One more thing....

[martip]

For those who read my previous post about my mother, I'd like to add one more thing. The older I get, the more she astounds me, looking back. Having raised children, and battled some minor mood swings myself, I simply can't imagine how she did it. It's hard enough being a single mother if one has normal bouts of depression or whatever. She

Comments

[kitsunecharmed]

*I* think your mama is impressive. And you... astound me. I'm so glad you were able to write and share the experience you did - but I hear you, that's not your whole experience of your mama.

BIG hugs. You rock.

[martip]

but I hear you, that's not your whole experience of your mama.

That's it exactly! One of the major reasons that I rarely share the details about her is not for the reason you'd think - not because it's so horribly painful. It's because it's hard to get my entire experience with her across. The usual response is pretty predictable: "poor Marti had such a heartbreakingly difficult childhood, and my isn't it ohsovery inspiring how she's overcome that...." Feh. Ptooey.

There were very painful things, and thinking of them can still make me teary. But

[kitsunecharmed]

I'm not to be pitied, and neither is she. She was something else. In her own way, she was fabulous. :-)

That's the coolest. I hope someday someone will feel inclined to say the same for me. :-)

PS You REALLY rock.

[here_be_dragons]

I can so relate to all of what you've written above. The weird stuff AND the great stuff. And there was a lot of great stuff in my childhood, too. Thanks for giving me a reminder to focus on the good stuff, and not just all the rest of it. I've actually come a long way in this, but, well, the strength of my feelings in reading this tells me I've still got a ways to go with it. *more hugs*

Sorry for spamming, btw. :)

[here_be_dragons]

Marti, I am in awe of your attitude, and it's something I would very much like to cultivate in myself towards my own mother. Right now, I'm in a place where I have stopped resenting her and being angry, but I still see her as hopelessly "damaged," and it's frustrating wanting to help her and not knowing how, and very hard for me to find much respect for her, or for her good qualities (which she most certainly does have). My mother is schizophrenic (I've known this for about 20 years, but it was only a few years ago that she finally received an actual medical diagnosis) . . . but unfortunately, she's not getting any treatment. She's functional enough to get by without it, and too ill (loads of paranoia and anxiety) to trust anyone long enough to actually follow through with a course of treatment.

It's never occurred to me to think of her as strong, and not fragile. I want to try it; I wonder what it might do for both of us.

Thanks again for sharing this. You've touched me more than I can say. *hugs*

[martip]

*hug back*

Oh, I went through a period in my twenties when I was *angry* with my mother. I resented the hell out of my lack of a "normal" childhood, and at the same time felt guilty for being angry with her, since she couldn't help it.

It's a journey. Don't beat yourself up. (((((((((hugs))))))

[martip]

OMG, I certainly hope I haven't made anyone feel bad for expressing empathy! That wasn't what I intended. I appreciate all the hugs - really. :-)

[irascignavojo]

Not much of a comment, but I wanted to say it was an interesting read. Maybe I'll get positive thoughts on my mum later in life as well, apart from my appreciation of her appreciation for good books and quality cultural events.

[martip]

Well, you turned out just fine, regardless. :-)

[reggiesgirl2]

You may not have had a "normal" upbringing but I read your posts with a longing that I could have had the same upbringing you had. At least your mother loved you. She READ to you! She made things! She played with you!

I had none of those things. My mother wasn't sick and didn't need medical care. She was always there, she just wasn't ever there for her children. She was a self absorbed vain woman who resented everything she had to do for us and every minute she had to spend doing. And that was the best side of her.

I envy you the good and the bad you had with your mother. And also with your sisters.

[martip]

(((((((((reggiesgirl))))))) Having known many people with a parent like yourself, I realize that despite the difficulties, I was blessed in many ways. Love covers a multitude of sins and shortcomings.

I'm glad that you are loved in your life now, though.

[reggiesgirl2]

Me too, thanks. I've been very lucky in my adult life. I got one of the good guys! :)

[martip]

You did, indeed! You got one who does the *poke* thing! ;-)