Wow...and Fic!

[meganlynn09]

LJ's gone kinda crazy, hasn't it?

So, in effort to sort of ignore it and to not worry about things, I'm presenting to my f-list the Doctor Who fic I said I wrote the other day

Comments

[velvet_midnight]

Awww...*squishes Nine/Rose* I love it. Cute scene.

One thing:
She finally got a dance or two with Captain Jack, a little reluctantly because it took ages to get the Doctor this open and she wants to keep it like so.
"Like so" sounds just a little awkward. I don't really have an alternative (maybe "like that"?) but it doesn't sound quite right.

That's the only thing I have though. I really do like it. :)

[meganlynn09]

Thanks! :)

Thank you for pointing that out, it sounds really awkward to me, but what I had before didn't make sense, and when I had "like that", it didn't seem to fit either. I might just have to completely change that little part of the sentence.

[beck_liz]

Awww, so adorable. Love Nine/Rose, especially dancing post-TDD.

I agree with velvet_midnight about the "like so" being awkward. Also, is the "it" in the "keep it like so" referring to the Doctor? Because that's a little weird, too. Hmmm... maybe: "because it took ages to get the Doctor to open up this much and she wants to keep him from closing down again"? I don't know, something like that.

[meganlynn09]

I'm glad you like it!

Yeah, I had that sentence in mind, and I wanted to keep it, but like you said, it's just really awkward. I like that idea you have. Something like:

because it took ages to get the Doctor this open and she'd like to keep him this way.

[beck_liz]

because it took ages to get the Doctor this open and she'd like to keep him this way.

Much better! Yay!

[meganlynn09]

Great! I've already edited the entry. :D

[nina_ds]

That's very sweet - and fits the tone of the episode. It definitely feels like "what happened next" (although it's too bad that Jack doesn't get his dance with the Doctor...).

Can I suggest just a couple of tiny tweaks? You don't need a hyphen in out loud; and in the next sentence, you could avoid the possible verb agreement clash by taking out "is": An alien's heartbeat(s) soothing?

It's a shame we didn't get to see this part.

[meganlynn09]

Thank you! I'm glad you think so. (And that honestly never occurred to me to add in!)

And that's for that! I shall fix them now.

It would have been nice to see something like this, yeah?

[seekingwords]

I'm not exactly a writer, so I don't have anything constructive to add, but that was very sweet. It's the kind of fic that could be considered canon. Lovely.

[meganlynn09]

Oh thank you! I'm glad you think so. :D

[kiaforrest]

I love the transition from dancing to this An alien’s heartbeat(s) soothing? But she smiles. It’s not just alien, it’s the Doctor. The rhythm she finds beyond the music. Just wonderful!

[meganlynn09]

Oh thank you! I'm so glad you like!