Tying up some loose ends

[melaniesuzanne]

A couple of months ago, I fretted about starting perimenopause due to night sweats and insomnia. Some people suggested a medication as the culprit and I pooh-poohed the idea since I'd been on those meds for months with no ill effects. Well, it turns out that the cause was a too-high dose of Cymbalta. My shrink cut the dose by a third to stop manic

Comments

[aelf]

I think most of us feel beyond awkward when it comes to dealing with death. I have so many regrets and self-recriminations about my own behavior. With distance from family, with specialists we can hire to take care of the "difficult stuff" we just don't learn how to handle it. This is my trying to say you aren't alone.

And no, it's never too late to try again. (It's also never too late to recognize that your friends know you're not perfect, and they like you how you are. :) )

[mmcnealy]

Death is just a hard thing to deal with, and I struggle with not knowing how to handle it either. I think just being a friend to the surviving spouse, partner or loved ones is just the most important thing. An invitation to lunch or dinner, or just a chat on the phone about anything besides the loss, can really make their day. The important part is to make sure that they don't feel alone.

(BTW, did you mean for this entry to be public?)

[melaniesuzanne]

(BTW, did you mean for this entry to be public?)

Yes, and thanks for checking. :) There are only a few things that I put under friends lock.

[herveus]

On death, I was recently reminded of how I opened the conversation with a coworker who was returning to work three days after the death of her two-year old son after a lengthy struggle. I started with "Bummer", and the conversation proceeded productively from there. Looking back, I'm guessing that it expressed the sadness without getting maudlin or dramatic, and opened the door for such conversation (or not) as was desired. And it really did sum up the situation.

[melaniesuzanne]

Yikes.

[reedrover]

I've learned a lot about loss and death recently from the receiving end of the sympathy, and let me tell you, despite my frantic LJ's from last Friday, the best thing that people can do for me is something along the lines of "Sorry for your loss. I know he meant a lot. [pause] So what can I do to provide distraction? How about a stupid story about X?" Mostly, unless I *want* to share, I'd much prefer to talk about anything else. So your avoidance behavior is actually a real help, not an insult.

[montuos]

Mostly, unless I *want* to share, I'd much prefer to talk about anything else. So your avoidance behavior is actually a real help...

Yes, this. When someone you love dies, it hurts, but life goes on, and anything you can do or say that allows bereaved people simply to get on with the business of living is a help. Give me something to do and I'm fine, but say anything sympathetic or comforting and I completely fall apart. Back when Papa died, a coworker gave me a little Halloween-y doodad that screamed when you pushed its button. Very silly, allowed me to vent with nobody getting maudlin; all-around win. Best bereavement gift evar!