Longing For Home (5/9)
Sha’re clutched three-month-old Cate as though the child was the only thing helping her to keep her sanity. She truly believed that she was, in fact. If she did not have to be strong for Cate, she would have crumbled the moment those Air Force officers had appeared at her door with a letter from General Hammond.
As the man beside the ramp began to play a mournful song on the instrument he was holding, and others came into the gateroom carrying a large flag, Sha’re found she could no longer watch. Up until that point, she had felt as though this entire situation was just a terrible dream that would soon come to an end. Now, standing here through this memorial service, it was starting to seem all too real.
Daniel was gone. He had been burned to ashes on an alien world.
It confused her more than made her angry or grieved. She could not get rid of the feeling that it was all just a lie. If she had seen his lifeless body with her own eyes, she would not have questioned it, but there had been no body to see. That did not seem right. It did not feel as though Daniel was dead.
She felt a gentle hand on her back, and looked to her side to see Janet Fraiser holding her arms out for the baby. Sha’re did not understand the military tradition of handing the folded flag to the deceased’s “next of kin,” but she did not question it. She handed the baby to Janet and held her hands out for the flag, giving the officer a respectful nod as she held it to her chest.
Her arms ached until she could once again hold her child, and by then the memorial was over. Daniel had been laid to rest, and now she had to continue on with her life without him. The thought of that was too horrible for words. If he really was gone, this was her worst fear coming true.
The hardest part was trying to get through what Jack O’Neill called “the wake” without bursting into tears and running out of the colonel’s home. Everyone was being so kind, but that only made things harder somehow.
Catherine and Ernest took her and Cate back to their large home afterwards, where she intended to stay until her head cleared enough that she could handle going back to the house to pack her things. She would not be staying on Earth now that Daniel was not there. Once the Abydonian year was over, she and her child would return home, and until then they would be staying with Catherine. The little house Daniel had bought for them held too many painful memories now.
She spent the rest of the evening, through the night, and the majority of the next day lying in bed with her eyes fixed upon the wall, lost in memories of how happy she and her husband had been on Abydos. They had even started to feel happy here on Earth, now that they had their beautiful baby girl. All of that was gone now.
Though Cate was not gone. Every now and then, the baby would coo or cry, and Sha’re would scoop her up from where she lay beside her on the bed and either feed her or change her. Then she would lay her down again and fall back into her silent trance.
She knew that Catherine came in frequently to check on her, and she sometimes left food or water behind on the table by Sha’re’s bed. She did not feel like eating, but as she fed Cate she would take a drink, knowing she must stay hydrated in order to create the milk her baby needed.
It was late in the afternoon before she emerged from her room, carrying her sleeping daughter with her. She made her way down the stairs with trembling legs, and found Catherine and Ernest talking quietly in the front room. She slipped into the room and sat down next to Catherine on the couch, where the older woman slipped her arm around Sha’re’s shoulders and held her close. She did not feel like talking, so she was grateful that they did not force her to. She just did not wish to be alone any longer.
Catherine did manage to convince her to eat something at mealtime, but Sha’re had difficulty swallowing it down past the lump in her throat. She did not eat much, but it felt heavy in her stomach afterwards. As soon as it became dark outside, she excused herself and climbed the stairs again to return to bed.
She lay there anticipating another night of wakeful loneliness, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to think of how it felt when Daniel lay beside her. She thought for sure that would be the way she would spend every night from now on.
Fortunately, she was wrong.
It was not quite nine o’clock when she heard rapid footsteps on the stairs.
“Sha’re!” she heard Catherine’s voice call. “Sha’re!” The woman burst into Sha’re’s room then, startling the baby awake and causing Sha’re to sit up in surprise.
“What is it?”
“He’s alive! By God, he’s alive!”
Sha’re felt she should have been surprised by this announcement, but she wasn’t. Filled with joy to overflowing, yes, but somehow, part of her had known all along that it could not be true that Daniel was dead.
She took Cate into her arms and followed Catherine out of the room and back down the stairs, where Ernest was talking excitedly into the telephone. He turned around to look at her when Sha’re came into the room, and said, “She’s here now. I’ll pass you over.”
Sha’re grabbed the phone excitedly when he offered it to her. “Danyel?”
“Sha’re,” said the wonderfully familiar voice. “God, it’s good to hear your voice. Are you alright? You must have been terrified.”
She held a hand to her mouth as he spoke, unable to speak and trying not to cry.
“Sha’re? Are you there?”
A joyful laugh escaped her lips at the same time as a tear made its way down her cheek. “I am here, Husband,” she said. “I am just so happy you are alive!”
Daniel laughed. “Me, too!”
“Will you be home soon? I must see you,” Sha’re said, every inch of her screaming to hold him again.
“Just as soon as I’m checked over and cleared by Dr. Fraiser,” he said. “That shouldn’t take long. I’ll be there with you before you know it.”
Sha’re could barely hold her feet on the ground for the next few hours as she awaited her husband’s return. She kept wondering whether she was dreaming, but somehow this felt more real than the past few days had seemed.
It was late at night before Daniel’s car pulled into the house’s long driveway, but Sha’re did not care. She ran out of the door, all the way down the steps, and over to his car.
He jumped out of the vehicle as soon as it came to a stop, and opened his arms just in time to catch her as she flew at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He laughed as she covered his face in kisses until he finally had to stop her by taking her face in his hands.
“I missed you, too,” he said. Then he turned serious. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, Sha’re. SG-1 were given the memory of my death by…”
“It does not matter now,” she said, holding a finger to his mouth to silence him. “Just hold me and do not let me go.”
Daniel seemed only too happy to oblige her request. They stood there in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever, until a tiny cry coming from the house grabbed their attention. Even as they walked back inside and for the following hour as he held Cate, talked with Catherine and Ernest, and told the story of his terrible ordeal, he kept contact of some kind with Sha’re - his arm around her waist or his hand linked with hers, whichever was more convenient.
Sha’re could not keep her eyes off of her husband’s face, taking note of every line of his skin and every move he made as though she were seeing him for the first time. Every now and then her joy would become too much for her to contain, and she would lean her head on his shoulder or kiss his face just so she could feel him, smell him, and taste him to know that he was real.
It was morning by the time they collapsed into bed, and even though she wanted nothing more than to hold him and make love to him, they were both much too tired. She contented herself with laying her head on his chest and her hand over his heart, letting his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.
He was alive.
“I love you,” he said as he stroked her face.
Sha’re was seconds away from falling asleep, but at his words she smiled. “I love you, Danyel.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daniel cradled his sleeping baby in his arms as he watched Sha’re kneel down to pick up a handful of sand and let it sift through her fingers. She was in heaven, and that in itself was enough to put him there, too.
“It is so much like Abydos,” she said almost breathlessly. “The feel of the sand, the heat in the air, the sights and smells…”
“Now you see why I felt so at home there,” Daniel said with a smile. “I spent the best part of my childhood here in Egypt.”
She stood up and linked her arm with his as they began walking again. “Thank you for bringing me here, Danyel,” she said. “You do not know how much I have missed this.”
Daniel swallowed hard and gave her arm a brief squeeze against his side. He did know how much she missed her home, and that was exactly why he had brought her out here. It wasn’t for anything related to his work as he had claimed. In fact, after the incident of being kidnapped and presumed dead a week earlier, he had begged for some time off in order to be with his family and help his wife recover from the grief she had been put through.
The truth was, even though being kidnapped by Nem wasn’t his fault, he felt horribly guilty about it. It had taken Sha’re a month or so after Cate’s birth to finally relax and trust that everything was going to be okay, and for the next couple of months they had been quite happy. When SG-1 had found Ernest abandoned on another world and brought him home to his former fiancée, Catherine, the four of them began to spend a lot of time together, Catherine and Ernest acting as grandparents to little Cate and doting on her. For a little while, it had seemed as though everything was settling into a routine that they could all enjoy.
Unfortunately, Daniel’s supposed death had dredged up all of the old insecurities and fears for Sha’re, though she was obviously trying not to let it show. Daniel knew her well enough to be able to see through the façade at how sad and lonely she was feeling again. He desperately wanted to do something for her beyond the small trinkets he often brought home.
Then one day it hit him. Even though it was now late June, the Colorado summer was nothing like Sha’re was used to on Abydos. Egypt was as close as Earth could get, so Egypt she must see.
General Hammond had pulled some strings for him and got the three of them on a flight to Cairo right away. Sha’re was confused at first, as everyone around her was speaking a language she didn’t understand, but as soon as she saw the pyramids looming in the distance, the sparkle in her eyes that had disappeared the day she had left behind everything she knew finally returned.
He took her everywhere he could during the four days they were there, but Sha’re averred that her favourite place to be was out in the desert with no one around but the three of them. The buildings and sites were nothing like those on Abydos, but the sand… it was as though Ra had taken the sand of Egypt to that other world as well as the people. For those few moments she could pretend that they were still there, she and Daniel and their child, living happily among her family and friends.
Daniel had to admit that he felt the same way.
As for Cate, she really was her father’s child. She was silent for the majority of the trip, taking in everything around her with wide, curious blue eyes. Everyone they passed while in Egypt, in the airports, and on the plane commented on what a beautiful baby she was, and it made Daniel positively glow with pride. He’d thought that from the moment she was born, and he was glad other people were sitting up and taking notice. She had her mother’s dark skin and hair, but her eyes were just like Daniel’s. The contrast between her dark skin and pale blue eyes made her quite the beauty indeed.
Daniel had been a bit concerned that she wouldn’t take well to travelling, but she actually seemed to enjoy it. Even the sudden warmth of the desert sun didn’t bother the child. If anyone looking at her didn’t know better, they would have thought she’d been born there.
They were all sorry to leave, but Sha’re didn’t complain. She smuggled a few grains of the sand to add to Cate’s baby book, and seemed content with that. It was as though their little trip really had lifted the cloud that had hung over her head for the past while, and given her the strength to return to her American life with a light heart.
Once they were home again, Daniel spent the next couple of days lazing around the house, playing with Cate, talking with Sha’re, and just having a good, relaxing time with his family. He and Sha’re took great care over writing about Cate’s first trip away from home in the little pink book, adding the pinch of Egyptian sand as a memento of her little adventure. It felt so good to be doing something so trivial and yet so special, with no thought of the Goa’uld or saving the world.
Well, almost no thought of it. The day after they arrived back in the States, Daniel got a phone call from Jack to say that they’d had an incident at the SGC while he was gone, with a Goa’uld named Hathor. Daniel got a chill when he heard all of what had gone on, knowing that he had narrowly missed being caught up in the whole mess himself.
Once he got off the phone, he went to Sha’re and gave her a warm embrace, knowing how much she would have worried about him if he’d been there for Hathor’s visit. It hit him then just how much he needed her when things like this happened. He honestly didn’t know what he would do without having her there to talk to about everything that went on, to comfort him when it got a little too much even for him to handle, and to bring him back down to Earth when everything started to seem so surreal. She and Cate were his lifeline - his reason for living.
In that moment, he decided for once and for all - once the Abydos gate was opened again, if Sha’re wished to return to her home world, all three of them would be going through. He trusted Jack, Sam, and Teal’c to continue the search for Skaara, so even if they hadn’t found him by that time, there was still hope that they would.
He wanted to take his family home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To be continued...
As the man beside the ramp began to play a mournful song on the instrument he was holding, and others came into the gateroom carrying a large flag, Sha’re found she could no longer watch. Up until that point, she had felt as though this entire situation was just a terrible dream that would soon come to an end. Now, standing here through this memorial service, it was starting to seem all too real.
Daniel was gone. He had been burned to ashes on an alien world.
It confused her more than made her angry or grieved. She could not get rid of the feeling that it was all just a lie. If she had seen his lifeless body with her own eyes, she would not have questioned it, but there had been no body to see. That did not seem right. It did not feel as though Daniel was dead.
She felt a gentle hand on her back, and looked to her side to see Janet Fraiser holding her arms out for the baby. Sha’re did not understand the military tradition of handing the folded flag to the deceased’s “next of kin,” but she did not question it. She handed the baby to Janet and held her hands out for the flag, giving the officer a respectful nod as she held it to her chest.
Her arms ached until she could once again hold her child, and by then the memorial was over. Daniel had been laid to rest, and now she had to continue on with her life without him. The thought of that was too horrible for words. If he really was gone, this was her worst fear coming true.
The hardest part was trying to get through what Jack O’Neill called “the wake” without bursting into tears and running out of the colonel’s home. Everyone was being so kind, but that only made things harder somehow.
Catherine and Ernest took her and Cate back to their large home afterwards, where she intended to stay until her head cleared enough that she could handle going back to the house to pack her things. She would not be staying on Earth now that Daniel was not there. Once the Abydonian year was over, she and her child would return home, and until then they would be staying with Catherine. The little house Daniel had bought for them held too many painful memories now.
She spent the rest of the evening, through the night, and the majority of the next day lying in bed with her eyes fixed upon the wall, lost in memories of how happy she and her husband had been on Abydos. They had even started to feel happy here on Earth, now that they had their beautiful baby girl. All of that was gone now.
Though Cate was not gone. Every now and then, the baby would coo or cry, and Sha’re would scoop her up from where she lay beside her on the bed and either feed her or change her. Then she would lay her down again and fall back into her silent trance.
She knew that Catherine came in frequently to check on her, and she sometimes left food or water behind on the table by Sha’re’s bed. She did not feel like eating, but as she fed Cate she would take a drink, knowing she must stay hydrated in order to create the milk her baby needed.
It was late in the afternoon before she emerged from her room, carrying her sleeping daughter with her. She made her way down the stairs with trembling legs, and found Catherine and Ernest talking quietly in the front room. She slipped into the room and sat down next to Catherine on the couch, where the older woman slipped her arm around Sha’re’s shoulders and held her close. She did not feel like talking, so she was grateful that they did not force her to. She just did not wish to be alone any longer.
Catherine did manage to convince her to eat something at mealtime, but Sha’re had difficulty swallowing it down past the lump in her throat. She did not eat much, but it felt heavy in her stomach afterwards. As soon as it became dark outside, she excused herself and climbed the stairs again to return to bed.
She lay there anticipating another night of wakeful loneliness, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to think of how it felt when Daniel lay beside her. She thought for sure that would be the way she would spend every night from now on.
Fortunately, she was wrong.
It was not quite nine o’clock when she heard rapid footsteps on the stairs.
“Sha’re!” she heard Catherine’s voice call. “Sha’re!” The woman burst into Sha’re’s room then, startling the baby awake and causing Sha’re to sit up in surprise.
“What is it?”
“He’s alive! By God, he’s alive!”
Sha’re felt she should have been surprised by this announcement, but she wasn’t. Filled with joy to overflowing, yes, but somehow, part of her had known all along that it could not be true that Daniel was dead.
She took Cate into her arms and followed Catherine out of the room and back down the stairs, where Ernest was talking excitedly into the telephone. He turned around to look at her when Sha’re came into the room, and said, “She’s here now. I’ll pass you over.”
Sha’re grabbed the phone excitedly when he offered it to her. “Danyel?”
“Sha’re,” said the wonderfully familiar voice. “God, it’s good to hear your voice. Are you alright? You must have been terrified.”
She held a hand to her mouth as he spoke, unable to speak and trying not to cry.
“Sha’re? Are you there?”
A joyful laugh escaped her lips at the same time as a tear made its way down her cheek. “I am here, Husband,” she said. “I am just so happy you are alive!”
Daniel laughed. “Me, too!”
“Will you be home soon? I must see you,” Sha’re said, every inch of her screaming to hold him again.
“Just as soon as I’m checked over and cleared by Dr. Fraiser,” he said. “That shouldn’t take long. I’ll be there with you before you know it.”
Sha’re could barely hold her feet on the ground for the next few hours as she awaited her husband’s return. She kept wondering whether she was dreaming, but somehow this felt more real than the past few days had seemed.
It was late at night before Daniel’s car pulled into the house’s long driveway, but Sha’re did not care. She ran out of the door, all the way down the steps, and over to his car.
He jumped out of the vehicle as soon as it came to a stop, and opened his arms just in time to catch her as she flew at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He laughed as she covered his face in kisses until he finally had to stop her by taking her face in his hands.
“I missed you, too,” he said. Then he turned serious. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, Sha’re. SG-1 were given the memory of my death by…”
“It does not matter now,” she said, holding a finger to his mouth to silence him. “Just hold me and do not let me go.”
Daniel seemed only too happy to oblige her request. They stood there in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever, until a tiny cry coming from the house grabbed their attention. Even as they walked back inside and for the following hour as he held Cate, talked with Catherine and Ernest, and told the story of his terrible ordeal, he kept contact of some kind with Sha’re - his arm around her waist or his hand linked with hers, whichever was more convenient.
Sha’re could not keep her eyes off of her husband’s face, taking note of every line of his skin and every move he made as though she were seeing him for the first time. Every now and then her joy would become too much for her to contain, and she would lean her head on his shoulder or kiss his face just so she could feel him, smell him, and taste him to know that he was real.
It was morning by the time they collapsed into bed, and even though she wanted nothing more than to hold him and make love to him, they were both much too tired. She contented herself with laying her head on his chest and her hand over his heart, letting his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.
He was alive.
“I love you,” he said as he stroked her face.
Sha’re was seconds away from falling asleep, but at his words she smiled. “I love you, Danyel.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daniel cradled his sleeping baby in his arms as he watched Sha’re kneel down to pick up a handful of sand and let it sift through her fingers. She was in heaven, and that in itself was enough to put him there, too.
“It is so much like Abydos,” she said almost breathlessly. “The feel of the sand, the heat in the air, the sights and smells…”
“Now you see why I felt so at home there,” Daniel said with a smile. “I spent the best part of my childhood here in Egypt.”
She stood up and linked her arm with his as they began walking again. “Thank you for bringing me here, Danyel,” she said. “You do not know how much I have missed this.”
Daniel swallowed hard and gave her arm a brief squeeze against his side. He did know how much she missed her home, and that was exactly why he had brought her out here. It wasn’t for anything related to his work as he had claimed. In fact, after the incident of being kidnapped and presumed dead a week earlier, he had begged for some time off in order to be with his family and help his wife recover from the grief she had been put through.
The truth was, even though being kidnapped by Nem wasn’t his fault, he felt horribly guilty about it. It had taken Sha’re a month or so after Cate’s birth to finally relax and trust that everything was going to be okay, and for the next couple of months they had been quite happy. When SG-1 had found Ernest abandoned on another world and brought him home to his former fiancée, Catherine, the four of them began to spend a lot of time together, Catherine and Ernest acting as grandparents to little Cate and doting on her. For a little while, it had seemed as though everything was settling into a routine that they could all enjoy.
Unfortunately, Daniel’s supposed death had dredged up all of the old insecurities and fears for Sha’re, though she was obviously trying not to let it show. Daniel knew her well enough to be able to see through the façade at how sad and lonely she was feeling again. He desperately wanted to do something for her beyond the small trinkets he often brought home.
Then one day it hit him. Even though it was now late June, the Colorado summer was nothing like Sha’re was used to on Abydos. Egypt was as close as Earth could get, so Egypt she must see.
General Hammond had pulled some strings for him and got the three of them on a flight to Cairo right away. Sha’re was confused at first, as everyone around her was speaking a language she didn’t understand, but as soon as she saw the pyramids looming in the distance, the sparkle in her eyes that had disappeared the day she had left behind everything she knew finally returned.
He took her everywhere he could during the four days they were there, but Sha’re averred that her favourite place to be was out in the desert with no one around but the three of them. The buildings and sites were nothing like those on Abydos, but the sand… it was as though Ra had taken the sand of Egypt to that other world as well as the people. For those few moments she could pretend that they were still there, she and Daniel and their child, living happily among her family and friends.
Daniel had to admit that he felt the same way.
As for Cate, she really was her father’s child. She was silent for the majority of the trip, taking in everything around her with wide, curious blue eyes. Everyone they passed while in Egypt, in the airports, and on the plane commented on what a beautiful baby she was, and it made Daniel positively glow with pride. He’d thought that from the moment she was born, and he was glad other people were sitting up and taking notice. She had her mother’s dark skin and hair, but her eyes were just like Daniel’s. The contrast between her dark skin and pale blue eyes made her quite the beauty indeed.
Daniel had been a bit concerned that she wouldn’t take well to travelling, but she actually seemed to enjoy it. Even the sudden warmth of the desert sun didn’t bother the child. If anyone looking at her didn’t know better, they would have thought she’d been born there.
They were all sorry to leave, but Sha’re didn’t complain. She smuggled a few grains of the sand to add to Cate’s baby book, and seemed content with that. It was as though their little trip really had lifted the cloud that had hung over her head for the past while, and given her the strength to return to her American life with a light heart.
Once they were home again, Daniel spent the next couple of days lazing around the house, playing with Cate, talking with Sha’re, and just having a good, relaxing time with his family. He and Sha’re took great care over writing about Cate’s first trip away from home in the little pink book, adding the pinch of Egyptian sand as a memento of her little adventure. It felt so good to be doing something so trivial and yet so special, with no thought of the Goa’uld or saving the world.
Well, almost no thought of it. The day after they arrived back in the States, Daniel got a phone call from Jack to say that they’d had an incident at the SGC while he was gone, with a Goa’uld named Hathor. Daniel got a chill when he heard all of what had gone on, knowing that he had narrowly missed being caught up in the whole mess himself.
Once he got off the phone, he went to Sha’re and gave her a warm embrace, knowing how much she would have worried about him if he’d been there for Hathor’s visit. It hit him then just how much he needed her when things like this happened. He honestly didn’t know what he would do without having her there to talk to about everything that went on, to comfort him when it got a little too much even for him to handle, and to bring him back down to Earth when everything started to seem so surreal. She and Cate were his lifeline - his reason for living.
In that moment, he decided for once and for all - once the Abydos gate was opened again, if Sha’re wished to return to her home world, all three of them would be going through. He trusted Jack, Sam, and Teal’c to continue the search for Skaara, so even if they hadn’t found him by that time, there was still hope that they would.
He wanted to take his family home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To be continued...