TEAM ROMANCE: Strategy, "The Twelve-Step Program"
Title: The Twelve-Step Program
Author: myladydisdain ( interview)
Team: Romance
Prompt: Strategy
Pairing: McShep (with light sides of Zelenka/Lorne and Daniel/Jack)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Excessive bad decision making and flawed matchmaking, which always require warnings of a “beware!romanticcomedy!” variety. Spoilers for all of Season 3, specifically all episodes from The Game through First Strike.
Summary: No one ever said that genius meant having a gift for strategy. Unfortunately for Rodney McKay, he has meddlesome friends who are quite certain of their gifts for strategy.
Notes: Thanks to skitty_kitty for the beta!
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**
Step One: Zelenka and the Crustacean Caper
“Hey, McKay!”
Rodney spares a glance for Sheppard as he strolls into the lab, before returning to the computer simulation scrolling down his screen. Zelenka, at his own workstation, keeps his eyes discreetly lowered as he listens. “We still on for chess tonight?” Sheppard continues, oblivious to Rodney’s dismissal.
“We certainly won’t be playing our usual game,” Rodney snipes, rolling his eyes. “Yes, chess, fine, I’ll be by around 19:00.”
“See ya later, buddy,” Sheppard replies cheerfully, before leaving the lab.
Zelenka rolls his eyes, his scoff drawing Rodney’s attention. “Yes, fine, sure,” he mimicks, huffing impatiently. “You are never going to win him over that way.”
“For God’s sake, I thought you were done with that nonsense!” Rodney splutters, exasperated. “I am not interested in Sheppard!”
Zelenka sighs, double-checking that the lab is empty around them, as it becomes apparent that Rodney has no volume switch. “It would be apparent to a blind and deaf mute, McKay!” he retorts, enjoying the stunned look that flickers over his friend’s face. “You want to win him over, yes?”
“Well, you’re supposed to humor the crazy person, so yes, Radek, enlighten me with your brilliant plan to win over Colonel Sheppard,” Rodney snarks as he restarts the simulation, having missed his data as Zelenka distracted him.
“I am not crazy, and now am thinking perhaps I do not want to help you after all.”
“Thank goodness for small miracles,” Rodney replies.
“But if you do want to win the colonel…”
“I knew it was too good to be true,” Rodney mutters, waiting.
“The lobster traps are ready to be tested,” Zelenka informs him. “You and Colonel go test, catch one of those car-sized lobsters, and then cook him lobster. Way to man’s heart is through stomach.”
“Where did you learn that, Dr. Phil or Oprah?” Rodney asks bitingly, even as he contemplates the idea.
“No, Evan, when he was courting me. It’s true, because the night he cooked bouillabaisse was the first time when…”
“Whoa, Radek, we talked about those details and over sharing, remember?” Rodney complains, even as he reaches for his radio. “Sheppard, you there? Radek says we can test the lobster traps.”
Step Two: Carson and the Egyptian River
“Let me see if I have this straight. You and Colonel Sheppard not only went and tested the damn fool traps, but then you brought the lobster beastie to the surface which is how Colonel Sheppard got mauled by the enormous claws, which you both some how forgot the beastie might be able to use,” Carson sums up, neatly finishing the 43rd stitch to close the gash on Sheppard’s arm.
Sheppard is unconscious, fortunately, Rodney decides, as he shrugs, trying to look casual as he watches Carson’s work intently. “Lad, there are easier ways of courtin’ the man!”
“I wasn’t…” Rodney stammers, managing to pull his astonishment into a proper glare. “It certainly wasn’t my idea,” he adds stiffly.
“Could you maybe stick with some more traditional methods next time? Flowers maybe?” Carson suggests, ripping his gloves off in exasperation. Rodney, however, had sat up, his face brightening as it did when he got a brilliant idea. “Oh no, what did I say now?”
“Carson, you’re a genius, that’s it! I just need to focus my energy on Katie Brown again! I’ll forget all about this nonsense Zelenka put in my head!” Rodney is on his feet now, practically vibrating from his idea. “Oh, it’s perfect, thanks, Carson!”
“That’s not what I meant!” Carson yells futilely after Rodney, before sighing and settling in to finish wrapping John’s arm.
Step Three: Lorne and the Bonbon Booboo
“Dr. McKay!”
Rodney pauses, letting Major Lorne catch up to him. “Something I can help you with, Major?” he asks, still considering the odd power readings on the tablet in front of him as he walks.
“Yeah, listen, Radek mentioned to me last night about how you’re trying to woo Colonel Sheppard,” Lorne begins without hesitation. “Anyway, apparently he felt since I did such a good job when I asked him out, I should give you some pointers.”
“Do you two ever not share?” Rodney demands, crossing his arms over his tablet as he turns his full glare on Lorne. “I am not interested in Sheppard! Maybe he should have shared that with you!”
“Right, anyway,” Lorne plows on, pretending he hadn’t heard Rodney. “I think he was on the right track with the stomach being the way to a man’s heart advice. But maybe you should consider his favorite candy. When I got Radek those little mint candies he likes, man, that night…”
“Over share!” Rodney yells, scrambling down the hall away from Lorne.
“Think about it!” Lorne calls after him, and Rodney finds himself turning and flipping off Lorne before returning to his data pad.
“What are you supposed to think about and why are you flipping off my second in command over it?”
Rodney jumps, glaring as Sheppard walks out of a connecting hall, joining him mid-stride. “Candy,” Rodney bursts out, stammering in surprise. “Dates.” The funny look Sheppard is giving him registers and he adds, “Something about the stomach connected to the heart, etc., etc., etc.”
“Wow, full of lame clichés,” Sheppard sighs, looking after his 2IC. “How did he manage to snag Zelenka with lame ideas like that, anyway?”
Rodney sags. “So, not a good plan?” he asks, and the colonel shrugs.
“I guess, I mean, if you think she’d like that kind of thing. Me, personally, I think she’ll find it impersonal and silly,” he replies.
“Huh,” Rodney manages to say, mentally crossing Lorne’s suggestion off the list. “Hey are you even supposed to know about Lorne and Zelenka? Don’t ask, don’t tell, whatnot?”
“Who doesn’t know?” Sheppard replies, quirking an eyebrow at Rodney. “And really, who cares? They both still do their jobs, so regs be damned, I say.”
“Good to know,” Rodney says, filing that bit of knowledge away. Noting the odd look Sheppard shoots at him, he quickly changes the subject. “So mandatory rest day this week…”
Step Four: Daniel and the Death Defying Designs
Rodney has the distinct pleasure of watching Daniel choke on his coffee when out of the blue, in the middle of a discussion of the physics behind ascension (and the likelihood of friends ascending rather than dying), he asks, “So how did you manage to bag the General, anyway?”
“I beg your pardon?” Daniel manages to gasp between coughs of inhaled coffee.
“Oh, come on, it’s like the worst kept secret in the SGC. The only person who doesn’t know is probably Carter, but then again, she did say something about scientists and team leaders the other day, so yeah, everyone knows,” Rodney concludes, ignoring the gaping from Daniel. “So, how’d you do it?”
Daniel frowns thoughtfully, waiting for Rodney to sip his coffee. “Trying to bag your own team leader?” he asks, barely concealing a victorious grin when Rodney chokes on his own coffee. “Honestly?” he asks, when Rodney manages to get his coughing under control. “I died, ascended, again, and then came back naked. He did the rest.”
“I tried the dying and almost ascending thing,” Rodney grouses. “I’m not sure I want to try again.”
“You could find a way to subtly remind him of it…” Daniel trails off, grinning. “Oops, forgot who I was talking to.”
“Ha ha,” Rodney grumbles into his coffee.
~*~
“So I’ve been thinking about the dying versus ascending thing, and wondering if, given how often my ass is on the line, if I shouldn’t put more effort forward in being prepared to ascend when you or this place finally do mange to kill me,” Rodney observes over lunch a few days later. Sheppard looks up from pulling apart his sandwich, bewildered.
“Is this about Carson?” he asks warily, looking relieved when Rodney shakes his head emphatically.
“No, just thinking about the people we leave behind, the things we forget to tell them, the…”
Sheppard puts his fork down on his tray with more force than necessary, making Teyla look over at them in concern. “Look, if you’re proposing to Katie, just go do it. Half the botany department thinks you’re set to anyway.”
“Oh god, Katie,” Rodney pales and jumps up, nearly knocking his lunch tray over in the process. “I have to break up with her still!”
Teyla and Sheppard exchange a look as Rodney all but sprints out of the mess. “Why is he breaking up with her?” Sheppard asks, and Teyla looks at him with an almost pitying expression. “What?”
“Eat your lunch, John,” she replies, shaking her head. Her friends really are quite hopeless.
Step Five: Katie and the Pegasus Chamomile
“…so, I just wanted to be fair, and I mean, I guess…” Rodney is stammering, unable to read Katie’s face, which is surprisingly blank.
“It’s okay, Rodney, I understand,” she reassures him. “You’re really lousy at breaking up with a girl, you know that?”
“Yeah, I’ve been told,” Rodney says faintly, feeling a bit of relief creep in. “Are we okay?”
“Sure, Rodney,” she agrees easily. “Just, can you answer me something? Is this about Sheppard? Are you in love with him?”
“God, I’m not sure,” he moans, burying his face in his hands. “I think so,” he adds, his voice muffled through his hands.
“Here,” she tells him, offering him a small plant with delicate blue blossoms. “Try giving him this. Miko gave one to David when they started dating, and he loved it.”
“Thanks,” Rodney takes the plant, smiling in surprised pleasure. “Thanks a lot, Katie.”
“No problem, Rodney,” she tells him, her smile fading as he leaves. “No problem at all.”
Step Six: Teyla and the Green Eyed Monster
“You actually trusted a woman you just broke up with to give you a plant to woo someone else with?” Teyla asks, her eyes wide.
“I know,” Rodney wails, thumping to the floor of her quarters. “I can’t believe I was so stupid!”
“Is Colonel Sheppard all right?” Teyla asks, the corner of her mouth twitching.
“According to Dr. Keller, he’s just sleeping it off,” Rodney replies, letting his head fall to Teyla’s shoulder with a thud when she settles next to him. “This whole thing is turning me into a moron. Sheppard has killed all my genius. I blame him. Maybe if his hair wasn’t so…” he trails off, catching Teyla’s look. “Right. I’m really bad at this.”
“On my home world, many girls would engage a second suitor, a false one, in order to gain the attention of their love interest,” Teyla tells him, and Rodney groans.
“Teyla, I just broke up with the other girl, remember?”
“You need another male suitor, for John to perceive a competition he can win. Besides, it will not be a real relationship, Rodney. We will find someone who will pretend.”
“Oh really? Where you planning on finding someone that stupid?” Rodney asks sarcastically, before sitting up straight, noticing the sly grin on Teyla’s face. “Wait, you have someone in mind?”
~*~
“Well, I for one, intend to spend the next little while resting,” Teyla announces, lying down gratefully on the soft mattress.
“Same here,” she hears Ronon echo.
“Yeah, same here.” Sheppard is relaxing, settling in, when he turns, noticing a silent debate going on between Teyla and Ronon. “Something the two of you needed?” he asks cautiously, receiving two twin looks of surprise mixed with a bit of something resembling guilt. He sits up warily.
“Well, John, it concerns your military policy of not allowing team members to date,” Teyla begins and Sheppard relaxes, grinning at what he is sure will follow.
“Hey, if you two want to…”
“I want to date McKay,” Ronon announces, stunning Sheppard into silence.
“I don’t think… McKay?” John repeats, looking confused. “Ronon, I don’t think he’d go for that, I mean, do you think McKay likes guys?”
“Yeah,” Ronon grunts, shrugging. “We got to talking about Lorne and Zelenka. And he’s got such a great little ass, just perfect for…”
“Hey, whoa!” Sheppard shoots up to his feet, grabbing his jacket, and glaring. “Over sharing! Is Lorne and Zelenka’s over share contagious? Jeez! And the answer is no! No dating McKay!”
In the midst of his yelling, Sheppard had failed to notice the door sliding open. “That seems rather tyrannical of you,” McKay observes, wrinkling his brow in confusion at the scene he had walked into.
Sheppard splutters, turning from Ronon, who is outright grinning, to Teyla, who is doing a poor job of concealing a smirk.
“Oh I get it,” he sighs in relief, taking in the looks. “April Fools, great one. You had me fooled.”
“I do not understand,” Teyla says, looking confused as Sheppard hurriedly leaves the room.
“He thinks it was a prank, a joke,” Rodney fills in sadly. “Great. Just great. I was sure it would work.”
Step Seven: Chuck and the Canadian Solidarity
“Dr. McKay?”
McKay looks up from the DHD diagnostic he’s running, finding the source of the voice to be the Canadian gate tech kid whose name he can never remember.
“One of the scientists mentioned you were trying to score with Colonel Sheppard, and I just thought, you know, Canadian to Canadian, I could offer you some advice.” The kid is now beaming, looking particularly pleased with himself.
“Really?” McKay asks, managing to keep his disdain locked inside him for a moment. “Oh please, enlighten me.”
“Just remind him of how much he needs you in his life,” the kid says, and McKay snorts, shaking his head in disbelief.
“That’s your grand advice? What I took precious time away from this repair for? Canadian to Canadian, Chris, you better hope you don’t end up with sewer repair for your next duty rotation!” McKay yells, slamming his tablet down and storming away.
“It’s Chuck, actually,” he vaguely hears the kid stutter behind him.
“Sewer clean-up, Chuck,” he shouts, glaring as he comes face to face with Sheppard, blocking the way of his perfectly good storming off. “Whole damn city would fall apart without me, and these idiots want to give me dating advice!” he shouts at the colonel, as he pushes past him.
“Could come in handy next time you want to date the Wraith disguised as a chick!” Sheppard calls after him, returning to his walk up to the gateroom. Elizabeth raises an eyebrow as he enters. “What?” he asks, and she sighs.
Step Eight: Elizabeth and the Explicit Declaration
“Rodney? A word, please?”
Sheppard shoots Rodney a look across the table, and Rodney shrugs in return. “Meet you in the jumper bay,” Sheppard says as he leaves the conference room. Teyla smiles encouragingly at Rodney as she departs, and Ronon thumps him on the back, making Rodney wince. Ever since the foiled attempt to make Sheppard jealous, Ronon has been doing that, Rodney muses to himself with a mental groan.
“Yes, Elizabeth?” Rodney asks, and she watches him for a long moment, waiting for him to squirm a little impatiently.
“How many ways have you tried to seduce John?” she asks bluntly, and Rodney’s jaw drops.
“I don’t think I’d use the word seduce, exactly, I mean…” Rodney balks for a moment, and then the words tumble out, the floodgate released. “Oh god, I nearly got him killed by giant lobsters, and my ex tried to poison him, and they made him think Ronon wanted to date me and nothing has worked!” he wails, and Elizabeth smiles.
“Rodney, this may not be what you want to hear right now, but sometimes honesty is the best policy in these matters,” Elizabeth tells him sympathetically. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He punches me, kicks me off the team, tells me he never wants to see me again, and then I lose the only best friend I’ve ever had,” Rodney replies quietly. “I’ll think about it, Elizabeth. I will.”
Rodney is still pondering Elizabeth’s suggestion when he arrives at the jumper bay, joining Sheppard inside one of the jumpers and pulling down a panel to make a few adjustments. “You okay?” he hears Sheppard ask, and Rodney looks up, startled.
“You’re kind of quiet, and you have that look,” John tells him, settling a hand on Rodney’s shoulder and sending a warm rush of energy cascading down McKay’s body. “The look where I start worrying you don’t believe you’re Superman anymore.”
“That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” McKay replies, surprised by how bitter he sounds. “A lot of people would like me better that way.”
“I like it better when you know you can take on the world,” Sheppard replies blandly, smiling in a way that sends Rodney’s heart racing. “Besides, that other loser version of you wouldn’t be my best friend.”
“No,” Rodney says, his heart sinking a little. “I guess he wouldn’t.” He waits a long moment, watching as John fusses with the jumper controls. “John?” he says, steeling his nerves together.
“Yeah?”
Sheppard looks up, and all his nerve rushes right out of McKay and hides somewhere in the jumper’s electrical panel. “Never mind,” he stammers, grabbing quickly for his tools and a control crystal.
Step Nine: The Psychologist and the Pendulum
“I’ll see you next week, Dr. McKay.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replies, feeling unexpectedly cheerful. He is halfway out the door when Heightmeyer calls him back.
“Oh, Rodney? Sometimes the easiest way to get someone’s attention is to do something unexpected. It’s why a lot of women dress up differently to attract a guy’s attention. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do but maybe…”
“Oh yes,” Rodney replies sarcastically, his body blocking the door from closing. “I’ll just strap on a new pair of heels and hope that works, shall I?”
“Hey, Rodney!” Rodney groans at the too cheerful tone. “You starting an Atlantis Drag Show?”
“Ha ha, Colonel,” Rodney sneers at Sheppard, who is standing with Lorne in the corridor.
“I did a drag show once,” Lorne muses, starting to walk away. “I think I still own those strappy red heels.”
Rodney and Sheppard exchange a look, before turning and calling after the major, “Over share!”
Step Ten: Ronon and Wrestlemania
“If we just attempted to reproduce the technology in the…”
Rodney looks up, confused by Zelenka’s inability to finish his thought. “Yes, reproduce… oh.” The hulking form of Ronon in the middle of the science labs has caused a complete silence in the room.
“Come on,” Ronon grunts at McKay, who wrinkles his brow in confusion.
“I’m sorry? Come with you where?” Rodney asks. Zelenka is the only scientist in the room at least pretending to continue to work, Rodney notes. “Yes, big scary man in the science lab,” he shouts at his grunts. “Get back to work or next time it might be a big scary Wraith in here!”
“Come on,” Ronon repeats, this time turning and walking out of the labs. Rodney glances over at Zelenka, who is looking just as concerned as Rodney feels.
“Just, make sure they don’t blow anything up,” Rodney tells his second, setting down his own work and following the Satedan up to the gym. “What’s up, big guy?” Rodney jokes, his eyebrows shooting up when Ronon hands him a bantos stick. “Are you out of your mind?” he demands.
“No,” Ronon replies, crouching and shifting the stick into a ready position. “Keep your knees bent, like mine.”
For reasons he can’t fathom, Rodney finds himself following the direction and mimicking the other man’s movements. “Good,” Ronon observes, his voice loud in the quiet space. “Bring your left hand up a bit.”
“Like this?” Rodney asks, shifting his hand. He receives a quick nod in response.
“Rule number one,” Ronon tells him, “Never take your eyes off your opponent.”
He and Rodney circle each other for several long moments, and finally Rodney asks, “Why are we doing this?”
“The best way to acquire a target is to learn something he or she enjoys. Making a sacrifice, to be worthy of their attention.” Rodney nearly snorts at this. “Also, because you should learn,” Ronon adds.
They continue to circle each other. “Should I be trying to hit you or something?” Rodney asks, his eyes still on Ronon.
“No,” Ronon informs him. “Next time you can try to hit me and I will hit you. The first session is about focus. Never take you eyes…”
“Off your opponent,” Rodney finishes for his friend, raising an eyebrow. “So what do I do when his sneaky friend creeps up behind me and I haven’t taken my eyes off you?”
“I can hit you now,” Ronon offers cheerfully, and Rodney swallows hard.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Rodney replies. They are still circling a moment later when Ronon suddenly drops his bantos stick and tackles Rodney to the mats.
“Rule two,” Ronon instructs him, grinning as he pins Rodney. “Always expect the unexpected.”
“Well, this is certainly unexpected,” a third voice echoes in the room, and Rodney scrambles in an attempt to get loose. Ronon pushes himself up and Sheppard’s face is suddenly in front of Rodney’s eyes. “You okay, buddy?”
“Fine, actually,” he winces as he sits up, suddenly suspicious.
“Maybe wrestling with Ronon wasn’t such a good idea,” John continues, offering Rodney a hand. “You could have asked me, you know.”
“Ronon offered,” Rodney replies, wincing as his vertebrae popped. “Thanks anyway.”
“Sure,” Sheppard agrees easily, although there is an odd look in his eyes as he holds onto Rodney’s hand a moment too long.
“Tomorrow, bring pads,” Ronon informs Rodney as he pushes past the other two men. “I don’t want to accidentally kill you.”
“Have fun with that,” Sheppard grins as he slaps Rodney on the back before following Ronon out quickly.
Step Eleven: Rodney and the Retreat
“Damn bugs,” Sheppard observes as he steps up next to Rodney on the balcony. “Damn Michael, damn terrible day.”
“Yeah,” Rodney agrees simply, his thoughts somewhere else. “You’re hopeless, you know,” he adds, chuckling lowly. “Completely. Giant lobsters, deadly plants, Satedan who wants to fuck me then beat me to a pulp, and some crazy ideas about just telling you the truth. What the hell have I been doing?”
“What on earth are you babbling about?” Sheppard asks, staring blankly at Rodney. “Did you hit your head today and I just didn’t notice?”
“Ha, you not notice!” Rodney scoffs. “I give up, Sheppard, I completely give up.”
Sheppard watches as his friend dusts his hands off and walks away. “Give up on what?” he asks blankly, his mind whirring.
Step Twelve: John and the Overdue Epiphany
“Adams, that guy just has a cut. Tell him to put pressure on it and move on. There’s a lot of people worse off upstairs,” John hears Keller saying. He looks over, expecting to see Rodney, but finds another man instead. He grimaces, realizing he’s made an unfair judgment of his friend, and continues searching for his team.
He finds Ronon first, then Rodney. He looks at the blood trickling down his friend’s face and then finds a more serious cut down his side that Rodney hasn’t noticed. He has to swallow back the suggestion that Rodney get treated several times, but eventually the words tumble out. “You should go to the infirmary.”
“Did you hear me? I don’t know where we are! We are so screwed!”
“Hey!” John snaps, and Rodney focuses suddenly, his blue eyes riveted on John. John’s anger melts, leaving him feeling as though he’s gasping for breath suddenly. “I’m going to need you to fix this, and I need you in one piece to do it. Get yourself bandaged and cleared by a nurse, so we can start working on a solution.”
Rodney stares at him for a long moment, before turning and wincing his way down the stairs toward a nurse. John steps over the debris and out onto the balcony, trying to ground himself in the situation, in the stars overhead, when all he can see behind his closed lids is the blood dripping down Rodney’s face. It had been bad enough when it had been a crush, plaguing him with bits of jealousy, making him suggest Rodney and Radek make out, or deciding to take on Ronon for beating Rodney, but now…
“John?” he hears Teyla ask, and he turns, offering her a half smile. “Are you all right?”
“Oh sure,” he replies sarcastically. “The city is in peril, Elizabeth is hurt, Rodney is hurt and doesn’t know what to do, and I just realized…” he trails off, kicking the railing in misery.
“You just realized that you’re in love,” Teyla guesses, and John nods. “With Rodney, correct?”
“How’d you know?” he asks, refusing to let his shock show.
“John, this city has been running around feeding him suggestion after suggestion on ways to win your heart. Everyone has been waiting for you to catch on, John,” Teyla tells him gently, and John drops his head, groaning softly.
“No wonder he called me hopeless,” John says. “All the way back to the lobsters?”
“Longer, I think,” Teyla smiles. “Come on. Let us go save the city, then you can go tell him how you feel.”
Epilogue: The Completed Dance
“How long has it been since either of you has slept?” Elizabeth asks weakly as they finish their reports at her bedside.
“That’s a good question,” Dr. Keller observes, a bit of a threat in her tone.
“We’re going to bed now,” John promises, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand once more. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“I don’t want to see either of you for at least ten hours,” Keller contradicts him, pressing a pill into his hand, before turning and repeating the process with Rodney, who sways a little, obviously tired. “Colonel, can I ask you to make sure Dr. McKay gets to his quarters?” she adds, a little worried. “I’d keep him here, but I don’t have the bed space.”
“No, thank you, anyway,” Rodney manages to inform Keller, a bit of haughtiness in his tone. “I’ll sleep better in my own bed.”
“Come on, Rodney,” John says softly, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “Good night, Elizabeth.” He hears Rodney echo his good night before he steers him into the corridor. “You’ve done it again,” he tells Rodney, his voice choked with pride. “Saved the city, proved you’re Superman.”
“Your idea,” Rodney replies, shrugging. The movement presses him closer into John’s side, which John encourages by tightening his grip. They complete the rest of the trip in silence, too tired to form words. He manages to get Rodney into his quarters and sitting on his bed, before John’s fingers act on the impulses fluttering through him and stroke gently along Rodney’s jaw.
“Hey,” Rodney says, his eyes fluttering closed. “What…?” The rest of his question dies as John’s lips press gently against his.
“Rodney,” John whispers, before he dips his head again, this time in a crushing kiss that draws a moan from Rodney. Rodney’s moan seems to banish their exhaustion because suddenly Rodney has John pinned to the bed, his tongue plundering John’s mouth. Not to be undone, John bucks his hips up into Rodney’s, groaning as their erections brush together.
Fingers fumble with shirts and belts before John can slow his lust enough to pull back from the eager tongue plundering his mouth. “I love you,” he whispers, and Rodney stares down at him, his lips forming a little ‘O’ of wonder.
“So, not just a ‘glad you’re alive’ thing?” Rodney asks, and John smiles.
“I’m thinking a forever thing,” he replies, his fingers returning to strip Rodney of his remaining clothes. “If you want me that long, I mean.”
“Forever,” Rodney agrees, finally beginning to work at getting John naked. John is pretty sure his boxers hit Rodney’s lamp, and he’s pretty sure neither cares as bare skin and cocks rub slowly over each other. “God, I’ve wanted this for so long,” he hears Rodney pant as he begins to move his hips to meet Rodney’s.
“Love you,” John gasps, shuddering as he suddenly comes, unable to hold out against the onslaught of finally and Rodney tumbling from their lips.
“Love you too,” Rodney pants breathlessly, his hips rolling several more times, his cock sliding over John’s belly before he comes, collapsing into John in a rush of wet heat. “Stay, please,” he adds, as he pulls the sheets up over them, both too tired and wrapped up in each other to notice the sheets sticking to their spent bodies.
“Of course,” John agrees easily, adjusting slightly so he spoons up next to Rodney.
“Do you know what I had to do to get your attention, by the way?” Rodney murmurs sleepily. “There was the lobster, which was Zelenka’s fault, and the plant, which might have been me, and…”
John falls asleep listening to Rodney’s voice trail off.
**
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Poll Vote for this story
Author: myladydisdain ( interview)
Team: Romance
Prompt: Strategy
Pairing: McShep (with light sides of Zelenka/Lorne and Daniel/Jack)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Excessive bad decision making and flawed matchmaking, which always require warnings of a “beware!romanticcomedy!” variety. Spoilers for all of Season 3, specifically all episodes from The Game through First Strike.
Summary: No one ever said that genius meant having a gift for strategy. Unfortunately for Rodney McKay, he has meddlesome friends who are quite certain of their gifts for strategy.
Notes: Thanks to skitty_kitty for the beta!
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**
Step One: Zelenka and the Crustacean Caper
“Hey, McKay!”
Rodney spares a glance for Sheppard as he strolls into the lab, before returning to the computer simulation scrolling down his screen. Zelenka, at his own workstation, keeps his eyes discreetly lowered as he listens. “We still on for chess tonight?” Sheppard continues, oblivious to Rodney’s dismissal.
“We certainly won’t be playing our usual game,” Rodney snipes, rolling his eyes. “Yes, chess, fine, I’ll be by around 19:00.”
“See ya later, buddy,” Sheppard replies cheerfully, before leaving the lab.
Zelenka rolls his eyes, his scoff drawing Rodney’s attention. “Yes, fine, sure,” he mimicks, huffing impatiently. “You are never going to win him over that way.”
“For God’s sake, I thought you were done with that nonsense!” Rodney splutters, exasperated. “I am not interested in Sheppard!”
Zelenka sighs, double-checking that the lab is empty around them, as it becomes apparent that Rodney has no volume switch. “It would be apparent to a blind and deaf mute, McKay!” he retorts, enjoying the stunned look that flickers over his friend’s face. “You want to win him over, yes?”
“Well, you’re supposed to humor the crazy person, so yes, Radek, enlighten me with your brilliant plan to win over Colonel Sheppard,” Rodney snarks as he restarts the simulation, having missed his data as Zelenka distracted him.
“I am not crazy, and now am thinking perhaps I do not want to help you after all.”
“Thank goodness for small miracles,” Rodney replies.
“But if you do want to win the colonel…”
“I knew it was too good to be true,” Rodney mutters, waiting.
“The lobster traps are ready to be tested,” Zelenka informs him. “You and Colonel go test, catch one of those car-sized lobsters, and then cook him lobster. Way to man’s heart is through stomach.”
“Where did you learn that, Dr. Phil or Oprah?” Rodney asks bitingly, even as he contemplates the idea.
“No, Evan, when he was courting me. It’s true, because the night he cooked bouillabaisse was the first time when…”
“Whoa, Radek, we talked about those details and over sharing, remember?” Rodney complains, even as he reaches for his radio. “Sheppard, you there? Radek says we can test the lobster traps.”
Step Two: Carson and the Egyptian River
“Let me see if I have this straight. You and Colonel Sheppard not only went and tested the damn fool traps, but then you brought the lobster beastie to the surface which is how Colonel Sheppard got mauled by the enormous claws, which you both some how forgot the beastie might be able to use,” Carson sums up, neatly finishing the 43rd stitch to close the gash on Sheppard’s arm.
Sheppard is unconscious, fortunately, Rodney decides, as he shrugs, trying to look casual as he watches Carson’s work intently. “Lad, there are easier ways of courtin’ the man!”
“I wasn’t…” Rodney stammers, managing to pull his astonishment into a proper glare. “It certainly wasn’t my idea,” he adds stiffly.
“Could you maybe stick with some more traditional methods next time? Flowers maybe?” Carson suggests, ripping his gloves off in exasperation. Rodney, however, had sat up, his face brightening as it did when he got a brilliant idea. “Oh no, what did I say now?”
“Carson, you’re a genius, that’s it! I just need to focus my energy on Katie Brown again! I’ll forget all about this nonsense Zelenka put in my head!” Rodney is on his feet now, practically vibrating from his idea. “Oh, it’s perfect, thanks, Carson!”
“That’s not what I meant!” Carson yells futilely after Rodney, before sighing and settling in to finish wrapping John’s arm.
Step Three: Lorne and the Bonbon Booboo
“Dr. McKay!”
Rodney pauses, letting Major Lorne catch up to him. “Something I can help you with, Major?” he asks, still considering the odd power readings on the tablet in front of him as he walks.
“Yeah, listen, Radek mentioned to me last night about how you’re trying to woo Colonel Sheppard,” Lorne begins without hesitation. “Anyway, apparently he felt since I did such a good job when I asked him out, I should give you some pointers.”
“Do you two ever not share?” Rodney demands, crossing his arms over his tablet as he turns his full glare on Lorne. “I am not interested in Sheppard! Maybe he should have shared that with you!”
“Right, anyway,” Lorne plows on, pretending he hadn’t heard Rodney. “I think he was on the right track with the stomach being the way to a man’s heart advice. But maybe you should consider his favorite candy. When I got Radek those little mint candies he likes, man, that night…”
“Over share!” Rodney yells, scrambling down the hall away from Lorne.
“Think about it!” Lorne calls after him, and Rodney finds himself turning and flipping off Lorne before returning to his data pad.
“What are you supposed to think about and why are you flipping off my second in command over it?”
Rodney jumps, glaring as Sheppard walks out of a connecting hall, joining him mid-stride. “Candy,” Rodney bursts out, stammering in surprise. “Dates.” The funny look Sheppard is giving him registers and he adds, “Something about the stomach connected to the heart, etc., etc., etc.”
“Wow, full of lame clichés,” Sheppard sighs, looking after his 2IC. “How did he manage to snag Zelenka with lame ideas like that, anyway?”
Rodney sags. “So, not a good plan?” he asks, and the colonel shrugs.
“I guess, I mean, if you think she’d like that kind of thing. Me, personally, I think she’ll find it impersonal and silly,” he replies.
“Huh,” Rodney manages to say, mentally crossing Lorne’s suggestion off the list. “Hey are you even supposed to know about Lorne and Zelenka? Don’t ask, don’t tell, whatnot?”
“Who doesn’t know?” Sheppard replies, quirking an eyebrow at Rodney. “And really, who cares? They both still do their jobs, so regs be damned, I say.”
“Good to know,” Rodney says, filing that bit of knowledge away. Noting the odd look Sheppard shoots at him, he quickly changes the subject. “So mandatory rest day this week…”
Step Four: Daniel and the Death Defying Designs
Rodney has the distinct pleasure of watching Daniel choke on his coffee when out of the blue, in the middle of a discussion of the physics behind ascension (and the likelihood of friends ascending rather than dying), he asks, “So how did you manage to bag the General, anyway?”
“I beg your pardon?” Daniel manages to gasp between coughs of inhaled coffee.
“Oh, come on, it’s like the worst kept secret in the SGC. The only person who doesn’t know is probably Carter, but then again, she did say something about scientists and team leaders the other day, so yeah, everyone knows,” Rodney concludes, ignoring the gaping from Daniel. “So, how’d you do it?”
Daniel frowns thoughtfully, waiting for Rodney to sip his coffee. “Trying to bag your own team leader?” he asks, barely concealing a victorious grin when Rodney chokes on his own coffee. “Honestly?” he asks, when Rodney manages to get his coughing under control. “I died, ascended, again, and then came back naked. He did the rest.”
“I tried the dying and almost ascending thing,” Rodney grouses. “I’m not sure I want to try again.”
“You could find a way to subtly remind him of it…” Daniel trails off, grinning. “Oops, forgot who I was talking to.”
“Ha ha,” Rodney grumbles into his coffee.
~*~
“So I’ve been thinking about the dying versus ascending thing, and wondering if, given how often my ass is on the line, if I shouldn’t put more effort forward in being prepared to ascend when you or this place finally do mange to kill me,” Rodney observes over lunch a few days later. Sheppard looks up from pulling apart his sandwich, bewildered.
“Is this about Carson?” he asks warily, looking relieved when Rodney shakes his head emphatically.
“No, just thinking about the people we leave behind, the things we forget to tell them, the…”
Sheppard puts his fork down on his tray with more force than necessary, making Teyla look over at them in concern. “Look, if you’re proposing to Katie, just go do it. Half the botany department thinks you’re set to anyway.”
“Oh god, Katie,” Rodney pales and jumps up, nearly knocking his lunch tray over in the process. “I have to break up with her still!”
Teyla and Sheppard exchange a look as Rodney all but sprints out of the mess. “Why is he breaking up with her?” Sheppard asks, and Teyla looks at him with an almost pitying expression. “What?”
“Eat your lunch, John,” she replies, shaking her head. Her friends really are quite hopeless.
Step Five: Katie and the Pegasus Chamomile
“…so, I just wanted to be fair, and I mean, I guess…” Rodney is stammering, unable to read Katie’s face, which is surprisingly blank.
“It’s okay, Rodney, I understand,” she reassures him. “You’re really lousy at breaking up with a girl, you know that?”
“Yeah, I’ve been told,” Rodney says faintly, feeling a bit of relief creep in. “Are we okay?”
“Sure, Rodney,” she agrees easily. “Just, can you answer me something? Is this about Sheppard? Are you in love with him?”
“God, I’m not sure,” he moans, burying his face in his hands. “I think so,” he adds, his voice muffled through his hands.
“Here,” she tells him, offering him a small plant with delicate blue blossoms. “Try giving him this. Miko gave one to David when they started dating, and he loved it.”
“Thanks,” Rodney takes the plant, smiling in surprised pleasure. “Thanks a lot, Katie.”
“No problem, Rodney,” she tells him, her smile fading as he leaves. “No problem at all.”
Step Six: Teyla and the Green Eyed Monster
“You actually trusted a woman you just broke up with to give you a plant to woo someone else with?” Teyla asks, her eyes wide.
“I know,” Rodney wails, thumping to the floor of her quarters. “I can’t believe I was so stupid!”
“Is Colonel Sheppard all right?” Teyla asks, the corner of her mouth twitching.
“According to Dr. Keller, he’s just sleeping it off,” Rodney replies, letting his head fall to Teyla’s shoulder with a thud when she settles next to him. “This whole thing is turning me into a moron. Sheppard has killed all my genius. I blame him. Maybe if his hair wasn’t so…” he trails off, catching Teyla’s look. “Right. I’m really bad at this.”
“On my home world, many girls would engage a second suitor, a false one, in order to gain the attention of their love interest,” Teyla tells him, and Rodney groans.
“Teyla, I just broke up with the other girl, remember?”
“You need another male suitor, for John to perceive a competition he can win. Besides, it will not be a real relationship, Rodney. We will find someone who will pretend.”
“Oh really? Where you planning on finding someone that stupid?” Rodney asks sarcastically, before sitting up straight, noticing the sly grin on Teyla’s face. “Wait, you have someone in mind?”
~*~
“Well, I for one, intend to spend the next little while resting,” Teyla announces, lying down gratefully on the soft mattress.
“Same here,” she hears Ronon echo.
“Yeah, same here.” Sheppard is relaxing, settling in, when he turns, noticing a silent debate going on between Teyla and Ronon. “Something the two of you needed?” he asks cautiously, receiving two twin looks of surprise mixed with a bit of something resembling guilt. He sits up warily.
“Well, John, it concerns your military policy of not allowing team members to date,” Teyla begins and Sheppard relaxes, grinning at what he is sure will follow.
“Hey, if you two want to…”
“I want to date McKay,” Ronon announces, stunning Sheppard into silence.
“I don’t think… McKay?” John repeats, looking confused. “Ronon, I don’t think he’d go for that, I mean, do you think McKay likes guys?”
“Yeah,” Ronon grunts, shrugging. “We got to talking about Lorne and Zelenka. And he’s got such a great little ass, just perfect for…”
“Hey, whoa!” Sheppard shoots up to his feet, grabbing his jacket, and glaring. “Over sharing! Is Lorne and Zelenka’s over share contagious? Jeez! And the answer is no! No dating McKay!”
In the midst of his yelling, Sheppard had failed to notice the door sliding open. “That seems rather tyrannical of you,” McKay observes, wrinkling his brow in confusion at the scene he had walked into.
Sheppard splutters, turning from Ronon, who is outright grinning, to Teyla, who is doing a poor job of concealing a smirk.
“Oh I get it,” he sighs in relief, taking in the looks. “April Fools, great one. You had me fooled.”
“I do not understand,” Teyla says, looking confused as Sheppard hurriedly leaves the room.
“He thinks it was a prank, a joke,” Rodney fills in sadly. “Great. Just great. I was sure it would work.”
Step Seven: Chuck and the Canadian Solidarity
“Dr. McKay?”
McKay looks up from the DHD diagnostic he’s running, finding the source of the voice to be the Canadian gate tech kid whose name he can never remember.
“One of the scientists mentioned you were trying to score with Colonel Sheppard, and I just thought, you know, Canadian to Canadian, I could offer you some advice.” The kid is now beaming, looking particularly pleased with himself.
“Really?” McKay asks, managing to keep his disdain locked inside him for a moment. “Oh please, enlighten me.”
“Just remind him of how much he needs you in his life,” the kid says, and McKay snorts, shaking his head in disbelief.
“That’s your grand advice? What I took precious time away from this repair for? Canadian to Canadian, Chris, you better hope you don’t end up with sewer repair for your next duty rotation!” McKay yells, slamming his tablet down and storming away.
“It’s Chuck, actually,” he vaguely hears the kid stutter behind him.
“Sewer clean-up, Chuck,” he shouts, glaring as he comes face to face with Sheppard, blocking the way of his perfectly good storming off. “Whole damn city would fall apart without me, and these idiots want to give me dating advice!” he shouts at the colonel, as he pushes past him.
“Could come in handy next time you want to date the Wraith disguised as a chick!” Sheppard calls after him, returning to his walk up to the gateroom. Elizabeth raises an eyebrow as he enters. “What?” he asks, and she sighs.
Step Eight: Elizabeth and the Explicit Declaration
“Rodney? A word, please?”
Sheppard shoots Rodney a look across the table, and Rodney shrugs in return. “Meet you in the jumper bay,” Sheppard says as he leaves the conference room. Teyla smiles encouragingly at Rodney as she departs, and Ronon thumps him on the back, making Rodney wince. Ever since the foiled attempt to make Sheppard jealous, Ronon has been doing that, Rodney muses to himself with a mental groan.
“Yes, Elizabeth?” Rodney asks, and she watches him for a long moment, waiting for him to squirm a little impatiently.
“How many ways have you tried to seduce John?” she asks bluntly, and Rodney’s jaw drops.
“I don’t think I’d use the word seduce, exactly, I mean…” Rodney balks for a moment, and then the words tumble out, the floodgate released. “Oh god, I nearly got him killed by giant lobsters, and my ex tried to poison him, and they made him think Ronon wanted to date me and nothing has worked!” he wails, and Elizabeth smiles.
“Rodney, this may not be what you want to hear right now, but sometimes honesty is the best policy in these matters,” Elizabeth tells him sympathetically. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He punches me, kicks me off the team, tells me he never wants to see me again, and then I lose the only best friend I’ve ever had,” Rodney replies quietly. “I’ll think about it, Elizabeth. I will.”
Rodney is still pondering Elizabeth’s suggestion when he arrives at the jumper bay, joining Sheppard inside one of the jumpers and pulling down a panel to make a few adjustments. “You okay?” he hears Sheppard ask, and Rodney looks up, startled.
“You’re kind of quiet, and you have that look,” John tells him, settling a hand on Rodney’s shoulder and sending a warm rush of energy cascading down McKay’s body. “The look where I start worrying you don’t believe you’re Superman anymore.”
“That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” McKay replies, surprised by how bitter he sounds. “A lot of people would like me better that way.”
“I like it better when you know you can take on the world,” Sheppard replies blandly, smiling in a way that sends Rodney’s heart racing. “Besides, that other loser version of you wouldn’t be my best friend.”
“No,” Rodney says, his heart sinking a little. “I guess he wouldn’t.” He waits a long moment, watching as John fusses with the jumper controls. “John?” he says, steeling his nerves together.
“Yeah?”
Sheppard looks up, and all his nerve rushes right out of McKay and hides somewhere in the jumper’s electrical panel. “Never mind,” he stammers, grabbing quickly for his tools and a control crystal.
Step Nine: The Psychologist and the Pendulum
“I’ll see you next week, Dr. McKay.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replies, feeling unexpectedly cheerful. He is halfway out the door when Heightmeyer calls him back.
“Oh, Rodney? Sometimes the easiest way to get someone’s attention is to do something unexpected. It’s why a lot of women dress up differently to attract a guy’s attention. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do but maybe…”
“Oh yes,” Rodney replies sarcastically, his body blocking the door from closing. “I’ll just strap on a new pair of heels and hope that works, shall I?”
“Hey, Rodney!” Rodney groans at the too cheerful tone. “You starting an Atlantis Drag Show?”
“Ha ha, Colonel,” Rodney sneers at Sheppard, who is standing with Lorne in the corridor.
“I did a drag show once,” Lorne muses, starting to walk away. “I think I still own those strappy red heels.”
Rodney and Sheppard exchange a look, before turning and calling after the major, “Over share!”
Step Ten: Ronon and Wrestlemania
“If we just attempted to reproduce the technology in the…”
Rodney looks up, confused by Zelenka’s inability to finish his thought. “Yes, reproduce… oh.” The hulking form of Ronon in the middle of the science labs has caused a complete silence in the room.
“Come on,” Ronon grunts at McKay, who wrinkles his brow in confusion.
“I’m sorry? Come with you where?” Rodney asks. Zelenka is the only scientist in the room at least pretending to continue to work, Rodney notes. “Yes, big scary man in the science lab,” he shouts at his grunts. “Get back to work or next time it might be a big scary Wraith in here!”
“Come on,” Ronon repeats, this time turning and walking out of the labs. Rodney glances over at Zelenka, who is looking just as concerned as Rodney feels.
“Just, make sure they don’t blow anything up,” Rodney tells his second, setting down his own work and following the Satedan up to the gym. “What’s up, big guy?” Rodney jokes, his eyebrows shooting up when Ronon hands him a bantos stick. “Are you out of your mind?” he demands.
“No,” Ronon replies, crouching and shifting the stick into a ready position. “Keep your knees bent, like mine.”
For reasons he can’t fathom, Rodney finds himself following the direction and mimicking the other man’s movements. “Good,” Ronon observes, his voice loud in the quiet space. “Bring your left hand up a bit.”
“Like this?” Rodney asks, shifting his hand. He receives a quick nod in response.
“Rule number one,” Ronon tells him, “Never take your eyes off your opponent.”
He and Rodney circle each other for several long moments, and finally Rodney asks, “Why are we doing this?”
“The best way to acquire a target is to learn something he or she enjoys. Making a sacrifice, to be worthy of their attention.” Rodney nearly snorts at this. “Also, because you should learn,” Ronon adds.
They continue to circle each other. “Should I be trying to hit you or something?” Rodney asks, his eyes still on Ronon.
“No,” Ronon informs him. “Next time you can try to hit me and I will hit you. The first session is about focus. Never take you eyes…”
“Off your opponent,” Rodney finishes for his friend, raising an eyebrow. “So what do I do when his sneaky friend creeps up behind me and I haven’t taken my eyes off you?”
“I can hit you now,” Ronon offers cheerfully, and Rodney swallows hard.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Rodney replies. They are still circling a moment later when Ronon suddenly drops his bantos stick and tackles Rodney to the mats.
“Rule two,” Ronon instructs him, grinning as he pins Rodney. “Always expect the unexpected.”
“Well, this is certainly unexpected,” a third voice echoes in the room, and Rodney scrambles in an attempt to get loose. Ronon pushes himself up and Sheppard’s face is suddenly in front of Rodney’s eyes. “You okay, buddy?”
“Fine, actually,” he winces as he sits up, suddenly suspicious.
“Maybe wrestling with Ronon wasn’t such a good idea,” John continues, offering Rodney a hand. “You could have asked me, you know.”
“Ronon offered,” Rodney replies, wincing as his vertebrae popped. “Thanks anyway.”
“Sure,” Sheppard agrees easily, although there is an odd look in his eyes as he holds onto Rodney’s hand a moment too long.
“Tomorrow, bring pads,” Ronon informs Rodney as he pushes past the other two men. “I don’t want to accidentally kill you.”
“Have fun with that,” Sheppard grins as he slaps Rodney on the back before following Ronon out quickly.
Step Eleven: Rodney and the Retreat
“Damn bugs,” Sheppard observes as he steps up next to Rodney on the balcony. “Damn Michael, damn terrible day.”
“Yeah,” Rodney agrees simply, his thoughts somewhere else. “You’re hopeless, you know,” he adds, chuckling lowly. “Completely. Giant lobsters, deadly plants, Satedan who wants to fuck me then beat me to a pulp, and some crazy ideas about just telling you the truth. What the hell have I been doing?”
“What on earth are you babbling about?” Sheppard asks, staring blankly at Rodney. “Did you hit your head today and I just didn’t notice?”
“Ha, you not notice!” Rodney scoffs. “I give up, Sheppard, I completely give up.”
Sheppard watches as his friend dusts his hands off and walks away. “Give up on what?” he asks blankly, his mind whirring.
Step Twelve: John and the Overdue Epiphany
“Adams, that guy just has a cut. Tell him to put pressure on it and move on. There’s a lot of people worse off upstairs,” John hears Keller saying. He looks over, expecting to see Rodney, but finds another man instead. He grimaces, realizing he’s made an unfair judgment of his friend, and continues searching for his team.
He finds Ronon first, then Rodney. He looks at the blood trickling down his friend’s face and then finds a more serious cut down his side that Rodney hasn’t noticed. He has to swallow back the suggestion that Rodney get treated several times, but eventually the words tumble out. “You should go to the infirmary.”
“Did you hear me? I don’t know where we are! We are so screwed!”
“Hey!” John snaps, and Rodney focuses suddenly, his blue eyes riveted on John. John’s anger melts, leaving him feeling as though he’s gasping for breath suddenly. “I’m going to need you to fix this, and I need you in one piece to do it. Get yourself bandaged and cleared by a nurse, so we can start working on a solution.”
Rodney stares at him for a long moment, before turning and wincing his way down the stairs toward a nurse. John steps over the debris and out onto the balcony, trying to ground himself in the situation, in the stars overhead, when all he can see behind his closed lids is the blood dripping down Rodney’s face. It had been bad enough when it had been a crush, plaguing him with bits of jealousy, making him suggest Rodney and Radek make out, or deciding to take on Ronon for beating Rodney, but now…
“John?” he hears Teyla ask, and he turns, offering her a half smile. “Are you all right?”
“Oh sure,” he replies sarcastically. “The city is in peril, Elizabeth is hurt, Rodney is hurt and doesn’t know what to do, and I just realized…” he trails off, kicking the railing in misery.
“You just realized that you’re in love,” Teyla guesses, and John nods. “With Rodney, correct?”
“How’d you know?” he asks, refusing to let his shock show.
“John, this city has been running around feeding him suggestion after suggestion on ways to win your heart. Everyone has been waiting for you to catch on, John,” Teyla tells him gently, and John drops his head, groaning softly.
“No wonder he called me hopeless,” John says. “All the way back to the lobsters?”
“Longer, I think,” Teyla smiles. “Come on. Let us go save the city, then you can go tell him how you feel.”
Epilogue: The Completed Dance
“How long has it been since either of you has slept?” Elizabeth asks weakly as they finish their reports at her bedside.
“That’s a good question,” Dr. Keller observes, a bit of a threat in her tone.
“We’re going to bed now,” John promises, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand once more. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“I don’t want to see either of you for at least ten hours,” Keller contradicts him, pressing a pill into his hand, before turning and repeating the process with Rodney, who sways a little, obviously tired. “Colonel, can I ask you to make sure Dr. McKay gets to his quarters?” she adds, a little worried. “I’d keep him here, but I don’t have the bed space.”
“No, thank you, anyway,” Rodney manages to inform Keller, a bit of haughtiness in his tone. “I’ll sleep better in my own bed.”
“Come on, Rodney,” John says softly, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “Good night, Elizabeth.” He hears Rodney echo his good night before he steers him into the corridor. “You’ve done it again,” he tells Rodney, his voice choked with pride. “Saved the city, proved you’re Superman.”
“Your idea,” Rodney replies, shrugging. The movement presses him closer into John’s side, which John encourages by tightening his grip. They complete the rest of the trip in silence, too tired to form words. He manages to get Rodney into his quarters and sitting on his bed, before John’s fingers act on the impulses fluttering through him and stroke gently along Rodney’s jaw.
“Hey,” Rodney says, his eyes fluttering closed. “What…?” The rest of his question dies as John’s lips press gently against his.
“Rodney,” John whispers, before he dips his head again, this time in a crushing kiss that draws a moan from Rodney. Rodney’s moan seems to banish their exhaustion because suddenly Rodney has John pinned to the bed, his tongue plundering John’s mouth. Not to be undone, John bucks his hips up into Rodney’s, groaning as their erections brush together.
Fingers fumble with shirts and belts before John can slow his lust enough to pull back from the eager tongue plundering his mouth. “I love you,” he whispers, and Rodney stares down at him, his lips forming a little ‘O’ of wonder.
“So, not just a ‘glad you’re alive’ thing?” Rodney asks, and John smiles.
“I’m thinking a forever thing,” he replies, his fingers returning to strip Rodney of his remaining clothes. “If you want me that long, I mean.”
“Forever,” Rodney agrees, finally beginning to work at getting John naked. John is pretty sure his boxers hit Rodney’s lamp, and he’s pretty sure neither cares as bare skin and cocks rub slowly over each other. “God, I’ve wanted this for so long,” he hears Rodney pant as he begins to move his hips to meet Rodney’s.
“Love you,” John gasps, shuddering as he suddenly comes, unable to hold out against the onslaught of finally and Rodney tumbling from their lips.
“Love you too,” Rodney pants breathlessly, his hips rolling several more times, his cock sliding over John’s belly before he comes, collapsing into John in a rush of wet heat. “Stay, please,” he adds, as he pulls the sheets up over them, both too tired and wrapped up in each other to notice the sheets sticking to their spent bodies.
“Of course,” John agrees easily, adjusting slightly so he spoons up next to Rodney.
“Do you know what I had to do to get your attention, by the way?” Rodney murmurs sleepily. “There was the lobster, which was Zelenka’s fault, and the plant, which might have been me, and…”
John falls asleep listening to Rodney’s voice trail off.
**
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