I spent a rare, pleasant day yesterday. I felt light and upbeat. I just wanted to laugh the whole day, smile the whole day, spend the day with joy in my heart for a change.

While I was waiting for the church service to start, I spent around 30 minutes alone at a cafe, with a cup of brewed coffee and the morning paper. The title of one of the ( Read more... )

The past week has taught me to look forward again. I'm looking forward to getting some semblance of life back. A life lived with dignity. A life held up by two moving feet. A life seen through eyes that aren't staring down anymore, but looking ahead again. It's a life that God personally promised me, and I plan to hold Him to that promise.

I lived ( Read more... )

Slept at around 4:30, became conscious at 5:30, gave up sleep at 6 ( Read more... )

Slept around 10pm, woke up at 2am.

Waking up at 3am already felt like it was too much. This is getting ridiculous. 3am at least feels like the next day. That's three or so hours to sunrise. 2am on the other hand, is when you just got home from a night out.

Had another jumbled, convoluted, twisted, fucked up dream. Again, it woke me up with the ( Read more... )

Week 2 since I stopped popping the pills, and I'm feeling a bit better. The past few days, I've been indulging myself on a nice new (but totally different) "high ( Read more... )

How apt. Took the words right out of my sleep-deprived brain.
Thanks random bible verse generator on the internet!

From Psalms 6 and 13:

O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your wrath.
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am pining away;
Heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed.
And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O LORD-how ( Read more... )

Thank you God. I finally had a pleasant dream. It was, in fact, too pleasant... it became too unreal and crossed the line into the rationally improbable (at the time being) that I returned to consciousness too soon.

Slept at a little after 2am, regained consciousness at around 4:30am.

I need more of this. A bit of divine inspiration. A source of ( Read more... )

I decided to keep a log of my sleeping habits. It might come in handy someday. As such, I've been sleeping with my laptop plugged in and set up beside my pillow now.

Slept at around 12am, woke up at 3am.Had another dream/nightmare. This one was about a father and a son having a confrontation, debating their versions of the truth. Of course, one ( Read more... )

Spent the day at the mall with my brothers, my sis in-law, and my nephew. I felt like if I spent one more hour here cooped up at home, I'd spontaneously combust ( Read more... )

I woke up at 3am again. Had another "nightmare". My God, what am I going to do? I've been trying to keep busy all day--literally forcing myself to play games on the PC to keep myself distracted until I'm too sleepy to think. Even when I don't want to play anymore, I need to keep my face plastered to the screen. If I stop playing, I start hurting. I ( Read more... )