The Social Dynamics Of Shame

[matt_arnold]

It has taken me a long time to learn the social dynamics of shame. Do you know when I feel shame? When I ignore the voice of past-me and future-me telling me "you know you'll regret this". I did it during 2015 for several months. Then I noticed something: that is the only time I feel shame. When someone else tells me their needs and asks me to meet

Comments

[the_leewit]

I think I'd comprehend this essay better if you defined what "shame" meant to you. If I read it with one eye closed, it reads like you don't feel bad when you realize you have hurt people, but if I read this with the other eye closed (metaphorically speaking), it sort of reminds me of a recent Dr. Nerdlove column on how self-acceptance and the drive to improve are not actually incompatible. Either way, it doesn't feel like you believe your thesis statement, that you feel you need to learn to feel shame more deeply.

Although you are of course the superior mind and I do not get anywhere near your point when I read, due to your intellect being way more developed than mine.

[the_leewit]

Also, obviously, it's not your job to explain yourself to me.

[matt_arnold]

Most of this is inspired by the book "Non Violent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. The Dr. Nerdlove article on this subject is also fantastic

[the_leewit]

Which dovetails a bit with the link I came back here to post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/10/31/feel-ashamed-good-for-you/