orphen fic - a single step

[marybwolf]

Fandom: Sorcerer Stabber Orphen
Title: A Single Step
Chapter: rough draft of chapter one/?
Notes: I just need comments, peeps (and Deni, I think I'm mostly looking at you). This is a rough draft of something I shouldn't be writing because I need to write other stuff but I suck at prioritising. So.

It's also posted at FF.net, if you want to pop

Comments

[denilmo]

Ah Cleo & Orphen.... :)
I liked: "You're a real piece of work, Orphen, you know that, right?" she snapped, storming after him. "Conceited, arrogant asshole..."

Ah, insults about his character. They were back on familiar ground now. This, he could handle.

That seems SO like him to think that way. And I couldn't help but stifle a giggle at Majic's observation of them as they entered the bedroom. And I love how you kept Lycoris saying Mr Majic and Mr Orphen -well you know, until Majic told her to drop the mister from his name :D

I really like it so far. The characters are very IN character and I liked the different views on that one incident between Cleo & Orphen: his running thoughts of where he wanted to take it, her thoughts on how it happened in the first place and Majic's observation - even how Lycoris noticed that they seemed to ignore each other. Nicely done, m'dear :)

[marybwolf]

Orphen and Cleo have the type of relationship that I love to write--the antagonistic love-hate relationship that pushes both to do and be better (or just get them and an innocent bystander banned from a town, y'know). And we ALL know that they love and lust after each other. So it only makes sense that that kind of reaction extends to his thinking.

Lycoris is such a polite, soft-spoken girl and the only reason she stopped calling Cleo "Miss" was because Cleo told her to. She isn't going to stop doing what has been ingrained her until she's told to. I honestly can't remember any fic dealing with Lycoris after the end of Revenge...but she said to come visit, right? Plus, I just like her.

Thank you! Like I said, though, this is just a rough draft (that shouldn't even be written, let alone posted anywhere), but I'm glad to know I got characterisation down.