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[marquis_grissom]

Hey, it's my first advice column! Which I stole from my dear Tuck because I'm like that.

Comments

[anonymous]

Dear Marquis or Michael,

I'm in baseball on an AL East team. My wife and I are having problems. She left me and took the kids down to her parents house for two weeks. I talked to her last night and its cool I hope but she wants to stay down there. I dont know what to do and Im too scared to ask. I love my wife shes a BITCH and my kids. Please help me!

- Poor Husband on AL East Team

[anonymous]

MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO

[anonymous]

Dear Marquis,

On the road I have a room next door to Edgardo Alfonzo and that reply right there is ALL I EVER HEAR and it is REALLY FRIGGIN GROSS. Even headphones do not help. Do you have any ideas for how we can get Armando Benitez back on the DL? Because ew.

Signed,

Annoyed Giant

jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja Edgardo, qué es eso?

[anonymous]

sabes perfectamente que debe ser así:
MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You all see what I'm talking about? :-P

[anonymous]

and you all know I love it :-P jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja ;)

[anonymous]

Dear Marquis,

I have two teammates who are constantly making loud noises when having sex in the hotel room. It seems that I'm always stuck in the room next door. I've tried many things to keep them from making these noises, but nothing works. My lack of sleep is starting to come into affect now. I've tried everything. What should I do?

From,

Sleepless Shortstop in AL East

[michael_tucker]

Dear Marquis,

I have a friend who steals my ideas. I expect he will start writing restaurant reviews and looking down on others for their fashion choices next. If he was still a baseball player, he would probably start hitting grand slams just to copy me. What should I do?

Love,

Michael Tucker