The Greetings of the Season:
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Cthulhu was stirring, not quite like a mouse
The stockings were hung by the altars with care,
in hopes that the Great Old Ones soon would be there.
The cultists were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of chaos danced in their heads,
And Alhazred in his tower, and I with my cap,
were preparing our brains for Cthulhu post-nap -
When out in the temple there arose such a clatter,
we sprang from our knees to see what was the matter.
Away to the altars we flew like a flash,
And tied up some cultists with a lovely red sash,
The moon on the marble polished like bloody snow,
gave a sickly lustre to the objects below -
When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
but tentacle creatures riding reindeer.
With a large slimy driver who made us feel sick -
A feeling that told us this could not be a trick!
More rapid than rockets his tentacles they came -
And he whistled and cursed and called us by name!
"Come cultists! Come Bokrug! Come Atlach-Nacha!
Come Dweller of the Gulf, and Mother Hydra!
To the depths of the seas! To the crest of the ice wall!
Come devour, devour, come devour all!"
As cute little aliens dotted the sky,
And slimy things tried to learn how to fly,
Up to the cities and the glaciers they flew,
With chariots full of fire, and destruction too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof -
the clawing and pawing of a slimy hoof!
As I drew in my head and was turning around -
Down the chimney Cthulhu came with a bound!
He was covered in tentacles, head to foot,
And he gave off the stink of sulfur and soot,
Slime and evil wafted from his back -
And we don't want to know what he held in his pack.
The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
And tentacles curled round his head like a wreath -
He had a broad face, and a large round belly -
That shook when he moved, just like evil jelly -
Chubby and plump, exactly unlike a cute elf;
I shuddered at the sight, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye, a twist of his head -
Oh, did we have something to dread!
He sprang to the skies, with a horrific whistle -
It felt like my skin had been dragged over a thistle.
And I heard him exclaim as he stormed out of sight,
"Oooh, I love Christmas! Consumption tonight!"
-- ok, I could have just stuck with the traditional seasons greetings.
Merry Christmas, Joyous Noel, Happy Kwansaa, Happy Hannukkah, Ecstatic (and belated) Solstice, Glad Yule, bland Seasons Greetings, and a happy New Year to all, and tuna for cats.
Cthulhu was stirring, not quite like a mouse
The stockings were hung by the altars with care,
in hopes that the Great Old Ones soon would be there.
The cultists were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of chaos danced in their heads,
And Alhazred in his tower, and I with my cap,
were preparing our brains for Cthulhu post-nap -
When out in the temple there arose such a clatter,
we sprang from our knees to see what was the matter.
Away to the altars we flew like a flash,
And tied up some cultists with a lovely red sash,
The moon on the marble polished like bloody snow,
gave a sickly lustre to the objects below -
When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
but tentacle creatures riding reindeer.
With a large slimy driver who made us feel sick -
A feeling that told us this could not be a trick!
More rapid than rockets his tentacles they came -
And he whistled and cursed and called us by name!
"Come cultists! Come Bokrug! Come Atlach-Nacha!
Come Dweller of the Gulf, and Mother Hydra!
To the depths of the seas! To the crest of the ice wall!
Come devour, devour, come devour all!"
As cute little aliens dotted the sky,
And slimy things tried to learn how to fly,
Up to the cities and the glaciers they flew,
With chariots full of fire, and destruction too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof -
the clawing and pawing of a slimy hoof!
As I drew in my head and was turning around -
Down the chimney Cthulhu came with a bound!
He was covered in tentacles, head to foot,
And he gave off the stink of sulfur and soot,
Slime and evil wafted from his back -
And we don't want to know what he held in his pack.
The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
And tentacles curled round his head like a wreath -
He had a broad face, and a large round belly -
That shook when he moved, just like evil jelly -
Chubby and plump, exactly unlike a cute elf;
I shuddered at the sight, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye, a twist of his head -
Oh, did we have something to dread!
He sprang to the skies, with a horrific whistle -
It felt like my skin had been dragged over a thistle.
And I heard him exclaim as he stormed out of sight,
"Oooh, I love Christmas! Consumption tonight!"
-- ok, I could have just stuck with the traditional seasons greetings.
Merry Christmas, Joyous Noel, Happy Kwansaa, Happy Hannukkah, Ecstatic (and belated) Solstice, Glad Yule, bland Seasons Greetings, and a happy New Year to all, and tuna for cats.