FIC: You see... there's been an accident.
You see... there's been an accident.
Pairing: John/Rodney
Rating: PG
Summary: The cat miaowed it's... his... it's agreement and she could have swore it was a pedantic miaow. Like she'd just said something so obvious that it really needn't to be said, it even kind of snorted.
This plotbunny came to me thanks to fennegie's pictures...
here
...and a couple of silly comments in one of her posts.
I know it's not the most original idea and that's been done in many different versions, but I just HAD to write it.
And before it all starts, please keep in mind that this has not been beat-ed so even if I've done my best to avoid any english slaughter there might be some small mistakes. This is a WIP, wasn't suppoed to be but it's grown on it's own. Anyway, I would be extremly thankful if someone would be kind enough to beta the fic because I think it could really use some help.
Now, ladies and gentlemen...
You see... there's been an accident.
You see... there's been an accident.
'It's not my fault!'
It had been a long day for the leader of the Atlantis expedition.
First, before she'd even had time to fully wake up, let alone have a decent cup of coffee, Lorne had appeared out of nowhere to inform her that there was a minor disturbance in the storage section. The botanist staff had apparently taken over one of the entomologists' cold rooms to run an overwhelmingly important experiment on a new specimen that SGA2 had found in PX1-5Y6. It looked like a potato. As it was, the entomologists who were using that same room to keep an assorted number of fresh nasty bug samples ready for their study were pissed as hell at what they regarded as a blatant invasion of their work space and were running a counter-attack to gain their room back. When Sam had arrived to the battle field right next to the kitchen, Dr. Hirsch, head of the entomologist team, was directing his people in a three team based offensive carrying what looked like gas canisters built out of soup cans and fertilizer. In the end there had been no major injuries (except for Dr. Krumholts, a botanist, who had been hit by a can and Dr. Morrow who had been bitten repeatedly by Dr. Krumholts' pet-plant whose weird looking chalky thorns hadn't been a signal to keep herbivores away as the doctor had suspected but instead were extremely sharp pointy teeth.
'It's not my fault!'
After a long chat where Sam had pointedly not yelled at anyone and yet done her best to glare enough to make the scientists feel ashamed of even being alive (a trait she had learned from Daniel) things had been settled down and she'd been able to go grab her cup of coffee.
Unfortunately before she'd had the opportunity to even take a sip of the dark bitter ambrosia, Chuck had radioed her to the gate room where she spent an hour calming down a scared village leader who had committed the stupidity of jumping behind Sergeant Stackhouse's team when they were travelling back to Atlantis and had had a freak out when everybody in the room and their mum had aimed their weapons at him. Afterwards, she had to spend the first half hour convincing him that killing himself for the transgression on sacred Lantean soil was definitely not necessary, and the last half hour she'd spent making it perfectly clear that no, she was not for sale and no, neither was Sergeant Stackhouse.
The coffee was cold when she got back to it so she'd tried to go to the cafeteria and get herself some more. She was halfway there when Dr. Simmons has appeared out of a transporter with a pile of reports that needed to be revised ASAP.
'It's not my fault!'
Suffice it to say that it was close to dinner when she received the call from Dr. Keller to meet her in the sickbay and she still hadn’t had her cup of coffee.
John was there when she arrived, which could only mean that something had forced his team to shorten their stay at PX1-7H8. Teyla was with him, and so were Ronon and Radek. The Satedan was almost bent over, with a grimace on his face, and she could swear that Radek was silently crying. John looked on the verge of a panic attack.
'It's not my fault!!!'
'What is not your fault?' she asked, concerned when she noticed the absence of the fourth member of SGA1. 'And where is Rodney?'
Ronon moaned and leaned into the nearest wall while Radek covered his face with both hands, shaking slightly. Teyla remained impassive although she could swear the Athosian's eyebrow was twitching.
'Rodney is with Doctor Keller and Doctor Bamber,' she said before John could loudly proclaim his innocence again.
'Doctor Bamber? Isn't he a zoologist?'
Ronon had to lean on Zelenka, who had turned around and was pressing his forehead to the wall.
'It's not my fault!!'
'You see...' Teyla began. 'There's been an... accident.'
'What accident?'
'Well...' She saw the Athosian woman bite her lip and felt a moment of horror. What kind of accident? 'You see... there was this planet...'
'PX1-7H8?'
'Yes. We went there looking for klava traders.'
Klava, coffee-like beans. She and Rodney had both agreed on the importance of this mission. She nodded for Teyla to continue.
'And... er... well, and we went to the market and there were these low energy readings and Rodney wanted to check it out and then...' Teyla stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Sam had never seen her at a loss of words before.'...there was this device in one of the shops and John...'
'Not my fault!'
'... and Rodney started bickering and the man of the shop stepped in the discussion too and then... you see... John grabbed the thing and pointed it at Rodney...'
'Waved it!' John interrupted them. 'I waved it.'
Carter's stomach lurched when he saw Ronon let go of the Czech and slip to the floor, shaking uncontrollably.
'...waved it.' Teyla corrected herself and, to her surprise, kicked Ronon viciously. 'Anyway, the device turned on at John's touch and it... it kind of... there was a flash of light and... then...'
Radek made a sudden shriek and Carter had the weird feeling, a moment of absolute certainty, that neither he nor Ronon were actually wailing with uncontrolled despair and pain as she'd assumed at the beginning.
'... then, then... the light stopped and... well.. Rodney wasn't there anymore.'
'But didn't you say...' The sickbay door opened before she could finish her question, letting Dr. Keller out. The CMO of the Atlantis expedition was trying very hard to keep her face blank and failing miserably. Again, though, she didn't look worried or distressed, in fact she broke into a grin as soon as she saw John.
'... you see, Dr. Carter... John...'
'Not my fault!'
'...well, he was saying something about how Rodney was like a...'
'What is that?' Carter interrupted her, she was really sorry but... well, Keller was holding what looked like... what certainly couldn't be...
'That's McKay!!' Ronon yelled from the floor, gaining himself a new vicious kick.
'What?'
Keller squeaked, showing her the bundle in her hands.
It was a cat.
'That's a cat.' Sam said.
Radek fell next to Ronon.
Teyla glared at both.
John... 'It's not my fault!'
And Keller fought to stop the grin spreading across her face.
The cat... the cat raised its head haughtily and yawned. When the doctor tried to pat it, it raised its paw and clawed at Keller’s hand.
'That's not possible.' Carter heard herself say although she'd promised a long time ago, around the fourth time Daniel had come back from the dead, that she would never say those words again.
The cat miaowed its... his... its agreement and she could have swore it was a pedantic miaow. Like she'd just said something so obvious that it really needn't to be said. It even kind of snorted.
'Rodney is a cat?'
'An Abyssinian to be more specific or so Dr. Bamber says.' Keller carefully put the cat down on the nearest table after Rodney tried to shred her hand when she absentmindedly patted him on the head. Then she added, 'And it's him. We were just running some tests. It's his DNA.'
'It's a cat, how can you know what his DNA would be if he was a cat?' She said, but her mind was racing more along the lines of: coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecofalcoholalcoholalcoholalcohol
'Whatever happened hasn't changed his basic DNA code it's like it has written the cat DNA over Rodney's.' Then, with a new small squeak, added, 'If you look closely he even kinda looks like Dr. McKay.'
There was a roar of laughter from Ronon and a new kick from Teyla. Ronon was going to have a few bruises when this was over, but Sam doubted that's what was causing the tears falling down his cheeks.
'Well... it does'. Radek agreed approaching the kitten, because it wasn't even a full grown cat. He jumped back before a claw could tear his nose off.
But he was right. The cat had bright clear blue eyes and his fur was a jet dark black which made her think of the team's BDUs but wasn't an uncommon color except for the patch of white and red high on the left front leg.. It wasn't there anymore on their real BDUs, but every member of the expedition kept theirs in their rooms or so she'd been told. The cat even had a crooked mouth. And if there was any doubt left, there was the look of pure loathing he was giving them all.
'This is not my fault.' John said, one more time, and apparently Rodney didn't agree because the cat took a leap from the table, landed on Radek's head, jumped again and made a beeline for Sheppard's face where he began to express his dissatisfaction about the current situation.
'So... how... er... how much of Rodney is there? I mean... does he knows us? Does he think like Rodney?' Sam fought for sanity.
Keller shook her head, watching John fighting the kitten (Getitoffmeee!!!) and Teyla grabbing Rodney off the colonel and holding him away while Ronon was actually having problems breathing.
'No, I don't think so. We still need more tests but as far as we know his brain works like that of a cat. He might have kept some kind of memory but he's not able to perform the kind of cognitive procedures a human would. Oh, for god's sake, Ronon! Stop that before you suffocate!!'
'He seems to be pretty pissed at John,' she couldn't keep the smirk out of her voice.
'Well... the Colonel did say something about Rodney being like cat that cannot keep claws away from shinny objects before the device started making lights.' Unlike Ronon, Radek seemed to have regained some composure, at least while he could keep his eyes averted from Rodney.
'So tell me...' she said turning to Teyla who was holding the cat with care but not indulging in any petting. 'Did you by any chance manage to get your hands on any klava while you were there?'
Pairing: John/Rodney
Rating: PG
Summary: The cat miaowed it's... his... it's agreement and she could have swore it was a pedantic miaow. Like she'd just said something so obvious that it really needn't to be said, it even kind of snorted.
This plotbunny came to me thanks to fennegie's pictures...
here
...and a couple of silly comments in one of her posts.
I know it's not the most original idea and that's been done in many different versions, but I just HAD to write it.
And before it all starts, please keep in mind that this has not been beat-ed so even if I've done my best to avoid any english slaughter there might be some small mistakes. This is a WIP, wasn't suppoed to be but it's grown on it's own. Anyway, I would be extremly thankful if someone would be kind enough to beta the fic because I think it could really use some help.
Now, ladies and gentlemen...
You see... there's been an accident.
You see... there's been an accident.
'It's not my fault!'
It had been a long day for the leader of the Atlantis expedition.
First, before she'd even had time to fully wake up, let alone have a decent cup of coffee, Lorne had appeared out of nowhere to inform her that there was a minor disturbance in the storage section. The botanist staff had apparently taken over one of the entomologists' cold rooms to run an overwhelmingly important experiment on a new specimen that SGA2 had found in PX1-5Y6. It looked like a potato. As it was, the entomologists who were using that same room to keep an assorted number of fresh nasty bug samples ready for their study were pissed as hell at what they regarded as a blatant invasion of their work space and were running a counter-attack to gain their room back. When Sam had arrived to the battle field right next to the kitchen, Dr. Hirsch, head of the entomologist team, was directing his people in a three team based offensive carrying what looked like gas canisters built out of soup cans and fertilizer. In the end there had been no major injuries (except for Dr. Krumholts, a botanist, who had been hit by a can and Dr. Morrow who had been bitten repeatedly by Dr. Krumholts' pet-plant whose weird looking chalky thorns hadn't been a signal to keep herbivores away as the doctor had suspected but instead were extremely sharp pointy teeth.
'It's not my fault!'
After a long chat where Sam had pointedly not yelled at anyone and yet done her best to glare enough to make the scientists feel ashamed of even being alive (a trait she had learned from Daniel) things had been settled down and she'd been able to go grab her cup of coffee.
Unfortunately before she'd had the opportunity to even take a sip of the dark bitter ambrosia, Chuck had radioed her to the gate room where she spent an hour calming down a scared village leader who had committed the stupidity of jumping behind Sergeant Stackhouse's team when they were travelling back to Atlantis and had had a freak out when everybody in the room and their mum had aimed their weapons at him. Afterwards, she had to spend the first half hour convincing him that killing himself for the transgression on sacred Lantean soil was definitely not necessary, and the last half hour she'd spent making it perfectly clear that no, she was not for sale and no, neither was Sergeant Stackhouse.
The coffee was cold when she got back to it so she'd tried to go to the cafeteria and get herself some more. She was halfway there when Dr. Simmons has appeared out of a transporter with a pile of reports that needed to be revised ASAP.
'It's not my fault!'
Suffice it to say that it was close to dinner when she received the call from Dr. Keller to meet her in the sickbay and she still hadn’t had her cup of coffee.
John was there when she arrived, which could only mean that something had forced his team to shorten their stay at PX1-7H8. Teyla was with him, and so were Ronon and Radek. The Satedan was almost bent over, with a grimace on his face, and she could swear that Radek was silently crying. John looked on the verge of a panic attack.
'It's not my fault!!!'
'What is not your fault?' she asked, concerned when she noticed the absence of the fourth member of SGA1. 'And where is Rodney?'
Ronon moaned and leaned into the nearest wall while Radek covered his face with both hands, shaking slightly. Teyla remained impassive although she could swear the Athosian's eyebrow was twitching.
'Rodney is with Doctor Keller and Doctor Bamber,' she said before John could loudly proclaim his innocence again.
'Doctor Bamber? Isn't he a zoologist?'
Ronon had to lean on Zelenka, who had turned around and was pressing his forehead to the wall.
'It's not my fault!!'
'You see...' Teyla began. 'There's been an... accident.'
'What accident?'
'Well...' She saw the Athosian woman bite her lip and felt a moment of horror. What kind of accident? 'You see... there was this planet...'
'PX1-7H8?'
'Yes. We went there looking for klava traders.'
Klava, coffee-like beans. She and Rodney had both agreed on the importance of this mission. She nodded for Teyla to continue.
'And... er... well, and we went to the market and there were these low energy readings and Rodney wanted to check it out and then...' Teyla stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Sam had never seen her at a loss of words before.'...there was this device in one of the shops and John...'
'Not my fault!'
'... and Rodney started bickering and the man of the shop stepped in the discussion too and then... you see... John grabbed the thing and pointed it at Rodney...'
'Waved it!' John interrupted them. 'I waved it.'
Carter's stomach lurched when he saw Ronon let go of the Czech and slip to the floor, shaking uncontrollably.
'...waved it.' Teyla corrected herself and, to her surprise, kicked Ronon viciously. 'Anyway, the device turned on at John's touch and it... it kind of... there was a flash of light and... then...'
Radek made a sudden shriek and Carter had the weird feeling, a moment of absolute certainty, that neither he nor Ronon were actually wailing with uncontrolled despair and pain as she'd assumed at the beginning.
'... then, then... the light stopped and... well.. Rodney wasn't there anymore.'
'But didn't you say...' The sickbay door opened before she could finish her question, letting Dr. Keller out. The CMO of the Atlantis expedition was trying very hard to keep her face blank and failing miserably. Again, though, she didn't look worried or distressed, in fact she broke into a grin as soon as she saw John.
'... you see, Dr. Carter... John...'
'Not my fault!'
'...well, he was saying something about how Rodney was like a...'
'What is that?' Carter interrupted her, she was really sorry but... well, Keller was holding what looked like... what certainly couldn't be...
'That's McKay!!' Ronon yelled from the floor, gaining himself a new vicious kick.
'What?'
Keller squeaked, showing her the bundle in her hands.
It was a cat.
'That's a cat.' Sam said.
Radek fell next to Ronon.
Teyla glared at both.
John... 'It's not my fault!'
And Keller fought to stop the grin spreading across her face.
The cat... the cat raised its head haughtily and yawned. When the doctor tried to pat it, it raised its paw and clawed at Keller’s hand.
'That's not possible.' Carter heard herself say although she'd promised a long time ago, around the fourth time Daniel had come back from the dead, that she would never say those words again.
The cat miaowed its... his... its agreement and she could have swore it was a pedantic miaow. Like she'd just said something so obvious that it really needn't to be said. It even kind of snorted.
'Rodney is a cat?'
'An Abyssinian to be more specific or so Dr. Bamber says.' Keller carefully put the cat down on the nearest table after Rodney tried to shred her hand when she absentmindedly patted him on the head. Then she added, 'And it's him. We were just running some tests. It's his DNA.'
'It's a cat, how can you know what his DNA would be if he was a cat?' She said, but her mind was racing more along the lines of: coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecofalcoholalcoholalcoholalcohol
'Whatever happened hasn't changed his basic DNA code it's like it has written the cat DNA over Rodney's.' Then, with a new small squeak, added, 'If you look closely he even kinda looks like Dr. McKay.'
There was a roar of laughter from Ronon and a new kick from Teyla. Ronon was going to have a few bruises when this was over, but Sam doubted that's what was causing the tears falling down his cheeks.
'Well... it does'. Radek agreed approaching the kitten, because it wasn't even a full grown cat. He jumped back before a claw could tear his nose off.
But he was right. The cat had bright clear blue eyes and his fur was a jet dark black which made her think of the team's BDUs but wasn't an uncommon color except for the patch of white and red high on the left front leg.. It wasn't there anymore on their real BDUs, but every member of the expedition kept theirs in their rooms or so she'd been told. The cat even had a crooked mouth. And if there was any doubt left, there was the look of pure loathing he was giving them all.
'This is not my fault.' John said, one more time, and apparently Rodney didn't agree because the cat took a leap from the table, landed on Radek's head, jumped again and made a beeline for Sheppard's face where he began to express his dissatisfaction about the current situation.
'So... how... er... how much of Rodney is there? I mean... does he knows us? Does he think like Rodney?' Sam fought for sanity.
Keller shook her head, watching John fighting the kitten (Getitoffmeee!!!) and Teyla grabbing Rodney off the colonel and holding him away while Ronon was actually having problems breathing.
'No, I don't think so. We still need more tests but as far as we know his brain works like that of a cat. He might have kept some kind of memory but he's not able to perform the kind of cognitive procedures a human would. Oh, for god's sake, Ronon! Stop that before you suffocate!!'
'He seems to be pretty pissed at John,' she couldn't keep the smirk out of her voice.
'Well... the Colonel did say something about Rodney being like cat that cannot keep claws away from shinny objects before the device started making lights.' Unlike Ronon, Radek seemed to have regained some composure, at least while he could keep his eyes averted from Rodney.
'So tell me...' she said turning to Teyla who was holding the cat with care but not indulging in any petting. 'Did you by any chance manage to get your hands on any klava while you were there?'