Fanfic: B&S episode 604: part 3/4
Season 6 - Episode 4 - IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT ...
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** PART 3/4 *****
THE NEXT DAY…
*****
When Sarah enters her house, Luc almost immediately enters the kitchen.
“Well? Did you talk to the kids?”
“Yes. They wanted to know why I was so late and I had to explain to them that our flight had quite some delays in Paris and in New York…. But I do believe that I’m forgiven.”
“And how many of your family-members were in the hospital?” Luc jokes. Sarah frowns, she doesn’t like the joke, she too tired for jokes.
“None. Mom kept her word and hasn’t told anyone yet. We both agreed that it might be too much for the kids to handle.” She sighs.
“Sarah, you need to get some sleep. You haven’t slept since Paige called you. You’re exhausted.”
“I can’t. I have to get the rooms ready.”
“The rooms?”
“Yes. Gabe can sleep in the same room with Cooper. I will ask Justin to get a mattress at mom’s house. Then I have to get the guest-room ready for Joe.”
“Joe?”
“Yes. Joe.”
“Why?”
“Because he has a broken leg and he just lost wife and he will need looking after.”
“Then get him a nurse.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Luc. I can take care of him just fine. He’s had a broken leg before.”
“When he was married to you?”
“Yes.” Sarah doesn’t see the annoyed look on Luc’s face.
“You could have discussed this with me, before you decided to ask him to stay here.”
“What? Seriously, Luc….”
“I am serious. We’re just married and you’re asking me to take in your ex-husband and his son?”
“He’s the father of my children, Gabe is my step-son and the half-brother of Paige and Cooper. They’ve been through a terrible ordeal. They need each other and they need me. Besides, it’s only until Joe can walk again. Once he’s back on his feet and he can take care of himself again, he can go back home. But until then I want to be there for him and our kids.”
Sarah says and it’s clear that she doesn’t wish to be contradicted and Luc bites his tongue. He doesn’t want to argue with her. So he decides to change the subject.
“I have some other news as well.. Good news…” He says.
“Really? I could use some…” Sarah answers and she lets herself fall on the couch to lean backwards, her arm covering her eyes.
“Do you remember that art gallery from 2 years ago? When this… Roy… bought a painting for you?”
“Yes….” Sarah replies, not moving her arm.
“Well, they were very impressed with all the attention they had gotten showing my work.”
“Mhmm-mhmm.” Sarah replies, keeping her eyes closed.
“They’ve built another wing to their gallery and they wanted a grand opening and after a lot of discussion, they’ve decided to make another exposition with … my paintings….” Luc announces cheerfully.
For a couple of seconds he awaits Sarah’s answer, but there’s no reaction whatsoever. Luc sits up straight and looks at her.
“Sarah, don’t you like it?” Luc asks, but then his happy smile gets replaced by a hurt look when he realizes that Sarah has just fallen asleep.
*****
“Feeling better?” Seth asks, when he sees Kitty enter.
“Yes, thanks, I just….” She takes a deep breath and prepares herself to tell him the truth about the baby and the fact that she did not have an abortion after all, but she stops when she sees the serious look on Seth’s face.
“What is going on, Seth? You look so… worried.”
“Kit, I’ve been contacted by my favorite teacher. He retired a few years ago, but called me because he needs to go to Boston. It is where his family originally came from. His grandmother recently died.
Upon cleaning the house, an old house that had been in the family for over 150 years, they found a old trunk. As it turns out that trunk was filled with old letters, old documents, newspapers, a family-bible, pictures and it would seem that most of it is from between 1880 to 1904.
As he’s crazy about history, they’ve asked him to examine it all and he says he might want to write a book about his family-history.” Seth stops for a second to get some air and Kitty is curious what it has to do with them. “He has asked me to come along and help him out and…. I know the timing sucks and all, but … I really want to do this.”
Seth anxiously awaits Kitty’s reaction.
“How long will you be gone?” She asks carefully.
“A month, six weeks, … two months at the most.” Seth replies.
Kitty’s mind works fast. The baby will be older and stronger by then. If she can stay cancer-free and still carry her child by then, then the 3-month mark will have been long passed and that might make Seth more ready to let her see the pregnancy through. She knows that she’s not honest with him, but she can’t see any other way out.
Taking Kitty’s silence as a rejection of his plan, Seth feels somewhat disappointed. He can understand that Kitty wants him near, now that she just lost the baby, but at the same time he wants to join his teacher as well.
“If you don’t like it, say it, and I’ll cancel everything.” He answers though, wanting to be supportive of Kitty.
Kitty can see that Seth’s heart is nearly breaking and she suddenly smiles.
“Oh, my God, no. No. I don’t mind. It’s just… Yeah, timing sucks, but … this is such a good opportunity… It would be a pity to waste it. Just go…. I’ll be fine… I have Evan to take care of and knowing my family, there will be some disaster lurking….
I just hope you can understand that I can’t come with you. I have Evan in school here, his family is here and, to be honest, I’d like to have some time to be home as well.”
“No, I get that. Besides, even if you’d come with me, I wouldn’t be much fun, I’d be spending most of my time in books and archives anyway.” Seth laughs.
Kitty wraps her arms around him and kisses him sweetly.
“Don’t worry about anything. I’ll be just fine and if I start to feel too claustrophobic, I’ll temporarily move in with my mom and drive her and myself insane.” Kitty laughs and Seth is happy that Kitty seems to take it so well.
*****
Justin sits uneasily on his chair. He cannot wait for the answer.
“I have here the results of the first few tests we took.” Dr Franken says and he opens the file in front of him. “The first test-results are very clear… Mr Walker, you cannot be the father of Fawn’s child…. There is just no match….”
Justin can hear Fawn gasp and he’s not sure what is own reaction is. The whole world stops spinning for a few seconds.
“I’m sorry. There is never an easy way to say this.” The doctor continues. “But the results are conclusive.”
“I see. Thank you.” Justin’s voice is but a whisper and Fawn doesn’t seem to able to say a word either.
“I’m not sure in how far these was the answer you wanted to hear…” Dr Franken carefully asks and Justin shakes his head.
“It’s alright, doc. At least, now we know….” He and Fawn stand up and leave the office after having shaken hands with the doctor. Tyler looks up. She had agreed to go with Justin, but wouldn’t go any further than the waiting-room. She sees the looks on the faces of Justin and Fawn and tension builds inside her.
She’s not sure if she can handle it if another woman, Fawn in particular, would have had Justin’s child. She can hear Justin take a deep breath.
“He’s not mine.” He says. She walks up to him, wanting to comfort him, but he shakes his head, that he doesn’t want it, turns around and walks away.
Tyler turns to Fawn who looks completely lost.
“I’m sorry.” She says and Fawn produces a sad smile.
“Are you? Or are you glad that Julian isn’t Justin’s?” Tyler has to think twice before answering.
“I don’t know.” she answer honestly. “I thought of both scenarios, but I couldn’t be pleased with either.. And you? Did you wish he was Justin’s?” Her question is just as direct as Fawn’s and Fawn looks at her.
“Yes. I wished my son was Justin’s.” She sighs.
She sits down on one of the chairs in the waiting-room, looking so overrun with emotions that Tyler feels sorry for her. She pours Fawn some water from the water-cooler in the corner and hands her the cup. Fawns accepts the cup and drinks the water.
There is a silence between the two women, but it is not uncomfortable one, and Tyler believes it’s the fact that Justin is not the father that makes her so calm towards Fawn.
“I wanted Justin to Julian’s father because … it would have meant that he had a father who had managed to get away from all the shit we were in, a father he could have been proud of… and now… I fear that … if I want to find his father, I’m going to have look in that dirty old gutter to find him….
I don’t believe that many of my ex-boyfriends got out of the trouble they were in, most of them had sunk pretty far, by the time I discovered I was pregnant. There are still a few other options, but… they aren’t worth the hassle.”
“I’m sorry.” Tyler says again. Fawn nods.
“Well, I have to get back to work.” Fawn says, a lot calmer than Tyler had expected.
“Will you be alright?” She asks and Fawn smiles cynically.
“I have a son to go home to. I will have to be alright…. Thanks for the water… and your concern…”
Fawn sticks her hand out and Tyler takes it. For a moment they just look at each other, both knowing that they have nothing left to say to each other. Tyler watches Fawn leave and remains in the middle of the waiting-area for a few more moments, not sure what she should do.
Then she opens her purse and takes out a piece of paper to call the number marked on it. It gets replied to almost immediately.
“Mr McCallister?... Hi, my name is Tyler Altamirano, I’m Justin Walker’s girlfriend and I’ve gotten your number through Kevin Walker….?”
*****
“Wow.” Scotty says, sitting down at the kitchen-table. “How come we hadn’t heard about this? I mean, Joe, the kids… Why didn’t Sarah want us to know?”
“She was afraid that all the attention would be too much for the children.” Luc replies.
“I can see how they could use some time to deal with everything that happened.”
“Yes. And if everyone would show up and start to ask questions….”
“I get that. Still, she should have told us.”
“I know….”
“You don’t seem to be too upset?”
“Well, of course I’m worried about the children. I would not want to see Paige or Cooper hurt, but I don’t know Joe that well, and only met Paula once or twice. It is sad of course, but it’s not like they were close friends of mine. I would be more devastated if this happened to you or Kevin or Justin or Kitty, for instance.”
Scotty nods that he understands, but he still feels that there’s something else going on.
“Luc, is there more on your mind?”
“I feel like it is wrong to be happy and satisfied with something, while there’s such a tragedy going on.” Luc answers, slightly disappointed.
“Luc, life goes on, where someone dies, someone gets born… and ... such..” Scotty finishes, not really in the mood to make a long speech.
“I know… I got the message that a gallery wants to use my paintings to hang in the new wing of their gallery. It will have its grand opening in November. I’m very proud of that.”
“Congratulations! That is great news!” Scotty replies enthusiastically.
“Yes. News I wanted to share with Sarah, but all Sarah could do was talk about Joe and the kids…. Which is not bad, I know that, I would have been shocked if they wouldn’t have been her first priority, but….”
“I know what you mean, but I think it is very much like Sarah to be worried about the kids in particular, but also her ex-husband. You never saw them as a married couple, but I did, when Kevin and I were just dating the first time around, just after William died… Joe and Sarah were having marriage-issues, but they loved each other.
And, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that Sarah really stopped loving him. Not that she’d divorce you, now that he’s available again, but… Sarah is a woman, who’s loyal to those she feels committed to. Whether that is you, Nora, her siblings, Saul or Joe. She won’t forget that he’s the father of her children, they had been together for 10 years.
Even if the divorce was tough, there was a time when they fought for their marriage… But they just grew apart…”
“I know. And as much as I don’t like the idea of Joe in our house, at the same time I think it is the most normal thing to do to help someone in need.”
“So, you’re not going to leave him outside on the porch…?” Scotty jokes.
“Sarah would throw me out too.” Luc grins and now they both laugh. “Well, thanks for the coffee, the talk and the shoulder to cry on….”
“Good luck… Not just with Joe, but also with picking the right paintings…” Scotty smiles.
*****
Joe blinks against the lights and closes his eyes again.
“Dad?” Paige’s voice comes from far away. “Mom, I think that dad’s waking up.”
“Joe?” Now he hears Sarah’s voice. “Joe? … Try to wake up. Can you open your eyes?” Sarah sounds so sweet, it’s been quite a while since she had spoken like this to Joe.
Joe makes an effort to open his eyes again. He moans softly.
“It’s alright,.. don’t try too hard, we just need to know you’re there. Joe, I’m putting my hand in yours, can you squeeze it?” Joe tries. “Well done, baby, well done… I could feel him squeeze.”
Joe doesn’t know who she’s talking to. He assumes it’s Paige, but when he opens his eyes, he sees that there’s a doctor in the room with him.
“Mr Whedon? Can you hear me? Can you talk?”
“Yes.” Joe tries, feeling weirded out by the sound of his own voice. It sounds so broken.
It starts to occur to Joe that someone is missing.
“Paula? Where is she?” He tries to sit up. “Is she alright?” He only sees a sea of serious faces around him. Sarah looks at the doctor and he leaves her alone with Joe, taking Paige with him.
“Ahm, Joe, there was an accident… A piece of the rock you were on broke off… She fell.”
“Oh, my god! Is she alright?”
“No, Joe… She tried to hang on, Gabe and Paige tried to save her, but…. the ledge started to crumble and she fell….”
Sarah prays that Joe gets the message, she’s not ready to say the words, but when she sees that Joe doesn’t seem to understand her, she places her hand on his arm and she finishes softly with the words she dreaded so much to say.
“Paula is dead.”
*****
“Hi, Fawn, can I join you in prayer?” Fawn looks up, surprised to see Jason standing there in the hospital-chapel with her.
“Yes… Yes, of course, you can.” She smiles. “I’m surprised to see you here though, reverend McCallister.”
“I’m not a reverend anymore. I broke up with my church” Jason explains with a smile. “That doesn’t mean that I stopped believing or praying though. Or that I stopped being a shoulder for people to cry on? You look like you could need one?”
“How did you know? And don’t lie to me. You’re not here by accident or divine intervention.”
Jason laughs softly over her words.
“No I’m not. I got a call from Justin Walker’s girlfriend, Tyler. She was worried about you. Justin had told her that we knew each other and she had asked his brother for my phone-number. She felt that you might not want her help.”
Fawn is quite surprised by his words. That was just about the last thing she had expected to hear.
“That was very kind of her, but you didn’t have to come all the way up here for me.”
“Yes. I had to. I cared for you several years ago and I still do.”
“Yes, but a few years ago I was an addict and I needed your help. Now, … I’m calmer and I … keep telling myself that whatever happened today happened because it’s God’s will and … it will most likely serve a purpose… one of these days… or something.” Jason smiles at her attempt to be strong and sophisticated about it.
“Just because it’s God’s will, doesn’t make it any less painful. You have the right to be angry, you know.”
“I know. but I have to believe that it’s for the best. Otherwise….” She doesn’t finish her sentence, with Jason she doesn’t have to.
“So, you found out that Justin was not the father of your child? How does that make you feel?”
“I’m fine. I really am. It would have been nice if he had been the father of my child. So, that my son has a parent that he can be proud of, but … it’s alright. We’ll make it.”
“I’m sure that you will make it, together with your son. You know why? Because your son already has a parent that he can be proud of. He has you.” He sees her eyes fill with tears. “And I’m sure, that once he’s old enough to understand, he will be able to see how lucky he is to have you,
And he will tell his friends that maybe he doesn’t know who his father is, but he knows who his mother is. And she’s an amazing woman, who deserves everyone’s respect. You fought your own battle and you still fight it every day…” He takes her hand and Fawn looks at him.
“Do you really believe that one day, he will understand how much I wanted to correct my mistakes?”
“Yes, I do.” Jason answers sincerely and Fawn starts to sob uncontrollably, so Jason wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.
*****
“I’m not sure if I should be sorry or not.” Kevin admits and Justin looks miserable. “I don’t mind you becoming a father, but … I just feel that this would have been wrong for you.”
“It’s alright. I don’t know how I’m supposed to think either.”
Justin accepts the coffee that Kevin gives him, before he continues:
“I wouldn’t have mind if he were mine, and somehow I’m also glad that he isn’t and… it also makes me sad.”
“Why was it so important to you anyway?”
“I don’t know. Probably the idea that somehow, there was something, one thing, that I did right in that period when I was using…. I could see myself playing with him in mom’s garden, or in the pool, or take him to games… Do a lot of fun-stuff, be a father,…”
“Being a father isn’t just about the ‘fun stuff’.” Kevin gently points out.
“I know, that is where it got tricky, I couldn’t see myself being the one who had to discipline him, probably would have left that Tyler. Like mom, she has ‘the look’ that makes you stop acting like a fool…” He laughs, but Kevin merely smiles over his words.
“You would have turned her into the evil stepmom.” He says instead. Justin knows that Kevin isn’t trying to make him feel bad, but that he's just stating a fact. So he nods and, more seriously, he says:
“I know that too. I wanted to be the fun dad and leave the rest to Tyler, naturally assuming that Tyler would stick around for the job. That is another thing, I simply expected Tyler to be there, but I never asked her to stay or to be a part of my life. I assumed things, I couldn’t make true. What if Tyler would have said ‘no thanks’? She told me that she still loves me, but I’ve hurt her a few times before… I might not get another chance at her forgiveness….”
Kevin leans back and looks at his little brother, who’s trying to work through the mess in his emotions and he smiles. Justin doesn’t notice, his mind is still on Julian and Tyler.
“And where had you pictured Fawn in your picture of ‘the happy family’? Like it or not, she’s the boy’s mother, she’s there.”
Justin plays with the spoon that came with his coffee. He looks up at Kevin with an embarrassed look on his face.
“I didn’t think of her. Not really. Just a face in the background. Not important. When, of course, she is important.”
“So you hadn’t thought things through?”
“No…. Guess I was the fool for talking about responsibility when I had no idea what that would be or what impact it would have.”
“I don’t think that makes you a fool. At least, you thought about your responsibility, which is more than some others do.”
Kevin gets up and gets some more coffee for the both of them. There’s a quiet moment between them as they quietly drink, until Justin is the one to start again.
“It just that it feels like everyone else around me seems to be happy and successful. Just look at Scotty.”
“What about him?”
“He’s not much older than me and he has his own restaurant, he’s married, he has two kids, … he’s happy…” Justin sums up. Kevin waits for some teaser like ‘even though he’s married to you…’ but when that doesn’t come, Kevin can’t help but grin.
He is glad to know that Justin looks at Scotty that way, because it also reflects on Kevin. But Kevin knows that this happiness didn’t happen overnight, that a lot of hard work and a lot of pain had gone into building this relationship, and that it’s something that both he and Scotty still work on every day.
“Maybe the years as an addict have distorted your memories, but the man that Scotty is so happy with, was rather miserable when he was your age. Sure, I had a good job, a nice loft, a loving family, but other than that, I was always alone… I never even dared to dream about something more.
A marriage, a husband or a child, I could not imagine having that, not even in my wildest fantasy. It just couldn’t happen. And look at me now. It happened to me eventually. It takes a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it. So maybe you should look at it that way. Rather than look at what you haven’t accomplished, you look at what you have.
And, just as important, at what could still lie ahead. All options are open. You just need to create new dreams... Have you written another list of ‘so many things to do before I turn a certain age’? I liked your other list a lot.” Justin laughs at the memory of the ’30 things to do before I’m 30’-list, that Kevin had dug up for him.
Maybe it had been the fact that the Justin from so many years ago had more ambitions and dreams that the current Justin does.
“Where do I start?” Justin laughs.
“Are you joking or is that a serious question?” Kevin asks.
“The list of course was a bit of a joke, but some of the ideas on it weren’t bad. I don’t know where to start to make a new one though….”
“My suggestion: Stop assuming things with Tyler. If you want her, really want her, don’t assume that she’s going to stick around and wait for you. Take action.”
“Propose to her?” Justin asks, surprised at the thought of doing that.
“I’m not suggesting that right away, but you could perhaps try to make your relationship more solid, then just having your toothbrush at her place.” Kevin jokes and Justin laughs along, while a little idea comes to his mind.
*****
End of part 3/4
**** COMMERCIAL BREAK*****
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** PART 3/4 *****
THE NEXT DAY…
*****
When Sarah enters her house, Luc almost immediately enters the kitchen.
“Well? Did you talk to the kids?”
“Yes. They wanted to know why I was so late and I had to explain to them that our flight had quite some delays in Paris and in New York…. But I do believe that I’m forgiven.”
“And how many of your family-members were in the hospital?” Luc jokes. Sarah frowns, she doesn’t like the joke, she too tired for jokes.
“None. Mom kept her word and hasn’t told anyone yet. We both agreed that it might be too much for the kids to handle.” She sighs.
“Sarah, you need to get some sleep. You haven’t slept since Paige called you. You’re exhausted.”
“I can’t. I have to get the rooms ready.”
“The rooms?”
“Yes. Gabe can sleep in the same room with Cooper. I will ask Justin to get a mattress at mom’s house. Then I have to get the guest-room ready for Joe.”
“Joe?”
“Yes. Joe.”
“Why?”
“Because he has a broken leg and he just lost wife and he will need looking after.”
“Then get him a nurse.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Luc. I can take care of him just fine. He’s had a broken leg before.”
“When he was married to you?”
“Yes.” Sarah doesn’t see the annoyed look on Luc’s face.
“You could have discussed this with me, before you decided to ask him to stay here.”
“What? Seriously, Luc….”
“I am serious. We’re just married and you’re asking me to take in your ex-husband and his son?”
“He’s the father of my children, Gabe is my step-son and the half-brother of Paige and Cooper. They’ve been through a terrible ordeal. They need each other and they need me. Besides, it’s only until Joe can walk again. Once he’s back on his feet and he can take care of himself again, he can go back home. But until then I want to be there for him and our kids.”
Sarah says and it’s clear that she doesn’t wish to be contradicted and Luc bites his tongue. He doesn’t want to argue with her. So he decides to change the subject.
“I have some other news as well.. Good news…” He says.
“Really? I could use some…” Sarah answers and she lets herself fall on the couch to lean backwards, her arm covering her eyes.
“Do you remember that art gallery from 2 years ago? When this… Roy… bought a painting for you?”
“Yes….” Sarah replies, not moving her arm.
“Well, they were very impressed with all the attention they had gotten showing my work.”
“Mhmm-mhmm.” Sarah replies, keeping her eyes closed.
“They’ve built another wing to their gallery and they wanted a grand opening and after a lot of discussion, they’ve decided to make another exposition with … my paintings….” Luc announces cheerfully.
For a couple of seconds he awaits Sarah’s answer, but there’s no reaction whatsoever. Luc sits up straight and looks at her.
“Sarah, don’t you like it?” Luc asks, but then his happy smile gets replaced by a hurt look when he realizes that Sarah has just fallen asleep.
*****
“Feeling better?” Seth asks, when he sees Kitty enter.
“Yes, thanks, I just….” She takes a deep breath and prepares herself to tell him the truth about the baby and the fact that she did not have an abortion after all, but she stops when she sees the serious look on Seth’s face.
“What is going on, Seth? You look so… worried.”
“Kit, I’ve been contacted by my favorite teacher. He retired a few years ago, but called me because he needs to go to Boston. It is where his family originally came from. His grandmother recently died.
Upon cleaning the house, an old house that had been in the family for over 150 years, they found a old trunk. As it turns out that trunk was filled with old letters, old documents, newspapers, a family-bible, pictures and it would seem that most of it is from between 1880 to 1904.
As he’s crazy about history, they’ve asked him to examine it all and he says he might want to write a book about his family-history.” Seth stops for a second to get some air and Kitty is curious what it has to do with them. “He has asked me to come along and help him out and…. I know the timing sucks and all, but … I really want to do this.”
Seth anxiously awaits Kitty’s reaction.
“How long will you be gone?” She asks carefully.
“A month, six weeks, … two months at the most.” Seth replies.
Kitty’s mind works fast. The baby will be older and stronger by then. If she can stay cancer-free and still carry her child by then, then the 3-month mark will have been long passed and that might make Seth more ready to let her see the pregnancy through. She knows that she’s not honest with him, but she can’t see any other way out.
Taking Kitty’s silence as a rejection of his plan, Seth feels somewhat disappointed. He can understand that Kitty wants him near, now that she just lost the baby, but at the same time he wants to join his teacher as well.
“If you don’t like it, say it, and I’ll cancel everything.” He answers though, wanting to be supportive of Kitty.
Kitty can see that Seth’s heart is nearly breaking and she suddenly smiles.
“Oh, my God, no. No. I don’t mind. It’s just… Yeah, timing sucks, but … this is such a good opportunity… It would be a pity to waste it. Just go…. I’ll be fine… I have Evan to take care of and knowing my family, there will be some disaster lurking….
I just hope you can understand that I can’t come with you. I have Evan in school here, his family is here and, to be honest, I’d like to have some time to be home as well.”
“No, I get that. Besides, even if you’d come with me, I wouldn’t be much fun, I’d be spending most of my time in books and archives anyway.” Seth laughs.
Kitty wraps her arms around him and kisses him sweetly.
“Don’t worry about anything. I’ll be just fine and if I start to feel too claustrophobic, I’ll temporarily move in with my mom and drive her and myself insane.” Kitty laughs and Seth is happy that Kitty seems to take it so well.
*****
Justin sits uneasily on his chair. He cannot wait for the answer.
“I have here the results of the first few tests we took.” Dr Franken says and he opens the file in front of him. “The first test-results are very clear… Mr Walker, you cannot be the father of Fawn’s child…. There is just no match….”
Justin can hear Fawn gasp and he’s not sure what is own reaction is. The whole world stops spinning for a few seconds.
“I’m sorry. There is never an easy way to say this.” The doctor continues. “But the results are conclusive.”
“I see. Thank you.” Justin’s voice is but a whisper and Fawn doesn’t seem to able to say a word either.
“I’m not sure in how far these was the answer you wanted to hear…” Dr Franken carefully asks and Justin shakes his head.
“It’s alright, doc. At least, now we know….” He and Fawn stand up and leave the office after having shaken hands with the doctor. Tyler looks up. She had agreed to go with Justin, but wouldn’t go any further than the waiting-room. She sees the looks on the faces of Justin and Fawn and tension builds inside her.
She’s not sure if she can handle it if another woman, Fawn in particular, would have had Justin’s child. She can hear Justin take a deep breath.
“He’s not mine.” He says. She walks up to him, wanting to comfort him, but he shakes his head, that he doesn’t want it, turns around and walks away.
Tyler turns to Fawn who looks completely lost.
“I’m sorry.” She says and Fawn produces a sad smile.
“Are you? Or are you glad that Julian isn’t Justin’s?” Tyler has to think twice before answering.
“I don’t know.” she answer honestly. “I thought of both scenarios, but I couldn’t be pleased with either.. And you? Did you wish he was Justin’s?” Her question is just as direct as Fawn’s and Fawn looks at her.
“Yes. I wished my son was Justin’s.” She sighs.
She sits down on one of the chairs in the waiting-room, looking so overrun with emotions that Tyler feels sorry for her. She pours Fawn some water from the water-cooler in the corner and hands her the cup. Fawns accepts the cup and drinks the water.
There is a silence between the two women, but it is not uncomfortable one, and Tyler believes it’s the fact that Justin is not the father that makes her so calm towards Fawn.
“I wanted Justin to Julian’s father because … it would have meant that he had a father who had managed to get away from all the shit we were in, a father he could have been proud of… and now… I fear that … if I want to find his father, I’m going to have look in that dirty old gutter to find him….
I don’t believe that many of my ex-boyfriends got out of the trouble they were in, most of them had sunk pretty far, by the time I discovered I was pregnant. There are still a few other options, but… they aren’t worth the hassle.”
“I’m sorry.” Tyler says again. Fawn nods.
“Well, I have to get back to work.” Fawn says, a lot calmer than Tyler had expected.
“Will you be alright?” She asks and Fawn smiles cynically.
“I have a son to go home to. I will have to be alright…. Thanks for the water… and your concern…”
Fawn sticks her hand out and Tyler takes it. For a moment they just look at each other, both knowing that they have nothing left to say to each other. Tyler watches Fawn leave and remains in the middle of the waiting-area for a few more moments, not sure what she should do.
Then she opens her purse and takes out a piece of paper to call the number marked on it. It gets replied to almost immediately.
“Mr McCallister?... Hi, my name is Tyler Altamirano, I’m Justin Walker’s girlfriend and I’ve gotten your number through Kevin Walker….?”
*****
“Wow.” Scotty says, sitting down at the kitchen-table. “How come we hadn’t heard about this? I mean, Joe, the kids… Why didn’t Sarah want us to know?”
“She was afraid that all the attention would be too much for the children.” Luc replies.
“I can see how they could use some time to deal with everything that happened.”
“Yes. And if everyone would show up and start to ask questions….”
“I get that. Still, she should have told us.”
“I know….”
“You don’t seem to be too upset?”
“Well, of course I’m worried about the children. I would not want to see Paige or Cooper hurt, but I don’t know Joe that well, and only met Paula once or twice. It is sad of course, but it’s not like they were close friends of mine. I would be more devastated if this happened to you or Kevin or Justin or Kitty, for instance.”
Scotty nods that he understands, but he still feels that there’s something else going on.
“Luc, is there more on your mind?”
“I feel like it is wrong to be happy and satisfied with something, while there’s such a tragedy going on.” Luc answers, slightly disappointed.
“Luc, life goes on, where someone dies, someone gets born… and ... such..” Scotty finishes, not really in the mood to make a long speech.
“I know… I got the message that a gallery wants to use my paintings to hang in the new wing of their gallery. It will have its grand opening in November. I’m very proud of that.”
“Congratulations! That is great news!” Scotty replies enthusiastically.
“Yes. News I wanted to share with Sarah, but all Sarah could do was talk about Joe and the kids…. Which is not bad, I know that, I would have been shocked if they wouldn’t have been her first priority, but….”
“I know what you mean, but I think it is very much like Sarah to be worried about the kids in particular, but also her ex-husband. You never saw them as a married couple, but I did, when Kevin and I were just dating the first time around, just after William died… Joe and Sarah were having marriage-issues, but they loved each other.
And, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that Sarah really stopped loving him. Not that she’d divorce you, now that he’s available again, but… Sarah is a woman, who’s loyal to those she feels committed to. Whether that is you, Nora, her siblings, Saul or Joe. She won’t forget that he’s the father of her children, they had been together for 10 years.
Even if the divorce was tough, there was a time when they fought for their marriage… But they just grew apart…”
“I know. And as much as I don’t like the idea of Joe in our house, at the same time I think it is the most normal thing to do to help someone in need.”
“So, you’re not going to leave him outside on the porch…?” Scotty jokes.
“Sarah would throw me out too.” Luc grins and now they both laugh. “Well, thanks for the coffee, the talk and the shoulder to cry on….”
“Good luck… Not just with Joe, but also with picking the right paintings…” Scotty smiles.
*****
Joe blinks against the lights and closes his eyes again.
“Dad?” Paige’s voice comes from far away. “Mom, I think that dad’s waking up.”
“Joe?” Now he hears Sarah’s voice. “Joe? … Try to wake up. Can you open your eyes?” Sarah sounds so sweet, it’s been quite a while since she had spoken like this to Joe.
Joe makes an effort to open his eyes again. He moans softly.
“It’s alright,.. don’t try too hard, we just need to know you’re there. Joe, I’m putting my hand in yours, can you squeeze it?” Joe tries. “Well done, baby, well done… I could feel him squeeze.”
Joe doesn’t know who she’s talking to. He assumes it’s Paige, but when he opens his eyes, he sees that there’s a doctor in the room with him.
“Mr Whedon? Can you hear me? Can you talk?”
“Yes.” Joe tries, feeling weirded out by the sound of his own voice. It sounds so broken.
It starts to occur to Joe that someone is missing.
“Paula? Where is she?” He tries to sit up. “Is she alright?” He only sees a sea of serious faces around him. Sarah looks at the doctor and he leaves her alone with Joe, taking Paige with him.
“Ahm, Joe, there was an accident… A piece of the rock you were on broke off… She fell.”
“Oh, my god! Is she alright?”
“No, Joe… She tried to hang on, Gabe and Paige tried to save her, but…. the ledge started to crumble and she fell….”
Sarah prays that Joe gets the message, she’s not ready to say the words, but when she sees that Joe doesn’t seem to understand her, she places her hand on his arm and she finishes softly with the words she dreaded so much to say.
“Paula is dead.”
*****
“Hi, Fawn, can I join you in prayer?” Fawn looks up, surprised to see Jason standing there in the hospital-chapel with her.
“Yes… Yes, of course, you can.” She smiles. “I’m surprised to see you here though, reverend McCallister.”
“I’m not a reverend anymore. I broke up with my church” Jason explains with a smile. “That doesn’t mean that I stopped believing or praying though. Or that I stopped being a shoulder for people to cry on? You look like you could need one?”
“How did you know? And don’t lie to me. You’re not here by accident or divine intervention.”
Jason laughs softly over her words.
“No I’m not. I got a call from Justin Walker’s girlfriend, Tyler. She was worried about you. Justin had told her that we knew each other and she had asked his brother for my phone-number. She felt that you might not want her help.”
Fawn is quite surprised by his words. That was just about the last thing she had expected to hear.
“That was very kind of her, but you didn’t have to come all the way up here for me.”
“Yes. I had to. I cared for you several years ago and I still do.”
“Yes, but a few years ago I was an addict and I needed your help. Now, … I’m calmer and I … keep telling myself that whatever happened today happened because it’s God’s will and … it will most likely serve a purpose… one of these days… or something.” Jason smiles at her attempt to be strong and sophisticated about it.
“Just because it’s God’s will, doesn’t make it any less painful. You have the right to be angry, you know.”
“I know. but I have to believe that it’s for the best. Otherwise….” She doesn’t finish her sentence, with Jason she doesn’t have to.
“So, you found out that Justin was not the father of your child? How does that make you feel?”
“I’m fine. I really am. It would have been nice if he had been the father of my child. So, that my son has a parent that he can be proud of, but … it’s alright. We’ll make it.”
“I’m sure that you will make it, together with your son. You know why? Because your son already has a parent that he can be proud of. He has you.” He sees her eyes fill with tears. “And I’m sure, that once he’s old enough to understand, he will be able to see how lucky he is to have you,
And he will tell his friends that maybe he doesn’t know who his father is, but he knows who his mother is. And she’s an amazing woman, who deserves everyone’s respect. You fought your own battle and you still fight it every day…” He takes her hand and Fawn looks at him.
“Do you really believe that one day, he will understand how much I wanted to correct my mistakes?”
“Yes, I do.” Jason answers sincerely and Fawn starts to sob uncontrollably, so Jason wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.
*****
“I’m not sure if I should be sorry or not.” Kevin admits and Justin looks miserable. “I don’t mind you becoming a father, but … I just feel that this would have been wrong for you.”
“It’s alright. I don’t know how I’m supposed to think either.”
Justin accepts the coffee that Kevin gives him, before he continues:
“I wouldn’t have mind if he were mine, and somehow I’m also glad that he isn’t and… it also makes me sad.”
“Why was it so important to you anyway?”
“I don’t know. Probably the idea that somehow, there was something, one thing, that I did right in that period when I was using…. I could see myself playing with him in mom’s garden, or in the pool, or take him to games… Do a lot of fun-stuff, be a father,…”
“Being a father isn’t just about the ‘fun stuff’.” Kevin gently points out.
“I know, that is where it got tricky, I couldn’t see myself being the one who had to discipline him, probably would have left that Tyler. Like mom, she has ‘the look’ that makes you stop acting like a fool…” He laughs, but Kevin merely smiles over his words.
“You would have turned her into the evil stepmom.” He says instead. Justin knows that Kevin isn’t trying to make him feel bad, but that he's just stating a fact. So he nods and, more seriously, he says:
“I know that too. I wanted to be the fun dad and leave the rest to Tyler, naturally assuming that Tyler would stick around for the job. That is another thing, I simply expected Tyler to be there, but I never asked her to stay or to be a part of my life. I assumed things, I couldn’t make true. What if Tyler would have said ‘no thanks’? She told me that she still loves me, but I’ve hurt her a few times before… I might not get another chance at her forgiveness….”
Kevin leans back and looks at his little brother, who’s trying to work through the mess in his emotions and he smiles. Justin doesn’t notice, his mind is still on Julian and Tyler.
“And where had you pictured Fawn in your picture of ‘the happy family’? Like it or not, she’s the boy’s mother, she’s there.”
Justin plays with the spoon that came with his coffee. He looks up at Kevin with an embarrassed look on his face.
“I didn’t think of her. Not really. Just a face in the background. Not important. When, of course, she is important.”
“So you hadn’t thought things through?”
“No…. Guess I was the fool for talking about responsibility when I had no idea what that would be or what impact it would have.”
“I don’t think that makes you a fool. At least, you thought about your responsibility, which is more than some others do.”
Kevin gets up and gets some more coffee for the both of them. There’s a quiet moment between them as they quietly drink, until Justin is the one to start again.
“It just that it feels like everyone else around me seems to be happy and successful. Just look at Scotty.”
“What about him?”
“He’s not much older than me and he has his own restaurant, he’s married, he has two kids, … he’s happy…” Justin sums up. Kevin waits for some teaser like ‘even though he’s married to you…’ but when that doesn’t come, Kevin can’t help but grin.
He is glad to know that Justin looks at Scotty that way, because it also reflects on Kevin. But Kevin knows that this happiness didn’t happen overnight, that a lot of hard work and a lot of pain had gone into building this relationship, and that it’s something that both he and Scotty still work on every day.
“Maybe the years as an addict have distorted your memories, but the man that Scotty is so happy with, was rather miserable when he was your age. Sure, I had a good job, a nice loft, a loving family, but other than that, I was always alone… I never even dared to dream about something more.
A marriage, a husband or a child, I could not imagine having that, not even in my wildest fantasy. It just couldn’t happen. And look at me now. It happened to me eventually. It takes a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it. So maybe you should look at it that way. Rather than look at what you haven’t accomplished, you look at what you have.
And, just as important, at what could still lie ahead. All options are open. You just need to create new dreams... Have you written another list of ‘so many things to do before I turn a certain age’? I liked your other list a lot.” Justin laughs at the memory of the ’30 things to do before I’m 30’-list, that Kevin had dug up for him.
Maybe it had been the fact that the Justin from so many years ago had more ambitions and dreams that the current Justin does.
“Where do I start?” Justin laughs.
“Are you joking or is that a serious question?” Kevin asks.
“The list of course was a bit of a joke, but some of the ideas on it weren’t bad. I don’t know where to start to make a new one though….”
“My suggestion: Stop assuming things with Tyler. If you want her, really want her, don’t assume that she’s going to stick around and wait for you. Take action.”
“Propose to her?” Justin asks, surprised at the thought of doing that.
“I’m not suggesting that right away, but you could perhaps try to make your relationship more solid, then just having your toothbrush at her place.” Kevin jokes and Justin laughs along, while a little idea comes to his mind.
*****
End of part 3/4
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