"Predictable" Chapter 3
Yet another update to my "flip the bird at the reviewers who wrote Roxanne off as a generic character" fic that explores the events of the movie from her point of view.
First two chapters can be found over on FF.net
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"Aaaa-hahahahaha!"
"Boring."
"Fine then, how about this?" He cleared his throat, then started low in pitch, while gradually rising with a "MuahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Overused."
Megamind glared at me flatly, then held a hand daintily to his cheek, belting out a high-pitched "OOOO-HOHOHOHOHO!" I cringed. What the hell was that?!
"Well, that last one is definitely... unnerving," I admitted. Seeing the smirk on his face, I quickly added, "But only if you want to come across as a banshee." He shrank back and I let out a sigh of relief. There was no way I was going to be seen kidnapped by someone who introduced himself with that laugh.
"Minion, our captive does not seem to be particularly well-versed in the fine art of maniacal laughter. Tell me," he asked excitedly, hopping lightly from one foot to the other, "which one do you think would strike sufficient terror into the hearts of the citizens of Metrocity?"
Not the third one. Please not the third one. Minion glanced in my direction briefly and must have noticed my clenched teeth and panicked expression, then replied, "I believe the second one is most suitable for an event like today's, sir. Like your tastes in music, it's old, but instantly recognizable."
"Always the voice of reason," Megamind congratulated, giving his companion a friendly punch on his furry shoulder. Come on, if Minion was the voice of reason, he should have told his master to stop this ages ago. Of course, for all I knew he had, but Megamind only listened to him when his reason provided him with the answer he already wanted.
Megamind skidded on his heels over to another console lined with several television monitors. Some of the monitors showed various angles of the ongoing museum dedication, meaning that he must have already had cameras hidden in the crowd somewhere. Metro Man was there, but seemed perfectly oblivious to this. He hadn't even bothered to notice that I was missing.
Megamind summoned a brain-bot mounted with a video camera and switched on the monitor connected to it, using it as a mirror to check his teeth. He then administered two shots of throat spray to the back of his mouth, ruffled out his collar, then grasped a lever on the console, turning back to me with an evil grin. "Now, Miss Ritchi, watch as your beloved Metro Man falls right into my clutches."
"Mm-hmm," I said with a nonchalant nod, pursing my lips. "I've seen this one before, I know how it ends."
With a dramatic throw of the lever, the cameras showing the museum audience went dark as thick black fog covered the area. Megamind tapped the tips of his fingers together in excited anticipation, the view on the screen swinging around to the front of the museum, locking solidly on Metro Man's figure. In his excitement, Megamind began laughing even before he turned on the screen showing his own face, which from the reaction of the crowd, must have been projected onto the walls of the museum itself.
Metro Man glared into the camera, announcing into his microphone, "Megamind...", just in case there was one person in the audience who had been living under a rock until now and couldn't recognize him for themselves.
Megamind clapped half-heartedly, replying, "Oh, bra-vo, Metro Mahn..." Glancing at the screens depicting his "adoring" public, Megamind leaned into the camera lens and mocked back, "Boooooooo. Yes, I can play along, too. Booooooooo!" Because we're all adults here, this is what we do, folks.
"I should've known you'd try to crash the party," Metro Man said. ... Yes. Yes, you really should have, so for God's sake, why didn't you?!
Megamind bounced excitedly, hands daintily behind his back. "Oh, I intend to do more than crash it. This is a day you and Metrocity shall not soon forget!" Forget, no. Blur together with dozens of previous days exactly like it, most definitely.
"It's pronounced 'Metro City'!" Metro Man corrected dramatically, as if Megamind's constant butchering of his hometown's pronunciation was a crime in and of itself. "We all know how this ends: with you behind bars." Careful, someone in the audience might not have wanted to get spoiled.
"Oh, I'm shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots! You will leave Metrocity, or this will be the last you ever hear of... Roxanne Ritchi!" He pressed a button that activated the camera-bot hovering in front of me, and I heard Metro Man give a dramatic gasp as he saw my image, as if the fact that I had been kidnapped was this wholly unexpected thing. I knew he was just playing it up for the crowd, but did the crowd honestly want a superhero who came across as this dense?
"Don't panic, Roxy. I'm on my way," he crooned with a suave grin and a little wink.
"Yeah, I'm not panicking," I assured him. I, on the other hand, had no intention of pretending to be the weepy damsel. No, if there was one positive aspect to these situations, it was that they allowed me to vent my frustrations by pointing out precisely how much of a moron everyone was being.
Megamind examined the back of his hand, saying, "In order to stop me, you have to find me first, Metro Maaahn."
Well, let's see, we're in a large, metallic dome that required an elevator to reach that's filled with lots of electronic monitoring equipment, and there's a giant telescope on the ceiling. "We're at the abandoned observatory," I observed.
"No, we're not!" Megamind said in a panic, quickly cutting my camera. "Don't listen to her, she's crazy!" But Metro Man had already disappeared from the museum camera, and according to another monitor on Minion's side of the room, was fast on his way here.
"Ha!" I taunted. Really, he needed to disguise his secret hideouts a little better.
"Ha HA!" he taunted back for some reason. Oh, we're going to play this game again, are we?
"Ha ha HA!" Okay, everyone remember the number of "ha"s the last person used and add one. First person to mess up loses.
Megamind, however, simply began chuckling evilly, completely losing count of his "ha"s, and pulled a lever to retract all of the various instruments of doom he had been threatening me with earlier. ... Okay, so that wasn't the game... I was sincerely just a tiny bit thrown by his behavior at this point, but was sure that he was simply making way for a "surprise", yet equally-obvious trap.
Well, it was no matter at this point, anyway. I ducked and braced myself for Metro Man coming slamming through the wall in three... two... one...
One.... one.... oooonnneeeee.... After restarting the countdown a few times in my head, I realized Metro Man should have been here by now. Cautiously looking up, I saw Megamind leering over me victoriously with a menacing chuckle. "Oh good heavens, you didn't think you were in the real observatory, did you?!" He motioned to the wall, which opened to reveal the true observatory resting on its bluff some distance away.
... Well played, my blue man, well played. Part of me was disgusted at myself for being tricked. But another part of me was... strangely flattered that he'd counted on my deductive skills and integrated them into his plan. I was more than just a carrot on a stick today, and even though my role had been that of the deceived, at least I had a role, and simply that made today's kidnapping feel all the more worthwhile. I almost secretly hoped fate would throw him a bone today, just to thank him for, in his own weird way, treating me as more than just a mindless mannequin.
My mental praise was interrupted by Megamind commanding, "Ready the Death Ray, Minion!" Oh, riiight, there was that whole "Death Ray" thing I'd overhead on the car ride over. So... what, was he going to shoot something at the observatory while Metro Man was trapped inside? Did he really think a building would trap a guy who regularly juggled rail cars for fun? Come on, Megamind, you're a smart guy. You're only doing this to yourself.
Megamind switched on a monitor showing Metro Man within the real observatory. He strolled back to his camera bot, smugly taunting, "Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap."
"You can't trap justice," Metro Man countered. "It's an idea. A belief!"
"But even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time." Oh god, here they go.
"Justice is a non-corrosive metal!" Someone wake me when this is over. They were seriously like bickering brothers caught in an endless match of "he started it". Superhero, supervillain... when it came to those two, there was no real difference. Their quarrels were purely personal and they simply used Metro City as their staging ground. The crowd had picked their favorite, and the other was the "bad guy" merely by default.
Though I supposed there was one other big difference. When Metro Man won, it simply meant that Megamind went back to jail until he inevitably escaped again. Megamind, on the other hand, had no way to defeat Metro Man in a temporary manner. Perhaps that's why the odds seemed so stacked against him: They weren't competing for the same goal, and the goal that Metro Man had reached time and again was comparatively easier. When it came to either of them beating each other decisively, though, their records were actually still 0-0. And, really, that was a good thing. As much of a nuisance this endless game was, I'd rather it continue perpetually than have one of them end it in such a manner.
Speaking of endless games, when I tuned back in to the bickering, they had degenerated into arguing about warranties on evil microwaves or something. I let out an exasperated sigh and groaned, "Girls, girls, you're both pretty, can I go home now?"
"Of course," Megamind offered. "That is, if Metro Man can withstand the full... concentrated power... of the sun!" He pointed dramatically at Minion and ordered, "FIRE!"
There was immediately an amazing explosion of nothing as the Death Ray fired with an intensity like it had not fired at all. Megamind remained in his dramatically pointing position for what felt like several minutes as Metro Man glanced nonchalantly above him and the crowd back at the museum turned and murmured amongst themselves.
Finally, Megamind rolled his eyes and marched over to Minion, leaning over with a prodding, "Minion? Fire?"
"Uhhh, still warming up, sir."
"Warming up?!" Megamind repeated, throwing his arms in the air. "The sun is warming up?!"
"Just ooooone second more, and..." Minion tapped at the screen with the end of his pencil, indicating a loading bar that wasn't even halfway full yet and showed no sign of progress. Try rebooting, that always helps.
Megamind's face sunk into his hands as he began muttering to himself. This was turning into a pitifully painful mess, and it was getting difficult for me to keep watching. He'd actually been doing pretty well up until now, only to be thwarted by a technical glitch. I had to shake my head in disbelief... Why was I even mentally rooting for him? The unspoken acknowledgment of my intelligence still wasn't exactly enough to make up for everything else he'd done.
I looked up to Megamind, still whining about excuses to account for this development, and said, "Your plan is failing, just admit it."
"Yeah, good luck with that one," Minion muttered. Ah, the voice of reason, as advertised.
"Uhh, could someone stamp my Frequent Kidnapping Card?" I wondered hopefully, trying to steer this conversation to some sort of conclusion.
Megamind laughed to himself, then stalked up to me explaining, "You of all people should know we discontinued that promotion." Darn, I was hoping for a Minion snow globe when I filled it up this time. Megamind rose and walked casually to the elevator, waving and declaring, "Ciao ciao, all!"
"Same time next week?" I wondered, liking the idea of being able to get these on my schedule. Minion shook the can of knock-out spray and pointed it at my face. Finally, the day was over. No property damage, no one got hurt, and I didn't even get a wrinkle in my dress. I'd even make it home in time for "Jeopardy". I just hoped one of them remembered to turn the Death Ray off before leaving so that it didn't randomly fire a few days later when it finished loading.
I was about to suggest that before I was knocked out, but was interrupted by something that sounded like a string of expletives coming from Metro Man's monitor. It was only then that I realized just how much time had passed since the Death Ray failed, and that he really should have gotten out of there and flown over here by now.
Megamind whirled around on the elevator with a confused expression. "What did he just say?"
"'Crab... nuggets'...?" Minion attempted to translate. We both winced as Metro Man threw himself at the observatory's interior again, but bounced off, only leaving a dent.
Megamind stalked curiously over to the monitor, peering down into it. "What kind of trickery is this?" As he spoke, a warning voice began emanating from the Death Ray loading screen, as it had apparently gotten over its hump and had actually started making progress.
"You mad genius!" Metro Man declared breathlessly. "Your dark gift has finally paid off!"
It has? "It... it has?" Megamind voiced for me.
"This dome... is obviously lined... with copper!" Metro Man conceded.
Yeah. So? "Yeah... So?" Good lord, Megamind, get out of my head. In the background, the computer voice began counting down.
Metro Man fell to the ground on shaky arms, struggling to say, "Copper... drains... my powers...!"
Say what?! But... copper piping, copper wiring... for heaven's sake, pennies! Metro City was a literal web of copper; this should have bothered him well before now! This made absolutely no sense, and Megamind appeared equally confused. If this was some sort of bluff, what purpose did it serve? He had about half a second to--
Boom. The Death Ray successfully hit its target, sniping the observatory off its hilltop perch in an explosion of timber and metal encased in a huge fireball. I couldn't shield myself due to being tied down, so could only duck and avert my eyes as the shockwave reached the lair, blowing in soot and debris and knocking both Megamind and Minion off their feet.
The rumbling echoed around the inside of the lair for a good thirty seconds, the surrounding buildings vibrating as if the very ground they stood on had been disrupted. That was certainly... one powerful weapon. How did he even build something like that without international defense organizations stepping in to intervene?
But what was more... I hadn't seen Metro Man escape. I slowly raised my head to look at the observatory monitor, but it had been reduced to static. A sinking chill began to fill my throat. Had this plan actually... worked? Metro Man could initiate atomic fusion just by clenching his fist, so even if he hadn't made it out of there in time, he should still be fine. ... Right?
To my relief, Minion pointed at a figure rocketing out of the growing cloud of smoke coming from the remains of the observatory. My heart sank back into my chest in a huge sigh of relief as I watched the figure fly our way. Okay... that one was a little close, but all's well that ends well. Phew... I was actually genuinely scared for a minute there.
Megamind scrambled about in a panic, too dazed to think straight, crashing into Minion as he tried to scrap together some last-minute means of escape. But it was no use, as Metro Man came flying in the open wall of the lair and bowled Megamind over onto the floor. Check and mate, game over.
I just didn't realize how over it was. Because when Megamind lifted up the singed white cape, all that was there was a parched white skeleton.
Megamind reeled in shock, flailing along the floor out from under the skeleton before clamoring to his feet, leaving the remains splayed out before me. I choked in a breath, then seemingly forgot how to breathe altogether.
This... can't be real. There... there has to be some logical explanation for this other than "Megamind just killed Metro Man". This was just a game, wasn't it?! A game where nobody got hurt! An outcome like this shouldn't have even been possible, it was so rigged from the beginning!
I swallowed harshly, trying to force myself to take another breath as I could not peel my eyes away from the skeleton in front of me. I'd become too complacent. Everything had become such a predictable pattern that I'd lost sight of what this game had been about in the first place. Megamind was trying to kill Metro Man. He'd always been trying to kill Metro Man, but he'd been so spectacularly unsuccessful that it had seemed like... you know, maybe he wasn't serious about it. That it had simply become an endurance battle to see how long he'd last each time before his inevitable defeat.
The initial shock had begun to wear off over on Megamind's side, as he breathlessly whispered, "I did it..." Oh, you did it, all right. "I did it!" he shouted louder. This is nothing to be proud of. Swinging off of Minion, he exclaimed excitedly, "I did it!! Metrocity is mine!"
There is a dead body sitting at your feet, you heartless bastard! You just killed a man. First degree, pre-meditated murder. Does that not mean anything to you?!
I began to tremble in my chair. He wasn't a killer... he'd never been a killer... I'd been able to let my guard down around him, bicker with him, taunt him, lay my frustrations on him because I knew he wouldn't hurt me. In some strange way, I'd trusted him.
How could I have been so stupid? In another vein, why couldn't I have just been stupid? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut all those years ago after I figured out his plan, which prompted him to begin kidnapping me? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut now when I deduced his location? If I hadn't been such a... nosy, analytical, over-thinking nerd, I would have never sent Metro Man to his death.
I looked up in an incomprehensible haze as I heard heavy robotic footsteps approaching me. Megamind wasn't a killer, but then again, up until he met me, he wasn't a kidnapper, either. But once he gets a taste of a harder drug, well... maybe he just can't stop. I just don't know what to think of him anymore. I thought I had him figured out... that big head of his had seemed surprisingly easy to get into... But now... maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about everything. He wasn't predictable anymore, and that made him... terrifying.
Minion's hand reached behind my head, and I flinched away, squeezing my eyes shut. Metro Man... Metro man, save me... please... Megamind's done something terrible, and I don't want to play anymore.
I heard the familiar rattle of the knock-out gas can, and Minion whispered, "It's okay, Miss Ritchi. It's over now." As the spray hit my face and I descended into unconsciousness, I vaguely heard Minion comment, "Huh... looks like that was the last of it."
It was over. It was the last of the kidnappings. So why did it feel so... melancholy?
First two chapters can be found over on FF.net
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"Aaaa-hahahahaha!"
"Boring."
"Fine then, how about this?" He cleared his throat, then started low in pitch, while gradually rising with a "MuahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Overused."
Megamind glared at me flatly, then held a hand daintily to his cheek, belting out a high-pitched "OOOO-HOHOHOHOHO!" I cringed. What the hell was that?!
"Well, that last one is definitely... unnerving," I admitted. Seeing the smirk on his face, I quickly added, "But only if you want to come across as a banshee." He shrank back and I let out a sigh of relief. There was no way I was going to be seen kidnapped by someone who introduced himself with that laugh.
"Minion, our captive does not seem to be particularly well-versed in the fine art of maniacal laughter. Tell me," he asked excitedly, hopping lightly from one foot to the other, "which one do you think would strike sufficient terror into the hearts of the citizens of Metrocity?"
Not the third one. Please not the third one. Minion glanced in my direction briefly and must have noticed my clenched teeth and panicked expression, then replied, "I believe the second one is most suitable for an event like today's, sir. Like your tastes in music, it's old, but instantly recognizable."
"Always the voice of reason," Megamind congratulated, giving his companion a friendly punch on his furry shoulder. Come on, if Minion was the voice of reason, he should have told his master to stop this ages ago. Of course, for all I knew he had, but Megamind only listened to him when his reason provided him with the answer he already wanted.
Megamind skidded on his heels over to another console lined with several television monitors. Some of the monitors showed various angles of the ongoing museum dedication, meaning that he must have already had cameras hidden in the crowd somewhere. Metro Man was there, but seemed perfectly oblivious to this. He hadn't even bothered to notice that I was missing.
Megamind summoned a brain-bot mounted with a video camera and switched on the monitor connected to it, using it as a mirror to check his teeth. He then administered two shots of throat spray to the back of his mouth, ruffled out his collar, then grasped a lever on the console, turning back to me with an evil grin. "Now, Miss Ritchi, watch as your beloved Metro Man falls right into my clutches."
"Mm-hmm," I said with a nonchalant nod, pursing my lips. "I've seen this one before, I know how it ends."
With a dramatic throw of the lever, the cameras showing the museum audience went dark as thick black fog covered the area. Megamind tapped the tips of his fingers together in excited anticipation, the view on the screen swinging around to the front of the museum, locking solidly on Metro Man's figure. In his excitement, Megamind began laughing even before he turned on the screen showing his own face, which from the reaction of the crowd, must have been projected onto the walls of the museum itself.
Metro Man glared into the camera, announcing into his microphone, "Megamind...", just in case there was one person in the audience who had been living under a rock until now and couldn't recognize him for themselves.
Megamind clapped half-heartedly, replying, "Oh, bra-vo, Metro Mahn..." Glancing at the screens depicting his "adoring" public, Megamind leaned into the camera lens and mocked back, "Boooooooo. Yes, I can play along, too. Booooooooo!" Because we're all adults here, this is what we do, folks.
"I should've known you'd try to crash the party," Metro Man said. ... Yes. Yes, you really should have, so for God's sake, why didn't you?!
Megamind bounced excitedly, hands daintily behind his back. "Oh, I intend to do more than crash it. This is a day you and Metrocity shall not soon forget!" Forget, no. Blur together with dozens of previous days exactly like it, most definitely.
"It's pronounced 'Metro City'!" Metro Man corrected dramatically, as if Megamind's constant butchering of his hometown's pronunciation was a crime in and of itself. "We all know how this ends: with you behind bars." Careful, someone in the audience might not have wanted to get spoiled.
"Oh, I'm shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots! You will leave Metrocity, or this will be the last you ever hear of... Roxanne Ritchi!" He pressed a button that activated the camera-bot hovering in front of me, and I heard Metro Man give a dramatic gasp as he saw my image, as if the fact that I had been kidnapped was this wholly unexpected thing. I knew he was just playing it up for the crowd, but did the crowd honestly want a superhero who came across as this dense?
"Don't panic, Roxy. I'm on my way," he crooned with a suave grin and a little wink.
"Yeah, I'm not panicking," I assured him. I, on the other hand, had no intention of pretending to be the weepy damsel. No, if there was one positive aspect to these situations, it was that they allowed me to vent my frustrations by pointing out precisely how much of a moron everyone was being.
Megamind examined the back of his hand, saying, "In order to stop me, you have to find me first, Metro Maaahn."
Well, let's see, we're in a large, metallic dome that required an elevator to reach that's filled with lots of electronic monitoring equipment, and there's a giant telescope on the ceiling. "We're at the abandoned observatory," I observed.
"No, we're not!" Megamind said in a panic, quickly cutting my camera. "Don't listen to her, she's crazy!" But Metro Man had already disappeared from the museum camera, and according to another monitor on Minion's side of the room, was fast on his way here.
"Ha!" I taunted. Really, he needed to disguise his secret hideouts a little better.
"Ha HA!" he taunted back for some reason. Oh, we're going to play this game again, are we?
"Ha ha HA!" Okay, everyone remember the number of "ha"s the last person used and add one. First person to mess up loses.
Megamind, however, simply began chuckling evilly, completely losing count of his "ha"s, and pulled a lever to retract all of the various instruments of doom he had been threatening me with earlier. ... Okay, so that wasn't the game... I was sincerely just a tiny bit thrown by his behavior at this point, but was sure that he was simply making way for a "surprise", yet equally-obvious trap.
Well, it was no matter at this point, anyway. I ducked and braced myself for Metro Man coming slamming through the wall in three... two... one...
One.... one.... oooonnneeeee.... After restarting the countdown a few times in my head, I realized Metro Man should have been here by now. Cautiously looking up, I saw Megamind leering over me victoriously with a menacing chuckle. "Oh good heavens, you didn't think you were in the real observatory, did you?!" He motioned to the wall, which opened to reveal the true observatory resting on its bluff some distance away.
... Well played, my blue man, well played. Part of me was disgusted at myself for being tricked. But another part of me was... strangely flattered that he'd counted on my deductive skills and integrated them into his plan. I was more than just a carrot on a stick today, and even though my role had been that of the deceived, at least I had a role, and simply that made today's kidnapping feel all the more worthwhile. I almost secretly hoped fate would throw him a bone today, just to thank him for, in his own weird way, treating me as more than just a mindless mannequin.
My mental praise was interrupted by Megamind commanding, "Ready the Death Ray, Minion!" Oh, riiight, there was that whole "Death Ray" thing I'd overhead on the car ride over. So... what, was he going to shoot something at the observatory while Metro Man was trapped inside? Did he really think a building would trap a guy who regularly juggled rail cars for fun? Come on, Megamind, you're a smart guy. You're only doing this to yourself.
Megamind switched on a monitor showing Metro Man within the real observatory. He strolled back to his camera bot, smugly taunting, "Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap."
"You can't trap justice," Metro Man countered. "It's an idea. A belief!"
"But even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time." Oh god, here they go.
"Justice is a non-corrosive metal!" Someone wake me when this is over. They were seriously like bickering brothers caught in an endless match of "he started it". Superhero, supervillain... when it came to those two, there was no real difference. Their quarrels were purely personal and they simply used Metro City as their staging ground. The crowd had picked their favorite, and the other was the "bad guy" merely by default.
Though I supposed there was one other big difference. When Metro Man won, it simply meant that Megamind went back to jail until he inevitably escaped again. Megamind, on the other hand, had no way to defeat Metro Man in a temporary manner. Perhaps that's why the odds seemed so stacked against him: They weren't competing for the same goal, and the goal that Metro Man had reached time and again was comparatively easier. When it came to either of them beating each other decisively, though, their records were actually still 0-0. And, really, that was a good thing. As much of a nuisance this endless game was, I'd rather it continue perpetually than have one of them end it in such a manner.
Speaking of endless games, when I tuned back in to the bickering, they had degenerated into arguing about warranties on evil microwaves or something. I let out an exasperated sigh and groaned, "Girls, girls, you're both pretty, can I go home now?"
"Of course," Megamind offered. "That is, if Metro Man can withstand the full... concentrated power... of the sun!" He pointed dramatically at Minion and ordered, "FIRE!"
There was immediately an amazing explosion of nothing as the Death Ray fired with an intensity like it had not fired at all. Megamind remained in his dramatically pointing position for what felt like several minutes as Metro Man glanced nonchalantly above him and the crowd back at the museum turned and murmured amongst themselves.
Finally, Megamind rolled his eyes and marched over to Minion, leaning over with a prodding, "Minion? Fire?"
"Uhhh, still warming up, sir."
"Warming up?!" Megamind repeated, throwing his arms in the air. "The sun is warming up?!"
"Just ooooone second more, and..." Minion tapped at the screen with the end of his pencil, indicating a loading bar that wasn't even halfway full yet and showed no sign of progress. Try rebooting, that always helps.
Megamind's face sunk into his hands as he began muttering to himself. This was turning into a pitifully painful mess, and it was getting difficult for me to keep watching. He'd actually been doing pretty well up until now, only to be thwarted by a technical glitch. I had to shake my head in disbelief... Why was I even mentally rooting for him? The unspoken acknowledgment of my intelligence still wasn't exactly enough to make up for everything else he'd done.
I looked up to Megamind, still whining about excuses to account for this development, and said, "Your plan is failing, just admit it."
"Yeah, good luck with that one," Minion muttered. Ah, the voice of reason, as advertised.
"Uhh, could someone stamp my Frequent Kidnapping Card?" I wondered hopefully, trying to steer this conversation to some sort of conclusion.
Megamind laughed to himself, then stalked up to me explaining, "You of all people should know we discontinued that promotion." Darn, I was hoping for a Minion snow globe when I filled it up this time. Megamind rose and walked casually to the elevator, waving and declaring, "Ciao ciao, all!"
"Same time next week?" I wondered, liking the idea of being able to get these on my schedule. Minion shook the can of knock-out spray and pointed it at my face. Finally, the day was over. No property damage, no one got hurt, and I didn't even get a wrinkle in my dress. I'd even make it home in time for "Jeopardy". I just hoped one of them remembered to turn the Death Ray off before leaving so that it didn't randomly fire a few days later when it finished loading.
I was about to suggest that before I was knocked out, but was interrupted by something that sounded like a string of expletives coming from Metro Man's monitor. It was only then that I realized just how much time had passed since the Death Ray failed, and that he really should have gotten out of there and flown over here by now.
Megamind whirled around on the elevator with a confused expression. "What did he just say?"
"'Crab... nuggets'...?" Minion attempted to translate. We both winced as Metro Man threw himself at the observatory's interior again, but bounced off, only leaving a dent.
Megamind stalked curiously over to the monitor, peering down into it. "What kind of trickery is this?" As he spoke, a warning voice began emanating from the Death Ray loading screen, as it had apparently gotten over its hump and had actually started making progress.
"You mad genius!" Metro Man declared breathlessly. "Your dark gift has finally paid off!"
It has? "It... it has?" Megamind voiced for me.
"This dome... is obviously lined... with copper!" Metro Man conceded.
Yeah. So? "Yeah... So?" Good lord, Megamind, get out of my head. In the background, the computer voice began counting down.
Metro Man fell to the ground on shaky arms, struggling to say, "Copper... drains... my powers...!"
Say what?! But... copper piping, copper wiring... for heaven's sake, pennies! Metro City was a literal web of copper; this should have bothered him well before now! This made absolutely no sense, and Megamind appeared equally confused. If this was some sort of bluff, what purpose did it serve? He had about half a second to--
Boom. The Death Ray successfully hit its target, sniping the observatory off its hilltop perch in an explosion of timber and metal encased in a huge fireball. I couldn't shield myself due to being tied down, so could only duck and avert my eyes as the shockwave reached the lair, blowing in soot and debris and knocking both Megamind and Minion off their feet.
The rumbling echoed around the inside of the lair for a good thirty seconds, the surrounding buildings vibrating as if the very ground they stood on had been disrupted. That was certainly... one powerful weapon. How did he even build something like that without international defense organizations stepping in to intervene?
But what was more... I hadn't seen Metro Man escape. I slowly raised my head to look at the observatory monitor, but it had been reduced to static. A sinking chill began to fill my throat. Had this plan actually... worked? Metro Man could initiate atomic fusion just by clenching his fist, so even if he hadn't made it out of there in time, he should still be fine. ... Right?
To my relief, Minion pointed at a figure rocketing out of the growing cloud of smoke coming from the remains of the observatory. My heart sank back into my chest in a huge sigh of relief as I watched the figure fly our way. Okay... that one was a little close, but all's well that ends well. Phew... I was actually genuinely scared for a minute there.
Megamind scrambled about in a panic, too dazed to think straight, crashing into Minion as he tried to scrap together some last-minute means of escape. But it was no use, as Metro Man came flying in the open wall of the lair and bowled Megamind over onto the floor. Check and mate, game over.
I just didn't realize how over it was. Because when Megamind lifted up the singed white cape, all that was there was a parched white skeleton.
Megamind reeled in shock, flailing along the floor out from under the skeleton before clamoring to his feet, leaving the remains splayed out before me. I choked in a breath, then seemingly forgot how to breathe altogether.
This... can't be real. There... there has to be some logical explanation for this other than "Megamind just killed Metro Man". This was just a game, wasn't it?! A game where nobody got hurt! An outcome like this shouldn't have even been possible, it was so rigged from the beginning!
I swallowed harshly, trying to force myself to take another breath as I could not peel my eyes away from the skeleton in front of me. I'd become too complacent. Everything had become such a predictable pattern that I'd lost sight of what this game had been about in the first place. Megamind was trying to kill Metro Man. He'd always been trying to kill Metro Man, but he'd been so spectacularly unsuccessful that it had seemed like... you know, maybe he wasn't serious about it. That it had simply become an endurance battle to see how long he'd last each time before his inevitable defeat.
The initial shock had begun to wear off over on Megamind's side, as he breathlessly whispered, "I did it..." Oh, you did it, all right. "I did it!" he shouted louder. This is nothing to be proud of. Swinging off of Minion, he exclaimed excitedly, "I did it!! Metrocity is mine!"
There is a dead body sitting at your feet, you heartless bastard! You just killed a man. First degree, pre-meditated murder. Does that not mean anything to you?!
I began to tremble in my chair. He wasn't a killer... he'd never been a killer... I'd been able to let my guard down around him, bicker with him, taunt him, lay my frustrations on him because I knew he wouldn't hurt me. In some strange way, I'd trusted him.
How could I have been so stupid? In another vein, why couldn't I have just been stupid? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut all those years ago after I figured out his plan, which prompted him to begin kidnapping me? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut now when I deduced his location? If I hadn't been such a... nosy, analytical, over-thinking nerd, I would have never sent Metro Man to his death.
I looked up in an incomprehensible haze as I heard heavy robotic footsteps approaching me. Megamind wasn't a killer, but then again, up until he met me, he wasn't a kidnapper, either. But once he gets a taste of a harder drug, well... maybe he just can't stop. I just don't know what to think of him anymore. I thought I had him figured out... that big head of his had seemed surprisingly easy to get into... But now... maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about everything. He wasn't predictable anymore, and that made him... terrifying.
Minion's hand reached behind my head, and I flinched away, squeezing my eyes shut. Metro Man... Metro man, save me... please... Megamind's done something terrible, and I don't want to play anymore.
I heard the familiar rattle of the knock-out gas can, and Minion whispered, "It's okay, Miss Ritchi. It's over now." As the spray hit my face and I descended into unconsciousness, I vaguely heard Minion comment, "Huh... looks like that was the last of it."
It was over. It was the last of the kidnappings. So why did it feel so... melancholy?