[One-Shot: Stars] My Cassiopeia
Title: My Cassiopeia
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin, Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre: AU, angst!, romance
Warning: CHARACTER DEATH!!!!!
Length: one-shot
Rating: R
Summery: Yunho's one big love always loved the stars. So when he dies Yunho tries to find comfort in the one thing that will always remind him of his lover. The stars.
A/N: Written for this month's star prompt from the un_scribbled community. Please go there and read the other entries! Yes, do it!
Beautiful graphic by miamushroom
Warning: CHARACTER DEATH
My Cassiopeia
Empty. That was what Yunho was feeling. Utterly and completely empty. Nothing really mattered anymore. He closed his eyes and sat in the bed. The other pillow still smelled wonderfully. Smelled like him. And it was wonderful. He closed his eyes and imagined his younger lover come into the room waking him up. His long legs all visible since he’d only be wearing boxers and Yunho would groan a little not willing to get up for the day.
He almost smiled at the image. The sound of his lover’s voice calling him silly and telling him to get up, because he was hungry and demanded food before he’d be off to work. And Yunho would tell him to go make his own breakfast, because he too had work. That had been their life. Work, talking, loving. Yunho had never felt as loved as he had with his man. And he had never felt as empty as he was without him.
The door opened and without even realising it Yunho called out his lover’s name. “Changmin?” Of course it wasn’t the other man. It couldn’t be.
“Sorry love. It’s just me.” He should have known. Yoochun had taken it upon himself to always come and check on Yunho. Ever since that day.
Yunho didn’t bother to move. He was so lonely. It was as if the loneliness just ate him out and he was completely empty.
“Fuck you stink. You need a shower. When was the last time you even showered?” Yoochun gently coaxed Yunho out of bed.
“Don’t know.” Yunho’s voice was rasp. Raw from not having used it for days except for the few words here and there.
“Come on love. If you go shower and we’ll get you all dressed. I don’t care that you’d rather stay in bed, because everyone is expecting you to be there and you have to be. I know you’d want to. So come on now. Shower, I’ll find you something to wear and we’ll be out of here.” Yoochun coaxed Yunho out of the bed and despite his harsh words his hands were gently pulling at his friend guiding him to the shower.
“I’m not going to shower with you. I don’t want to get to know you that well.” And with that Yoochun closed the door leaving Yunho alone in the bathroom.
~…~…~
~…~…~
A few hours later Yunho was standing next to Yoochun in the church. He was standing in the back. Changmin’s parents had never liked him, they had never liked the fact that their son was, so the only respectful way to them would be to stand in the back. Originally Yunho hadn’t even wanted to be at the funeral. This wasn’t the way his Changmin would have wanted it. He was standing there all numb looking at the service. Listening to Mr Shim speak praising words of his son, even if they hadn’t talked for years, saw his mother cry. Only his sister was looking as lost as Yunho was feeling.
Yoochun’s hand rested on his lower back rubbing comforting circles into the muscle. Yunho didn’t even realise it. He didn’t care.
He couldn’t believe that it was his Changmin in the coffin and when he was lowered to the ground he heard Mr Shim sob, but nothing happened with Yunho. He was just staring blankly out in the air. He didn’t know how long he stood there. But he knew that everyone soon left. First all the guests, then Changmin’s parents, though not before throwing Yunho a disgusted look. And then suddenly the whole place was empty aside from Yunho and Yoochun.
“Baby, come on. You can’t stay here all day. It’s getting dark.” Yoochun took Yunho’s hand. They had been standing there for hours. But instead of following Yoochun’s tug the older man just took a step closer to the newly dug grave.
“You can go if you want.” His voice was so rasp. It wasn’t anything like it usually was.
“No I’ll stay with you here as long as you want to stay.” And Yoochun sat down on the ground.
Closing his eyes Yunho figured sitting down was indeed a good idea and joined his friend on the ground. He looked up at the sky.
“The first star is out.” He pointed out as his heart clenched. Yoochun wasn’t Changmin and Changmin was the one he wanted to share this moment with.
“Yeah.” Yoochun didn’t really know what else to say.
“He loves - loved,” Yunho’s breath caught in his throat when he was correcting himself. He couldn’t take that. “Stars. He loved stars.” Yunho’s whispered words were barely louder than the wind that was blowing, but it was there.
And the wind. Yunho felt as if the first tug of the wind was comforting him. Putting an arm around him and pulling him into its embrace. And it felt almost as if Changmin was the one pulling him into an embrace. And as more stars became visible in the sky Yunho fell back against the grass careful not to lay down on one of the graves.
“He always says,” once again Yunho had to stop himself in the middle of a sentence. “Said. He always said that the stars are where people go when dying. Where his grandma is and everyone else he knew who had died.” Yunho whispered. “Like in the Lion King.”
Yoochun didn’t say anything. He just let his friend speak whenever it was needed. And it didn’t matter that there went hours between each sentence
“He likes to sit outside and watch the stars.” Yunho was so far gone in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the slip in his sentence. Using present tense. “He can point out any constellation. I can only really find one.” Turning his head up to the sky he looked.
“There.” Yunho pointed and Yoochun followed the line of his hand. “Cassiopeia. Five stars in a W. It’s his favourite and really the only one I can find. I like Canis Major better, but he refuses to point it out for me that often. He tells me to learn to find Cassiopeia on my own first. I guess I could do that.”
Yunho stared at the constellation for once actually wishing that he believed in them the way Changmin did. That people who had passed away were still up in the sky with the stars. Because then he wouldn’t have a doubt in his mind that Changmin would be near Cassiopeia and every time he’d need to he could just look up and know that his love was right there. Right there in the sky watching over him.
But sadly enough Yunho didn’t believe in such thing.
“Do you think he’s really up there?” Yunho asked tentatively. He had almost forgotten that Yoochun was there next to him.
“I don’t know Yunho. I really don’t.” They just sat there in silence.
The wind was still oddly comforting and Yunho closed his eyes. It was almost as if he could smell Changmin right there. The smell was just there. Right there. Just far away enough for it to be out of his reach. And he tried to reach out for it, but it was further and further away. He sighed. And a tear slipped his eye. And another one.
And another one.
Another one.
Until tears were flowing freely. And they hadn’t yet. But it seemed that the wind was doing something to him. And the realisation that he would never be able to hold his lover again. Never again would he be able to smell him, tell him he loved him. Yunho’s tears were flowing in a steady stream as he lay on the ground soundlessly. And if Yoochun noticed the tears he didn’t make any indication of it. He just stayed on the ground holding his best friend’s hand.
~…~…~
~…~…~
The days turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months and the weathers changed. While it had before been windy autumn it was now sweet spring. Yunho didn’t know how the time had passed. Eventually he had gone back to work and his life had continued. In the evenings he would sit out in his garden and watch the stars. If it was snowing he would still go out and sit there and watch the stars. No matter what, no matter where he was he would find the first star and wait until they all appeared. And he would find Cassiopeia and think of Changmin.
It was weird to see how everyone else’s life just moved on. Yoochun no longer gave him pitying looks and started talking about other things. Started thinking about other things too. Though he never mentioned Yunho’s lack of love life and sex life for that matter, he didn’t mention Changmin either. And it wasn’t because Yunho didn’t want to talk about his younger lover. But he felt the whole world had stopped moving the minute Changmin had. But everyone else was just moving on. And leaving him behind standing with the ghost of something that once was.
“Hey.” Yunho didn’t know when he’d started talking to the headstone. He knew it was silly. Changmin wasn’t there and he would never get a snarky reply back. In fact he was pretty sure Changmin would tell him to get his ass away from the headstone and go have a life if he had been alive. But he wasn’t. That was the whole point.
“I never know what to say to the headstones.” The voice behind him startled him and he turned around.
“Yeah.” Yunho wasn’t really in the mood to talk with strangers, but the man sat down next to him.
“I’ve seen you here so many times. I know you’re not supposed to talk to people here, but you look so lost and well. Kind of like how I’m feeling.” The man shrugged and smiled sheepishly and despite the fact that Yunho had only known him for a few seconds he knew that the smile was fake or at least forced.
“No, no it’s okay.” Yunho didn’t really know what cemetery etiquette was, but admitting that you’d rather be alone didn’t seem like an option with this man.
“Thank you.” The man looked at the headstone and his fake smile fell. “That was young. Was he your brother?”
“No.” Yunho didn’t really elaborate. He didn’t feel like going into the whole gay-conversation right now. Not with the memory of Changmin’s parents’ disgusted looks at the funeral. All those months ago. How had time even passed for everyone else, when his time had just stood still?
“I’m sorry.” The man whispered and for the first time Yunho looked up at him.
He was beautiful. That was the word to describe the almost angelic man before him. True enough his eyes were bloodshot from either lack of sleep or too much crying, or perhaps a combination of the two. He had dark heavy circles under his eyes. But all that didn’t matter, when you looked at his big dark eyes and the hair that just fell into his eyes in the right way. At first sight you’d say the hair was brown, but when he moved into the sun it looked almost red. Yunho almost longed to touch the skin on the other man’s face, when he realised his thoughts. He quickly shook them.
He hadn’t had such thoughts for months. Or even if he had it had been about Chagmin’s gorgeous long legs. Legs that he loved. Belonging to a man he loved more than words could even describe.
“Do you mind if I sit next to you? I hate being here alone.” The man looked almost fragile when he asked and Yunho nodded making room next to him on the grass.
“It’s my mum over there.” Yunho followed the line of his hand not really sure which of the gravestones he was pointing at. “She died last month, but I keep coming here. I mean I know it was for the better, but it doesn’t change anything. At least she’s not sick now.”
Yunho listened, but he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to all of this.
“I come here every day.” He finally said. “Changmin was,” a breath caught in his throat, “is,” that just sounded creepy, “was my lover.” He finally settled for.
Yunho didn’t know what he’d expected by the revelation, but the hand on his thigh was not it. But it was oddly comforting.
“He was in a car accident. Died on the spot.” Yunho had never really said the words. Everyone he knew had just known from someone else or read it in the local newspaper. He hadn’t ever needed to utter the words. Died in a car accident. It sounded so oddly plain and ordinary for something that was everything but plain and ordinary.
“I’m so sorry.” The stranger’s voice was so comforting and so was the hand that had shifted to settled around his shoulders. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one visiting here more often than any therapist would recommend.”
Yunho actually smiled. “It’s silly. I come here to be closer to him.” He admitted. “And I know he’s not even here.” He looked up when the first star once again appeared in the sky. Like it did every night.
He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence, but long enough that the second star appeared. And the third and the fourth and every other star. And Cassiopeia was there among them all. Yunho looked at the constellation and sighed. He didn’t offer an explanation.
“I better go.” The man finally said and got up from the ground. He shook Yunho’s hand. “Kim Jaejoong.”
“Jung Yunho.”
“Nice to meet you.” And with that the beautiful Kim Jaejoong just left.
~…~…~
~…~…~
It was weird how quickly the days passed. How quickly the spring took them into the summer and once again it was autumn with the heavy winds and the cool rain. A year. One year had passed. And Yunho was still just as clueless as to what he was supposed to think.
“Hello.” Jaejoong’s voice was now familiar and almost expected.
“Hey.” Yunho smiled at the man as he made a little room still looking at the headstone before him.
“A year today I see.” The voice was light, but the hand on Yunho’s thigh seemed almost heavy. Heavy with some kind of feeling Yunho would rather ignore and guilt welled up inside him.
“Yes. One year.” Looking up Yunho watched the stars as he had done every day for about a year now. Ever since the funeral and he still felt the same chills as he usually felt.
“Do you think you’ll ever get over it?” Jaejoong asked his voice soft and curious.
“No.” Yunho knew that much. “He was my everything. You don’t understand. He was.” Looking up at the familiar constellation of the W he knew and had grown to love he looked back at Jaejoong. “He just,” Yunho didn’t know what to say. “I loved him.”
“I know.” Jaejoong smiled softly. “He was your star.”
Smiling at the understanding he was getting Yunho nodded and kept his look locked on the constellation before him. Somehow Changmin’s headstone had been turned in a way that when you looked at it during the autumn you would look directly at Cassipeia. And during the spring Changmin would be the one looking directly at the constellation.
~…~…~
~…~…~
Eventually the first year without Changmin became more years. And without ever realising it Yunho had stopped visiting the grave every day. At first it had only been narrowed down every second day. Then once a week. And then once a month. And now suddenly he was there only visiting a few times a year.
Guilt filled him every time he was there. Every time Jaejoong held his hand and squeezed it. Yoochun said that it was normal, but that he should let it go. That moving on and living a life was what Changmin would have wanted him to. And so he did.
Though guilt filled him.
“What’s wrong love?” A hand sneaked around his waist as Yunho was looking up at the stars before him.
“I was just remembering.” A sad smile graced his lips as a spoke.
“He was your star.” The voice was whispered softly and the lonely tear that travelled down Yunho’s cheek was wiped away by the man behind him.
“Yeah.” They stayed like this watching the stars. Watching the W. And Yunho remembered what he had once had.
As he blinked Yunho realised that something was changing. Keeping his eyes open he saw a shooting star fly through the sky and he knew. He knew that Changmin was up there with Cassiopeia watching them. And the wink of the star was his approval. He shouldn’t feel guilty that he had once again opened his heart to a beautiful man. He leaned back a little into the embrace as they watched the stars together.
“Changmin would have loved you.” Yunho finally said.
“Thank you.” Jaejoong whispered kissing the skin that was exposed to him just near him.
“I think you’d have made great friends. I wish you could have met.” Despite the fact that Yunho had moved on over the years. The fact that everything had changed his younger lover still held a very special place in his heart. A place Jaejoong would never get and a place of himself he would never be able to let go. Because he knew it belonged to Changmin. But he knew he could give the rest to someone else, because Changmin and he were no longer under the same sky. Changmin was his star. Changmin was his Cassiopeia.
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin, Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre: AU, angst!, romance
Warning: CHARACTER DEATH!!!!!
Length: one-shot
Rating: R
Summery: Yunho's one big love always loved the stars. So when he dies Yunho tries to find comfort in the one thing that will always remind him of his lover. The stars.
A/N: Written for this month's star prompt from the un_scribbled community. Please go there and read the other entries! Yes, do it!
Beautiful graphic by miamushroom
Warning: CHARACTER DEATH
My Cassiopeia
Empty. That was what Yunho was feeling. Utterly and completely empty. Nothing really mattered anymore. He closed his eyes and sat in the bed. The other pillow still smelled wonderfully. Smelled like him. And it was wonderful. He closed his eyes and imagined his younger lover come into the room waking him up. His long legs all visible since he’d only be wearing boxers and Yunho would groan a little not willing to get up for the day.
He almost smiled at the image. The sound of his lover’s voice calling him silly and telling him to get up, because he was hungry and demanded food before he’d be off to work. And Yunho would tell him to go make his own breakfast, because he too had work. That had been their life. Work, talking, loving. Yunho had never felt as loved as he had with his man. And he had never felt as empty as he was without him.
The door opened and without even realising it Yunho called out his lover’s name. “Changmin?” Of course it wasn’t the other man. It couldn’t be.
“Sorry love. It’s just me.” He should have known. Yoochun had taken it upon himself to always come and check on Yunho. Ever since that day.
Yunho didn’t bother to move. He was so lonely. It was as if the loneliness just ate him out and he was completely empty.
“Fuck you stink. You need a shower. When was the last time you even showered?” Yoochun gently coaxed Yunho out of bed.
“Don’t know.” Yunho’s voice was rasp. Raw from not having used it for days except for the few words here and there.
“Come on love. If you go shower and we’ll get you all dressed. I don’t care that you’d rather stay in bed, because everyone is expecting you to be there and you have to be. I know you’d want to. So come on now. Shower, I’ll find you something to wear and we’ll be out of here.” Yoochun coaxed Yunho out of the bed and despite his harsh words his hands were gently pulling at his friend guiding him to the shower.
“I’m not going to shower with you. I don’t want to get to know you that well.” And with that Yoochun closed the door leaving Yunho alone in the bathroom.
~…~…~
~…~…~
A few hours later Yunho was standing next to Yoochun in the church. He was standing in the back. Changmin’s parents had never liked him, they had never liked the fact that their son was, so the only respectful way to them would be to stand in the back. Originally Yunho hadn’t even wanted to be at the funeral. This wasn’t the way his Changmin would have wanted it. He was standing there all numb looking at the service. Listening to Mr Shim speak praising words of his son, even if they hadn’t talked for years, saw his mother cry. Only his sister was looking as lost as Yunho was feeling.
Yoochun’s hand rested on his lower back rubbing comforting circles into the muscle. Yunho didn’t even realise it. He didn’t care.
He couldn’t believe that it was his Changmin in the coffin and when he was lowered to the ground he heard Mr Shim sob, but nothing happened with Yunho. He was just staring blankly out in the air. He didn’t know how long he stood there. But he knew that everyone soon left. First all the guests, then Changmin’s parents, though not before throwing Yunho a disgusted look. And then suddenly the whole place was empty aside from Yunho and Yoochun.
“Baby, come on. You can’t stay here all day. It’s getting dark.” Yoochun took Yunho’s hand. They had been standing there for hours. But instead of following Yoochun’s tug the older man just took a step closer to the newly dug grave.
“You can go if you want.” His voice was so rasp. It wasn’t anything like it usually was.
“No I’ll stay with you here as long as you want to stay.” And Yoochun sat down on the ground.
Closing his eyes Yunho figured sitting down was indeed a good idea and joined his friend on the ground. He looked up at the sky.
“The first star is out.” He pointed out as his heart clenched. Yoochun wasn’t Changmin and Changmin was the one he wanted to share this moment with.
“Yeah.” Yoochun didn’t really know what else to say.
“He loves - loved,” Yunho’s breath caught in his throat when he was correcting himself. He couldn’t take that. “Stars. He loved stars.” Yunho’s whispered words were barely louder than the wind that was blowing, but it was there.
And the wind. Yunho felt as if the first tug of the wind was comforting him. Putting an arm around him and pulling him into its embrace. And it felt almost as if Changmin was the one pulling him into an embrace. And as more stars became visible in the sky Yunho fell back against the grass careful not to lay down on one of the graves.
“He always says,” once again Yunho had to stop himself in the middle of a sentence. “Said. He always said that the stars are where people go when dying. Where his grandma is and everyone else he knew who had died.” Yunho whispered. “Like in the Lion King.”
Yoochun didn’t say anything. He just let his friend speak whenever it was needed. And it didn’t matter that there went hours between each sentence
“He likes to sit outside and watch the stars.” Yunho was so far gone in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the slip in his sentence. Using present tense. “He can point out any constellation. I can only really find one.” Turning his head up to the sky he looked.
“There.” Yunho pointed and Yoochun followed the line of his hand. “Cassiopeia. Five stars in a W. It’s his favourite and really the only one I can find. I like Canis Major better, but he refuses to point it out for me that often. He tells me to learn to find Cassiopeia on my own first. I guess I could do that.”
Yunho stared at the constellation for once actually wishing that he believed in them the way Changmin did. That people who had passed away were still up in the sky with the stars. Because then he wouldn’t have a doubt in his mind that Changmin would be near Cassiopeia and every time he’d need to he could just look up and know that his love was right there. Right there in the sky watching over him.
But sadly enough Yunho didn’t believe in such thing.
“Do you think he’s really up there?” Yunho asked tentatively. He had almost forgotten that Yoochun was there next to him.
“I don’t know Yunho. I really don’t.” They just sat there in silence.
The wind was still oddly comforting and Yunho closed his eyes. It was almost as if he could smell Changmin right there. The smell was just there. Right there. Just far away enough for it to be out of his reach. And he tried to reach out for it, but it was further and further away. He sighed. And a tear slipped his eye. And another one.
And another one.
Another one.
Until tears were flowing freely. And they hadn’t yet. But it seemed that the wind was doing something to him. And the realisation that he would never be able to hold his lover again. Never again would he be able to smell him, tell him he loved him. Yunho’s tears were flowing in a steady stream as he lay on the ground soundlessly. And if Yoochun noticed the tears he didn’t make any indication of it. He just stayed on the ground holding his best friend’s hand.
~…~…~
~…~…~
The days turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months and the weathers changed. While it had before been windy autumn it was now sweet spring. Yunho didn’t know how the time had passed. Eventually he had gone back to work and his life had continued. In the evenings he would sit out in his garden and watch the stars. If it was snowing he would still go out and sit there and watch the stars. No matter what, no matter where he was he would find the first star and wait until they all appeared. And he would find Cassiopeia and think of Changmin.
It was weird to see how everyone else’s life just moved on. Yoochun no longer gave him pitying looks and started talking about other things. Started thinking about other things too. Though he never mentioned Yunho’s lack of love life and sex life for that matter, he didn’t mention Changmin either. And it wasn’t because Yunho didn’t want to talk about his younger lover. But he felt the whole world had stopped moving the minute Changmin had. But everyone else was just moving on. And leaving him behind standing with the ghost of something that once was.
“Hey.” Yunho didn’t know when he’d started talking to the headstone. He knew it was silly. Changmin wasn’t there and he would never get a snarky reply back. In fact he was pretty sure Changmin would tell him to get his ass away from the headstone and go have a life if he had been alive. But he wasn’t. That was the whole point.
“I never know what to say to the headstones.” The voice behind him startled him and he turned around.
“Yeah.” Yunho wasn’t really in the mood to talk with strangers, but the man sat down next to him.
“I’ve seen you here so many times. I know you’re not supposed to talk to people here, but you look so lost and well. Kind of like how I’m feeling.” The man shrugged and smiled sheepishly and despite the fact that Yunho had only known him for a few seconds he knew that the smile was fake or at least forced.
“No, no it’s okay.” Yunho didn’t really know what cemetery etiquette was, but admitting that you’d rather be alone didn’t seem like an option with this man.
“Thank you.” The man looked at the headstone and his fake smile fell. “That was young. Was he your brother?”
“No.” Yunho didn’t really elaborate. He didn’t feel like going into the whole gay-conversation right now. Not with the memory of Changmin’s parents’ disgusted looks at the funeral. All those months ago. How had time even passed for everyone else, when his time had just stood still?
“I’m sorry.” The man whispered and for the first time Yunho looked up at him.
He was beautiful. That was the word to describe the almost angelic man before him. True enough his eyes were bloodshot from either lack of sleep or too much crying, or perhaps a combination of the two. He had dark heavy circles under his eyes. But all that didn’t matter, when you looked at his big dark eyes and the hair that just fell into his eyes in the right way. At first sight you’d say the hair was brown, but when he moved into the sun it looked almost red. Yunho almost longed to touch the skin on the other man’s face, when he realised his thoughts. He quickly shook them.
He hadn’t had such thoughts for months. Or even if he had it had been about Chagmin’s gorgeous long legs. Legs that he loved. Belonging to a man he loved more than words could even describe.
“Do you mind if I sit next to you? I hate being here alone.” The man looked almost fragile when he asked and Yunho nodded making room next to him on the grass.
“It’s my mum over there.” Yunho followed the line of his hand not really sure which of the gravestones he was pointing at. “She died last month, but I keep coming here. I mean I know it was for the better, but it doesn’t change anything. At least she’s not sick now.”
Yunho listened, but he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to all of this.
“I come here every day.” He finally said. “Changmin was,” a breath caught in his throat, “is,” that just sounded creepy, “was my lover.” He finally settled for.
Yunho didn’t know what he’d expected by the revelation, but the hand on his thigh was not it. But it was oddly comforting.
“He was in a car accident. Died on the spot.” Yunho had never really said the words. Everyone he knew had just known from someone else or read it in the local newspaper. He hadn’t ever needed to utter the words. Died in a car accident. It sounded so oddly plain and ordinary for something that was everything but plain and ordinary.
“I’m so sorry.” The stranger’s voice was so comforting and so was the hand that had shifted to settled around his shoulders. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one visiting here more often than any therapist would recommend.”
Yunho actually smiled. “It’s silly. I come here to be closer to him.” He admitted. “And I know he’s not even here.” He looked up when the first star once again appeared in the sky. Like it did every night.
He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence, but long enough that the second star appeared. And the third and the fourth and every other star. And Cassiopeia was there among them all. Yunho looked at the constellation and sighed. He didn’t offer an explanation.
“I better go.” The man finally said and got up from the ground. He shook Yunho’s hand. “Kim Jaejoong.”
“Jung Yunho.”
“Nice to meet you.” And with that the beautiful Kim Jaejoong just left.
~…~…~
~…~…~
It was weird how quickly the days passed. How quickly the spring took them into the summer and once again it was autumn with the heavy winds and the cool rain. A year. One year had passed. And Yunho was still just as clueless as to what he was supposed to think.
“Hello.” Jaejoong’s voice was now familiar and almost expected.
“Hey.” Yunho smiled at the man as he made a little room still looking at the headstone before him.
“A year today I see.” The voice was light, but the hand on Yunho’s thigh seemed almost heavy. Heavy with some kind of feeling Yunho would rather ignore and guilt welled up inside him.
“Yes. One year.” Looking up Yunho watched the stars as he had done every day for about a year now. Ever since the funeral and he still felt the same chills as he usually felt.
“Do you think you’ll ever get over it?” Jaejoong asked his voice soft and curious.
“No.” Yunho knew that much. “He was my everything. You don’t understand. He was.” Looking up at the familiar constellation of the W he knew and had grown to love he looked back at Jaejoong. “He just,” Yunho didn’t know what to say. “I loved him.”
“I know.” Jaejoong smiled softly. “He was your star.”
Smiling at the understanding he was getting Yunho nodded and kept his look locked on the constellation before him. Somehow Changmin’s headstone had been turned in a way that when you looked at it during the autumn you would look directly at Cassipeia. And during the spring Changmin would be the one looking directly at the constellation.
~…~…~
~…~…~
Eventually the first year without Changmin became more years. And without ever realising it Yunho had stopped visiting the grave every day. At first it had only been narrowed down every second day. Then once a week. And then once a month. And now suddenly he was there only visiting a few times a year.
Guilt filled him every time he was there. Every time Jaejoong held his hand and squeezed it. Yoochun said that it was normal, but that he should let it go. That moving on and living a life was what Changmin would have wanted him to. And so he did.
Though guilt filled him.
“What’s wrong love?” A hand sneaked around his waist as Yunho was looking up at the stars before him.
“I was just remembering.” A sad smile graced his lips as a spoke.
“He was your star.” The voice was whispered softly and the lonely tear that travelled down Yunho’s cheek was wiped away by the man behind him.
“Yeah.” They stayed like this watching the stars. Watching the W. And Yunho remembered what he had once had.
As he blinked Yunho realised that something was changing. Keeping his eyes open he saw a shooting star fly through the sky and he knew. He knew that Changmin was up there with Cassiopeia watching them. And the wink of the star was his approval. He shouldn’t feel guilty that he had once again opened his heart to a beautiful man. He leaned back a little into the embrace as they watched the stars together.
“Changmin would have loved you.” Yunho finally said.
“Thank you.” Jaejoong whispered kissing the skin that was exposed to him just near him.
“I think you’d have made great friends. I wish you could have met.” Despite the fact that Yunho had moved on over the years. The fact that everything had changed his younger lover still held a very special place in his heart. A place Jaejoong would never get and a place of himself he would never be able to let go. Because he knew it belonged to Changmin. But he knew he could give the rest to someone else, because Changmin and he were no longer under the same sky. Changmin was his star. Changmin was his Cassiopeia.