(Untitled)

[mcgoughpress]

 Excelsior Mandrake: Mucking About
          The Feverblight Marsh is a maze of constantly changing murky waterways, winding their way around the few spots of dry land, which are dominated by the gloomy Jambur trees, with their long lanky limbs brushing the ground with a gentle touch of leaf and berry. The berries are of course poisonous, like

Comments

[limitless2005]

Some awkward tensing and a the Bob-Norm of some grammar mistakes aside I enjoyed this. There was more description than I expected. I'm eagerly awaiting more. Also, there is a distinct campy feel to the fact that the Baron summoned Excelsior almost without considering that he may not say yes. xD If that's the way you're going to go with the story, like I seem to remember you saying you were going to, I'd consider going back and making his letter even more over-the-top, as if it was just common sense that Excelsior'd come when he called to save his daughter without a second thought that you may say no.

Better yet, if you were going to make this kind of a comedy, I'd have suggested making Excelsior the only person in the world that isn't a fantasy cliche by having him read the letter, scoff, and toss it in the trash and go from there xD