Extra Life, pg, spoilers for The Shrine
It has been a crazy week, so thanks for all the kisses, guys. You have made all the crazy things in real life and in fandom life so much better. ♥
This... sort of got away from me. And the kiss ended up all the way at the end. Whoops!
Extra Life
pg for language, SPOILERS FOR "THE SHRINE." SERIOUS, SERIOUS SPOILERS. Takes place during and after.
John wasn't entirely surprised to hear his door whoosh open. He hadn't wanted to leave the infirmary, not after Keller explained what was wrong, what was going to happen unless they could find a cure, but after she started running some tests, wheeled Rodney away, he couldn't come up with an excuse to stay.
"Hey," he said, without looking up from his DS.
"Hey," Rodney said. He sat down on the edge of John's bed. "Jennifer finally let me out. Is that level 10?"
"Yeah," John said. "But we can play again in multiplayer. You know how much I love kicking your ass." There was no real bite in it.
Rodney chuckled weakly. "Hopefully our last chess match will be the first memory to go."
John squinted down at the screen and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, praying that Rodney wouldn't notice, wouldn't say anything about it. He needed to say something before he did something stupid.
"Yeah," he said, voice rough, dry. "Let's go get your game. Might as well--" He couldn't say it.
"Play while I still can?" Rodney said, and this time John did look up, hoped his features were schooled to blankness. "Please. A child could follow that storyline. I bet I'll be able to play up until my dying breath." If John stood then, started toward the door, it was only because he wanted to get a move on, not because his eyes were hot and scratchy and he thought he couldn't breathe.
***
The door chime was incessant, but sounded sluggish, slow. Even after four and a half years, John couldn't stop anthropomorphizing the city and was sure it sounded sad, was sure he knew who it must be.
"Asking to be let in isn't really your style, McKay," he said as he waved the door open. He couldn't remember the last time Rodney had asked to come in, hadn't overridden his privacy lock or hacked his way in.
"Yeah, well," Rodney said. He was pale, his mouth stuck in a downward slant. He walked right in, headed straight for the desk chair without asking, without looking up. "I was in the lab working with Radek on..." He gestured, vaguely, as if he didn't want to waste time explaining it, but John saw the flicker of uncertainty flash across his face, knew that he wasn't sure what he had been doing only a few moments beforehand. "Anyway."
"Yeah," John said. They didn't have anything to say, didn't have anything specific to do, but Rodney came by, or John found him, and they wiled the hours away until they got tired. Teyla said it was because Rodney felt most comfortable with John and needed to be around things that were comfortable and familiar. John figured it was because everyone else wanted to talk and John was perfectly happy drinking beer, playing video games, and watching shitty movies.
Except maybe Rodney did want to talk tonight, because he tapped the top of John's desk with his fingers three times and then cleared his throat. "I think... don't I..." He glanced up at John. He had always been shit at hiding his emotions. "I usually can open the door from the outside, right?"
John thought he was getting better with dealing with this, and that made him just as sick as Rodney's memory lapses did.
***
Teyla and Ronon left first, not long after Rodney nodded off. Ronon squeezed John's shoulder a little tighter than usual and said good night. Teyla pulled his forehead to hers and held him there for a long time.
"You are doing a good thing for him, John," she said. "I can see how much it hurts you, but I think he would be lost without you."
John didn't know what to say to that, didn't know that there was anything to say, so he just nodded and watched her leave. He didn't want to go, but he didn't know what else to do, so after he cleaned up the chips and empty cans and bottles, he put a blanket over Rodney's shoulders and headed back to his quarters.
He didn't think sleep would come as easily as it did, but he'd been going non-stop for what felt like ages, hovering over Rodney, taking meetings with Keller and Woosley and his team, talking to the SGC, writing to Jeannie, all the while trying to act like he wasn't going dark and twisted and sharp inside. Rodney gave him lists of things to remember, lists of things to quiz him on, and lists of things to tell people after he was gone. He told him important passwords, trusted him with all of his documents, and all of it was too familiar, too painful. It was making him think of things he'd been avoiding for four years, and it was just not the time to deal with that.
He didn't expect the banging on his door, didn't expect Rodney's panic, but he wasn't surprised by the way he felt inches away from his own panic attack, sick to his stomach and nearly shaking the moment he woke up. It was constant now, multiplied when he had Rodney in front of him, losing his mind and meeting his worst nightmare and leaving John helpless to do anything about it.
His arms were itching to do something stupid, like wrap themselves around Rodney and lie to him, tell him that everything was going to work out, so instead he threw Rodney a jacket and they went out to the pier. He thought maybe being drunk would make it better.
The beer didn't help as much as he had hoped, but Rodney's joke made him feel, for the first time in days, like they could pretend to be themselves for a little bit longer.
***
Rodney was in his room when he got back from Woolsey's briefing. He was sitting on John's bed, playing with John's DS, and probably making an attempt to beat John's high score on level 10. John couldn't bring himself to care.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," Rodney said, not looking up from the DS. John moved to sit next to him on the bed.
"Keller finally let you out?"
"Yup," Rodney said. "Jeannie's asleep. Apparently she wants to hang around for a few days, catch up with you guys and Radek, poke around on a few projects, make my life a living hell."
"The usual, then," John said. They sat in silence for a few moments. It was crazy--Rodney was better, Rodney was the same as always, save for a new scar up by his receding hairline, but the dark, twisted feeling was still in his stomach, as if reminding him of how close he came to--
Well. Anyway. He still felt sick and he still wanted to do stupid things to Rodney and he really hoped that would fade with time.
Rodney cleared his throat. "So," he said, eyes still on the DS, "I was talking to Jeannie and she said that... she said that you were one of the only things I could hold onto. I mean, I knew that, I remembered that. I remembered you, I mean, and I remembered that I remembered you, and I tried to explain that it was probably because I'm forced into spending so much time with you and really didn't mean anything, but she said that maybe you would like to know and I tried to explain that we don't do that, you know, thing, with the talking and everything, but she insisted and you know how she is, so I figured that I would just come here and get it over with and tell you that I'm glad that--that it was good to have something to hold onto and that I'm--um, that I'm glad that it was... that it was you."
The fear and pain that had been coiled up inside of John snapped like a rubber band. He was ready to do that one stupid thing if it meant that feeling would go away, so it really wasn't his fault that he reached over and took the DS from Rodney's hands.
"Hey!" Rodney protested weakly, "I was halfway to beating your--"
He shut up when John started kissing him. In fact, it didn't take him long to get with the program, to kiss back and pulled John towards him by the forearms until they where practically on top of each other, kissing hard and messy, John scrambling up onto Rodney's lap and trying to hold him still so he could get a better angle.
It felt right again. Everything felt right again, this thing between them, the thing that had been between them, everything that had happened, everything that could have happened. He wanted to sigh, but his mouth was otherwise occupied, pressing tight against Rodney's, tongues sliding against each other, teeth clashing and nipping.
They fell apart when Rodney's knee slipped off the side of the bed and he tipped forward, smashing into John, their limbs tangling together. Knees and elbows jabbing into each other, by the time John was sitting with his back against the wall, he was panting for breath from more than just the kiss.
"I think my sister just set us up," Rodney said. His eyes were wide and glazed over, and when he looked at John, John's stomach flipped pleasantly. "That's weird and kind of gross, isn't it?"
"I like your sister," John said.
"Yeah, so do I, but I don't like to think about her and the English Major... you know. So I don't know why she would go so far as to try and muck about in my personal life." He paused and then said, "And what the hell, Sheppard? Four years and when I revert to a three-year-old you decide it's time to jump me? You're so fucked up. I hope that wasn't just a ploy to retain your high score."
John snorted and tossed the DS on the floor. "In your dreams, McKay," he said. He should have maybe said, Don't you ever fucking do that again or This is our second chance, so we can't fuck it up, or I am sick of this shit, McKay, and I will duct tape you to the lab if I have to, or Four years and I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you somewhere around the time that I had to pull you up from the bottom of the ocean, but that had never been his style.
Maybe he'd let Rodney beat his high score, though. He figured that would say enough, at least for the time being.
This... sort of got away from me. And the kiss ended up all the way at the end. Whoops!
Extra Life
pg for language, SPOILERS FOR "THE SHRINE." SERIOUS, SERIOUS SPOILERS. Takes place during and after.
John wasn't entirely surprised to hear his door whoosh open. He hadn't wanted to leave the infirmary, not after Keller explained what was wrong, what was going to happen unless they could find a cure, but after she started running some tests, wheeled Rodney away, he couldn't come up with an excuse to stay.
"Hey," he said, without looking up from his DS.
"Hey," Rodney said. He sat down on the edge of John's bed. "Jennifer finally let me out. Is that level 10?"
"Yeah," John said. "But we can play again in multiplayer. You know how much I love kicking your ass." There was no real bite in it.
Rodney chuckled weakly. "Hopefully our last chess match will be the first memory to go."
John squinted down at the screen and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, praying that Rodney wouldn't notice, wouldn't say anything about it. He needed to say something before he did something stupid.
"Yeah," he said, voice rough, dry. "Let's go get your game. Might as well--" He couldn't say it.
"Play while I still can?" Rodney said, and this time John did look up, hoped his features were schooled to blankness. "Please. A child could follow that storyline. I bet I'll be able to play up until my dying breath." If John stood then, started toward the door, it was only because he wanted to get a move on, not because his eyes were hot and scratchy and he thought he couldn't breathe.
***
The door chime was incessant, but sounded sluggish, slow. Even after four and a half years, John couldn't stop anthropomorphizing the city and was sure it sounded sad, was sure he knew who it must be.
"Asking to be let in isn't really your style, McKay," he said as he waved the door open. He couldn't remember the last time Rodney had asked to come in, hadn't overridden his privacy lock or hacked his way in.
"Yeah, well," Rodney said. He was pale, his mouth stuck in a downward slant. He walked right in, headed straight for the desk chair without asking, without looking up. "I was in the lab working with Radek on..." He gestured, vaguely, as if he didn't want to waste time explaining it, but John saw the flicker of uncertainty flash across his face, knew that he wasn't sure what he had been doing only a few moments beforehand. "Anyway."
"Yeah," John said. They didn't have anything to say, didn't have anything specific to do, but Rodney came by, or John found him, and they wiled the hours away until they got tired. Teyla said it was because Rodney felt most comfortable with John and needed to be around things that were comfortable and familiar. John figured it was because everyone else wanted to talk and John was perfectly happy drinking beer, playing video games, and watching shitty movies.
Except maybe Rodney did want to talk tonight, because he tapped the top of John's desk with his fingers three times and then cleared his throat. "I think... don't I..." He glanced up at John. He had always been shit at hiding his emotions. "I usually can open the door from the outside, right?"
John thought he was getting better with dealing with this, and that made him just as sick as Rodney's memory lapses did.
***
Teyla and Ronon left first, not long after Rodney nodded off. Ronon squeezed John's shoulder a little tighter than usual and said good night. Teyla pulled his forehead to hers and held him there for a long time.
"You are doing a good thing for him, John," she said. "I can see how much it hurts you, but I think he would be lost without you."
John didn't know what to say to that, didn't know that there was anything to say, so he just nodded and watched her leave. He didn't want to go, but he didn't know what else to do, so after he cleaned up the chips and empty cans and bottles, he put a blanket over Rodney's shoulders and headed back to his quarters.
He didn't think sleep would come as easily as it did, but he'd been going non-stop for what felt like ages, hovering over Rodney, taking meetings with Keller and Woosley and his team, talking to the SGC, writing to Jeannie, all the while trying to act like he wasn't going dark and twisted and sharp inside. Rodney gave him lists of things to remember, lists of things to quiz him on, and lists of things to tell people after he was gone. He told him important passwords, trusted him with all of his documents, and all of it was too familiar, too painful. It was making him think of things he'd been avoiding for four years, and it was just not the time to deal with that.
He didn't expect the banging on his door, didn't expect Rodney's panic, but he wasn't surprised by the way he felt inches away from his own panic attack, sick to his stomach and nearly shaking the moment he woke up. It was constant now, multiplied when he had Rodney in front of him, losing his mind and meeting his worst nightmare and leaving John helpless to do anything about it.
His arms were itching to do something stupid, like wrap themselves around Rodney and lie to him, tell him that everything was going to work out, so instead he threw Rodney a jacket and they went out to the pier. He thought maybe being drunk would make it better.
The beer didn't help as much as he had hoped, but Rodney's joke made him feel, for the first time in days, like they could pretend to be themselves for a little bit longer.
***
Rodney was in his room when he got back from Woolsey's briefing. He was sitting on John's bed, playing with John's DS, and probably making an attempt to beat John's high score on level 10. John couldn't bring himself to care.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," Rodney said, not looking up from the DS. John moved to sit next to him on the bed.
"Keller finally let you out?"
"Yup," Rodney said. "Jeannie's asleep. Apparently she wants to hang around for a few days, catch up with you guys and Radek, poke around on a few projects, make my life a living hell."
"The usual, then," John said. They sat in silence for a few moments. It was crazy--Rodney was better, Rodney was the same as always, save for a new scar up by his receding hairline, but the dark, twisted feeling was still in his stomach, as if reminding him of how close he came to--
Well. Anyway. He still felt sick and he still wanted to do stupid things to Rodney and he really hoped that would fade with time.
Rodney cleared his throat. "So," he said, eyes still on the DS, "I was talking to Jeannie and she said that... she said that you were one of the only things I could hold onto. I mean, I knew that, I remembered that. I remembered you, I mean, and I remembered that I remembered you, and I tried to explain that it was probably because I'm forced into spending so much time with you and really didn't mean anything, but she said that maybe you would like to know and I tried to explain that we don't do that, you know, thing, with the talking and everything, but she insisted and you know how she is, so I figured that I would just come here and get it over with and tell you that I'm glad that--that it was good to have something to hold onto and that I'm--um, that I'm glad that it was... that it was you."
The fear and pain that had been coiled up inside of John snapped like a rubber band. He was ready to do that one stupid thing if it meant that feeling would go away, so it really wasn't his fault that he reached over and took the DS from Rodney's hands.
"Hey!" Rodney protested weakly, "I was halfway to beating your--"
He shut up when John started kissing him. In fact, it didn't take him long to get with the program, to kiss back and pulled John towards him by the forearms until they where practically on top of each other, kissing hard and messy, John scrambling up onto Rodney's lap and trying to hold him still so he could get a better angle.
It felt right again. Everything felt right again, this thing between them, the thing that had been between them, everything that had happened, everything that could have happened. He wanted to sigh, but his mouth was otherwise occupied, pressing tight against Rodney's, tongues sliding against each other, teeth clashing and nipping.
They fell apart when Rodney's knee slipped off the side of the bed and he tipped forward, smashing into John, their limbs tangling together. Knees and elbows jabbing into each other, by the time John was sitting with his back against the wall, he was panting for breath from more than just the kiss.
"I think my sister just set us up," Rodney said. His eyes were wide and glazed over, and when he looked at John, John's stomach flipped pleasantly. "That's weird and kind of gross, isn't it?"
"I like your sister," John said.
"Yeah, so do I, but I don't like to think about her and the English Major... you know. So I don't know why she would go so far as to try and muck about in my personal life." He paused and then said, "And what the hell, Sheppard? Four years and when I revert to a three-year-old you decide it's time to jump me? You're so fucked up. I hope that wasn't just a ploy to retain your high score."
John snorted and tossed the DS on the floor. "In your dreams, McKay," he said. He should have maybe said, Don't you ever fucking do that again or This is our second chance, so we can't fuck it up, or I am sick of this shit, McKay, and I will duct tape you to the lab if I have to, or Four years and I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you somewhere around the time that I had to pull you up from the bottom of the ocean, but that had never been his style.
Maybe he'd let Rodney beat his high score, though. He figured that would say enough, at least for the time being.