Corner of Your Eye (8/14)

[maychorian]

I'm not completely happy with this--it's a bit lopsided and there's some definite mood whiplash that I'm not sure what to do about, but the stupid sticky keys are driving me crazy, so this is probably as good as it's going to get for now.

Complete chapter list: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14The story is also available

Comments

[maychorian]

Thanks for being so excited! :D

[maychorian]

Aw, thanks. I was trying really hard to be all light-hearted in this chapter, but it turned out that Dean wasn't feeling it. Poor woobie.

[enouva]

They would kill this thing together, and then Dean would get back to his father and his real life.
Simple.
Hm, do I smell a sequel? Or maybe waffles? :P
Really liked how Dean talked about the Impala, even if he was laying it a little bit thick at the end, just to screw with Jack's head.

[maychorian]

Hee! I have been thinking about sequels since before I started writing this thing. :D

And yes, Dean + Impala = OTP. :)

[redrikki]

Now, what was it about this you didn't like? I didn't think the mood was that whip-lash-y. I just thought they were in very different moods. Jack seemed excited to be back on a team doing something useful and Dean was feeling all introspective, off balance and angst-y while trying to cover it up with sarcasm and avoidance. I thought that while they both had very different moods, they were both consistent through both parts.

[maychorian]

Thanks. I really appreciate your perspective.

I think I was thrown off because the chapter started out so light, with Jack happy, making waffles, glad to have something to do and someone he respects to do it with. And then I switched to Dean's perspective and suddenly the light feeling was gone. I guess it took me a little while to figure out that Dean was feeling out of sorts. :) Looking back on it now, it does seem coherent. I was just startled, I guess.

It does make sense now, though. I mean, Jack is used to being on military units, working with people he barely knows, getting things done through discipline and a chain of command. Dean has only ever worked with two people, the most important people in his life. Of course the idea of working with someone else, forming a new sort of partnership, totally freaks him out. And he also gets a little freaked by the fact that Jack is looking at HIM for what to do, not giving the orders. Dean has never experienced anything like it.

I think he'll get used to it, though.

[limegreenjillo]

I get the mood whiplash, Moony my love. But I think that they both suck at emotions, so that's sort of the way they act. I mean neither of them like feeling sad or serious, so they'd constantly be cracking stupid jokes to yank the mood back to casual and fun. That's just how they seem to work best.

[maychorian]

Yeah, that's definitely part of it. I was totally thrown, because the part in Jack's perspective was entirely light-hearted, and then it turns out that Dean wants to be all ANGSTY. Silly Dean. I didn't figure that out at first.

The first half was really easy to write--just rolled right out. The second half took a lot more effort, and I couldn't figure out what to do with the last bit. Then it took that little turn, with Dean going all hurty and thinking about his family, and I wasn't expecting it at all. But once I let it come, it pretty much wrote itself.

I guess this is sort of a good thing, though. I'm not so much controlling the narrative as letting the characters do what they want. Maybe that's better?

[limegreenjillo]

I think it works a lot better when you're writing fanfic. They're not actually your characters, although, they have your spin on them. You have to let them do a little bit of what they want though.

[maychorian]

True. And also spending an entire weekend reading fic and watching episodes (in between watching Venture Bros.), can make the character a lot more real to you.

And one of the benefits of fanfic is that you're allowed to ramble on, let the characters just explore, instead of always serving a plot the way good original fic should.