I Will Be (2/2)
TITLE: I Will Be (2/2)
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Slight hints of Callie/Arizona but mainly Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Inspired by Leona Lewis' song “I Will Be”. Takes place immediately after Callie & Arizona's first kiss. Callie begins to realize where her heart truly lies.
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
PART 1
******
(Erica's POV)
I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled up to my driveway for the first time in weeks. It had been a long journey between flying in, renting a car and then finally navigating my way through the city back to the home I had left behind.
As much as I have distanced myself from this place, this city, these people, it oddly still feels like coming home. It’s a disconcerting feeling as I had made a conscious decision to literally jump ship and leave this life almost six months ago.
As I parked the car in the driveway, I took a cursory look around. It’s almost as if time had stood still in this place since I left. The real estate agency had done a decent job keeping the house in top shape in case someone happened to show interest in touring the property and making an offer. Unfortunately, the current economic market had made it difficult to find a buyer for the home that I had so hastily left behind.
The only indication that I hadn’t been around was an overgrowing rose bush by the side of the house and a mailbox stuffed to the gills with unopened letters. I gathered my purse from the passenger side then made my way to the mailbox, scowling at the fact that the letters had been jammed in so tightly that I would need a pry bar to get it all out.
Have I really been gone this long???
After battling with the offending mail for a few minutes, I managed to free the papers with minimal damage. I made my way inside the house, dropping my purse and my keys in their usual spot on the kitchen counter. Exhausted from my journey, I sat on the stool at the kitchen counter. Breathing in the comfortingly familiar smells of my old home, I let my mind take me back to a time when this place was filled with happy memories.
My eyes wandered over to the nearly empty wine rack and the cupboard filled with overturned wine glasses that had a slight haze of dust covering the otherwise sparkling goblets. In this moment, I could almost hear the shared laughter of times spent with with a good friend. There were too many memories that had been left behind in this home... too many thoughts that needed to be packaged and put away for safe keeping.
My gaze wandered to the window over the kitchen sink. In silence, I watched as another wave of gray stormy clouds loomed over the afternoon horizon. It was all exactly as I had left it behind... the weather, the house, all the people. Life in this city had continued on without me and it made me wonder if I had been missed at all... if the people I left behind even thought about me.
I let out a tiny laugh, realizing that none of those people really mattered to me. No one but the raven haired beauty who captivated my heart. The beautiful latina who wrenched the beating organ out of my chest cavity and threw it onto the floor in the hospital breezeway. After everything that we had put each other through, I still thought of you. I still wondered if I ever crossed your mind.
Surely you had found a way to move on without me...
Taking a deep breath, I stood from my seat in the kitchen, grabbed my laptop and made my way into the office upstairs. It was about time that I let myself officially move on from this place. It was only a matter of time before the house would be sold and I would be forced to pack up the rest of my belongings and ship them off to my new residence. I needed to allow myself to make peace with this part of my past.
I heard the slight patter of raindrops hit the window as I crossed the threshold into the office. The desk and chair had remained in the same place but all the familiar books and medical records that used to clutter the room had already been packed away and shipped off to my new place. The room had an eerie vibe to it... so familiar yet so empty.
I settled into my chair, allowing myself a moment to let the disconcerting feeling pass. After setting the laptop on the desk, I opened my email to check if there were any important messages from my real estate agent. There was nothing of particular interest... small messages from my agent detailing a few fruitless visits to the house, loads of spam, and a message or two from colleagues who had heard of my departure from Seattle Grace.
As I sorted through and deleted unnecessary messages, a particular email caught my attention. I had received it a little over a week ago. Usually I didn’t let my messages sit for so long but work had completely taken over the waking hours of life for the last few days. Being the thorough person that I am, I had stayed beyond my scheduled shifts at the hospital to make sure that a few key patients were taken care of before I went out of town.
I stared almost mesmerized at the single line of text. There was no subject line and reading the email address felt like I was seeing a ghost from the past. Was I imagining this? Had I fallen asleep at the desk and allowed my mind to manifest this beautifully torturous dream?
I closed my eyes, waited for a second and opened them again. Still there… I sighed as my stomach turned into an impossible knot. Do I open it??? Do I ignore its presence and delete it sending it into the black hole of cyberspace along with my junk email?
An onrush of emotions began to flood my body with a vengeance. All of the joy, love, frustration, and agony that made up our relationship consumed every cell of my being. The box that I had tried to shove your memory into had shattered into minuscule slivers and I began to feel as raw as the day that I walked away.
After all this time, how could you still do this to me?..
I sat in silent deliberation. Could I allow myself to rip open the bandage and expose a wound that had not yet had the chance to properly heal over? Would I be able to handle whatever you had written, whether it be good or bad? In the end, curiosity won the battle and I just needed to know what you had to say. As I reached forward to click on the message, I noticed a slight shaking of my hand. I laughed to myself. Since when did Erica Hahn’s steady as a rock surgeon hands ever shake in nervousness?
The overpowering silence of the house deafened my ears as my eyes skimmed over the words you had so eloquently written. My stomach sank to the ground and my heart fluttered in excitement all at the same time. Yes, we had both taken turns at wrenching each other’s beating hearts out of our chests. Yes, we both had regrets and are seeking some sense of serenity and acceptance for the mistakes that we had made.
But after all this time and all this heartache, could we really find a way to fix what we had broken?
Reaching forward, I closed my laptop in an attempt to shut out the words that had caused such an emotional uprising in my soul. I inhaled deeply, trying to quell the apprehension that had settled in the pit of my stomach. After all this time, you still thought about me… about us.
I just didn’t know what to do. Should I give us the chance to right what went so terribly wrong? Would I even be able to allow myself to forgive you and love you unconditionally like I had before? There were so many unanswered questions left between the two of us. So much time had passed and I wasn’t sure whether it would be wise to rehash such an emotionally intense part of our past.
I stood up from the desk and hastily made my way downstairs. There were a still a good number of belongings that needed to be packed and prepared for the movers before they came tomorrow. I needed to clear this house, and my mind, of these things from my past. I needed to keep busy and keep moving so I didn’t have to think about you.
Hours passed and I didn’t even notice when the sun had set and the nighttime starscape had overtaken the sky. Boxes had been piled by the door and the house began to feel emptier as more and more of my things disappeared into brown cardboard. Still, no matter how many of my belongings had been wrapped up and put away, the memories of you and I continued to flood my mind.
There was no denying it. No matter how physically busy I was, my mind remained consumed with thoughts about you and the beautifully terrifying letter you had written. I collapsed onto the couch in a moment of pure exhaustion and pulled out my cell phone to check the time… 12:30am.
In an uncharacteristic moment of spontaneity, I stood up form the couch, grabbed my keys and purse, and made my way to the car. There was something that I needed to do…
******
As I made my way down the hallway to your apartment door, I began to wonder if this brilliant idea of mine was a big mistake. You had no idea that I was about to knock on your door. I had no idea if you were going to home or if I was going to interrupt something that I didn’t want to see.
I forced a slow breath in and out with each step I took. The closer I got to the door, the louder my heart pounded in my ears. My body begged me to run back to the safety of my home while my heart pushed me closer and closer to the apartment that housed so many cherished memories. Before I knew it, I was standing no more than a foot away from your door.
It was going to be now or never…
I raised my hand and knocked, waiting with baited breath for the familiar click of an unlocking door. My heart pounded so resonantly that I could feel each drop of blood as it pulsed its way through every vein in my body.
Seconds felt like minutes and I began to loose heart. Either you weren’t home or you just chose to avoid anyone who came to the door. I exhaled the breath that I realized I’ve been holding since I knocked and started to turn away in defeat.
CLICK
I quickly turned towards the noise only to be met with two chocolate brown pools staring in disbelief right back at mine. We stood in silence, eyes locked intently in a staring match. I don’t think either of us truly believed that we were actually standing inches away from each other.
I attempted to control the rhythm of my breathing, wanting so badly for my voice to find its way from the base of my throat and into my mouth. So many things needed to be said and all I could do was stand frozen in front of you. I watched as your eyes searched the depths of my own, trying to figure out why the hell I had suddenly appeared in the middle of the night.
“Erica…”
I pursed my lips together, slightly wetting them in a moment of nervousness. I gazed straight back into your eyes, praying to god that you could just read the thoughts that had been running warp speed through my mind.
“… what are you… You’re here.”
I glanced down at the floor and inhaled deeply, finally finding the courage to speak after you had broken the ice. Locking my gaze intently back on yours was all I needed to find my voice.
“I got your email…”
“Oh…” I watched as you unconsciously bit your lower lip and stood to the side of the doorframe. “um… you want to come in?”
I nodded, not able to bring a simple answer to my lips. Clutching onto my purse and keys, I stood and watched as you closed the door and sat on the couch. Your gaze remained locked intently on me. There were so many questions that both of us had and neither of us knew exactly where to begin.
“Listen Callie, I don’t even know what I’m doing here... I just got into town and I got your email and no matter what I did to keep myself busy, it was all I could think about. Next thing I know, it’s the middle of the night and I’m on the road driving here. Now I’m standing here in the middle of your living room without a clue about what to say…”
We stood in silence for a minute, trying to feel out what needed to happen next. Apparently, the shock of my sudden appearance still needed to wear off. I sighed and gave in to my feeling of helplessness, finally settling onto the couch inches away from you.
“I missed you, Cal…” I sat on the couch, my elbows resting on my knees. My eyes broke away from yours and gazed at the floor. “I’m sorry I walked away from you. I’m sorry for saying such insensitive and hurtful things to you. I’m sorry that I left without saying goodbye.”
“It’s not all your fault, Erica. I did a pretty stellar job of pushing you away. There are so many things I regret doing… sleeping with Mark, siding with Stevens, not turning to you when I was scared out of my mind. You had every right to do what you did.”
I turned my head, meeting my eyes with yours. I could see a hint of forgiveness hidden behind crystal topaz. “It still doesn’t make it okay…”
“No, it doesn’t… It doesn’t make what I did okay either. So, maybe we can just find some way to forgive each other… forgive ourselves… so we can put all this stupid bull shit behind us..”
I sat in anticipation as I felt you scoot closer to me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as you tentatively slid your hand into mine, gingerly intertwining your fingers with mine. The world seemed to operate in slow motion as you raised your other hand to my face, brushing away a stray curl that had fallen in front of my eye.
“I missed you so much, Erica. Where did you go? I tried calling and texting you but you never answered. I went over to your place so many times and you were never there. You just disappeared…”
“I know…” I tightened my grip on your fingers, frightened that you might want to let go when you find out where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to these last few months. “I was awake pacing and thinking all night after I walked away. I’m sure you figured out by now that I never called UNOS… That night, I managed to get into contact with one of my old colleagues from med school. He agreed to help me find a position at one of the hospitals that he oversaw in Los Angeles. The next day, I flew down to do a few interviews and I was offered a position at UCLA medical center starting immediately.
Things were moving so quickly and I was still in a really agitated state of mind because of Stevens and the argument that we had. I basically came back to just pack the bare necessities and moved into a townhome a few miles from the hospital. At the time, I just wanted to leave every piece that was Seattle behind when I moved away. I know it may sound ridiculous but I went as far as to leave my cell phone in my desk at home… that’s why I never got any of your messages.”
“But if you’re living in LA now, what are you doing in town?”
“My house has been on the market for the last few months. I came back to finish packing up my belongings and to tie up some loose ends… I was checking my email for messages from my real estate agent and that’s when I saw what you sent me.”
“And that’s why you came here…”
“Yeah…” I looked down, gazing at our intertwined fingers. Till this day, I marvel at the way our contrasting skin tones blended so beautifully together. “Callie, can I tell you something?”
“You know you can tell me anything.”
“Every day since that night, I’ve thought about you. You’re constantly on my mind and not a day went by that I didn’t think about how you were or how your day went. The hardest part about moving away was that I left my best friend behind.”
My nerves eased off the second I felt your body weight lean into mine, your head coming to rest against my shoulder. I could feel a blanket of silence engulf the room as a sense of understanding and forgiveness enveloped us. It was the first time in months that I felt even a small sense of peace within myself.
“Erica, I need to tell you something…”
“You know you can tell me anything.” I echoed your sentiment as I gazed down at your now relaxed form against my body. I buried my nose into your hair and breathed in, flooding my senses with the uniquely Callie scent that I missed so dearly.
“I kissed another woman.”
I immediately felt my body tense. This was NOT what I was expecting to hear tonight, especially after reading that email. I did not come here to have my heart strung along and then rejected.
“I should go...”
I stood up, gathered my belongings as quickly as I could, and made a beeline for the door, making sure to not look back. I couldn’t bear to remember this as the last time that I saw you…
“Erica...” You continued after me, chasing my heels. “I kissed another woman and it made me realize how much I missed kissing you. How much I NEEDED to be kissing you. I love you...”
I stood frozen at the doorknob, not quite sure if I heard what I thought you said. “You what?” My voice barely came out as a whisper.
Unexpectedly, I felt a pair of hands rest on my hips, slowly turning me around so you could look me in the eyes.
“I love you, Erica.”
Your right hand slowly traveled from my hip and up my torso, coming to rest on my cheek. The pad of you thumb lightly caressed my face as you pulled me in for a soft, lingering kiss.
Instantly, my world electrified. For the first time in six months, I could feel the warm rush of blood flowing through my veins and hear the sound of my heart beating so strongly for another person… for you. As cheesy as it sounds, I could literally see the fireworks sparkle in the sky and hear the proverbial birds sing. In this instant, I knew it was the right decision to appear unannounced at your doorstep in the middle of the night.
Oxygen quickly becoming an issue, we pulled apart and rested our foreheads together. Our eyes hooded over in combination of love and desire. Our arms were tangled around each other and I could feel your ragged breath as it escaped your mouth and hit my kiss bruised lips.
I smiled, reveling in the feeling of your body so close to mine. “Where do we go from here?”
You pulled away from me, holding your hand in my direction as you headed towards your bedroom. “Just come to bed and hold me tonight… we can figure the rest of this out tomorrow.”
Without question, I took your hand and let you lead me into the room where so we shared so many beautiful and so many disastrous memories. Walking up to the bed, we only broke contact to slip off our clothing leaving us dressed in nothing but our underwear. Silently, we slipped under the covers. I lay on my back as you cuddled up to my side, wrapping you arm possessively around my torso and tangling your leg in between my own.
As I lay in bed, my arms wrapped securely around you, I felt my heart begin to swell within my chest. I never really realized until now how perfectly our bodies fit together - like two giant puzzle pieces. This was the first time since I left Seattle that I felt so whole… so complete. Despite everything that has happened, I now know that in your arms is where I was meant to be.
Embracing you tighter I kissed you on the forehead and whispered, “I love you too, Cal.”
- Fin (maybe???)
******
A/N: So the conversation between Erica and Callie turned out COMPLETELY different than I had originally planned it. But, I think I like it... I didn't want to make it an 'I love you and miss you so come back to me' scene because I don't think it would have been realistic. In any case, I know that I left a few end untied... I'm debating whether or not I should write an epilogue. What do you think???
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Slight hints of Callie/Arizona but mainly Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Inspired by Leona Lewis' song “I Will Be”. Takes place immediately after Callie & Arizona's first kiss. Callie begins to realize where her heart truly lies.
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
PART 1
******
(Erica's POV)
I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled up to my driveway for the first time in weeks. It had been a long journey between flying in, renting a car and then finally navigating my way through the city back to the home I had left behind.
As much as I have distanced myself from this place, this city, these people, it oddly still feels like coming home. It’s a disconcerting feeling as I had made a conscious decision to literally jump ship and leave this life almost six months ago.
As I parked the car in the driveway, I took a cursory look around. It’s almost as if time had stood still in this place since I left. The real estate agency had done a decent job keeping the house in top shape in case someone happened to show interest in touring the property and making an offer. Unfortunately, the current economic market had made it difficult to find a buyer for the home that I had so hastily left behind.
The only indication that I hadn’t been around was an overgrowing rose bush by the side of the house and a mailbox stuffed to the gills with unopened letters. I gathered my purse from the passenger side then made my way to the mailbox, scowling at the fact that the letters had been jammed in so tightly that I would need a pry bar to get it all out.
Have I really been gone this long???
After battling with the offending mail for a few minutes, I managed to free the papers with minimal damage. I made my way inside the house, dropping my purse and my keys in their usual spot on the kitchen counter. Exhausted from my journey, I sat on the stool at the kitchen counter. Breathing in the comfortingly familiar smells of my old home, I let my mind take me back to a time when this place was filled with happy memories.
My eyes wandered over to the nearly empty wine rack and the cupboard filled with overturned wine glasses that had a slight haze of dust covering the otherwise sparkling goblets. In this moment, I could almost hear the shared laughter of times spent with with a good friend. There were too many memories that had been left behind in this home... too many thoughts that needed to be packaged and put away for safe keeping.
My gaze wandered to the window over the kitchen sink. In silence, I watched as another wave of gray stormy clouds loomed over the afternoon horizon. It was all exactly as I had left it behind... the weather, the house, all the people. Life in this city had continued on without me and it made me wonder if I had been missed at all... if the people I left behind even thought about me.
I let out a tiny laugh, realizing that none of those people really mattered to me. No one but the raven haired beauty who captivated my heart. The beautiful latina who wrenched the beating organ out of my chest cavity and threw it onto the floor in the hospital breezeway. After everything that we had put each other through, I still thought of you. I still wondered if I ever crossed your mind.
Surely you had found a way to move on without me...
Taking a deep breath, I stood from my seat in the kitchen, grabbed my laptop and made my way into the office upstairs. It was about time that I let myself officially move on from this place. It was only a matter of time before the house would be sold and I would be forced to pack up the rest of my belongings and ship them off to my new residence. I needed to allow myself to make peace with this part of my past.
I heard the slight patter of raindrops hit the window as I crossed the threshold into the office. The desk and chair had remained in the same place but all the familiar books and medical records that used to clutter the room had already been packed away and shipped off to my new place. The room had an eerie vibe to it... so familiar yet so empty.
I settled into my chair, allowing myself a moment to let the disconcerting feeling pass. After setting the laptop on the desk, I opened my email to check if there were any important messages from my real estate agent. There was nothing of particular interest... small messages from my agent detailing a few fruitless visits to the house, loads of spam, and a message or two from colleagues who had heard of my departure from Seattle Grace.
As I sorted through and deleted unnecessary messages, a particular email caught my attention. I had received it a little over a week ago. Usually I didn’t let my messages sit for so long but work had completely taken over the waking hours of life for the last few days. Being the thorough person that I am, I had stayed beyond my scheduled shifts at the hospital to make sure that a few key patients were taken care of before I went out of town.
I stared almost mesmerized at the single line of text. There was no subject line and reading the email address felt like I was seeing a ghost from the past. Was I imagining this? Had I fallen asleep at the desk and allowed my mind to manifest this beautifully torturous dream?
I closed my eyes, waited for a second and opened them again. Still there… I sighed as my stomach turned into an impossible knot. Do I open it??? Do I ignore its presence and delete it sending it into the black hole of cyberspace along with my junk email?
An onrush of emotions began to flood my body with a vengeance. All of the joy, love, frustration, and agony that made up our relationship consumed every cell of my being. The box that I had tried to shove your memory into had shattered into minuscule slivers and I began to feel as raw as the day that I walked away.
After all this time, how could you still do this to me?..
I sat in silent deliberation. Could I allow myself to rip open the bandage and expose a wound that had not yet had the chance to properly heal over? Would I be able to handle whatever you had written, whether it be good or bad? In the end, curiosity won the battle and I just needed to know what you had to say. As I reached forward to click on the message, I noticed a slight shaking of my hand. I laughed to myself. Since when did Erica Hahn’s steady as a rock surgeon hands ever shake in nervousness?
The overpowering silence of the house deafened my ears as my eyes skimmed over the words you had so eloquently written. My stomach sank to the ground and my heart fluttered in excitement all at the same time. Yes, we had both taken turns at wrenching each other’s beating hearts out of our chests. Yes, we both had regrets and are seeking some sense of serenity and acceptance for the mistakes that we had made.
But after all this time and all this heartache, could we really find a way to fix what we had broken?
Reaching forward, I closed my laptop in an attempt to shut out the words that had caused such an emotional uprising in my soul. I inhaled deeply, trying to quell the apprehension that had settled in the pit of my stomach. After all this time, you still thought about me… about us.
I just didn’t know what to do. Should I give us the chance to right what went so terribly wrong? Would I even be able to allow myself to forgive you and love you unconditionally like I had before? There were so many unanswered questions left between the two of us. So much time had passed and I wasn’t sure whether it would be wise to rehash such an emotionally intense part of our past.
I stood up from the desk and hastily made my way downstairs. There were a still a good number of belongings that needed to be packed and prepared for the movers before they came tomorrow. I needed to clear this house, and my mind, of these things from my past. I needed to keep busy and keep moving so I didn’t have to think about you.
Hours passed and I didn’t even notice when the sun had set and the nighttime starscape had overtaken the sky. Boxes had been piled by the door and the house began to feel emptier as more and more of my things disappeared into brown cardboard. Still, no matter how many of my belongings had been wrapped up and put away, the memories of you and I continued to flood my mind.
There was no denying it. No matter how physically busy I was, my mind remained consumed with thoughts about you and the beautifully terrifying letter you had written. I collapsed onto the couch in a moment of pure exhaustion and pulled out my cell phone to check the time… 12:30am.
In an uncharacteristic moment of spontaneity, I stood up form the couch, grabbed my keys and purse, and made my way to the car. There was something that I needed to do…
******
As I made my way down the hallway to your apartment door, I began to wonder if this brilliant idea of mine was a big mistake. You had no idea that I was about to knock on your door. I had no idea if you were going to home or if I was going to interrupt something that I didn’t want to see.
I forced a slow breath in and out with each step I took. The closer I got to the door, the louder my heart pounded in my ears. My body begged me to run back to the safety of my home while my heart pushed me closer and closer to the apartment that housed so many cherished memories. Before I knew it, I was standing no more than a foot away from your door.
It was going to be now or never…
I raised my hand and knocked, waiting with baited breath for the familiar click of an unlocking door. My heart pounded so resonantly that I could feel each drop of blood as it pulsed its way through every vein in my body.
Seconds felt like minutes and I began to loose heart. Either you weren’t home or you just chose to avoid anyone who came to the door. I exhaled the breath that I realized I’ve been holding since I knocked and started to turn away in defeat.
CLICK
I quickly turned towards the noise only to be met with two chocolate brown pools staring in disbelief right back at mine. We stood in silence, eyes locked intently in a staring match. I don’t think either of us truly believed that we were actually standing inches away from each other.
I attempted to control the rhythm of my breathing, wanting so badly for my voice to find its way from the base of my throat and into my mouth. So many things needed to be said and all I could do was stand frozen in front of you. I watched as your eyes searched the depths of my own, trying to figure out why the hell I had suddenly appeared in the middle of the night.
“Erica…”
I pursed my lips together, slightly wetting them in a moment of nervousness. I gazed straight back into your eyes, praying to god that you could just read the thoughts that had been running warp speed through my mind.
“… what are you… You’re here.”
I glanced down at the floor and inhaled deeply, finally finding the courage to speak after you had broken the ice. Locking my gaze intently back on yours was all I needed to find my voice.
“I got your email…”
“Oh…” I watched as you unconsciously bit your lower lip and stood to the side of the doorframe. “um… you want to come in?”
I nodded, not able to bring a simple answer to my lips. Clutching onto my purse and keys, I stood and watched as you closed the door and sat on the couch. Your gaze remained locked intently on me. There were so many questions that both of us had and neither of us knew exactly where to begin.
“Listen Callie, I don’t even know what I’m doing here... I just got into town and I got your email and no matter what I did to keep myself busy, it was all I could think about. Next thing I know, it’s the middle of the night and I’m on the road driving here. Now I’m standing here in the middle of your living room without a clue about what to say…”
We stood in silence for a minute, trying to feel out what needed to happen next. Apparently, the shock of my sudden appearance still needed to wear off. I sighed and gave in to my feeling of helplessness, finally settling onto the couch inches away from you.
“I missed you, Cal…” I sat on the couch, my elbows resting on my knees. My eyes broke away from yours and gazed at the floor. “I’m sorry I walked away from you. I’m sorry for saying such insensitive and hurtful things to you. I’m sorry that I left without saying goodbye.”
“It’s not all your fault, Erica. I did a pretty stellar job of pushing you away. There are so many things I regret doing… sleeping with Mark, siding with Stevens, not turning to you when I was scared out of my mind. You had every right to do what you did.”
I turned my head, meeting my eyes with yours. I could see a hint of forgiveness hidden behind crystal topaz. “It still doesn’t make it okay…”
“No, it doesn’t… It doesn’t make what I did okay either. So, maybe we can just find some way to forgive each other… forgive ourselves… so we can put all this stupid bull shit behind us..”
I sat in anticipation as I felt you scoot closer to me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as you tentatively slid your hand into mine, gingerly intertwining your fingers with mine. The world seemed to operate in slow motion as you raised your other hand to my face, brushing away a stray curl that had fallen in front of my eye.
“I missed you so much, Erica. Where did you go? I tried calling and texting you but you never answered. I went over to your place so many times and you were never there. You just disappeared…”
“I know…” I tightened my grip on your fingers, frightened that you might want to let go when you find out where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to these last few months. “I was awake pacing and thinking all night after I walked away. I’m sure you figured out by now that I never called UNOS… That night, I managed to get into contact with one of my old colleagues from med school. He agreed to help me find a position at one of the hospitals that he oversaw in Los Angeles. The next day, I flew down to do a few interviews and I was offered a position at UCLA medical center starting immediately.
Things were moving so quickly and I was still in a really agitated state of mind because of Stevens and the argument that we had. I basically came back to just pack the bare necessities and moved into a townhome a few miles from the hospital. At the time, I just wanted to leave every piece that was Seattle behind when I moved away. I know it may sound ridiculous but I went as far as to leave my cell phone in my desk at home… that’s why I never got any of your messages.”
“But if you’re living in LA now, what are you doing in town?”
“My house has been on the market for the last few months. I came back to finish packing up my belongings and to tie up some loose ends… I was checking my email for messages from my real estate agent and that’s when I saw what you sent me.”
“And that’s why you came here…”
“Yeah…” I looked down, gazing at our intertwined fingers. Till this day, I marvel at the way our contrasting skin tones blended so beautifully together. “Callie, can I tell you something?”
“You know you can tell me anything.”
“Every day since that night, I’ve thought about you. You’re constantly on my mind and not a day went by that I didn’t think about how you were or how your day went. The hardest part about moving away was that I left my best friend behind.”
My nerves eased off the second I felt your body weight lean into mine, your head coming to rest against my shoulder. I could feel a blanket of silence engulf the room as a sense of understanding and forgiveness enveloped us. It was the first time in months that I felt even a small sense of peace within myself.
“Erica, I need to tell you something…”
“You know you can tell me anything.” I echoed your sentiment as I gazed down at your now relaxed form against my body. I buried my nose into your hair and breathed in, flooding my senses with the uniquely Callie scent that I missed so dearly.
“I kissed another woman.”
I immediately felt my body tense. This was NOT what I was expecting to hear tonight, especially after reading that email. I did not come here to have my heart strung along and then rejected.
“I should go...”
I stood up, gathered my belongings as quickly as I could, and made a beeline for the door, making sure to not look back. I couldn’t bear to remember this as the last time that I saw you…
“Erica...” You continued after me, chasing my heels. “I kissed another woman and it made me realize how much I missed kissing you. How much I NEEDED to be kissing you. I love you...”
I stood frozen at the doorknob, not quite sure if I heard what I thought you said. “You what?” My voice barely came out as a whisper.
Unexpectedly, I felt a pair of hands rest on my hips, slowly turning me around so you could look me in the eyes.
“I love you, Erica.”
Your right hand slowly traveled from my hip and up my torso, coming to rest on my cheek. The pad of you thumb lightly caressed my face as you pulled me in for a soft, lingering kiss.
Instantly, my world electrified. For the first time in six months, I could feel the warm rush of blood flowing through my veins and hear the sound of my heart beating so strongly for another person… for you. As cheesy as it sounds, I could literally see the fireworks sparkle in the sky and hear the proverbial birds sing. In this instant, I knew it was the right decision to appear unannounced at your doorstep in the middle of the night.
Oxygen quickly becoming an issue, we pulled apart and rested our foreheads together. Our eyes hooded over in combination of love and desire. Our arms were tangled around each other and I could feel your ragged breath as it escaped your mouth and hit my kiss bruised lips.
I smiled, reveling in the feeling of your body so close to mine. “Where do we go from here?”
You pulled away from me, holding your hand in my direction as you headed towards your bedroom. “Just come to bed and hold me tonight… we can figure the rest of this out tomorrow.”
Without question, I took your hand and let you lead me into the room where so we shared so many beautiful and so many disastrous memories. Walking up to the bed, we only broke contact to slip off our clothing leaving us dressed in nothing but our underwear. Silently, we slipped under the covers. I lay on my back as you cuddled up to my side, wrapping you arm possessively around my torso and tangling your leg in between my own.
As I lay in bed, my arms wrapped securely around you, I felt my heart begin to swell within my chest. I never really realized until now how perfectly our bodies fit together - like two giant puzzle pieces. This was the first time since I left Seattle that I felt so whole… so complete. Despite everything that has happened, I now know that in your arms is where I was meant to be.
Embracing you tighter I kissed you on the forehead and whispered, “I love you too, Cal.”
- Fin (maybe???)
******
A/N: So the conversation between Erica and Callie turned out COMPLETELY different than I had originally planned it. But, I think I like it... I didn't want to make it an 'I love you and miss you so come back to me' scene because I don't think it would have been realistic. In any case, I know that I left a few end untied... I'm debating whether or not I should write an epilogue. What do you think???