But my words like silent raindrops fell

[dancnwithmyself]

Who: dancnwithmyself & morbidbubbles
What: Awkward rehearsals and overwhelming emotions
Where: Choir room
When: Tuesday lunchtime
Rating: PG for now

Comments

[morbidbubbles]

Tina's feet were as confused as her heart - they couldn't decide whether they wanted to hurry to the choir room because she was slightly late to rehearse with Artie and didn't want to be rude, or whether they wanted to amble and prolong the inevitably awkward meeting. She was extremely hungry; breakfast had been more or less canceled this morning after her mother burned it. It was partly Tina's fault for snapping at her during a disagreement, though she really couldn't care less about the guilt right now

[morbidbubbles]

Tina sighed and crossed her arms, her tone softening to a less angry one. "Artie, I get that, but....I didn't walk away from anything. You were the one who said he needed time to think and just gave me the brush-off."

She caught sight of him rubbing his eyes, and glanced at the floor in thought. She slowly reached into one of her front pockets and pulled out the handkerchief he'd lent her two weeks ago. She'd forgotten about it until now. "....Here." She walked a little closer to wheelchair and held it out to him, nicely folded. "Don't worry, it's clean. I washed it 'cause I...was hoping to give it back to you."

[dancnwithmyself]

"Pre-emptive protection?" he said, shrugging slightly. "I really didn't want to hear anything like that from you, so I decided to make the first move." A poor, excuse, and he knew it, but it was all he had.

He carefully took the handkerchief she held out with a nod of thanks, glancing at it briefly and running his thumb over it before putting it in his pocket safely.

[morbidbubbles]

Tina watched him for a moment, unsure of what to say. She sat back on the piano bench, her back towards the actual instrument. If she tried she could probably make eye contact with Artie, but she didn't want to risk it. Instead, she stared at her dark shoes and how they stood out against the white tile of the floor.

She took a deep breath and exhaled, uncrossing her arms and resting them on the bench. "....You're not, you know." It took her a moment to realize that he wasn't in her head (thank god) and probably didn't get what she was referring to. "You're...not a...cripple." She really hated that word, especially since she only heard it in the derogatory sense that Artie had mentioned moments ago.

"Maybe other people may see you that way, but I really hope you don't, because..well...You're a much better person than they are." Yes, she was still a little bothered by how he'd reacted and the subsequent two weeks of friendship hell, but she still cared about him.

[dancnwithmyself]

Artie frowned as he looked at her. She was unwilling to make eye contact, and that fact alone still terrified him. He still didn't feel secure as to where they stood, and part of him still wanted to just run away and hide, but he didn't.

He blinked at her words, as they were apparently completely random, though she qualified them quickly. He dipped his head, hiding his emotions for a moment, but looked back at her. "When that's all you hear, day after day. When everyone treats you differently, just because you happen to sit in a chair... The chair is all that people see, Tina, and it gets tiring." Artie was showing himself at his most vulnerable, all the pain and frustration he'd felt over the years visible in his expression.

[morbidbubbles]

Tina slowly looked towards him as he spoke, taking in his words. She'd certainly witnessed a certain amount of negativity and unequal treatment towards Artie ever since they met, but it didn't dawn on her just how much it truly bothered him. Usually he was upbeat, cheerful, supportive. Tina hadn't realized just how much grief her friend had been hiding behind those eyes. She wondered just how rare it was that he actually got to make direct eye contact without looking up at someone

[dancnwithmyself]

Artie flinched slightly from the touch, not expecting it, but he didn't move his hand away. "Guys don't talk about their feelings, even if this particular guy is in a wheelchair. Normally it doesn't especially bother me," Artie shrugged, catching her eyes as she looked at him. "I think... just the surprise of everything with the-the kiss and everything caught me off guard. I'm... I'm sorry I reacted how I did. I know you took a risk in telling me, and I did the one thing you were scared of. I shouldn't have."

[morbidbubbles]

Tina shrugged a little. She understood that most guys didn't talk about feelings, that it was the 'girl' thing to do. That didn't mean she liked it, though. "I'm just saying that if you do need to talk about that kind of stuff that I'd be willing to listen. You've done it for me plenty of times."

She felt her face warm up at the mention of the kiss, but the apology for his initial response grabbed her attention more than the memory, and the corners of her mouth turned up in a grateful smile. "Thank you," she said, gently squeezing his hand. "Hearing you say that means a lot."

[dancnwithmyself]

Artie looked down, embarrassed after admitting how frustrated he got, and nodded slowly. "I can't promise I will, but thank you," he said.

He smiled at her. "I've hated not having you around," he admitted. "I... I talked to Ferrari, and since then I've wanted to try and sort things out, but was scared you'd still be mad at me."

[morbidbubbles]

Tina bit her lip with the slightest hint of a smile. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry (happy tears this time). Lucil had been right - he'd missed her like she'd missed him. God she wanted to hug him so badly. She wanted to do something else but she didn't want to push her luck. Things had gone downhill the last time she tried that.

"I...I felt the same...the past couple of weeks have really sucked without you. I was starting to think you'd never talk to me again." She'd never been happier to be wrong. She couldn't help a small, wry laugh, noticing a certain hint of irony in what he'd mentioned. "Ferrari, huh? That's...kind of funny.." She covered her mouth with her other hand as she burst into a hushed fit of giggles, partly from the irony, but a lot of it just because she was happy.

[dancnwithmyself]

Artie frowned as he looked at her. The giggles were definitely not what he'd been expecting. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

[morbidbubbles]

Tina exhaled a deep breath to calm herself. "Y-yeah, I'm sorry," she replied, the laughter subsiding. "I'm fine, really, I just...It's weird that you mentioned Ferrari because I actually ran into Lucil last week and we ended up having a heart-to-heart over lunch."

She momentarily glanced to their touching hands, wondering what sort of resolution they were headed for - were they friends again or something more? She couldn't bring herself to ruin the moment and ask. Tina knew she would rather have Artie as a friend than not having him in her life at all. She looked back into his eyes. "I'm just really glad that you don't hate me."

[dancnwithmyself]

Artie gave her an odd look. "Really? Ferrari and I went out last Sunday. Kind of a cheer each other up session."

Artie saw their hands, still entwined, and gently disengaged his. He didn't want to cause any problems, not now they had some kind of resolution. He still wasn't entirely sure where they stay, what either of them wanted, but at least talking was a start. "Even when I was angry, I didn't hate you, Tina," he said with a wry smile, looking into her beautiful brown eyes.

[morbidbubbles]

Tina felt Artie remove his hand and she followed suit, placing it on her lap. She wondered if it meant anything, or if she was being overly analytical as a result of the past few weeks. But the fluttering in her heart from his words refocused all of her attention back on him. The way his hair fell across his forehead, his glasses and the way they framed his eyes, which were now entrancing her.

"Artie, I... Thank you," she whispered, changing her sentence. She was thankful that he still cared about her in some fashion, and that he'd apologized for his behavior. Thankful that there was some hope between them. "I was afraid I was gonna lose the best person I've ever known," she murmured, feeling his smile warm her heart. "I swear I won't keep something like that from you ever again. ...Do you forgive me?"

[dancnwithmyself]

He gave her a bright smile. "Of course I forgive you," he said, nodding enthusiastically, then bowed his head, embarrassed. "Do you forgive me for being an idiot and running away?"

[morbidbubbles]

Tina leaned forward to catch his eye despite Artie's bowed head. "Hey. I forgave you the minute you apologized." The fact that he'd opened up about some of his insecurities had also helped to shed some light on his severe reaction and made it a little easier to understand his thinking. But the sincerity had been the deciding factor.

She smiled and slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Y'know, I read somewhere that real friends like each other despite their mistakes." She kept the hug short and friendly, gently pulling away after a moment. "So....friends?" she inquired, letting her wary mind overrule her screaming heart. Something was better than nothing.