A7X does Antony and Cleopatra, Act IV Scene 5
previously on
Huntington Beach, living room of MATT's condo
Enter BRIAN, ZACKY, PINKLY, and BELLA
BRIAN
Awww, does Pinkly want a tummy rub? Who's a good girl?
BELLA whines
ZACKY
It's all right Bella, your daddy will be home soon. Come to Uncle Zack.
ZACKY scratches BELLA behind her ears
Enter MATT, who flings himself across BRIAN's lap
BRIAN
Jesus Christ man, you've scared off Pinkly. What's going on?
MATT
Andrew. Andrew's gone absolutely insane and he's mad at me. I don't know what to do.
BRIAN
All right, calm down. Why don't we go to upstairs and-
ZACKY
That's it! Upstairs! Lock yourself in your room and pretend you've committed suicide, and that will make Andrew feel like crap!
BRIAN
Uh no. I was listening to NPR just the other day and they had this thing on violence against women and threats of suicide are a form of abuse, OK?
MATT
You see any women among us?
BRIAN
Don't our dogs count?
MATT
No.
BRIAN
You're married to a woman.
MATT
...
BRIAN
Look, what Zacky said is a TERRIBLE fucking idea and I won't-
MATT
Yeah, Zacky, here's what I want you to do. You go tell Andrew that I sang something new and sad and melodic just for him and then said, "Andrew! Oh, my Andronicus Prime!" before I shot myself. All right?
ZACKY
Got it.
Exit ZACKY
MATT
All right, upstairs.
Exit MATT, dragging BRIAN with him; PINKLY and BELLA follow
Huntington Beach, living room of MATT's condo
Enter BRIAN, ZACKY, PINKLY, and BELLA
BRIAN
Awww, does Pinkly want a tummy rub? Who's a good girl?
BELLA whines
ZACKY
It's all right Bella, your daddy will be home soon. Come to Uncle Zack.
ZACKY scratches BELLA behind her ears
Enter MATT, who flings himself across BRIAN's lap
BRIAN
Jesus Christ man, you've scared off Pinkly. What's going on?
MATT
Andrew. Andrew's gone absolutely insane and he's mad at me. I don't know what to do.
BRIAN
All right, calm down. Why don't we go to upstairs and-
ZACKY
That's it! Upstairs! Lock yourself in your room and pretend you've committed suicide, and that will make Andrew feel like crap!
BRIAN
Uh no. I was listening to NPR just the other day and they had this thing on violence against women and threats of suicide are a form of abuse, OK?
MATT
You see any women among us?
BRIAN
Don't our dogs count?
MATT
No.
BRIAN
You're married to a woman.
MATT
...
BRIAN
Look, what Zacky said is a TERRIBLE fucking idea and I won't-
MATT
Yeah, Zacky, here's what I want you to do. You go tell Andrew that I sang something new and sad and melodic just for him and then said, "Andrew! Oh, my Andronicus Prime!" before I shot myself. All right?
ZACKY
Got it.
Exit ZACKY
MATT
All right, upstairs.
Exit MATT, dragging BRIAN with him; PINKLY and BELLA follow