Behind Closed Doors (part 1)
Every night, Jiyong wanders the halls, like the ghost of the dorm. He wanders to the kitchen to get something to drink or eat, but really that's an excuse. He pretends to have midnight cravings at those late nights or early mornings to see if anyone else is also awake. If someone else is there, Jiyong abandons his plans, nope not tonight. Countless nights, he has seen Daesung still watching his cartoons, or TOP calling a girl who still needs someone to talk to, or Yongbae cleaning up after the other messy members. But Jiyong never sees Seungri awake at these hours, the maknae needs his sleep, he will get grouchy if he doesn't. Start acting like he can't function without an ounce more of sleep, he will start making irrational arguments when people wake him up to early. One time, Jiyong accidentally hugged him to tight while sleeping...and there goes Jiyong daydreaming (actually, more like night dreaming) about Seungri.
Jiyong can't get Seungri off his mind especially this night. He can't control his thoughts, his peregrinations within his fantasies. Jiyong is not complaining, these fantasies please him, pleasure his tent that was unconsciously pitched within his pants. But, tonight, these dreamy thoughts were making him insane, unable to sleep. And that happened quite often. But these dreams always had bad, sad endings because a factor of reality had to kick in. Jiyong tried to surpress the amount of reality in these fantasies to a minimum, but sooner or later, the reality had to arrive somewhere within his dreams. The reality that Jiyong never said those words, "I love you". Three simple words, Jiyong could say them in so many languages, "I love you", "wo ai ni", "saranghae", "je t'aime", "te amo", yet those words when face to face talking to Seungri were so foreign to him, never crossed his mind. Jiyong, of course with his fan service, said that to Seungri during shows and interviews, but he did so with all the other members. To Seungri, he really means it, explicitly yells it out to the crowd, but to the others, it is just for fun, it is said playfully. But the fans yell and cheer not because they understand Jiyong's love for Seungri and are admiring it, but are doing so because they see these things as fun things to do to tease the maknae.
Through all that thinking, Jiyong was surprised where he ended up. He was at the entrance of Seungri's door to his room. Jiyong didn't know why he ended up there, but he liked that he did. No matter where he goes, which girl he kisses in photo shoots, how many fan girls he had to woo, his mind always imagines about Seungri, all paths lead to Seungri. He tried to erase these loving memories of Seungri, that time when Seungri was laying on top of Jiyong during that parody video shoot, oh, and remember that time when Jiyong kissed Seungri on the...darn, Jiyong is night dreaming again. But maybe this is fate, maybe Jiyong unconsciously walked towards Seungri's room because some higher being wanted him to. Maybe Seungri likes him too, maybe Seungri also meant those kisses, but Jiyong can only dream again.
Jiyong stands there silently, checks to see if anyone is looking, and then tries to hold on to the doorknob of the door, he has something important to say. But once Jiyong tried to touch the doorknob, Jiyong pulled away immediately. Why can't he do this? Is something wrong with his hands? No, something is wrong with his mind, he can't tell Seungri, what's wrong with him. Jiyong tried multiple times to touch the doorknob, but his hands just won't let him. Jiyong tells his brain to manually force his hand to. Okay, brain tell my arm, to tell my hand, to tell my fingers to curl up. And then tell my fingers, to grasp the doorknob, okay, now turn the doorknob in a counterclockwise fashion, okay, and then tell my arm to push inwards. No, my arm is not pushing enough, okay, tell my whole body to push in. But once again, Jiyong couldn't muster up the courage to do so. What is wrong with me? Just do it, it's not like what I'm going to say is going to matter. Shutup, yes it will, most likely Seungri will hear this, get disgusted by me, leave the group, and then big bang can't be big bang anymore, be big bang minus the cute member. But then some impulse from within tells him to do it, just do it. Jiyong quickly opens the door, and he immediately jumps. He is surprised of the figure standing right in his face, he jumps out of fright and almost trips, but then he sees its Seungri. He quickly regains his composure, he tries to start to ask "why are you up Seungri?", but Seungri started talking first.
"Hyung, I need to talk to you".
Jiyong can't get Seungri off his mind especially this night. He can't control his thoughts, his peregrinations within his fantasies. Jiyong is not complaining, these fantasies please him, pleasure his tent that was unconsciously pitched within his pants. But, tonight, these dreamy thoughts were making him insane, unable to sleep. And that happened quite often. But these dreams always had bad, sad endings because a factor of reality had to kick in. Jiyong tried to surpress the amount of reality in these fantasies to a minimum, but sooner or later, the reality had to arrive somewhere within his dreams. The reality that Jiyong never said those words, "I love you". Three simple words, Jiyong could say them in so many languages, "I love you", "wo ai ni", "saranghae", "je t'aime", "te amo", yet those words when face to face talking to Seungri were so foreign to him, never crossed his mind. Jiyong, of course with his fan service, said that to Seungri during shows and interviews, but he did so with all the other members. To Seungri, he really means it, explicitly yells it out to the crowd, but to the others, it is just for fun, it is said playfully. But the fans yell and cheer not because they understand Jiyong's love for Seungri and are admiring it, but are doing so because they see these things as fun things to do to tease the maknae.
Through all that thinking, Jiyong was surprised where he ended up. He was at the entrance of Seungri's door to his room. Jiyong didn't know why he ended up there, but he liked that he did. No matter where he goes, which girl he kisses in photo shoots, how many fan girls he had to woo, his mind always imagines about Seungri, all paths lead to Seungri. He tried to erase these loving memories of Seungri, that time when Seungri was laying on top of Jiyong during that parody video shoot, oh, and remember that time when Jiyong kissed Seungri on the...darn, Jiyong is night dreaming again. But maybe this is fate, maybe Jiyong unconsciously walked towards Seungri's room because some higher being wanted him to. Maybe Seungri likes him too, maybe Seungri also meant those kisses, but Jiyong can only dream again.
Jiyong stands there silently, checks to see if anyone is looking, and then tries to hold on to the doorknob of the door, he has something important to say. But once Jiyong tried to touch the doorknob, Jiyong pulled away immediately. Why can't he do this? Is something wrong with his hands? No, something is wrong with his mind, he can't tell Seungri, what's wrong with him. Jiyong tried multiple times to touch the doorknob, but his hands just won't let him. Jiyong tells his brain to manually force his hand to. Okay, brain tell my arm, to tell my hand, to tell my fingers to curl up. And then tell my fingers, to grasp the doorknob, okay, now turn the doorknob in a counterclockwise fashion, okay, and then tell my arm to push inwards. No, my arm is not pushing enough, okay, tell my whole body to push in. But once again, Jiyong couldn't muster up the courage to do so. What is wrong with me? Just do it, it's not like what I'm going to say is going to matter. Shutup, yes it will, most likely Seungri will hear this, get disgusted by me, leave the group, and then big bang can't be big bang anymore, be big bang minus the cute member. But then some impulse from within tells him to do it, just do it. Jiyong quickly opens the door, and he immediately jumps. He is surprised of the figure standing right in his face, he jumps out of fright and almost trips, but then he sees its Seungri. He quickly regains his composure, he tries to start to ask "why are you up Seungri?", but Seungri started talking first.
"Hyung, I need to talk to you".