[Slash] Midday Sunshine - And So It Is - 07
Title: Midday Sunshine
Author anyothergirl415
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam, Dean (beginning suggestion of Sam/Dean)
Theme: Theme 06 - 365. And So It Is
Prompt(s): 07 - noon
Words: 931
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: I wish I controlled what happened but well, let’s be honest, who could really top Kripke?
Summary: Sometime between falling asleep and waking up Sam got a glimpse of the world.
Warnings/Author Notes: The stories are all linked together in the same verse, I would recommend reading from the first prompt chronologically.
Sometime between falling asleep and waking up Sam got a glimpse of the world. Considering the little he truly understood at the moment, it was terrifying. When he woke sunshine was beating through the windows and spit was dry along his jaw line. Sam slapped at the skin but it did little to clear the mess. Actually it only just hurt.
“Sam? Fuck, what now?” Dean pulled the car to the side of the road and sighed. “By this rate we’ll be lucky if we get to Bobby’s before Christmas.”
“Why are we here Dean?” Sam whispered and he twisted his fingers together in his lap. It hurt. Physical pain in his chest. Questions, suggestions, pain. This. This was cruel. It was crushing his lungs and he could barely breathe.
“Sam?” Dean whispered, brows furrowing.
When Sam looked up, there must have been something in his eyes. Whatever it was, the darkness, the truth, it made Dean inhale sharply. “Why do we bother living? Why do we even try? It’s all for nothing. Nothing.”
Sam’s head fell to the side, he watched Dean’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, he slid across the seat and pressed his finger tip to the skin. “Sam,” Dean whispered.
It sounded scared, but Sam couldn’t tell why. Because that person walking by, wouldn’t hear scared. Wouldn’t hear fear. Sam did. Maybe he knew Dean though mostly he thought he didn’t. He didn’t know himself. Everything was too bright and too blue and Sam was more than a bit lost. “I saw our end. My end. Saw it.”
“Shut up Sam. Stop it. This is, stop. This is insane.” Dean shook his head roughly.
Sam’s head tilted to the side when Dean didn’t move away. Maybe there wasn’t enough room to. Maybe he was scared to. “I know how it plays out. Saw the way things go. Know the fate I’ve got. Bound to happen. Gonna happen. Too late to change.”
“Knock it off Sam, damnit, I’m not gonna listen to this.”
This time Dean did knock him away. Sam felt the sharp sting down his spine, across his skin, prickling his nerves. He gasped and tried to curl in on himself against the car door. It didn’t really work, too many long limbs and Sam felt far too small to be let loose in a body so big.
Dean’s sigh carried across the seat, filling the car as if it came with a million other words that Sam should know but he didn’t. “I’m sorry, okay? I just, I can’t listen to you talk like that. Sam, god, we really just can’t go down this path.”
When Sam closed his eyes he could see the whole wide world and he was just a little speck standing on a cliff, feeling the wind sweep up in his hair and lift up his shirt. It could have been freeing, maybe it should have been, but Sam couldn’t remember the name of his parents or the places they grew up. He knew Dean, knew him, but only because, he thought, Dean was connected to some part of him that couldn’t be forgotten.
No matter what.
“Hey, we’re going to get to Bobby’s, he’s going to help us out. And, you know, maybe I can get a hold of Castiel. He might help.” Dean’s fingers curled along Sam’s forearm and the next breath Sam pulled in was tinged with gun powder.
“Castiel, Castiel the angel,” Sam murmured, head thumping audibly against the glass. “Do you suppose he’s pink and fuzzy?”
A surprised snort of laughter left Dean, along with the fingers on Sam’s skin, and the car was in motion once more. “Somehow, that wouldn’t surprise me.”
“Samael’s an angel. I know it. An angel. He said, he said I should go. Breathe. I don’t think he likes me. Or maybe he does. Dean? There’s… in my mind. In my brain. All these things, I can feel them. Weak. I feel, my brain,” Sam’s fingers came up, pressing into his temple and he groaned.
“Just a little while longer Sam, just a little while. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” Dean was nearly chanting the words and Sam slowly opened his eyes.
“I think I love you,” Sam whispered, unfolding his legs from the place he’d scrunched them up on the seat because it hurt too much to keep them pulled up like that.
“Yeah, love you too Sam,” Dean nodded, fingers pushing up at sunglasses along his nose.
“No. Not. Not like that. It’s, here. Here you know?” Sam pressed a fist to his chest and in his mind the wind picked up speed. Was this it? The purpose? But why then, why keep going, why bother living? Sam turned back to the window to watch the midday sunshine cast rainbows along the ground. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“This is fucking insane,” Dean muttered, likely not meant for Sam to hear but he did.
When his eyes closed again the wind had all but stopped. Sam still stood on the cliff though. He stood and he waited and he watched. He was pretty sure he’d been waiting here for years. “I didn’t mean to let this happen.”
“You didn’t Sam. It’s just, maybe it’s wearing off? You seem a little more on board right now.”
Sam thought he should probably tell Dean that he kind of wanted to jump off the cliff in his mind, just to see. But he didn’t, because something in him said they kept secrets like that.
On My Lips - And So It Is 08
Master Post