TEAM WAR: Sleight of Hand, "Like Pulling a Rabbit out of a Hat"
Title: Like Pulling a Rabbit out of a Hat
Author: curia_regis
Team: War
Prompt: Sleight of Hand
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: When they discover alien ships heading towards Atlantis, Rodney has yet another brilliant plan to save them. Unfortunately, this plan goes horribly wrong.
Author Notes: Thank you so much to Team War for supporting me in this pinch hit. A huge thank you also goes out to my two team members who offered to beta this at the last minute: reddwarfer and skinscript.
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**
"They're coming," Zelenka said flatly. The screen showed a veritable contingent of ships converging on Atlantis. "They'll be here in less than two weeks. I estimate more than ten vessels."
Rodney pushed his way past Zelenka so that he was standing in front of the screen. "Let me do that," Rodney said irritably. It was impossible that so many ships were making their way here. It was obvious that Zelenka had made yet another one of his stupid mistakes. Rodney typed furiously on the keyboard and could feel his heart sink. Zelenka had been wrong. "There's actually more like fifteen," Rodney heard himself say weakly.
Woolsey visibly paled. "What can we do?" he asked. "We've only got one ZPM so we won't be able to hold them off for long with our shields if they choose to attack."
"Maybe they're friendly."
Rodney turned to Sheppard and stared. "Maybe they're friendly?" he repeated. For a guy that claimed that he could have gotten into Mensa, Sheppard was surprisingly dense at times. "Friendly people do not send fifteen ships towards us. They never have."
Sheppard shrugged. "I was trying to be positive."
Rodney turned back to the computer and ignored him. He needed to find out as much as he could about the ships before they got here. It was after about a minute of rapid typing that Rodney suddenly realised that there was silence all around him. He glanced up and realised that everybody had gone back to their own positions. Sheppard was on his radio, presumably telling his men about the new development. Zelenka was on another computer, frowning and muttering in Czech. Woolsey was rapidly disappearing into his office.
Rodney snorted. He was left-yet again-to save the day. Typical.
-*-*-
Rodney was feeling rather grimy. When he reached up with his hand to touch his hair, it came away coated with oil. It was with a start that he realised that he hadn't showered for days and quite possibly hadn't eaten for hours. As if in response, his stomach growled at him.
When he walked into the mess hall, Sheppard greeted him and then wrinkled his nose. "You forgot to shower again, didn't you?"
"It's not that bad," Rodney snapped. He didn't dare to smell his own underarms, but as long as he looked forward and didn't try to breathe through his nose, it was perfectly fine. Besides, he could see the giant pile of MREs on the table. He could easily go and have a shower after he had satisfied his hunger.
"How's the plan coming along?" Sheppard asked as he heaped his plate with real food.
Rodney shrugged. "It's almost done," he lied. In actuality, he felt like he was missing a vital aspect of the coding but he was sure that he could finish it in time. It wasn't as though any of his last minute plans had failed yet!
Unfortunately, they still hadn't seemed to be able to figure out why the alien ships were coming towards Atlantis, or who they were, but the safest option without possibly depleting their ZPM would be to make their city vanish. And Rodney thought he had the perfect way to do it.
-*-*-
"Are you sure this will work?" Woolsey asked.
Rodney looked up from where he was inputting the last of his calculations into the computer. "Yes," he snapped. "It'll just be like a magic trick. One minute, we're here, the next minute, we won't be. Now if you'll let me get back to making sure that we all don't die a horrible death?"
Woolsey nodded and Rodney turned back to the computer. The calculations he was currently inputting were complicated even for him. They basically shifted Atlantis into a slightly different plane of existence. Not quite an alternate dimension- Rodney did not want them to all go through that again-but enough so that hopefully once the ships got here, they wouldn't be able to see Atlantis. Even if they fired at Atlantis's exact position, they wouldn't be able to hit anything. It was quite a neat trick the Ancients had developed, one they'd been trying to work out the kinks of it for months.
It had taken this latest disaster for Rodney to finally see the solution to the problem that had been plaguing him for weeks. Now the machine stood in front of him on the table. Quickly, Rodney punched in his authorisation code.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sheppard asked as he came up behind Rodney.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Of course it is," he said in exasperation. "I've run every conceivable simulation!"
Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "In less than one week? That's quite impressive."
Rodney sighed and pointed to the laptop on the table. "I need your authorisation code." It was one of the annoying safeguards that Zelenka had built in weeks ago to prevent any unauthorised usage of the machine. They needed at least two authorisation codes, one of which had to be military. He watched as Sheppard typed in his authorisation number. "The machine's ready to go," he said, looking up at Woolsey.
There was a look of apprehension on Woolsey's face and for a minute, Rodney wondered if he was going to simply stick to protocol and evacuate the entirety of Atlantis back to Earth. However, the look passed and Woolsey straightened and stared Rodney in the eyes. There was a look of determination now on his face. "You have a go," he said.
Rodney turned back to the machine. "John, you need to hold down that switch." He watched as Sheppard came over and held down the switch he was pointing at. Rodney walked around the table and with only the slightest bit of hesitation, he pushed the activation button.
There was a bright flash of light and Rodney felt himself fall to the ground.
-*-*-
When Rodney came to again, he found himself looking up at the ceiling.. He could hear voices all around him. Most of them sounded worried. He winced as he tried to move an arm. It was probably badly bruised, Rodney realised. He groaned out loud, expecting the people to come running to his aid. However, nobody came.
Rodney groaned again, this time louder. Still, nobody seemed to rush over to take his vitals. In fact, the steady din of voices around him sounded the same, except now he seemed to be able to make out some of the words. He furrowed his brow tried to concentrate.
"They just disappeared!"
Rodney frowned. That sounded like Zelenka's voice. "Who disappeared?" he tried to say, but all that came out was a croak. Clearing his throat, Rodney tried again. "Who disappeared?"
They just ignored him.
"Atlantis is still visible," Zelenka said. "The machine has failed."
Rodney opened his eyes with an effort. People seemed to be standing, gathered around the machine, with their backs turned away from him. "It hasn't failed," he said irritably. "It's just a minor glitch." He was annoyed when none of them turned around to acknowledge what he had just said.
"They can't hear you."
"What?" Rodney sat up, wincing at his muscles. He had just fallen over. It shouldn't have caused him to feel like he had just run a marathon. He turned his head and saw Sheppard, who was also on the ground, leaning against a table. "What are you doing down here?"
"I was knocked over by the same thing that affected you. Bright flash of light, remember?" Sheppard said. "I've been trying to talk to them for about five minutes. Nobody seems to be able to hear me. And look!" Sheppard lifted one of his arms and passed it right through the leg of somebody standing next to him.
"Oh," Rodney said. "Crap."
"Yes," Sheppard agreed. "Instead of shifting Atlantis to another plane of existence, you've shifted both of us."
"Well that's easily fixed," Rodney said.
Sheppard's face brightened. "That's good to hear, at least," he said. "I wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of my days as some sort of incorporeal mass floating around Atlantis. That is, supposing that Atlantis survives this latest threat."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "You didn't think I'd leave Atlantis on another plane of existence forever, did you?" Taking a deep breath, he stood up and looked at the table. Sheppard also stood up and walked over to him. Around them, people were milling around, discussing their disappearance and the impending alien threat. "All I need to do is type in a few lines and then push the button again. You'll need to hold the switch down, too."
Sheppard nodded.
Rodney reached over to his laptop, wincing as his hands passed through Zelenka's. To his horror, his hands managed to pass through the laptop as well. In fact, they passed right through the table. Lifting his hands up, he tried again to type but the same things happened.
"That might be a problem," Sheppard said.
Rodney couldn't help but agree.
-*-*-
Rodney was getting increasingly frustrated with Zelenka and all the other scientists. It had been half a day already and none of them seemed even close to figuring out how to bring him and Sheppard back. He knew that if he were in their place, if Zelenka or anybody else had disappeared, then he would have surely had a plan together by now. But from what Rodney could see of Zelenka, especially when he was in his private quarters, he seemed to be completely and utterly stuck.
"You're spying on him," Sheppard pointed out.
"I'm trying to figure out how far along they are," Rodney corrected. He had to admit deep down that Sheppard was right, but it didn't stop him from standing behind Zelenka and yelling into his ear.
Sheppard looked like he was holding back a grin. "That's not going to work, you know," he said. "It didn't work the last five hundred times either."
Rodney let out a deep breath. "I don't see you doing anything," he snapped and then regretted it almost immediately. Sheppard's face immediately took on a shuttered expression. "Look," Rodney said, spreading out his arms. "We have to do something."
As if in response, Sheppard held out an arm and passed it through a nearby door.
"I know we're incorporeal," Rodney said irritably. A sudden thought occurred to him. "What about food?" Rodney certainly wasn't looking forward to starving to death. In fact, that was possibly the worst death he could imagine, next to death by citrus fruit, that is.
Sheppard frowned. "Are you hungry?"
Rodney sucked in his stomach and thought about it. He had to admit the smell of the MRE Zelenka was eating did smell enticing; however, he wasn't actually hungry. "I don't think so," he said.
Sheppard opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it again.
"What?" Rodney demanded. He knew that look on Sheppard's face.
"Well," Sheppard said slowly. "I didn't want to mention this before, but what if we're dead? What if that experiment of yours malfunctioned and killed us?"
Rodney's mouth dropped open. That was preposterous, wasn't it? They couldn't be dead. He knew that machine of his inside out. It most definitely wouldn't have killed them. "We can't be dead," Rodney said decisively. "I know my own work. It couldn't have killed us. Besides, if we were dead, then where are our bodies?"
Sheppard shrugged. "How come we seem to pass through everything except the floor?"
"I..." Rodney began, but he really didn't have an answer to that. From what he had read of SG-1's mission reports, he realised that it seemed to be a common thing when one shifted dimensions. It was too bad that his machine, although built along the same lines as Merlin's phase-shifting technology, wasn't quite the same. Still, he suspected that they should be contacting Sam Carter very soon.
Sheppard smirked. "You have no idea, do you?"
Rodney refused to answer.
-*-*-
"Any luck?" Woolsey asked.
Rodney held his breath and watched Zelenka, hoping beyond hope that Zelenka had some sort of great revelation in the past few minutes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sheppard sitting on the floor, fiddling with one of the buttons on his uniform.
"No," Zelenka said, shaking his head. "I just got off the line with Colonel Carter who has some experience with phase-shifting technologies. She says that Rodney's design, from what I could tell her, is substantially different to Merlin's phase shifting device. She says that she'll work on it, but as you know, she's currently on maternity leave."
Woolsey nodded. "Couldn't you just reverse whatever Rodney did?"
Zelenka sighed. "I would do that, if Rodney had left any instructions. He barely explained to the rest of us what he was doing. I tried reversing the process, but it hasn't worked so far."
Rodney snorted. It was a simple task to reverse.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you off that task for the time being," Woolsey said. "The ships are still coming and we are still unsure whether they are friendly or not. I need you and the other scientists here to concentrate on that problem."
"What?" Rodney exploded. "You can't do that!"
He was somewhat pleased to see Zelenka frowning. "But, we would be better off with McKay back."
"You've already been working on this for two whole days," Woolsey said calmly. "You need some rest. If what you assumed was correct, Rodney McKay and John Sheppard have been shifted into another plane of existence. They are perfectly safe for the meantime. However, we won't be, if those ships are unfriendly."
"What if we starve?" Rodney snapped.
"We're not," Sheppard pointed out. "I haven't felt hungry or thirsty since you pressed that button. Have you?"
"But they don't know that!" Rodney exclaimed. He was incredibly annoyed to see Zelenka nod and excuse himself. "He's going to bed? Whatever happened to working around the clock to save us?"
Sheppard shrugged. "I guess we're just going to have to spend some more time out of phase."
-*-*-
Rodney was bored. Extremely and frustratingly bored. Over the past few days, he'd had nobody except Sheppard to talk to. Normally, Rodney didn't mind talking to Sheppard. When the man wasn't making idiotic statements, he was quite a good conversationalist. However, Rodney didn't exactly want to spend the next two weeks, or however long it took, having only Sheppard to talk to.
"What I wouldn't give for a book," Rodney complained. He had been trying to read over people's shoulders for the past few days, but it was rather annoying.
"I'd prefer my golf clubs and a couple of balls to be shifted into this dimension," Sheppard said with a sigh.
"The first thing I'm going to do once I'm back in phase..." Rodney started.
"Let me guess," Sheppard interrupted, with a grin. "Eat?"
Rodney glared. Sometimes he suspected that he was a bit too predictable to Sheppard.
-*-*-
"This is hopeless," Rodney ground out. He was trying to search his lab for ways to try to communicate with the rest of the people on Atlantis, but his efforts were proving rather fruitless as neither he nor Sheppard could actually lift up anything.
"They'll find a way to get us out of this mess," Sheppard said.
Rodney looked up from where he was trying to turn a page in a book using the sheer force of his will. "Do you really believe that," he asked quietly.
Sheppard didn't reply.
"I thought so," Rodney said simply.
Just then, Zelenka wandered into the room. He walked towards where Rodney was standing, making a beeline for the book Rodney was desperately trying to read. Out of habit, Rodney immediately shifted out of the way. He had realised that the feeling of somebody else passing through him was rather unpleasant to say the least.
As Rodney moved, he found himself pressed up against Sheppard. The physical proximity made him shiver slightly. There was a strange look in Sheppard's eyes, one that Rodney couldn't identify. "Sorry," Rodney gasped and stepped backwards, only to find himself sliding through Zelenka. The feeling was unpleasantly cold and clammy, much like having a wet washcloth draped over his entire body.
Rodney could feel his heart beating faster, but he wasn't quite sure why. There was still that look in Sheppard's eyes and he felt like he could still feel where Sheppard's hand had shot out to touch his shoulder in order to steady him. It felt almost like... Rodney shook his head. That was ridiculous. Impossible. He had known enough of John Sheppard to know that Sheppard was most definitely a woman's man.
-*-*-
"You've been avoiding me," Sheppard commented.
Rodney couldn't help a short chuckle. It had taken Sheppard well over two days to realise that Rodney had deliberately made himself scarce. He had first gone to try and listen to Zelenka and the other scientists figure out a way to identify the alien vessels and to arm themselves against them, but that had proved too frustrating. Rodney couldn't help interjecting whenever he discovered that they were saying something wrong, which was far too often, but of course, they couldn't hear him. He had then watched Ronon and Teyla sparring for about half a day, but he found that put him to sleep. Rodney couldn't help realising that Atlantis was really not that interesting a place when he couldn't interact with people.
"I haven't."
"You have," Sheppard said shortly.
Rodney didn't want to look at Sheppard, so he looked around. They were in a corner of the gate room. All around them was the hustle and bustle of ordinary Atlantis life, however, somehow, he felt divorced from it and suspected that Sheppard felt the same way. Rodney realised that he had gotten quite adept at filtering out everybody's voice except Sheppard's. After all, Sheppard was the only person who could hear him.
"You've been avoiding me ever since we were in your lab."
Rodney froze. "That's ridiculous," he managed to get out. "Why would I be avoiding you? Maybe I'm just sick of your company."
Sheppard smiled slightly. "You just contradicted yourself there." He stepped closer.
"I didn't," Rodney countered, not caring how childish he sounded. Sheppard was barely a step away. If he took a step forward, he would be pressed up against the other man. Rodney wanted to put a hand out to steady himself, or to grab a computer to pretend that he was calculating some important equations, but he couldn't.
"I was wondering why you would be avoiding me," Sheppard continued in that deceptively soft voice.
"I haven't," Rodney protested, but it was as if Sheppard didn't hear him.
Sheppard took half a step closer. "I was wondering if it had anything to do with what happened after Zelenka entered the lab."
Rodney bit back a hysterical laugh. Here they were having a ridiculous conversation in the middle of the gate room, all the while, other Atlantis personnel were moving around them. "Nothing happened," he insisted. He had no idea what sort of game Sheppard was playing but he wanted no part of it. "Now excuse me, I have to go." He tried to push past Sheppard.
"You have to go?" Sheppard repeated with a bemused smile. "To do what?"
"Something important," Rodney said, his mind going blank. Sheppard's hand was on his bare arm, just beneath where he had rolled up his sleeves. It wasn't a tight grip, but just the feeling of the other man's fingers on his skin was enough to send tingles all up and down his body.
"We're both out of phase," Sheppard pointed out. "There is absolutely nothing for either of us to do."
Rodney made the mistake of looking up. There was an expression in Sheppard's eyes that Rodney hadn't seen directed at him in a very long time. "I, uh," Rodney managed to get out before Sheppard took the last half step forward, and then his lips were on Rodney's.
"Do you still have to go?" Sheppard murmured into his ear.
Rodney shook his head and dragged Sheppard down to the ground.
-*-*-
Rodney couldn't believe what he was seeing. From the look on Zelenka's face, he concluded that Zelenka was equally surprised. Somehow, there were sparkling lights dancing all over one of the ancient consoles. One of the tech's coffee cups was shaking on the table and Zelenka's hand shot out to steady it.
"Uh, Rodney," Sheppard said. "I think we might have just caused that."
"Don't be ridiculous," Rodney said. He could feel his cheeks turning red though. It had been incredible, fantastic even, but it couldn't have caused that display on the ancient monitors. "How on earth would we have done that?"
Sheppard shrugged as he pulled on his pants. "Well none of us know how this phase shifting technology works. For all we know, strong emotions in this dimension could have consequences in our normal dimension."
"That's preposterous," Rodney said faintly, but he knew he didn't sound convincing, even to himself.
-*-*-
"You're telling me that you have nothing?" Woolsey snapped.
Zelenka looked scared, but Rodney couldn't help but proudly note that he had managed to get Zelenka to look frightened before. "Our instruments. They are going haywire. Randomly."
"The ship will be within communications range within a few hours. Earth has already been notified and they are on high alert." Woolsey sighed and for a moment, the expression on his face shifted and Rodney could see how tired he truly was. Then the mask was back. "We'd better hope that they're friendly.
-*-*-
A huge booming voice sounded all through Atlantis. "SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
Rodney winced. "Definitely not friendly," he said.
"A bit melodramatic, aren't they?" Sheppard commented.
Rodney glared at him. "I should be there," he said, looking at Zelenka. "I should be in charge, not Zelenka. If I were there, then we wouldn't be in this situation."
Zelenka had obviously managed to hook up a connection. Woolsey took a deep breath. "My name is Richard Woolsey, leader of the Atlantis expedition."
"SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
"May I know who I am speaking to?"
"SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
"They seem rather single-minded," Sheppard said.
Rodney had to agree. Out of all the aliens he had encountered, these seemed even more melodramatic than the Goa'uld and Wraith combined.
"We would like to send up a team to negotiate with you," Woolsey persisted. "Will you allow us to do this?"
There was a very long pause.
"THIS WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE."
Sheppard turned to Rodney. "We have to be on that team," he said. "We have to help."
"How would you propose that we do that?" Rodney demanded. There was a strange look on Sheppard's face and it took Rodney a few seconds to decipher it. "Oh, you have to be kidding me," Rodney said incredulously. "You want us to have sex on the alien ship?"
To Sheppard's credit, he looked slightly embarrassed. "No, not that," he said. "We've established that it works through strong emotions. All we need to do is have some form of strong emotion and then we'll be connected."
"And then what?"
Sheppard grinned, the grin sending shivers down Rodney's back. "I figured you would come up with the rest."
"Oh." Rodney had to admit that he liked this plan
-*-*-
The expedition Woolsey had come up with sat nervously in the jumper. Rodney and Sheppard had squeezed in as well. After assessing the space inside the jumper, they had decided to sit on the floor. It meant that whenever Woolsey, Lorne, Teyla, Ronon or any of the other men moved their feet, their feet ended up passing through either Rodney or Sheppard, but it couldn't be helped.
"What is the plan, sir?" Lorne asked.
"We will dock on the alien vessel and attempt to negotiate with them," Woolsey said.
"And if that fails, sir?"
Woolsey looked grim. "Carson Beckett is down below sitting in the chair. If we signal him, he will attempt to fire drones at the alien ships. Hopefully, Atlantis's shields will be strong enough and we will be far away from here when he begins to fire."
"Carson can't be pleased with that," Rodney said, turning to Sheppard.
Sheppard gave him a brief tense smile and squeezed his hand. "This plan of yours had better work."
Rodney opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He couldn't be bothered to remind Sheppard again that it was actually his plan, and Rodney had severe doubts about it working. They had attempted to test the tenuous connection they had with the real universe. It was sporadic at best and Rodney seemed to be better at it than Sheppard. Rodney found that he could access ancient technology better than Earth technology and that he had managed to open a file on one of the computers.
"We need to go in, find out what they want and then disable their ship's weapons," Sheppard reiterated their plan.
Rodney nodded. It sounded so easy, but he suspected that it was going to be anything but.
-*-*-
"I can't do this," Rodney snapped. He had been trying to muster up some form of strong emotion for the last minute in order to gain access to the ship's computers. Woolsey, Lorne and the others had been immediately escorted away by armed men.
Rodney could feel Sheppard coming up behind him. To his surprise, Sheppard's arms encircled his waist and Sheppard breathed in his ear. Rodney shivered. "This isn't the right time," he protested and tried to extricate himself from the embrace.
In response, Sheppard nibbled on his ear. One hand reached around and began to stroke Rodney through his pants. "Try it now," Sheppard said into his ear.
Suddenly, with clarity, Rodney could see what Sheppard was trying to do. "Isn't this more distracting than anything else?" he pointed out.
"Try it," Sheppard repeated.
Rodney tried to concentrate on connecting with the ship's computers. He tried to ignore what Sheppard was doing with his cock, but it was virtually impossible. "I still don't..." he began to say, when suddenly, Rodney found himself connected.
It only took him a minute to find what he wanted and what he found scared him.
"I've found out why they're here," Rodney said, gasping both from the exertion of connecting with the computer and what Sheppard was doing to him.
"So why?" Sheppard demanded.
"They want to terraform the planet. This planet is one of a long list of planets that they plan to terraform. The last time they scouted the planet, it was uninhabited. They don't want to kill us, per se, but they want the planet."
Sheppard looked grim. "Is there a chance that Woolsey's negotiations could work?"
"I doubt it," Rodney said, shaking his head. "They've done this to other planets before. They allow enough time for the local population to escape through the Stargate, but if they don't make it... well... the virus they release to trigger the terraforming process kills humans."
"Try to disable their weapons," Sheppard said. "Then we need to hope that Woolsey, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne and the others get off safely."
"Not to mention us," Rodney muttered as he began trying to interface with the computer again.
-*-*-
"They want us off the planet," Woolsey said, his mouth set in a grim line. It seemed that the aliens had chosen to negotiate solely with him. The others had been locked in a secure room, surrounded by many heavily armed guards in the meantime.
"I hope you told them no," Lorne said tersely.
"I informed them of our ability to defend ourselves," Woolsey said. "They laughed and told us that we could try."
"Are they letting us go?" Teyla said, looking puzzled.
"They told me that they want to give us a chance to evacuate off the planet, if we so choose. If not, then in around four of our hours, they will be forced to take action," Woolsey said, looking tired.
"Do we know what this action is?" Lorne demanded.
Woolsey shook his head.
Sheppard looked over at Rodney. "I assume you've disabled their weapons?"
"I think so," Rodney said. "It was easier than on Atlantis. All their ships seem to be interconnected somehow. They won't know until they try to use the weapons."
Sheppard's eyes gleamed.
-*-*-
"I don't understand," Zelenka protested. "From our scans, it is obvious that they have weapons that are most likely superior to our own. But they're not firing a shot."
Rodney watched the screen as the last of the alien vessels was taken out. He couldn't help feeling a slight twinge of guilt.
"Could the scans be wrong?" Woolsey asked.
"I do not think so," Zelenka said, frowning as he peered into his computer. "But the alien threat seems to be gone."
"Good work, Beckett," Woolsey said into his comms unit.
Beckett's voice came crackling over the line a few seconds later. "They didn’t fight back," Beckett said, sounding hesitant.
"Good work," Woolsey said firmly.
"Maybe all the alien weapons were disabled somehow," Teyla commented calmly.
Rodney could feel his spirits begin to lift. Perhaps Teyla could figure it out. Since they had gotten back, he and Sheppard had tried yet again to connect with one of the computers on Atlantis to write everybody else a message, but it hadn't worked.
"That's unlikely," Ronon said.
"I suppose," Teyla conceded.
Rodney could feel his spirits fall again. He turned around and looked at Sheppard.
"I'm sure they'll find a way to get us out of this mess," Sheppard said. "Now that they don't have the alien ships to contend with."
Rodney frowned. "I just don't understand why it was so much easier to connect with the alien ship's computers."
"Perhaps it's because so much more was at stake then," Sheppard said gently. "But we'll keep on trying."
Rodney tuned back into the conversation that was going on around them just in time to hear Woolsey. "Congratulations everybody," Woolsey said, with one of his rare smiles. "You all did very well today."
Rodney snorted. They most certainly didn't do well. If it had been left up to Zelenka, Carson and everybody else then Atlantis would most likely be a smouldering heap by now. "It was my work!" he complained.
Sheppard raised an eyebrow.
"Our work," Rodney amended, slightly sheepishly.
"You can tell them all about our role in this after we're visible again," Sheppard said.
Rodney narrowed his eyes. He hadn't a clue whether the other man was being sarcastic or not. "You know they couldn't have done it without us."
"And we probably wouldn't have been able to do it without being in this situation," Sheppard said mildly.
"You're making it sound like we pulled off some sort of parlour trick," Rodney complained. "I'll have you know that without my skills and knowledge, the alien ship would have simply blown up. Nobody else could have disabled their weapons so well."
Sheppard rolled his eyes and walked over. His arms encircled Rodney's waist.
"We will get out of this situation," Rodney said quietly, unsure whether he was trying to convince himself or Sheppard. He leaned backwards, sinking into Sheppard's embrace. "We have to."
Sheppard nodded. "You'll find a way. I know you will. Meanwhile," Sheppard continued, his voice taking on a teasing note, "perhaps we could try to create those sparkling lights on the ancient display monitor again."
-fin
Poll
Author: curia_regis
Team: War
Prompt: Sleight of Hand
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: When they discover alien ships heading towards Atlantis, Rodney has yet another brilliant plan to save them. Unfortunately, this plan goes horribly wrong.
Author Notes: Thank you so much to Team War for supporting me in this pinch hit. A huge thank you also goes out to my two team members who offered to beta this at the last minute: reddwarfer and skinscript.
Once you've read the story, please take a moment to vote in the poll below. Ratings go from 1 (low) to 9 (high), so all you need to do is enter a single number in that range into each text entry box. You'll be able to see the Prompt and Team (Genre) information in the header above.
More details about the voting procedure can be found here.
**
"They're coming," Zelenka said flatly. The screen showed a veritable contingent of ships converging on Atlantis. "They'll be here in less than two weeks. I estimate more than ten vessels."
Rodney pushed his way past Zelenka so that he was standing in front of the screen. "Let me do that," Rodney said irritably. It was impossible that so many ships were making their way here. It was obvious that Zelenka had made yet another one of his stupid mistakes. Rodney typed furiously on the keyboard and could feel his heart sink. Zelenka had been wrong. "There's actually more like fifteen," Rodney heard himself say weakly.
Woolsey visibly paled. "What can we do?" he asked. "We've only got one ZPM so we won't be able to hold them off for long with our shields if they choose to attack."
"Maybe they're friendly."
Rodney turned to Sheppard and stared. "Maybe they're friendly?" he repeated. For a guy that claimed that he could have gotten into Mensa, Sheppard was surprisingly dense at times. "Friendly people do not send fifteen ships towards us. They never have."
Sheppard shrugged. "I was trying to be positive."
Rodney turned back to the computer and ignored him. He needed to find out as much as he could about the ships before they got here. It was after about a minute of rapid typing that Rodney suddenly realised that there was silence all around him. He glanced up and realised that everybody had gone back to their own positions. Sheppard was on his radio, presumably telling his men about the new development. Zelenka was on another computer, frowning and muttering in Czech. Woolsey was rapidly disappearing into his office.
Rodney snorted. He was left-yet again-to save the day. Typical.
-*-*-
Rodney was feeling rather grimy. When he reached up with his hand to touch his hair, it came away coated with oil. It was with a start that he realised that he hadn't showered for days and quite possibly hadn't eaten for hours. As if in response, his stomach growled at him.
When he walked into the mess hall, Sheppard greeted him and then wrinkled his nose. "You forgot to shower again, didn't you?"
"It's not that bad," Rodney snapped. He didn't dare to smell his own underarms, but as long as he looked forward and didn't try to breathe through his nose, it was perfectly fine. Besides, he could see the giant pile of MREs on the table. He could easily go and have a shower after he had satisfied his hunger.
"How's the plan coming along?" Sheppard asked as he heaped his plate with real food.
Rodney shrugged. "It's almost done," he lied. In actuality, he felt like he was missing a vital aspect of the coding but he was sure that he could finish it in time. It wasn't as though any of his last minute plans had failed yet!
Unfortunately, they still hadn't seemed to be able to figure out why the alien ships were coming towards Atlantis, or who they were, but the safest option without possibly depleting their ZPM would be to make their city vanish. And Rodney thought he had the perfect way to do it.
-*-*-
"Are you sure this will work?" Woolsey asked.
Rodney looked up from where he was inputting the last of his calculations into the computer. "Yes," he snapped. "It'll just be like a magic trick. One minute, we're here, the next minute, we won't be. Now if you'll let me get back to making sure that we all don't die a horrible death?"
Woolsey nodded and Rodney turned back to the computer. The calculations he was currently inputting were complicated even for him. They basically shifted Atlantis into a slightly different plane of existence. Not quite an alternate dimension- Rodney did not want them to all go through that again-but enough so that hopefully once the ships got here, they wouldn't be able to see Atlantis. Even if they fired at Atlantis's exact position, they wouldn't be able to hit anything. It was quite a neat trick the Ancients had developed, one they'd been trying to work out the kinks of it for months.
It had taken this latest disaster for Rodney to finally see the solution to the problem that had been plaguing him for weeks. Now the machine stood in front of him on the table. Quickly, Rodney punched in his authorisation code.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sheppard asked as he came up behind Rodney.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Of course it is," he said in exasperation. "I've run every conceivable simulation!"
Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "In less than one week? That's quite impressive."
Rodney sighed and pointed to the laptop on the table. "I need your authorisation code." It was one of the annoying safeguards that Zelenka had built in weeks ago to prevent any unauthorised usage of the machine. They needed at least two authorisation codes, one of which had to be military. He watched as Sheppard typed in his authorisation number. "The machine's ready to go," he said, looking up at Woolsey.
There was a look of apprehension on Woolsey's face and for a minute, Rodney wondered if he was going to simply stick to protocol and evacuate the entirety of Atlantis back to Earth. However, the look passed and Woolsey straightened and stared Rodney in the eyes. There was a look of determination now on his face. "You have a go," he said.
Rodney turned back to the machine. "John, you need to hold down that switch." He watched as Sheppard came over and held down the switch he was pointing at. Rodney walked around the table and with only the slightest bit of hesitation, he pushed the activation button.
There was a bright flash of light and Rodney felt himself fall to the ground.
-*-*-
When Rodney came to again, he found himself looking up at the ceiling.. He could hear voices all around him. Most of them sounded worried. He winced as he tried to move an arm. It was probably badly bruised, Rodney realised. He groaned out loud, expecting the people to come running to his aid. However, nobody came.
Rodney groaned again, this time louder. Still, nobody seemed to rush over to take his vitals. In fact, the steady din of voices around him sounded the same, except now he seemed to be able to make out some of the words. He furrowed his brow tried to concentrate.
"They just disappeared!"
Rodney frowned. That sounded like Zelenka's voice. "Who disappeared?" he tried to say, but all that came out was a croak. Clearing his throat, Rodney tried again. "Who disappeared?"
They just ignored him.
"Atlantis is still visible," Zelenka said. "The machine has failed."
Rodney opened his eyes with an effort. People seemed to be standing, gathered around the machine, with their backs turned away from him. "It hasn't failed," he said irritably. "It's just a minor glitch." He was annoyed when none of them turned around to acknowledge what he had just said.
"They can't hear you."
"What?" Rodney sat up, wincing at his muscles. He had just fallen over. It shouldn't have caused him to feel like he had just run a marathon. He turned his head and saw Sheppard, who was also on the ground, leaning against a table. "What are you doing down here?"
"I was knocked over by the same thing that affected you. Bright flash of light, remember?" Sheppard said. "I've been trying to talk to them for about five minutes. Nobody seems to be able to hear me. And look!" Sheppard lifted one of his arms and passed it right through the leg of somebody standing next to him.
"Oh," Rodney said. "Crap."
"Yes," Sheppard agreed. "Instead of shifting Atlantis to another plane of existence, you've shifted both of us."
"Well that's easily fixed," Rodney said.
Sheppard's face brightened. "That's good to hear, at least," he said. "I wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of my days as some sort of incorporeal mass floating around Atlantis. That is, supposing that Atlantis survives this latest threat."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "You didn't think I'd leave Atlantis on another plane of existence forever, did you?" Taking a deep breath, he stood up and looked at the table. Sheppard also stood up and walked over to him. Around them, people were milling around, discussing their disappearance and the impending alien threat. "All I need to do is type in a few lines and then push the button again. You'll need to hold the switch down, too."
Sheppard nodded.
Rodney reached over to his laptop, wincing as his hands passed through Zelenka's. To his horror, his hands managed to pass through the laptop as well. In fact, they passed right through the table. Lifting his hands up, he tried again to type but the same things happened.
"That might be a problem," Sheppard said.
Rodney couldn't help but agree.
-*-*-
Rodney was getting increasingly frustrated with Zelenka and all the other scientists. It had been half a day already and none of them seemed even close to figuring out how to bring him and Sheppard back. He knew that if he were in their place, if Zelenka or anybody else had disappeared, then he would have surely had a plan together by now. But from what Rodney could see of Zelenka, especially when he was in his private quarters, he seemed to be completely and utterly stuck.
"You're spying on him," Sheppard pointed out.
"I'm trying to figure out how far along they are," Rodney corrected. He had to admit deep down that Sheppard was right, but it didn't stop him from standing behind Zelenka and yelling into his ear.
Sheppard looked like he was holding back a grin. "That's not going to work, you know," he said. "It didn't work the last five hundred times either."
Rodney let out a deep breath. "I don't see you doing anything," he snapped and then regretted it almost immediately. Sheppard's face immediately took on a shuttered expression. "Look," Rodney said, spreading out his arms. "We have to do something."
As if in response, Sheppard held out an arm and passed it through a nearby door.
"I know we're incorporeal," Rodney said irritably. A sudden thought occurred to him. "What about food?" Rodney certainly wasn't looking forward to starving to death. In fact, that was possibly the worst death he could imagine, next to death by citrus fruit, that is.
Sheppard frowned. "Are you hungry?"
Rodney sucked in his stomach and thought about it. He had to admit the smell of the MRE Zelenka was eating did smell enticing; however, he wasn't actually hungry. "I don't think so," he said.
Sheppard opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it again.
"What?" Rodney demanded. He knew that look on Sheppard's face.
"Well," Sheppard said slowly. "I didn't want to mention this before, but what if we're dead? What if that experiment of yours malfunctioned and killed us?"
Rodney's mouth dropped open. That was preposterous, wasn't it? They couldn't be dead. He knew that machine of his inside out. It most definitely wouldn't have killed them. "We can't be dead," Rodney said decisively. "I know my own work. It couldn't have killed us. Besides, if we were dead, then where are our bodies?"
Sheppard shrugged. "How come we seem to pass through everything except the floor?"
"I..." Rodney began, but he really didn't have an answer to that. From what he had read of SG-1's mission reports, he realised that it seemed to be a common thing when one shifted dimensions. It was too bad that his machine, although built along the same lines as Merlin's phase-shifting technology, wasn't quite the same. Still, he suspected that they should be contacting Sam Carter very soon.
Sheppard smirked. "You have no idea, do you?"
Rodney refused to answer.
-*-*-
"Any luck?" Woolsey asked.
Rodney held his breath and watched Zelenka, hoping beyond hope that Zelenka had some sort of great revelation in the past few minutes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sheppard sitting on the floor, fiddling with one of the buttons on his uniform.
"No," Zelenka said, shaking his head. "I just got off the line with Colonel Carter who has some experience with phase-shifting technologies. She says that Rodney's design, from what I could tell her, is substantially different to Merlin's phase shifting device. She says that she'll work on it, but as you know, she's currently on maternity leave."
Woolsey nodded. "Couldn't you just reverse whatever Rodney did?"
Zelenka sighed. "I would do that, if Rodney had left any instructions. He barely explained to the rest of us what he was doing. I tried reversing the process, but it hasn't worked so far."
Rodney snorted. It was a simple task to reverse.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you off that task for the time being," Woolsey said. "The ships are still coming and we are still unsure whether they are friendly or not. I need you and the other scientists here to concentrate on that problem."
"What?" Rodney exploded. "You can't do that!"
He was somewhat pleased to see Zelenka frowning. "But, we would be better off with McKay back."
"You've already been working on this for two whole days," Woolsey said calmly. "You need some rest. If what you assumed was correct, Rodney McKay and John Sheppard have been shifted into another plane of existence. They are perfectly safe for the meantime. However, we won't be, if those ships are unfriendly."
"What if we starve?" Rodney snapped.
"We're not," Sheppard pointed out. "I haven't felt hungry or thirsty since you pressed that button. Have you?"
"But they don't know that!" Rodney exclaimed. He was incredibly annoyed to see Zelenka nod and excuse himself. "He's going to bed? Whatever happened to working around the clock to save us?"
Sheppard shrugged. "I guess we're just going to have to spend some more time out of phase."
-*-*-
Rodney was bored. Extremely and frustratingly bored. Over the past few days, he'd had nobody except Sheppard to talk to. Normally, Rodney didn't mind talking to Sheppard. When the man wasn't making idiotic statements, he was quite a good conversationalist. However, Rodney didn't exactly want to spend the next two weeks, or however long it took, having only Sheppard to talk to.
"What I wouldn't give for a book," Rodney complained. He had been trying to read over people's shoulders for the past few days, but it was rather annoying.
"I'd prefer my golf clubs and a couple of balls to be shifted into this dimension," Sheppard said with a sigh.
"The first thing I'm going to do once I'm back in phase..." Rodney started.
"Let me guess," Sheppard interrupted, with a grin. "Eat?"
Rodney glared. Sometimes he suspected that he was a bit too predictable to Sheppard.
-*-*-
"This is hopeless," Rodney ground out. He was trying to search his lab for ways to try to communicate with the rest of the people on Atlantis, but his efforts were proving rather fruitless as neither he nor Sheppard could actually lift up anything.
"They'll find a way to get us out of this mess," Sheppard said.
Rodney looked up from where he was trying to turn a page in a book using the sheer force of his will. "Do you really believe that," he asked quietly.
Sheppard didn't reply.
"I thought so," Rodney said simply.
Just then, Zelenka wandered into the room. He walked towards where Rodney was standing, making a beeline for the book Rodney was desperately trying to read. Out of habit, Rodney immediately shifted out of the way. He had realised that the feeling of somebody else passing through him was rather unpleasant to say the least.
As Rodney moved, he found himself pressed up against Sheppard. The physical proximity made him shiver slightly. There was a strange look in Sheppard's eyes, one that Rodney couldn't identify. "Sorry," Rodney gasped and stepped backwards, only to find himself sliding through Zelenka. The feeling was unpleasantly cold and clammy, much like having a wet washcloth draped over his entire body.
Rodney could feel his heart beating faster, but he wasn't quite sure why. There was still that look in Sheppard's eyes and he felt like he could still feel where Sheppard's hand had shot out to touch his shoulder in order to steady him. It felt almost like... Rodney shook his head. That was ridiculous. Impossible. He had known enough of John Sheppard to know that Sheppard was most definitely a woman's man.
-*-*-
"You've been avoiding me," Sheppard commented.
Rodney couldn't help a short chuckle. It had taken Sheppard well over two days to realise that Rodney had deliberately made himself scarce. He had first gone to try and listen to Zelenka and the other scientists figure out a way to identify the alien vessels and to arm themselves against them, but that had proved too frustrating. Rodney couldn't help interjecting whenever he discovered that they were saying something wrong, which was far too often, but of course, they couldn't hear him. He had then watched Ronon and Teyla sparring for about half a day, but he found that put him to sleep. Rodney couldn't help realising that Atlantis was really not that interesting a place when he couldn't interact with people.
"I haven't."
"You have," Sheppard said shortly.
Rodney didn't want to look at Sheppard, so he looked around. They were in a corner of the gate room. All around them was the hustle and bustle of ordinary Atlantis life, however, somehow, he felt divorced from it and suspected that Sheppard felt the same way. Rodney realised that he had gotten quite adept at filtering out everybody's voice except Sheppard's. After all, Sheppard was the only person who could hear him.
"You've been avoiding me ever since we were in your lab."
Rodney froze. "That's ridiculous," he managed to get out. "Why would I be avoiding you? Maybe I'm just sick of your company."
Sheppard smiled slightly. "You just contradicted yourself there." He stepped closer.
"I didn't," Rodney countered, not caring how childish he sounded. Sheppard was barely a step away. If he took a step forward, he would be pressed up against the other man. Rodney wanted to put a hand out to steady himself, or to grab a computer to pretend that he was calculating some important equations, but he couldn't.
"I was wondering why you would be avoiding me," Sheppard continued in that deceptively soft voice.
"I haven't," Rodney protested, but it was as if Sheppard didn't hear him.
Sheppard took half a step closer. "I was wondering if it had anything to do with what happened after Zelenka entered the lab."
Rodney bit back a hysterical laugh. Here they were having a ridiculous conversation in the middle of the gate room, all the while, other Atlantis personnel were moving around them. "Nothing happened," he insisted. He had no idea what sort of game Sheppard was playing but he wanted no part of it. "Now excuse me, I have to go." He tried to push past Sheppard.
"You have to go?" Sheppard repeated with a bemused smile. "To do what?"
"Something important," Rodney said, his mind going blank. Sheppard's hand was on his bare arm, just beneath where he had rolled up his sleeves. It wasn't a tight grip, but just the feeling of the other man's fingers on his skin was enough to send tingles all up and down his body.
"We're both out of phase," Sheppard pointed out. "There is absolutely nothing for either of us to do."
Rodney made the mistake of looking up. There was an expression in Sheppard's eyes that Rodney hadn't seen directed at him in a very long time. "I, uh," Rodney managed to get out before Sheppard took the last half step forward, and then his lips were on Rodney's.
"Do you still have to go?" Sheppard murmured into his ear.
Rodney shook his head and dragged Sheppard down to the ground.
-*-*-
Rodney couldn't believe what he was seeing. From the look on Zelenka's face, he concluded that Zelenka was equally surprised. Somehow, there were sparkling lights dancing all over one of the ancient consoles. One of the tech's coffee cups was shaking on the table and Zelenka's hand shot out to steady it.
"Uh, Rodney," Sheppard said. "I think we might have just caused that."
"Don't be ridiculous," Rodney said. He could feel his cheeks turning red though. It had been incredible, fantastic even, but it couldn't have caused that display on the ancient monitors. "How on earth would we have done that?"
Sheppard shrugged as he pulled on his pants. "Well none of us know how this phase shifting technology works. For all we know, strong emotions in this dimension could have consequences in our normal dimension."
"That's preposterous," Rodney said faintly, but he knew he didn't sound convincing, even to himself.
-*-*-
"You're telling me that you have nothing?" Woolsey snapped.
Zelenka looked scared, but Rodney couldn't help but proudly note that he had managed to get Zelenka to look frightened before. "Our instruments. They are going haywire. Randomly."
"The ship will be within communications range within a few hours. Earth has already been notified and they are on high alert." Woolsey sighed and for a moment, the expression on his face shifted and Rodney could see how tired he truly was. Then the mask was back. "We'd better hope that they're friendly.
-*-*-
A huge booming voice sounded all through Atlantis. "SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
Rodney winced. "Definitely not friendly," he said.
"A bit melodramatic, aren't they?" Sheppard commented.
Rodney glared at him. "I should be there," he said, looking at Zelenka. "I should be in charge, not Zelenka. If I were there, then we wouldn't be in this situation."
Zelenka had obviously managed to hook up a connection. Woolsey took a deep breath. "My name is Richard Woolsey, leader of the Atlantis expedition."
"SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
"May I know who I am speaking to?"
"SURRENDER THIS PLANET."
"They seem rather single-minded," Sheppard said.
Rodney had to agree. Out of all the aliens he had encountered, these seemed even more melodramatic than the Goa'uld and Wraith combined.
"We would like to send up a team to negotiate with you," Woolsey persisted. "Will you allow us to do this?"
There was a very long pause.
"THIS WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE."
Sheppard turned to Rodney. "We have to be on that team," he said. "We have to help."
"How would you propose that we do that?" Rodney demanded. There was a strange look on Sheppard's face and it took Rodney a few seconds to decipher it. "Oh, you have to be kidding me," Rodney said incredulously. "You want us to have sex on the alien ship?"
To Sheppard's credit, he looked slightly embarrassed. "No, not that," he said. "We've established that it works through strong emotions. All we need to do is have some form of strong emotion and then we'll be connected."
"And then what?"
Sheppard grinned, the grin sending shivers down Rodney's back. "I figured you would come up with the rest."
"Oh." Rodney had to admit that he liked this plan
-*-*-
The expedition Woolsey had come up with sat nervously in the jumper. Rodney and Sheppard had squeezed in as well. After assessing the space inside the jumper, they had decided to sit on the floor. It meant that whenever Woolsey, Lorne, Teyla, Ronon or any of the other men moved their feet, their feet ended up passing through either Rodney or Sheppard, but it couldn't be helped.
"What is the plan, sir?" Lorne asked.
"We will dock on the alien vessel and attempt to negotiate with them," Woolsey said.
"And if that fails, sir?"
Woolsey looked grim. "Carson Beckett is down below sitting in the chair. If we signal him, he will attempt to fire drones at the alien ships. Hopefully, Atlantis's shields will be strong enough and we will be far away from here when he begins to fire."
"Carson can't be pleased with that," Rodney said, turning to Sheppard.
Sheppard gave him a brief tense smile and squeezed his hand. "This plan of yours had better work."
Rodney opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He couldn't be bothered to remind Sheppard again that it was actually his plan, and Rodney had severe doubts about it working. They had attempted to test the tenuous connection they had with the real universe. It was sporadic at best and Rodney seemed to be better at it than Sheppard. Rodney found that he could access ancient technology better than Earth technology and that he had managed to open a file on one of the computers.
"We need to go in, find out what they want and then disable their ship's weapons," Sheppard reiterated their plan.
Rodney nodded. It sounded so easy, but he suspected that it was going to be anything but.
-*-*-
"I can't do this," Rodney snapped. He had been trying to muster up some form of strong emotion for the last minute in order to gain access to the ship's computers. Woolsey, Lorne and the others had been immediately escorted away by armed men.
Rodney could feel Sheppard coming up behind him. To his surprise, Sheppard's arms encircled his waist and Sheppard breathed in his ear. Rodney shivered. "This isn't the right time," he protested and tried to extricate himself from the embrace.
In response, Sheppard nibbled on his ear. One hand reached around and began to stroke Rodney through his pants. "Try it now," Sheppard said into his ear.
Suddenly, with clarity, Rodney could see what Sheppard was trying to do. "Isn't this more distracting than anything else?" he pointed out.
"Try it," Sheppard repeated.
Rodney tried to concentrate on connecting with the ship's computers. He tried to ignore what Sheppard was doing with his cock, but it was virtually impossible. "I still don't..." he began to say, when suddenly, Rodney found himself connected.
It only took him a minute to find what he wanted and what he found scared him.
"I've found out why they're here," Rodney said, gasping both from the exertion of connecting with the computer and what Sheppard was doing to him.
"So why?" Sheppard demanded.
"They want to terraform the planet. This planet is one of a long list of planets that they plan to terraform. The last time they scouted the planet, it was uninhabited. They don't want to kill us, per se, but they want the planet."
Sheppard looked grim. "Is there a chance that Woolsey's negotiations could work?"
"I doubt it," Rodney said, shaking his head. "They've done this to other planets before. They allow enough time for the local population to escape through the Stargate, but if they don't make it... well... the virus they release to trigger the terraforming process kills humans."
"Try to disable their weapons," Sheppard said. "Then we need to hope that Woolsey, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne and the others get off safely."
"Not to mention us," Rodney muttered as he began trying to interface with the computer again.
-*-*-
"They want us off the planet," Woolsey said, his mouth set in a grim line. It seemed that the aliens had chosen to negotiate solely with him. The others had been locked in a secure room, surrounded by many heavily armed guards in the meantime.
"I hope you told them no," Lorne said tersely.
"I informed them of our ability to defend ourselves," Woolsey said. "They laughed and told us that we could try."
"Are they letting us go?" Teyla said, looking puzzled.
"They told me that they want to give us a chance to evacuate off the planet, if we so choose. If not, then in around four of our hours, they will be forced to take action," Woolsey said, looking tired.
"Do we know what this action is?" Lorne demanded.
Woolsey shook his head.
Sheppard looked over at Rodney. "I assume you've disabled their weapons?"
"I think so," Rodney said. "It was easier than on Atlantis. All their ships seem to be interconnected somehow. They won't know until they try to use the weapons."
Sheppard's eyes gleamed.
-*-*-
"I don't understand," Zelenka protested. "From our scans, it is obvious that they have weapons that are most likely superior to our own. But they're not firing a shot."
Rodney watched the screen as the last of the alien vessels was taken out. He couldn't help feeling a slight twinge of guilt.
"Could the scans be wrong?" Woolsey asked.
"I do not think so," Zelenka said, frowning as he peered into his computer. "But the alien threat seems to be gone."
"Good work, Beckett," Woolsey said into his comms unit.
Beckett's voice came crackling over the line a few seconds later. "They didn’t fight back," Beckett said, sounding hesitant.
"Good work," Woolsey said firmly.
"Maybe all the alien weapons were disabled somehow," Teyla commented calmly.
Rodney could feel his spirits begin to lift. Perhaps Teyla could figure it out. Since they had gotten back, he and Sheppard had tried yet again to connect with one of the computers on Atlantis to write everybody else a message, but it hadn't worked.
"That's unlikely," Ronon said.
"I suppose," Teyla conceded.
Rodney could feel his spirits fall again. He turned around and looked at Sheppard.
"I'm sure they'll find a way to get us out of this mess," Sheppard said. "Now that they don't have the alien ships to contend with."
Rodney frowned. "I just don't understand why it was so much easier to connect with the alien ship's computers."
"Perhaps it's because so much more was at stake then," Sheppard said gently. "But we'll keep on trying."
Rodney tuned back into the conversation that was going on around them just in time to hear Woolsey. "Congratulations everybody," Woolsey said, with one of his rare smiles. "You all did very well today."
Rodney snorted. They most certainly didn't do well. If it had been left up to Zelenka, Carson and everybody else then Atlantis would most likely be a smouldering heap by now. "It was my work!" he complained.
Sheppard raised an eyebrow.
"Our work," Rodney amended, slightly sheepishly.
"You can tell them all about our role in this after we're visible again," Sheppard said.
Rodney narrowed his eyes. He hadn't a clue whether the other man was being sarcastic or not. "You know they couldn't have done it without us."
"And we probably wouldn't have been able to do it without being in this situation," Sheppard said mildly.
"You're making it sound like we pulled off some sort of parlour trick," Rodney complained. "I'll have you know that without my skills and knowledge, the alien ship would have simply blown up. Nobody else could have disabled their weapons so well."
Sheppard rolled his eyes and walked over. His arms encircled Rodney's waist.
"We will get out of this situation," Rodney said quietly, unsure whether he was trying to convince himself or Sheppard. He leaned backwards, sinking into Sheppard's embrace. "We have to."
Sheppard nodded. "You'll find a way. I know you will. Meanwhile," Sheppard continued, his voice taking on a teasing note, "perhaps we could try to create those sparkling lights on the ancient display monitor again."
-fin
Poll