Chaos Unlimited: Chapter one
Chaos Unlimited
Skip to Contents
Skip to Chapter One
The Cast of Real Characters
Star Trek: All the series
Commander William Riker- a real number one Commander
Data- a full-sized whirring mechanism Lieutenant Tasha Yar- isn't she dead?
Security Chief Odo- just trying to be all he can be
Quark- a no-good bartender lowlife
Nurse Chapel- a schizophrenic star of all the series
Highlander
Duncan MaCleod- of the clan McDonald, er, uh, MaCleod
Richie Ryans- related to Rebecca Ryan
Red Dwarf
Dave Lister- wearing the holy mustard-stained shirt
the Cat- the descendant of a very fertile Frankenstein
Arnold Rimmer- a complete smeg-head I know
Holly- we asked her what she was, but she could not tell us
Doctor Who
The Doctor- what’s with that scarf? He’s from England, not Antarctica
SeaQuest
Captain Bridger- he is STILL IN CONTROL of things
Lucas- a clone of Wesley Crusher, but with an attitude
Darwin- another immortal cursed with turning into a dolphin when cold water is poured on him. Happens all the time
The Professor- a computer that reminds me of my grandfather
Ranma 1/2
Ranma- a Japanese teen cursed with turning into a girl when cold water is poured on him
Ryoga- another Japanese teen cursed with turning into a pig when cold water is poured on him (I know some people that are like that without being cursed)
Animaniacs
Yacko- a talented(?) young man/vole/hamster/dog/whatever
Wacko- an almost talented boy/gerbil/mammal of some type/whatever
Dot- a very talented young girl/gopher/?
Star Wars
C3PO- knows so many languages that it makes his head spin
the nameless Stormtrooper- Darth Vader's ex-secretary (scheduled to be executed when found)
Battlestar Galactica
Apollo- oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was that?
Starbuck- the lady-killer space fighter grounded underwater
Knight Rider
K.I.T.T.- he seemed so sensible, when this story began
2001: A Space Odyssey
Hal- a maniac computer, Dave
Dune
Gurney- I thought his name was Patrick Stewart?
Buck Rogers in the 24th Century
Buck Rogers- a 20th century under-sexed captain who worked with Erin Grey
Princess Ardalla- an alien princess with a bra problem
Creighton- a robot that just begs to be scrapped
Doctor Who
The Doctor- What’s with that scarf? He’s from England not Antarctica.
ACE- This girl needs lessons in not blowing up everyone, oh, that should be AT everyone, shouldn’t it
Aliens
Maddie- the mother of all aliens
George- Dot’s alien son
Tessa- Richie’s alien daughter, who was eaten by Quark
Robo-Cop
Robo-Cop- a walk-on part at best
Time Trax
Darien Lambert- from Fugitive Retrieval, in the 22nd Century
Selma- a computer in the form of an AT&T card who resembles a school librarian
Mag-Lift™- bought from Jean-Luc-Picardians to be used on SeaQuest
Predator
The Predator- he was killed, became a ghost, and was later blown up in space
The Vampire Lestat
Lestat- a man with a fang problem
Quantum Leap
Sam- who just wants out of this whole mess
Hint: he always says “Oh Boy…”
Contents
Chapter One:
The 24th Century Fox Caper by Patrick
Chapter Two:
Sea-Q (see Q sneeze. See everyone end up
somewhere else...)-Heather
Chapter Three:
The Ensign Always bites it - Esther
Chapter Four:
What an Immortal Mess - Patrick
Chapter Five:
Bartending 101 - Heather
Chapter Six:
Never give a Klingon dogs - Esther
Chapter Seven:
A Wrinkle in Thyme - Patrick
Chapter Eight:
The Bitch is back - Heather
Chapter 9:
Gratuitous sex chapter - Everyone
Chapter 10:
Thank you, Alien Bunny! - Esther
Chapter 11:
Oh, dread, it's up to my head - Patrick
Chapter 12:
Whips and Leather - Heather
Chapter 13:
California Vampires and New York Drivers - Esther
Chapter 14:
Into the Woods meets the Terminator - Everyone
Chapter 15:
Had her, had her, did her, did it, had her... - Patrick
Chapter 16:
"California Aho... Oh boy." -Heather
Chapter 17:
Warpman saves the day -Esther
Chapter One: the 24th Century Fox Caper by Patrick
Captain Picard stepped out of the turbo-lift and scanned the bridge with is eyes, As he watched the crew perform their duties, a proud feeling filled him and radiated out like a wave. The wave swept over the crew on the bridge. Wesley Crusher was swept off the bridge by the wave and Flushed down the turbo-lift shaft.
Riker looked back at the captain, taking the Superman pose as he did. Picard walked over to the captain's chair and sat down. Riker put one leg up on a box of lemons next to him and leaned over, taking yet another strong pose,
"How are we today?" Picard asked his crew, wanting to embrace them and ask each of them their opinion on shat he was wearing today.
Riker stood up straight and put one hand on OPS, "Captain, we may be in trouble. Sources have told me that Q may be in the area."
The captain stood up, tugging his shirt. The shoulders ripped off of the shirt, The captain sighed, walked into his Ready Room and came out wearing a new shirt. "I hate it when that happens," he looked over to Biker. "What do you mean, Q may be on board?"
"Which part didn't you understand?" Riker asked.
"Who told you Q is around?" Picard asked, then he turned to another camera, "Have you noticed that Riker has gained a beard and lost brain cells?"
“What was that, Captain?" Riker shifted position, taking a less demanding pose this time.
"Nothing, Number One," the Captain returned to his chair.
"I read right here that Q is going to be showing up today," Riker held up the script, "I believe it will happen."
"Everyone to the conference room," Picard stood up, "and bring suggestions as to what course of action we should take."
The entire crew drew up plans and joined the captain in the conference room. With over one thousand people in the room, it was quite crowded.
"I meant only senior staff," the captain called out and amid angry and sad expressions, most of the people left,
"Captain," Mr. Worf spoke up, "I would like to speak to you about that new security lieutenant, Richie Ryans."
"Later, Mr. Worf," the Captain silenced him, "first we have to handle old business. Now, what's all this rumor about Q coming to America. I thought Eddie Murphy already did that movie."
"It's not coming to America, it's coming to the Enterprise," Riker replied "No, I would have remembered that. He was in 'Coming to America’," the captain insisted.
"Q is on the Enterprise," Riker said, "are you going senile, or something?" "Mr. Worf, can he say that to me?" the Captain asked, "shoot him with a phaser, or something."
As all this was going on, Deep Space Nine was having troubles of its own. had appeared on the station and he stole Quark and Odo off the station. Without Quark, the other characters had no one to be suspicious of, and all the trusting began to wear away their sanity. Without Odo to change shape, they could not secretly watch any alien. Sisko and Kira were worried.
Q arrived on the Enterprise with Odo and Quark. They just appeared in the conference room.
"Are all of you talking about me?" Q asked.
“Were your ears burning?" Doctor Crusher asked, "my ears always burn, when people are talking about me."
"Shut up, mom," Wesley snapped.
Doctor Crusher stood up, walked over to her son and injected him with large amounts of heroin. Wesley began to shake and spin around in his chair, before he finally collapsed, gibbering and drooling.
"Try to be Good now," Doctor Crusher returned to her seat
Q smiled, "Jean-Luc, I thought I'd drop by. I haven't been feeling very well."
"0h," Doctor Crusher handed him some pills, "Take two of these and bleep me in the morning."
"Thanks, Beverly," Q swallowed the pills, "wasn't your hair brown before?" Doctor Crusher broke eye contact and laughed a little, "No, it's always been this color."
"0h," Q inhaled quickly, then again, then again. He sneezed, causing the entire room to be bathed in a blast of light. "When it cleared, Odo, Quark, Riker and Data had vanished.
"Where did they go, Q," Picard stood up.
"I don't know," Q looked around, "I told you, I'm not feeling very well."
"I gave you some pills," Doctor Crusher screamed and stood up, "no one ever listens to the doctor. If you would all do what I tell you, you would stay healthy."
Captain Picard sighed, "Beverly, sit down."
Doctor Crusher crossed her arms and slumped back into her chair, muttering something about leaving horse-heads in someone's quarters.
At that moment, a tall man with long hair ran into the conference room. He was followed by a red-haired man in a security uniform. The two of them paused as they saw Q.
"Mr. Worf," Richie said, "you are supposed to be in the holodeck with us,
Why are you here?"
"Lieutenant, I outrank you," Worf stood up, "how dare you speak that way to me. I should rip your head off where you stand."
"Then let's go to the holodeck," Richie told him.
Worf followed the two men out of the conference room and to the holodeck. Picard began questioning Q about the disappearance of the four people, but Q did not know.
"I thought you were omniscient,” Picard snapped.
"That was a low blow, Jean-Luc, I'm still sick," Q retorted.
"You can't get sick," Doctor Crusher said.
"Yes I can," Q replied, "I've seen your early acting on this show."
"Then why am I a regular character, when you do infrequent guest spots?" Doctor Crusher asked.
"I charge too much," Q replied.
Meanwhile, in a place known only as nowhere, Riker, Quark, Date and Odo are pacing. They were standing on a large glass cube and Riker tried posing a few times, but gave up.
"You just can't pose, when you're on a glass cube," Riker commented.
Quark grimaced, his face making such a disgusting look that the cube cracked. It shook as they were standing on it.
"Stop that," Odo told Quark, "it's bad enough we have to look at you, but the cube is cracking because of you."
"Have you noticed that he looks just like Prince Charles?" Riker asked. "Really?" Odo asked, "I guess he does look a little like Prince Charles," Odo's face shifted, "but look et this," he looked over at them.
All of them screamed end hid their feces. The cube cracked more and they were thrown to lying down on it. Odo changed back and jiggled a little.
"Who was that?" Riker asked.
"I believe he was becoming Ross Perot, a politician from the early 1990s," Data told them, "Perot was from Texas end became a millionaire. He used his money to try and rebuild his home state. He later ran for president, but dropped out because the press was harassing his family. He reentered the race end gained recognition at gaining a lot of votes, for being an independent candidate. He did not win the presidency, but Bill Clinton did. Clinton went on to try and reform the health care system and..."
“That’s enough,” Riker told him, “his name would have been sufficient for me."
"Was I rambling again?" Data asked, "I didn't realize I was rambling. If I was rambling, it was by accident. Did I just use a contraction? I did not know I could use contractions. There must be something wrong with my systems. I'll run a diagnostic, if I need to. There must be something wrong, but I am not sure I should run a diagnostic. Running one may take time and that will limit my usefulness to all of you. Do you really want me to limit my usefulness? I do know that a diagnostic will take up a good portion of my memory. I will have to think about this for..."
Riker walked over and shut Data off.
"He has a stop switch?" Odo asked, "I wonder if Ferengis have a stop switch."
"We don't," Quark replied, grimacing again.
Riker and Odo started to yell, but the cube shattered into thousands of pieces. They began to fall. Data was stiff, because he was still off, but Quark and Riker flailed their arms. Suddenly they vanished.
"Bless you, Q, " LaForge said.
Q, took a tissue and wiped his nose.
Meanwhile, Riker and Quark fell to hit a metal floor. Data hit and began to vibrate like a penny flipped onto a table, going around and around. Odo hit with a splash, splattering the wall, Quark, Riker and Data.
A face appeared in the splatter, "I hate it when this happens."
On the holodeck, Worf, Richie and the admiral were standing on opposite corners of the triangular room. Worf held a Klingon weapon with both hands. Richie held a light saber and the admiral held a metal katana.
"Begin," the computer announced.
Worf jumped in, the admiral blocking his blow. Richie held his saber up and then began swinging frantically. Both Worf and the admiral stepped away. The admiral took a deep breath and held the katana over his head.
"You’ve been practicing, Richie," the admiral commented.
"While you've been teaching at Starfleet Academy, I've had to, Mac." "Then let's fight," Worf yelled as he jumped at Richie.
Richie blocked and cut Worf's arm, "There can be only one," he yelled as he lunged for Worf.
Suddenly, the admiral and Richie vanished. Worf looked around, but they were gone.
"Is there any way for us to catch whatever he has, Doctor?" the captain asked as everyone slowly crept over to the wall farthest away from Q. "I'm not sure," Doctor Crusher told them, "I've never had anyone reject the treatment I've given them. If Q would respond to the drugs I gave him, he would be over this nasty sneeze."
Worf ran into the room. Unfortunately, the door did not open and he slammed into it. Verses of Klingon swear words filled the ship. Everyone looked at the door, watching as it began to dissolve. Worf entered holding a phaser. His look silenced everyone within a three light-year radius.
"I have come to report that Admiral MaCleod and Lieutenant Ryans have both vanished," Worf told them.
The captain looked at Q, "Is this your doing?"
"Why are you blaming me?" Q, asked, then sneezed.
Large fedoras appeared on everyone and the captain had a large red feather in his.
"Yes." the entire room said in unison.
"Then I'll go find them," Q vanished, leaving the group wearing their fedoras.
Q appeared on a large mining ship. He sensed two living beings in the ship, so he teleported to the control room. A man with long dreadlocks, a man with sharp teeth and a nicely pressed suit, a robot with a flat head, a hologram with a snotty look on his face and a female computer looking cross-eyed were all staring at Q.
"Who the smeg are you?" the dreadlocks man asked.
"Holly, who is he?" the hologram asked.
The computer squinted, "I don't know. He looks like some guy to me."
"But where'd he come from, Holly?" the human asked.
"Hold on, I'll Check," Holly replied, pausing, "now," she concentrated, “where're you from, stranger?"
"I am part of the Q Continuum."
"Oh," Holly nodded, her blonde hair bobbing, "I get it," she turned back to the others, "he's a wacko."
"Where am I?" Q asked.
"You're on the Red Dwarf. I'm Lister, that's Rimmer," the human pointed to the hologram, "and that's Cat," he pointed to the sharp-toothed human, "and you've already met Holly!" he pointed to the robot, "that's Kryton."
"Where's Riker?" Q asked as he looked around.
"Hey, man, we just introduced all of us," Cat told him, "there isn't any more. I wish there was, just so I'd have someone else to talk to. By the way, don't you know spandex is out this year? Is that your real face, or did your mamma throw up?"
"Shut up, Cat," Rimmer snapped, "he's obviously a dangerous alien to be deal with. Holly, throw up a forcefield around him."
"Right," Holly said, then added, "How do you do that?"
"I don't know, you're the computer," Rimmer replied, "Kryton, grab him."
Kryton stepped forward, but Q sneezed. Lister and Cat vanished. Kryton offered Q a tissue.
"I have to find Riker," Q vanished, but sneezed again before he left. Rimmer found he was human, Kryton found he was human and Holly regained all of her intelligence. They began to rejoice and jump around, when Q returned.
"Sorry," he snapped his fingers and they all returned to normal.
"0h, Damn it all," Rimmer tried to hit the table, but passed through it and fell flat on his face.
Meanwhile, Lister and Cat appeared on the chunks of shattered glass cube. They tried to balance precariously, but Cat screamed when he found a crease in his pants and this caused both of them to fall. They hit the ground of a metal floor. Cat landed on both feet, because cats always land on their feet. Lister landed face-first.
Chapter Two
Skip to Contents
Skip to Chapter One
The Cast of Real Characters
Star Trek: All the series
Commander William Riker- a real number one Commander
Data- a full-sized whirring mechanism Lieutenant Tasha Yar- isn't she dead?
Security Chief Odo- just trying to be all he can be
Quark- a no-good bartender lowlife
Nurse Chapel- a schizophrenic star of all the series
Highlander
Duncan MaCleod- of the clan McDonald, er, uh, MaCleod
Richie Ryans- related to Rebecca Ryan
Red Dwarf
Dave Lister- wearing the holy mustard-stained shirt
the Cat- the descendant of a very fertile Frankenstein
Arnold Rimmer- a complete smeg-head I know
Holly- we asked her what she was, but she could not tell us
Doctor Who
The Doctor- what’s with that scarf? He’s from England, not Antarctica
SeaQuest
Captain Bridger- he is STILL IN CONTROL of things
Lucas- a clone of Wesley Crusher, but with an attitude
Darwin- another immortal cursed with turning into a dolphin when cold water is poured on him. Happens all the time
The Professor- a computer that reminds me of my grandfather
Ranma 1/2
Ranma- a Japanese teen cursed with turning into a girl when cold water is poured on him
Ryoga- another Japanese teen cursed with turning into a pig when cold water is poured on him (I know some people that are like that without being cursed)
Animaniacs
Yacko- a talented(?) young man/vole/hamster/dog/whatever
Wacko- an almost talented boy/gerbil/mammal of some type/whatever
Dot- a very talented young girl/gopher/?
Star Wars
C3PO- knows so many languages that it makes his head spin
the nameless Stormtrooper- Darth Vader's ex-secretary (scheduled to be executed when found)
Battlestar Galactica
Apollo- oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was that?
Starbuck- the lady-killer space fighter grounded underwater
Knight Rider
K.I.T.T.- he seemed so sensible, when this story began
2001: A Space Odyssey
Hal- a maniac computer, Dave
Dune
Gurney- I thought his name was Patrick Stewart?
Buck Rogers in the 24th Century
Buck Rogers- a 20th century under-sexed captain who worked with Erin Grey
Princess Ardalla- an alien princess with a bra problem
Creighton- a robot that just begs to be scrapped
Doctor Who
The Doctor- What’s with that scarf? He’s from England not Antarctica.
ACE- This girl needs lessons in not blowing up everyone, oh, that should be AT everyone, shouldn’t it
Aliens
Maddie- the mother of all aliens
George- Dot’s alien son
Tessa- Richie’s alien daughter, who was eaten by Quark
Robo-Cop
Robo-Cop- a walk-on part at best
Time Trax
Darien Lambert- from Fugitive Retrieval, in the 22nd Century
Selma- a computer in the form of an AT&T card who resembles a school librarian
Mag-Lift™- bought from Jean-Luc-Picardians to be used on SeaQuest
Predator
The Predator- he was killed, became a ghost, and was later blown up in space
The Vampire Lestat
Lestat- a man with a fang problem
Quantum Leap
Sam- who just wants out of this whole mess
Hint: he always says “Oh Boy…”
Contents
Chapter One:
The 24th Century Fox Caper by Patrick
Chapter Two:
Sea-Q (see Q sneeze. See everyone end up
somewhere else...)-Heather
Chapter Three:
The Ensign Always bites it - Esther
Chapter Four:
What an Immortal Mess - Patrick
Chapter Five:
Bartending 101 - Heather
Chapter Six:
Never give a Klingon dogs - Esther
Chapter Seven:
A Wrinkle in Thyme - Patrick
Chapter Eight:
The Bitch is back - Heather
Chapter 9:
Gratuitous sex chapter - Everyone
Chapter 10:
Thank you, Alien Bunny! - Esther
Chapter 11:
Oh, dread, it's up to my head - Patrick
Chapter 12:
Whips and Leather - Heather
Chapter 13:
California Vampires and New York Drivers - Esther
Chapter 14:
Into the Woods meets the Terminator - Everyone
Chapter 15:
Had her, had her, did her, did it, had her... - Patrick
Chapter 16:
"California Aho... Oh boy." -Heather
Chapter 17:
Warpman saves the day -Esther
Chapter One: the 24th Century Fox Caper by Patrick
Captain Picard stepped out of the turbo-lift and scanned the bridge with is eyes, As he watched the crew perform their duties, a proud feeling filled him and radiated out like a wave. The wave swept over the crew on the bridge. Wesley Crusher was swept off the bridge by the wave and Flushed down the turbo-lift shaft.
Riker looked back at the captain, taking the Superman pose as he did. Picard walked over to the captain's chair and sat down. Riker put one leg up on a box of lemons next to him and leaned over, taking yet another strong pose,
"How are we today?" Picard asked his crew, wanting to embrace them and ask each of them their opinion on shat he was wearing today.
Riker stood up straight and put one hand on OPS, "Captain, we may be in trouble. Sources have told me that Q may be in the area."
The captain stood up, tugging his shirt. The shoulders ripped off of the shirt, The captain sighed, walked into his Ready Room and came out wearing a new shirt. "I hate it when that happens," he looked over to Biker. "What do you mean, Q may be on board?"
"Which part didn't you understand?" Riker asked.
"Who told you Q is around?" Picard asked, then he turned to another camera, "Have you noticed that Riker has gained a beard and lost brain cells?"
“What was that, Captain?" Riker shifted position, taking a less demanding pose this time.
"Nothing, Number One," the Captain returned to his chair.
"I read right here that Q is going to be showing up today," Riker held up the script, "I believe it will happen."
"Everyone to the conference room," Picard stood up, "and bring suggestions as to what course of action we should take."
The entire crew drew up plans and joined the captain in the conference room. With over one thousand people in the room, it was quite crowded.
"I meant only senior staff," the captain called out and amid angry and sad expressions, most of the people left,
"Captain," Mr. Worf spoke up, "I would like to speak to you about that new security lieutenant, Richie Ryans."
"Later, Mr. Worf," the Captain silenced him, "first we have to handle old business. Now, what's all this rumor about Q coming to America. I thought Eddie Murphy already did that movie."
"It's not coming to America, it's coming to the Enterprise," Riker replied "No, I would have remembered that. He was in 'Coming to America’," the captain insisted.
"Q is on the Enterprise," Riker said, "are you going senile, or something?" "Mr. Worf, can he say that to me?" the Captain asked, "shoot him with a phaser, or something."
As all this was going on, Deep Space Nine was having troubles of its own. had appeared on the station and he stole Quark and Odo off the station. Without Quark, the other characters had no one to be suspicious of, and all the trusting began to wear away their sanity. Without Odo to change shape, they could not secretly watch any alien. Sisko and Kira were worried.
Q arrived on the Enterprise with Odo and Quark. They just appeared in the conference room.
"Are all of you talking about me?" Q asked.
“Were your ears burning?" Doctor Crusher asked, "my ears always burn, when people are talking about me."
"Shut up, mom," Wesley snapped.
Doctor Crusher stood up, walked over to her son and injected him with large amounts of heroin. Wesley began to shake and spin around in his chair, before he finally collapsed, gibbering and drooling.
"Try to be Good now," Doctor Crusher returned to her seat
Q smiled, "Jean-Luc, I thought I'd drop by. I haven't been feeling very well."
"0h," Doctor Crusher handed him some pills, "Take two of these and bleep me in the morning."
"Thanks, Beverly," Q swallowed the pills, "wasn't your hair brown before?" Doctor Crusher broke eye contact and laughed a little, "No, it's always been this color."
"0h," Q inhaled quickly, then again, then again. He sneezed, causing the entire room to be bathed in a blast of light. "When it cleared, Odo, Quark, Riker and Data had vanished.
"Where did they go, Q," Picard stood up.
"I don't know," Q looked around, "I told you, I'm not feeling very well."
"I gave you some pills," Doctor Crusher screamed and stood up, "no one ever listens to the doctor. If you would all do what I tell you, you would stay healthy."
Captain Picard sighed, "Beverly, sit down."
Doctor Crusher crossed her arms and slumped back into her chair, muttering something about leaving horse-heads in someone's quarters.
At that moment, a tall man with long hair ran into the conference room. He was followed by a red-haired man in a security uniform. The two of them paused as they saw Q.
"Mr. Worf," Richie said, "you are supposed to be in the holodeck with us,
Why are you here?"
"Lieutenant, I outrank you," Worf stood up, "how dare you speak that way to me. I should rip your head off where you stand."
"Then let's go to the holodeck," Richie told him.
Worf followed the two men out of the conference room and to the holodeck. Picard began questioning Q about the disappearance of the four people, but Q did not know.
"I thought you were omniscient,” Picard snapped.
"That was a low blow, Jean-Luc, I'm still sick," Q retorted.
"You can't get sick," Doctor Crusher said.
"Yes I can," Q replied, "I've seen your early acting on this show."
"Then why am I a regular character, when you do infrequent guest spots?" Doctor Crusher asked.
"I charge too much," Q replied.
Meanwhile, in a place known only as nowhere, Riker, Quark, Date and Odo are pacing. They were standing on a large glass cube and Riker tried posing a few times, but gave up.
"You just can't pose, when you're on a glass cube," Riker commented.
Quark grimaced, his face making such a disgusting look that the cube cracked. It shook as they were standing on it.
"Stop that," Odo told Quark, "it's bad enough we have to look at you, but the cube is cracking because of you."
"Have you noticed that he looks just like Prince Charles?" Riker asked. "Really?" Odo asked, "I guess he does look a little like Prince Charles," Odo's face shifted, "but look et this," he looked over at them.
All of them screamed end hid their feces. The cube cracked more and they were thrown to lying down on it. Odo changed back and jiggled a little.
"Who was that?" Riker asked.
"I believe he was becoming Ross Perot, a politician from the early 1990s," Data told them, "Perot was from Texas end became a millionaire. He used his money to try and rebuild his home state. He later ran for president, but dropped out because the press was harassing his family. He reentered the race end gained recognition at gaining a lot of votes, for being an independent candidate. He did not win the presidency, but Bill Clinton did. Clinton went on to try and reform the health care system and..."
“That’s enough,” Riker told him, “his name would have been sufficient for me."
"Was I rambling again?" Data asked, "I didn't realize I was rambling. If I was rambling, it was by accident. Did I just use a contraction? I did not know I could use contractions. There must be something wrong with my systems. I'll run a diagnostic, if I need to. There must be something wrong, but I am not sure I should run a diagnostic. Running one may take time and that will limit my usefulness to all of you. Do you really want me to limit my usefulness? I do know that a diagnostic will take up a good portion of my memory. I will have to think about this for..."
Riker walked over and shut Data off.
"He has a stop switch?" Odo asked, "I wonder if Ferengis have a stop switch."
"We don't," Quark replied, grimacing again.
Riker and Odo started to yell, but the cube shattered into thousands of pieces. They began to fall. Data was stiff, because he was still off, but Quark and Riker flailed their arms. Suddenly they vanished.
"Bless you, Q, " LaForge said.
Q, took a tissue and wiped his nose.
Meanwhile, Riker and Quark fell to hit a metal floor. Data hit and began to vibrate like a penny flipped onto a table, going around and around. Odo hit with a splash, splattering the wall, Quark, Riker and Data.
A face appeared in the splatter, "I hate it when this happens."
On the holodeck, Worf, Richie and the admiral were standing on opposite corners of the triangular room. Worf held a Klingon weapon with both hands. Richie held a light saber and the admiral held a metal katana.
"Begin," the computer announced.
Worf jumped in, the admiral blocking his blow. Richie held his saber up and then began swinging frantically. Both Worf and the admiral stepped away. The admiral took a deep breath and held the katana over his head.
"You’ve been practicing, Richie," the admiral commented.
"While you've been teaching at Starfleet Academy, I've had to, Mac." "Then let's fight," Worf yelled as he jumped at Richie.
Richie blocked and cut Worf's arm, "There can be only one," he yelled as he lunged for Worf.
Suddenly, the admiral and Richie vanished. Worf looked around, but they were gone.
"Is there any way for us to catch whatever he has, Doctor?" the captain asked as everyone slowly crept over to the wall farthest away from Q. "I'm not sure," Doctor Crusher told them, "I've never had anyone reject the treatment I've given them. If Q would respond to the drugs I gave him, he would be over this nasty sneeze."
Worf ran into the room. Unfortunately, the door did not open and he slammed into it. Verses of Klingon swear words filled the ship. Everyone looked at the door, watching as it began to dissolve. Worf entered holding a phaser. His look silenced everyone within a three light-year radius.
"I have come to report that Admiral MaCleod and Lieutenant Ryans have both vanished," Worf told them.
The captain looked at Q, "Is this your doing?"
"Why are you blaming me?" Q, asked, then sneezed.
Large fedoras appeared on everyone and the captain had a large red feather in his.
"Yes." the entire room said in unison.
"Then I'll go find them," Q vanished, leaving the group wearing their fedoras.
Q appeared on a large mining ship. He sensed two living beings in the ship, so he teleported to the control room. A man with long dreadlocks, a man with sharp teeth and a nicely pressed suit, a robot with a flat head, a hologram with a snotty look on his face and a female computer looking cross-eyed were all staring at Q.
"Who the smeg are you?" the dreadlocks man asked.
"Holly, who is he?" the hologram asked.
The computer squinted, "I don't know. He looks like some guy to me."
"But where'd he come from, Holly?" the human asked.
"Hold on, I'll Check," Holly replied, pausing, "now," she concentrated, “where're you from, stranger?"
"I am part of the Q Continuum."
"Oh," Holly nodded, her blonde hair bobbing, "I get it," she turned back to the others, "he's a wacko."
"Where am I?" Q asked.
"You're on the Red Dwarf. I'm Lister, that's Rimmer," the human pointed to the hologram, "and that's Cat," he pointed to the sharp-toothed human, "and you've already met Holly!" he pointed to the robot, "that's Kryton."
"Where's Riker?" Q asked as he looked around.
"Hey, man, we just introduced all of us," Cat told him, "there isn't any more. I wish there was, just so I'd have someone else to talk to. By the way, don't you know spandex is out this year? Is that your real face, or did your mamma throw up?"
"Shut up, Cat," Rimmer snapped, "he's obviously a dangerous alien to be deal with. Holly, throw up a forcefield around him."
"Right," Holly said, then added, "How do you do that?"
"I don't know, you're the computer," Rimmer replied, "Kryton, grab him."
Kryton stepped forward, but Q sneezed. Lister and Cat vanished. Kryton offered Q a tissue.
"I have to find Riker," Q vanished, but sneezed again before he left. Rimmer found he was human, Kryton found he was human and Holly regained all of her intelligence. They began to rejoice and jump around, when Q returned.
"Sorry," he snapped his fingers and they all returned to normal.
"0h, Damn it all," Rimmer tried to hit the table, but passed through it and fell flat on his face.
Meanwhile, Lister and Cat appeared on the chunks of shattered glass cube. They tried to balance precariously, but Cat screamed when he found a crease in his pants and this caused both of them to fall. They hit the ground of a metal floor. Cat landed on both feet, because cats always land on their feet. Lister landed face-first.
Chapter Two