[Slash] Because Chad is Dumb Enough - 1/1
Because Chad is Dumb Enough
Author: anyothergirl415
Rating: R for language and innuendos
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Chad/Johnny (the stuffed monkey that’s SO not his favorite snuggle toy)
Warnings: Silliness, sickness, and love. Just a little crack
Word Count: 1, 525
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, just write.
Summary: Chad is sick so Jensen can be mommy and Jared can be daddy because seriously? Jared’s way too tall to be mommy.
Notes: I really wasn’t going to write this. But then I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so thus.. for
tamzinrose who wanted Chad sick... Poor Chad...
“I don’t know guys…” Chad inches just a little closer to the railing, staring down into the freezing lake water. “That’s gonna fuckin’ hurt.”
Jared hiccups around the snort bubbling up his throat and grimaces because it’s quite an unpleasant feeling, “Just do it!”
“Fuckin’ pussy,” Jensen chimes in, taking a long pull from the bottle in his hands. That’s number six, wait no number seven down!
“I am not!” Chad squeals, sounding outrageously like Jared’s little sister, which Jared points out in amusement. “What if I get sick?!? I could dieeeee!”
And Jared doesn’t think this is very likely so he opens another beer, offering it to Jensen after taking a long swig, “Look dude. If you get sick we’ll take care of you! You can come and stay in our guest room and I’ll make you soup and Jensen will wash your feet.”
“Fuckin’ won’t,” Jensen shakes his head fiercely but has to stop because the world tilts dangerously and he can’t help falling against Jared’s warm side.
Chad risks another glance over the bridge. It’s probably only ten or so feet up and he’s jumped off cliffs higher then this before so he should be okay. And even though it’s like, negative ten outside Jared did bring a towel for him to dry off with.
So… because Chad is dumb enough he throws caution to the wind, strips to his boxers and jumps. Faintly he can hear Jared laughing like a hyena on crack, which is mildly scary because right before he hits the water he thinks he might just die and that’s going to be the last sound he ever hears.
*
Chad does not die. But he does show up at Jared and Jensen’s door bright and early the next morning, banging on the wood loudly because they don’t answer the doorbell after the eleventh time he presses it.
The door swings open and Jensen looks like one of the demons his alter ego might have been hunting down.
“Do you want to die?” He growls then pauses because Chad is wrapped in a large fluffy duvet, clutching a bag and a pillow against his chest. “The fuck?”
“Mm sick,” the blonde sniffles, pushing back Jensen and waddling his way into the front room. “Gotta take care of me.”
“Jen??” Jared calls from down the hall, rubbing a hand over his alcohol laced eyes. “Who is it?”
“Chad is sick,” Jensen is definitely less then pleased, which amuses Chad immensely and he might have laughed if his head didn’t feel so close to exploding.
“Are you sure you aren’t just hung over?” Jared asks, always the logical one so early in the morning even with his own obvious hang over.
“Didn’t drink nearly as much as you two fuckin’ morons,” Chad defends, already heading in the direction of the guest room.
“I do believe you’re the one who jumped off the bridge,” Jensen observes on his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.
Chad decides to ignore this and can only make it to the bed before his lungs give out a painful wheeze and he drops down onto the mattress. Jared follows him in and takes the bag, pushing Chad’s smaller form towards the middle of the bed and tucking the pillow beneath his head.
“Alright, want some water or something?” He offers as politely as he can, unzipping the bag to peek at the inside contents.
“My mom always gets me 7up,” Chad mumbles into the pillow. “And crackers. And a bowl cause I might vomit.”
“Please don’t,” Jensen grumbles as he passes the doorway.
“Chad? What’s this?” Jared is holding an object out and Chad has to use most of his remaining energy to lift his head and stare at it.
“Johnny,” he supplies, holding out an arm for a moment before it flops next to his body. “Gimme.”
Jared tucks the stuffed purple monkey under Chad’s body and decides sometimes, when it comes to Chad, it’s better not to ask.
*
“Sshh… you’re gonna wake him.”
“Not if you keep my mouth busy.”
“This doesn’t feel wrong to you?”
“Oh come on, you get off on it.”
Chad can just faintly make out the whispers and he thinks he may be dreaming. Only he can’t ever remember having dreams of Jensen straddling Jared’s lap. Or of Jared’s hands dipping below Jensen’s pants.
And he thinks they may actually be doing something in the room he’s in but his mind is fuzzy and his nose hurts painfully so it’s better to not think and just go back to sleep.
*
“Do you want some soup?” Jared is offering, his hand shaking Chad out of a dream where he and Johnny were flying an airplane with bright purple wings. It was nice to fly.
“Yeah,” Chad whimpers as he turns, looking at the tall figure. “What time is it?”
“After nine,” Jared offers a spoon full of chicken noodle and Chad slurps it loudly, spilling the liquid in tiny drops on the duvet.
“I’m gonna die,” Chad groans.
Jared snorts, offering another spoonful, “Not likely.”
“One could hope,” Jensen comes in with a bucket, sighing softly. “You can use this to wash up.”
“Can’t move…” Chad complains before raising his head for another spoonful.
“Jensen, you’re gonna have to do it,” and the smile Jared offers up is laced with just the faintest traces of amusement but mostly sympathy.
A heavy sigh leaves his lips as he moves to the other side of the bed and wrings the water out of the rag. “Alright Chad, no jokes. Not a one or I stop.”
“Yes mommy,” Chad half smirks.
“I am not the mommy here,” Jensen huffs indignantly, half heartedly rubbing the washrag across Chad’s forehead.
“You are,” the blonde grumbles as his eyes fall close. “Jared’s the daddy.”
Jared snorts at this, setting the bowl of soup on the nightstand, “Only if you’re kinky like that.”
“I am,” Chad agrees, pushing the blanket down. “Mommy I really just need a bath, I feel like I rolled in shit.”
“Watch your mouth or I’ll wash it out with soap,” Jensen growls, looking up at Jared with wide eyes. “I’m not fuckin’ bathing him.”
“Just go get the water running and I’ll help him up,” Jared laughs, already moving to drag Chad out of the sheets.
“You’re the best daddy,” Chad says through a heavy cough and Jared just barely resists the urge to give a little harder then needed slap on the back.
*
“Oh come on daddy, give it to me.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What’s the matter? Too kinky?”
“You’re fucked up.”
“Nah, you love it.”
Chad might be dreaming again but the haze in his mind is a little less fuzzy and he can see the light from the hallway coming in through the open door. See the shadows against the wall.
And if his brain didn’t already feel overtaxed he thinks it might completely overload at the image of Jared on his knees in front of Jensen.
A groan falls from his lips as he rolls over and tries to go back to sleep. He definitely needed more of that.
*
Chad is feeling a little more tolerable the next morning as he drags himself from the bed, hand curled around his stuffed monkey, and wobbles down the hall to the kitchen. Jared and Jensen are at the table chatting in undertones that suggest the strong connection shared between them.
“I heard you both last night,” Chad grumbles, plopping in the open chair.
This ends the conversation. Jared has the grace to blush and Jensen simply smirks, “Well son, it’s about time you learn about the birds and bees.”
“Or bees and bees,” Jared adds with a laugh.
“Gross,” Chad reaches for the cereal box. “Just stop when I’m here, kay? Cause I’m already sick enough.”
“Hey you’re the one who jumped into the lake,” Jensen rises from the chair, bringing the milk to Chad before pouring another cup of coffee for himself.
Chad doesn’t bother to point out that they dared him too and that Jensen’s already used this logic before. “Thanks mommy I’ll remember that.”
“Why am I the mother?” Jensen huffs, reclaiming his seat.
“Jared’s just too fuckin’ tall to be the mommy.” And he says this with enough level of logic that neither boy can think of a way to disagree so it’s left at that.
Instead Jared’s eyes land on the stuffed monkey, “So… Johnny… would you like some cereal too?”
Chad throws Fruity Pebbles at him and moves the animal to his lap, “Shut up. Johnny only ever talks to me.”
Jensen snorts coffee out his nose at this statement which looks quite painful and Chad decides is well deserved. It’s not like he has a Jared or Jensen to cuddle with in bed, not that he wants one but damnit Chad needs someone too.
Jared is laughing as he helps Jensen clean up the mess and Chad decides they make a good mommy and daddy even if they do gross things and make fun of his stuffed monkey.
Author: anyothergirl415
Rating: R for language and innuendos
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Chad/Johnny (the stuffed monkey that’s SO not his favorite snuggle toy)
Warnings: Silliness, sickness, and love. Just a little crack
Word Count: 1, 525
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, just write.
Summary: Chad is sick so Jensen can be mommy and Jared can be daddy because seriously? Jared’s way too tall to be mommy.
Notes: I really wasn’t going to write this. But then I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so thus.. for
tamzinrose who wanted Chad sick... Poor Chad...
“I don’t know guys…” Chad inches just a little closer to the railing, staring down into the freezing lake water. “That’s gonna fuckin’ hurt.”
Jared hiccups around the snort bubbling up his throat and grimaces because it’s quite an unpleasant feeling, “Just do it!”
“Fuckin’ pussy,” Jensen chimes in, taking a long pull from the bottle in his hands. That’s number six, wait no number seven down!
“I am not!” Chad squeals, sounding outrageously like Jared’s little sister, which Jared points out in amusement. “What if I get sick?!? I could dieeeee!”
And Jared doesn’t think this is very likely so he opens another beer, offering it to Jensen after taking a long swig, “Look dude. If you get sick we’ll take care of you! You can come and stay in our guest room and I’ll make you soup and Jensen will wash your feet.”
“Fuckin’ won’t,” Jensen shakes his head fiercely but has to stop because the world tilts dangerously and he can’t help falling against Jared’s warm side.
Chad risks another glance over the bridge. It’s probably only ten or so feet up and he’s jumped off cliffs higher then this before so he should be okay. And even though it’s like, negative ten outside Jared did bring a towel for him to dry off with.
So… because Chad is dumb enough he throws caution to the wind, strips to his boxers and jumps. Faintly he can hear Jared laughing like a hyena on crack, which is mildly scary because right before he hits the water he thinks he might just die and that’s going to be the last sound he ever hears.
*
Chad does not die. But he does show up at Jared and Jensen’s door bright and early the next morning, banging on the wood loudly because they don’t answer the doorbell after the eleventh time he presses it.
The door swings open and Jensen looks like one of the demons his alter ego might have been hunting down.
“Do you want to die?” He growls then pauses because Chad is wrapped in a large fluffy duvet, clutching a bag and a pillow against his chest. “The fuck?”
“Mm sick,” the blonde sniffles, pushing back Jensen and waddling his way into the front room. “Gotta take care of me.”
“Jen??” Jared calls from down the hall, rubbing a hand over his alcohol laced eyes. “Who is it?”
“Chad is sick,” Jensen is definitely less then pleased, which amuses Chad immensely and he might have laughed if his head didn’t feel so close to exploding.
“Are you sure you aren’t just hung over?” Jared asks, always the logical one so early in the morning even with his own obvious hang over.
“Didn’t drink nearly as much as you two fuckin’ morons,” Chad defends, already heading in the direction of the guest room.
“I do believe you’re the one who jumped off the bridge,” Jensen observes on his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.
Chad decides to ignore this and can only make it to the bed before his lungs give out a painful wheeze and he drops down onto the mattress. Jared follows him in and takes the bag, pushing Chad’s smaller form towards the middle of the bed and tucking the pillow beneath his head.
“Alright, want some water or something?” He offers as politely as he can, unzipping the bag to peek at the inside contents.
“My mom always gets me 7up,” Chad mumbles into the pillow. “And crackers. And a bowl cause I might vomit.”
“Please don’t,” Jensen grumbles as he passes the doorway.
“Chad? What’s this?” Jared is holding an object out and Chad has to use most of his remaining energy to lift his head and stare at it.
“Johnny,” he supplies, holding out an arm for a moment before it flops next to his body. “Gimme.”
Jared tucks the stuffed purple monkey under Chad’s body and decides sometimes, when it comes to Chad, it’s better not to ask.
*
“Sshh… you’re gonna wake him.”
“Not if you keep my mouth busy.”
“This doesn’t feel wrong to you?”
“Oh come on, you get off on it.”
Chad can just faintly make out the whispers and he thinks he may be dreaming. Only he can’t ever remember having dreams of Jensen straddling Jared’s lap. Or of Jared’s hands dipping below Jensen’s pants.
And he thinks they may actually be doing something in the room he’s in but his mind is fuzzy and his nose hurts painfully so it’s better to not think and just go back to sleep.
*
“Do you want some soup?” Jared is offering, his hand shaking Chad out of a dream where he and Johnny were flying an airplane with bright purple wings. It was nice to fly.
“Yeah,” Chad whimpers as he turns, looking at the tall figure. “What time is it?”
“After nine,” Jared offers a spoon full of chicken noodle and Chad slurps it loudly, spilling the liquid in tiny drops on the duvet.
“I’m gonna die,” Chad groans.
Jared snorts, offering another spoonful, “Not likely.”
“One could hope,” Jensen comes in with a bucket, sighing softly. “You can use this to wash up.”
“Can’t move…” Chad complains before raising his head for another spoonful.
“Jensen, you’re gonna have to do it,” and the smile Jared offers up is laced with just the faintest traces of amusement but mostly sympathy.
A heavy sigh leaves his lips as he moves to the other side of the bed and wrings the water out of the rag. “Alright Chad, no jokes. Not a one or I stop.”
“Yes mommy,” Chad half smirks.
“I am not the mommy here,” Jensen huffs indignantly, half heartedly rubbing the washrag across Chad’s forehead.
“You are,” the blonde grumbles as his eyes fall close. “Jared’s the daddy.”
Jared snorts at this, setting the bowl of soup on the nightstand, “Only if you’re kinky like that.”
“I am,” Chad agrees, pushing the blanket down. “Mommy I really just need a bath, I feel like I rolled in shit.”
“Watch your mouth or I’ll wash it out with soap,” Jensen growls, looking up at Jared with wide eyes. “I’m not fuckin’ bathing him.”
“Just go get the water running and I’ll help him up,” Jared laughs, already moving to drag Chad out of the sheets.
“You’re the best daddy,” Chad says through a heavy cough and Jared just barely resists the urge to give a little harder then needed slap on the back.
*
“Oh come on daddy, give it to me.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What’s the matter? Too kinky?”
“You’re fucked up.”
“Nah, you love it.”
Chad might be dreaming again but the haze in his mind is a little less fuzzy and he can see the light from the hallway coming in through the open door. See the shadows against the wall.
And if his brain didn’t already feel overtaxed he thinks it might completely overload at the image of Jared on his knees in front of Jensen.
A groan falls from his lips as he rolls over and tries to go back to sleep. He definitely needed more of that.
*
Chad is feeling a little more tolerable the next morning as he drags himself from the bed, hand curled around his stuffed monkey, and wobbles down the hall to the kitchen. Jared and Jensen are at the table chatting in undertones that suggest the strong connection shared between them.
“I heard you both last night,” Chad grumbles, plopping in the open chair.
This ends the conversation. Jared has the grace to blush and Jensen simply smirks, “Well son, it’s about time you learn about the birds and bees.”
“Or bees and bees,” Jared adds with a laugh.
“Gross,” Chad reaches for the cereal box. “Just stop when I’m here, kay? Cause I’m already sick enough.”
“Hey you’re the one who jumped into the lake,” Jensen rises from the chair, bringing the milk to Chad before pouring another cup of coffee for himself.
Chad doesn’t bother to point out that they dared him too and that Jensen’s already used this logic before. “Thanks mommy I’ll remember that.”
“Why am I the mother?” Jensen huffs, reclaiming his seat.
“Jared’s just too fuckin’ tall to be the mommy.” And he says this with enough level of logic that neither boy can think of a way to disagree so it’s left at that.
Instead Jared’s eyes land on the stuffed monkey, “So… Johnny… would you like some cereal too?”
Chad throws Fruity Pebbles at him and moves the animal to his lap, “Shut up. Johnny only ever talks to me.”
Jensen snorts coffee out his nose at this statement which looks quite painful and Chad decides is well deserved. It’s not like he has a Jared or Jensen to cuddle with in bed, not that he wants one but damnit Chad needs someone too.
Jared is laughing as he helps Jensen clean up the mess and Chad decides they make a good mommy and daddy even if they do gross things and make fun of his stuffed monkey.