Outcast

[matrixmann]

It't just a shame, if you have to turn your back on your asserted political direction, or your asserted subculture, just because those people that are in it are so stubborn, narrow-minded and willing to perceive anything that makes you, in their eyes, be no-one that belongs to their roundel.

Comments

[mandarinsun]

It kind of reminds me of how once an African American girl in the Goth scene came up to my girlfriend and I and said she was hurt and angry that she didn't fit in and I replied that no one really fit in there. It was just dozens of people that all didn't feel like they fit it.

[matrixmann]

I would say: Every group where you perceive some kind of "dress code", be it visually or in opinions or in what people act, do, consume and hang out in, this has a set of does and don't's. A way to be if you want to be part of that scene. You recognize that if you don't behave like the average member of it and the looks and invitations towards you become scarce. In the worst case, if things start to end more often in troubles.
That's what I experience.

[mandarinsun]

I think the danger that comes with being an outsider though is that it is probably likely that a person that is an outsider is often criticizing people that he/she considers insiders to keep their outsider status. So, the true might be to be outside, but talk to other people without automatically alienating or hating them

[matrixmann]

I know about that point, but I think I've already had my time spending with it. You know, for some things, anytime you get too old for that...

It's more like I have a talent for perceiving things which other people take as given and self-evidently. That's what the title "I see with the eyes of a hunter" derives from - the Funker Vogt song "Gunman" just keeps on popping into mind and doesn't seem to find its final time.
Maybe it's also grown out of an attitude like that what you mention. But it's not like this in the purpose anymore.
It's more like "I keep on discovering things" and I find I can't identify with them. And through that, I raise the question "Humans, why do you do this? This is nonsense."

[mandarinsun]

You're right about invites, but in the Goth scene there were different levels of If you feel uninvited, I'd recommend inviting someone else somewhere because a lot of people feel uninvited too.

It is mostly like a stupid game where everyone feels like they don't belong though. Every hipster scene is like that.

[mandarinsun]

I can see how you can say that reading is like getting lost in ideas, but it mostly isn't. The difference between neing illiterate like some kids I work with is reading and then the difference between knowing one language and more than one is reading. People that know several or many languages have a lot more wisdom and intelligence than people that have only one language or barely know one language

[matrixmann]

It's not like reading leads to this in general, but I refuse to read those big works where people shoot their mouths over it and treat it like the holy Bible with the answers to everything.
I found, when I was dealing with that years ago, I got pretty lost in what my own opinion is, I lost the feeling for it. And the rest was just talking in the rhetorics that these texts brought up with them.
I have the impression like since abandoning it, I'm better off with it. I look for drawing links myself and I stick with what you have in the reality currently. Lots of these books were written a long time ago, so the circumstances leading to the same look very much different today

[mandarinsun]

I just mention it because you seem to need an outlet, things to do, and the world makes you angrier and angrier. You have a talent for writing and reading makes you a better writer. To be honest, your views are very one sided and not very nuanced and it is like you say the same thing over and over again. If you had more input, like reading, but it could be like watching documentaries, foreign films, etc.. it might help make what you write about more nuanced and less monotonous. What you have to say though reminds me of what I would go on and on about when I was in my early 20s though, so it is not like I don't have sympathy

[matrixmann]

Do I really seem that angry?
Hm...
Saying, I've already had far angrier times. And this includes the phase of "kill all people". I've already been there. While recognizing the meaninglessness and the finiteness of the actions of a single person, the limitation of what a single person's actions can put as an effect to the rest of the world, I came to the path of "it's not worth it". Not for them.
My life and existence is the first priority.

[mandarinsun]

None of the capitalistic trends you hate are going to improve at all, so you probably need a survival strategy.

[matrixmann]

And the survival strategy is: If they kick you, just kick back.
If they leave you alone, just follow what you think you must do, and enjoy the time being left alone.