Fanfic: Nemesis Theory: Chapter #1
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Chapter #1
Another fine day in the evil lair, and Minion was doing his chores. Well, Minion supposed it was just the "lair" now. Did heroes even have lairs? Perhaps it was more of a hideout now, or maybe a solitary fortress? It didn't look much like a fortress, though, it was just an abandoned power station by the docks. Not really anything noble or heroic in that. It had been the best place he and Megamind had managed to scavenge.
The sound of the warp door stirred him from his thoughts, and he turned to greet his master, only to see that he was obviously trying to sneak something under his cloak. That could mean a few things, none of them good. "What have you got there, sir?"
Giving him a sheepish grin, Megamind pulled out a little grey kitten.
"Sir, we talked about bringing stray animals home."
"But Minion, look at her!" Megamind said, holding the kitten up, "She was stuck in a tree!"
The kitten gave the fish a fixed stare.
"Uh….girls like kittens, right?" Minion tried, "Maybe you could give it to Miss Ritchi."
"Oh, come on, there's no reason we can't keep her."
"Sir, I'd really rather you didn't."
"Why not?" Megamind scoffed, "There's nothing wrong with having a non-mechanical pet. I'll feed her and everything."
"That's what you said about the alligators, and I'm the one who- That's not the point."
"Then what is the point? You don't like cats?"
Minion hesitated, "Well…"
"That is it, isn't it?" Megamind let out a laugh, holding the furry creature right up to Minion's 'helmet'. In a reaction as much instinct as fear, Minion cringed backwards, flattening himself against the glass on the far side of the bowl. Shaking his head a bit, Megamind pulled the purring kitten away again. "Minion, she's harmless! You're almost as big as she is anyway, and you've got much bigger teeth."
"Kittens grow up into cats!"
"You're poisonous anyway."
"To humans! I don't know if it works on cats! And it's just my skin!"
"She can't even get to you. You're inside an eight-hundred pound suit."
That reassured Minion a little bit, but he didn't seem convinced. He could tell just by the way that hairy little demon looked at him that she wanted nothing more than to make a lunch out of him.
"Besides," Megamind continued, "It's just a cat. You're a million times smarter than she is."
At that, the cat gave Megamind an absolutely diabolical look. It was enough to make Minion flinch. The creature was pure evil, no doubt. "Did… did you see that?" he stammered, hoping that his master had caught it as well.
"See what?" Megamind responded, looking down at the kitten, who was by now wearing her best cute face.
"That look she gave you!"
"I know! Isn't it adorable? It's almost as good as that little face you make sometimes!"
"No, the other look, just a moment ago! She looked evil!"
"You're just misreading the little 'V' on her forehead."
Minion heaved a sigh, seeing that this was a fight he wasn't going to win in the short term. Maybe later on, when Megamind got bored with it, he could quietly rehome the kitten and he'd never notice. "You promise you'll actually take care of this pet this time?"
"Of course!" Megamind responded brightly, seeing that he was winning, "When haven't I? ….And the gerbils don't count. Neither does that frog. And you ate my goldfish."
"We ran out of flakes and you forgot to get more!" Minion shot back. …Of course, he had to admit, he'd really enjoyed the goldfish. He didn't get to catch and eat his food very often, so that had been quite exciting.
"Anyway, I need you to watch the kitten while I run to the store to steal some supplies for her, okay?" Minion gave him a hard look, and he corrected himself, "Er, buy. Buy supplies. I buy and pay for things now."
Minion heaved a sigh, "If I have to."
"Excellent! I'll pick you up a goldfish while I'm out, okay?" With that, he handed him the kitten and turned to go.
Minion held the little tabby at arm's length, eyeing her suspiciously. Who knew what she was thinking? Probably trying to figure out how to get his helmet open. Just look at her, with her ears laid back and her tail curled under and her big cute eyes… God, could those eyes get any bigger.
"Er, hello," he said with a nervous chuckle, "I'm Minion, please don't eat me."
The cat nodded.
"…You understood that?"
She gave another small nod.
"Do you have a name?"
She shook her head.
"Well, I'm sure we'll get you a good one," he said, "How much else do you understand?"
The tabby opened her mouth as if to answer, but quickly shut it, like she'd thought better of it.
"Oh! Can you talk too? It'd be nice to have someone else to talk to besides Megamind!"
Another long moment of hesitation, then she nodded again.
"Where are you from?" he asked, "Alien planet, lab accident, glowy meteor…?" In response, the cat just turned and licked her shoulder as if he hadn't asked anything at all. She then leaned over the edge of his hand, looking down at the floor, then back up at him in a questioning sort of way.
"Down?"
"Uh, some of this equipment is kind of sensitive and fur sheds…" he stared, but trailed off when the kitty gave him the saddest expression he had ever seen on any animal in his life, "…Okay, but don't get too close to anything." Bending over, he carefully set her on the ground. She trotted over to Megamind's planning chair, hopped up into it, and made herself comfortable.
Deciding that she was unlikely to cause much trouble, Minion returned to his dusting. Half an hour later, though, Minion found her sound asleep on top of the Black Mamba, which she had pulled down off of its hanger. He was horrified, he'd spent ages perfecting that cape, and she was shedding little grey hairs all over it! "Hey!" he shouted, reaching to take it out from under her, "That's a work of art! Not for cats!"
"Soft!" the kitten whined at him as she got dumped on to the cold floor.
"Fancy! Now shoo!" he shot back, trying to dust all the hair off of it. Once again, the kitten gave him that brain-meltingly cute look, and he softened a bit. "I'll get you a pillow, okay?"
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When Megamind returned, their new pet was sleeping soundly on a pillow on his desk. Smiling a bit, he set the supplies down and turned to Minion, "So, did you two sort things out?"
"She hasn't tried to eat me," Minion said flatly, "But it's only been a few hours."
"Don't worry Minion," Megamind replied, "She got herself stuck up a tree. How smart could she possibly be?"
"I think you'd be surprised, sir."
Megamind gave his new pet an affectionate stroke, ruffling the fur behind her ears. She gave a faint purr, but showed no indication of waking up. "We still need to give her a name."
Minion didn't care much about that, "Where is she going to sleep?"
"I got her a little cat bed. I was thinking we could just set it down in the lower level."
"What about the Brainbots?" Minion wasn't fond of cats, but he didn't relish having to clean up the cat after the Brainbots were done playing with her, either.
"Good point. …I guess she could sleep in my room."
Minion didn't like that idea any more than he did sticking the cat down in the basement. He frowned, but didn't comment.
"For tonight, she can just stay on the desk. We'll get it figured out tomorrow. Goodnight, Minion."
"Goodnight, Sir."
Minion watched as Megamind headed upstairs, then looked back down at the huddled up ball of fur. She looked so tiny and helpless when she was sleeping. "You know," he said, more to himself than anyone, "You're not so scary when you're sleeping."
"You're scarier," she replied, opening one eye to look at him.
"That's only because you're still a baby cat."
"Don't worry," she replied with a yawn, licking a forepaw, "I won't be here very long. I'm supposed to go straight back home when I'm done."
That froze Minion for a moment, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. When she was done with what? Thinking fast, he glanced up at the shelf where Megamind kept his Truth Serum Infuser. They had built it, and then never found a use for it, but Minion had no reason to doubt that it was still in working order.
"Hey kitten, would you like something to eat?"
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Chapter #2: Milk and the Third Degree