content with that, for now.
***
For the full text of poems cited in this story: click here and here.