Crash
Art Prompt Title: CRASH
Art link: Art Masterlist
Prompt Number: 2019
Artist: embroiderama
Fic Title: CRASH
Author: marchia43
Fandom/Genre: SPN/RPS, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Established relationship
Pairing(s): Jensen Ackles/Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8022
Warnings: Swearing? Maybe? Nothing major
Summary: Jensen has always been afraid of admitting he is gay and in a relationship with Jeff. What does he do when Jeff is seriously hurt in an accident?
Author's Notes: I'd like to thank embroiderama for their wonderful artwork and for putting up with me when my real life went haywire and although I finished the fic, I feel it needed to be much bigger. Hopefully when my life sorts itself out I can re-write the ending and make it the story it deserves to be.
On another note: I have no idea about JDM's parents and have therefore omitted descriptions of them.
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction people! none of it is real.
Friday 11:30pm
“Sure you don’t want to come for a drink?” Jared asked
“Nah,” said Jensen, “Jeff’s waiting for me.”
Jared looked around to make sure no-one was listening and said, “Look, I know it’s none of my business but isn’t it time you came out to people and said you were in a relationship with Jeff?”
Jensen’s head jerked up as he was buttoning up his jacket and he hissed “Shhhh!”
“I don’t know how Jeff puts up with you.” Jared sighed, as Jensen looked at him crestfallen.
“I don’t know either.” He agreed.
“Okay, so what time are we due back to film that fight scene?”
“Monday 7am I think.”
“Right, well have a nice weekend. What are you two up to?” Jared asked.
“We’re going to a restaurant and then to bed,” Jensen looked at Jared and saw his lewd look and hastened to add, “to sleep!”
“Aww you’re no fun. You’ve been together how long now?”
“It will be one year in 3 weeks,” Jensen smirked.
“Damn Jensen, you could have had a baby in that time…if one of you was a girl!” Jared laughed and punched Jensen on the arm, sprinting off to his trailer yelling, “See you later!”
Jensen looked at Jared as he ran off and watched as the door opened and he was greeted by Gen who was holding their kid Thomas. Jared kissed Gen on the lips and plucked Thomas from her arms and started to swing him up in the air. Jensen watched this happy family scene enviously for a few moments, realising that he would never have this.
As he wandered back to his car he waved at his bodyguard/driver/friend Clif, who was talking to one of the runners for the show, and got in the passenger side to wait for Clif to get in to drive him home. He texted Jeff to let him know he was on his way back to Jeff’s place. ‘I’ll be at your place in about 20 minutes. Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? Where are we going?’
By the time Clif got into the car and drove off Jeff had replied, ‘It’s a surprise! See you shortly, love me.’
Jensen smiled at the kisses at the bottom of the text and put his phone in his jacket pocket then laid his head on the glass and tried to catch a quick nap before getting to Jeff’s.
It seemed that as soon as he had gotten comfortable Clif was shaking his shoulder saying, “Jensen, wake up, we’re here at Jeff’s.”
Groaning, Jensen extricated himself from the car, stretching his back and almost hearing his vertebrae click back in place.
“I’m getting too old for this,” He said.
Clif looked at him and said, “Wow, the youth of today - definitely don’t have the stamina anymore, do you!”
“Hey!” shouted Jensen indignantly, although the smirk and the crinkling around his eyes gave away the fact that he wasn’t particularly annoyed.
“Are you making fun of my boyfriend? I’ll let you know he has plenty of stamina!” Jeff's voice suddenly boomed near them.
“Shhhh!” Jensen shushed, looking around guiltily, “keep it down, someone may hear you!”
Clif looked at Jeff as Jensen was looking around and saw the look of hurt that passed very quickly over his face. He didn’t think Jensen would have been able to see it and felt sorry for Jeff. Jensen’s continued reluctance to ‘come out’ in public was a well-known issue in their relationship since it started. Although Clif was one of Jensen’s most trusted friends, he was only one of three people who knew about their relationship: Jared, Clif and Jensen’s PA Tracy.
When Jensen and Jeff had met on the show, the two of them had become fast friends. They would often meet for drinks etc. when they were back in California where they both had houses, or when they were in Canada Jeff would pop over to see Jensen for a day or two. After a few months of this Clif became aware that something was happening between Jeff and Jensen.
Jensen appeared more relaxed, laughed more and generally seemed happier. Clif only realised what was making Jensen happier when one day Jensen was sick and passed out from dehydration. Clif took him back to his apartment and, after unlocking the door, he let himself into Jensen’s apartment clutching an almost unconscious Jensen to his side, aiming to drop him off in bed and dose him up with Tylenol.
Almost as soon as he had got the door open Jeff shouted, “Hey babe, you home so early? How come? Left early to come back to bed with me have you?”
As Clif stood there in the doorway clutching a now passed out Jensen, Jeff came through the bedroom door dressed in nothing!
Clif smiled as he remembered the look of utter horror and embarrassment on Jeff’s face when he saw them, quickly replaced by one of concern for Jensen.
Clif had never given an opinion to Jeff or Jensen on their relationship but he secretly hoped Jensen would someday pull his head out of his ass, come out publicly and admit his love for Jeff.
“You ok Jeff?” Clif asked
“Yes, thanks Clif. Thanks for dropping Jensen off.” Jeff turned and walked back to his apartment door.
Jensen looked sadly at Jeff’s quickly retreating back and turned to Clif and said, “Yeah, thanks Clif. See you Monday.”
Why? Why did he always fuck it up? Jensen asked himself as he trudged towards Jeff’s apartment. Jensen knew what a bastard he had been and how hard it had been for Jeff to be in this relationship with him. He knew he needed to come out at some point but was scared the effect it would have on his career and, if he was totally honest with himself, he was scared of other people’s opinions.
He walked back through the apartment door, quietly closed and locked it and walked to the living room where he knew Jeff would be.
The apartment Jeff had bought was very large and ultra modern, all whites and stuff. Not really Jensen’s cup of tea but then he liked the owner more than the place.
“Jeff, I’m sorry,” Jensen said as he came up behind Jeff who was staring out of the window at the skyline. Jensen slid his arms around Jeff and leaned in to kiss the back of his neck. Jensen had always thought Jeff was hot, even when he was playing his son in their TV show. Although Jeff was 12 years older than Jensen he had the look of a father with his slightly scruffy beard. Jeff had worked on the show for a bit of a laugh while he looked to advance himself into movies, which was his ultimate goal. Since leaving the show Jeff had worked on some huge blockbuster movies and was extremely successful. He felt the shiver in Jeff and smirked. “Come to bed babe," he whispered, mouth pressed up against Jeff’s neck as he ran his hand down to cup Jeff’s crotch. “I can make it up to you.”
Suddenly Jeff jerked out of Jensen’s hold and turned round to push him away. Hurt, Jensen watched as rage flashed across Jeff’s face as he stalked over to the sofa’s and turned back to face Jensen.
“I can’t believe you sometimes!” he yelled, “I thought when we started this that you would come around to coming out and showing off our relationship! Now all you want is a quick roll in the hay - but heaven forbid anyone find out about it.”
Jensen stared at Jeff, shocked. He knew Jeff really was hurt by his behaviour earlier on but Jensen wasn’t expecting this reaction.
“Jeff, you know I can’t...” Jensen pleaded.
“Can’t or won’t?” Jeff demanded.
“I can’t, if I come out my career will be ruined!” Jensen begged, “Jeff, I really can’t come out!”
“Do you love me?” Jeff shouted
“Yes!” Jensen shouted back “You know I do!”
“Then why can’t you admit it? People aren’t as narrow minded as they used to be?”
“It’s all right for you!” Jensen shouted. “People already know you’re gay, they don’t know that about me!”
“But Jensen has that made a difference in my work? Have I been turned down for roles because I am gay?” Jeff said, “No, so please before it’s too late, for me, please give us a chance and come out. ”
There silence as Jensen and Jeff stared at each other.
“Jensen,” Jeff sighed as he walked towards the front door, “I don’t know what to do, so I’m going out for a drive. Don’t wait up for me.”
Jensen stood there feeling helpless as Jeff walked out the front door, closing the door quietly on his way out.
“Shit!” Jensen snarled as he walked to the sofa, sat down and put his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, and squeezed his eyes closed as tears trickled out the sides of them.
Saturday 2.15am
As Jeff jumped up and down he knew he should go home but he was having fun, for the first time in a long time. He was at a well-known gay club in town. Currently he was pressed up close and personal to some twink called Sam? Sean? Something beginning with S. The club was loud and packed with men jumping and dancing to some really heavy rock music. Sam, Sean, whatever his name had come up behind Jeff and practically plastered himself all over him. He was a type that Jeff would normally go for, tall, muscular and handsome. However Jeff wasn’t really feeling up to some bump and grind with a random guy, he wanted to bump and grind Jensen, but Jensen wasn’t going to bump unless it was in private…
Suddenly the guy slid his arms down from Jeff’s chest where they had been for about two minutes to his crotch. At that moment Jeff realised that he didn’t want to be here and where he wanted to be was about a ten minute drive away.
Jeff sighed as he reached to pull the guy's arms from around his waist.
“Sorry kid,” he said, gently pushing the guys arms back towards him. “I have somewhere to go and someone to be with. It’s been great, thanks.”
He watched as the kid’s expression went from lust to resignation. “Your loss old man,” he said as he sauntered off to another guy on his own.
Moving quickly from the dance floor, Jeff left the club and walked to the underground car park to pick up his car. He’d only had one beer so he knew he was fine to drive home. As he got into his pick-up truck, Jeff thought about calling Jensen to tell him he was on his way back and that they would talk then, but decided not to in case he was sleeping.
As he got in his car and drove back, Jeff realised that he had been pushing Jensen from the start to ‘come out’ in their relationship and although he hadn't had problems getting work, he knew how small minded some people were. Jeff also realised that Jensen was giving him as much of himself as he could - Jeff would have to play the waiting game and hope that someday further on down the line Jensen would decide, on his own that there was nothing scary about him declaring his love for Jeff. Jeff knew that he wanted to be with Jensen for the rest of his life, he loved him. It was as simple as that. The look on Jensen’s face when he woke up and scrunched his face up while rubbing his eyes was so adorable, not that Jeff would ever admit it to him.
As Jeff drove down the main street to his apartment he remembered the fun times they had had, the good time, the sexy times.
Jeff shook himself out of his memories and realized with a sudden jolt that the light over the intersection was red, he was about to go through a red light. Panicking, Jeff slammed his brakes on but was unable to stop the car as it hurtled across the crossing. As he looked up Jeff saw a truck barrelling down the road directly toward him. Jeff glanced down at his mobile phone ‘Call Jensen now!’ flashed through his mind, and just as his arm reached the phone he heard the horn blaring on the truck.0 Suddenly metal was Jeff felt himself get slammed up against the window; he heard glass shattering and sharp pains started to make themselves known, then it all went black.
Saturday 6:30am
Jensen awoke lying on the sofa; he’d fallen asleep exhausted after last night’s argument. Standing up he clicked his back into shape and decided to go and see if Jeff had snuck back in last night. Normally when they had arguments and one or the other stormed out, they normally got back together sometime during the evening and everything was fine. It wasn’t like Jeff to stay out all night.
“Jeff?” Jensen’s sleepy croaky voice asked. Pushing open the door to the bedroom Jensen could immediately see that no one had slept here last night.
“Jeff?” he shouted pushing open the bathroom door and finding it similarly empty.
Jeff had never left Jensen alone in his apartment for an entire night without calling, and Jensen was starting to worry - what if Jeff had gone out and spent the night with someone else? Jealousy reared its head in Jensen. He didn’t want Jeff to see anyone else; they hadn’t exactly got a ‘normal’ relationship but it had always seemed like they had a one-man relationship and not an open relationship,
Wandering back to the living room, Jensen picked up his phone from the table and scrolled down the menu to find Jeff’s name and called him. No reply. As it went to voicemail Jensen left a message.
“Jeff, look, I know I’ve been an idiot, please call me when you get this.”
Jensen decided to shower and have breakfast and the see if Jeff replied to his message.
Saturday 7:00am
“Okay Jeff, I know you’re annoyed at me but call me, please.”
Saturday 8:30am
“Jeff! Just fucking call me will you?”
Saturday 9:15am
“Jeff, please! I’m really worried. Please call me… I’m sorry.”
Saturday 10:45am
Jensen was going nuts. There had been no reply from Jeff from his cell and Jensen was literally pacing around the living room. He knew that Jeff always had his phone on, he never turned if off in case of an emergency (or unless he was filming, in which case he had it on silent.) He’d called 6 times and just got the voicemail. He’d texted and got no reply.
Realising that he was out of options Jensen called Jared.
“Hey Jen,” Jared said laughing, “you won’t believe what little T has just done…”
“Shut up!” Jensen snarled, “ Jeff’s missing; I need your help.”
“What?” Jared spluttered, “What happened?”
“We had an argument last night and he s-s-s-stormed out,” Jensen stammered.
Jared could tell that Jensen was on the verge of a panic attack. “Calm down!” he ordered, “Tell me what happened.”
Jared could hear Jensen suck in a big breath to calm himself. “Jeff left last night and hasn’t been back since,” Jensen stated.
“Well maybe he slept at a friends house?”
“Are you stupid?” Jensen shouted, “He doesn’t have any friends here in Canada apart from you, me and Clif.”
“Jensen?” Jared said steadily, “Jensen calm down! I’ll call Clif and then call you back, ok?”
“Yeah, sorry,” Jensen whispered as he put the phone down.
Seven minutes later, Jensen was pacing the room clutching his phone in his hand when it rang, startling him.
“Yes!” he barked into it.
“Jensen, I’m on my way over to the apartment. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” Jared said.
“Why?” Jensen croaked, suddenly nervous.
“Not on the phone.” Jared said as Jensen sank into the sofas, all the worst scenarios rushing through his head.
“Has something happened to him? Is he dea…?”
“No,” Jared said sharply, “I’ll be there in about 5 minutes Jen, so get ready to let me in and open the door.”
Trembling Jensen pushed himself up off the sofa and walked to the apartment door, by the side of the door was a monitor and a phone to allow people to buzz the apartment they wanted to go to and the person inside would press the button to unlock the front door. A couple of minutes later, Jared appeared at the door. Jensen pushed the button as Jared was walking towards the door and let him in. It would take Jared about a minute to get to the apartment so Jensen left the door open as he walked back to the living room.
Shortly Jared barged into the apartment and walked into the living room. Sitting down beside Jensen, Jared placed his hand on Jensen’s thigh. “Jensen, this morning Jeff was in a car accident,” Jared began as Jensen clutched his arms around his waist and started to rock back and forward.
“No, no, no!” he murmured, “This is my fault. Oh my god!” Jensen vaulted up from the sofa and as Jared tried to catch him he sprinted for the bathroom, where he threw up his breakfast.
Jared stared at the bathroom door and decided he’d better go and see if Jensen was ok. As he neared the door the odious smell of vomit hit his nose and he tried to hold his breath. When he walked into the room Jensen was bent over the toilet still heaving.
Reaching down, Jared helped Jensen up and leaned him up against the cabinet. With one arm across Jensen’s chest and the other turning on the tap to wet a cloth, he flushed the toilet with his foot.
Grabbing the washcloth he wiped Jensen’s face, staring into Jensen’s glazed eyes Jared knew that he needed to get Jensen to Jeff as soon as possible. “Jensen?” Jared said, “Jensen we’ve got to go to the hospital.”
Grabbing Jensen and grabbing his phone and keys, he practically manhandled Jensen out of the room, down the stairs and to his car.
As they drove to the hospital Jensen seemed to pull himself together and asked, “How did you found out Jeff was in a car accident?”
Jared looked over and said “Eric.”
“What?”
“I called Clif, who called Eric. Clif told Eric that he was waiting for Jeff at his apartment and he wasn’t there. When he asked if Eric knew where he was, Eric said that he had just been on the phone to Jeff’s parents. When Jeff was admitted to hospital the nurses found his wallet and inside it had contact details and Eric’s number, so they called Eric to let him know.”
Jensen looked out the window at the streets; Vancouver was a lovely city but right now all he could think about was car crashes, blood and Jeff. “Why didn’t Eric call me?” Jensen said.
“Why would he?” Jared asked pointedly. “As far as the world is concerned, you’re just co-workers and friends. You’re not partners. You aren’t entitled to know, are you?”
Jensen groaned and put his head in his hands. “Oh god! I’ve really fucked this up.” He said miserably.
“Eric said Jeff’s parents will get the next plane up. He thinks they will be here sometime this evening.”
Saturday 11:25am
As Jared pulled up outside the hospital and parked the car, Jensen started to feel a sense of dread. What if they didn’t let him see Jeff? What if they wouldn’t let him in? What if he died before Jensen could make things better? Could he cope with that? What if Jeff was paralysed or had lost a limb, did he want to cope with that? What should he do?
Suddenly he became aware that Jared was looking at him as if he was waiting for a response to a question Jensen hadn’t heard.
“What?”
“I said,” Jared spoke slowly, “are you ready? Do you want more time?”
“Time for what?” Jensen repeated slowly.
“Before you go in and see Jeff.”
“No!” Jensen said sharply, “Let’s go!”
Quickly getting out of the car, they both walked shoulder to shoulder into the emergency room. They walked up to the receptionist at the front desk and immediately hit a snag.
“We’re here to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan, he was brought in a couple of hours ago,” Jensen said quietly.
“Are you related to him?” she asked
Jared looked at Jensen and saw him grow pale as he realised the situation they were in. “No, we’re friends. Is there any way we can see him or his doctor?”
As he could see the nurse start to shut down on them he heard Jensen plead,
“Please, his parents won’t be here until later this evening.” Jensen looked at the nurse pleadingly, “Please it would mean a lot to us, we work with him.”
The nurse looked up at them and could obviously see that Jensen was desperate to see Jeff. “I’ll page the doctor and see what he wants to do, so sit over there and I’ll get back to you., she ordered.
20 minutes later Jensen was ready to bounce off the walls. “What’s keeping them?” he groaned.
“Jensen, it’s going to take some time for the doc to get here, he has to prioritise Jeff.” Jared said. He could see that the strain of waiting was getting to Jensen. The fact that they didn’t know if Jeff was dead or alive was making it worse.
Unexpectedly, a short young doctor arrived and called out, “Family of Morgan?”
Jensen shot up and practically ran to the doctor, “Yeah, that’s me.” He gasped, suddenly feeling breathless and nervous.
The doctor looked up at Jensen and asked, “Can I ask what relationship you have with Mr. Morgan?”
Jared watched as Jensen stilled. ‘Please, please,’ he prayed, ‘let Jensen do the right thing for once in his life.’
Jensen stood looking at the doctor, who appeared to be about 12 with dark curly hair and warm brown eyes that made Jensen want to trust him. “I’m his boyfriend,” he heard himself saying. “We live together. I love him.” Suddenly he felt a tear escape and land on his cheek, and he realised that he was crying. He felt Jared’s arm creep around him and he was enveloped in a hug.
“Okay,” said the doctor. “I’m Doctor Kowalski, follow me.”
As he turned to leave, Jared looked down at Jensen and saw that he was literally on the edge of a panic attack. “It’s going to be ok,” he promised as they followed the doctor to a small room with ‘Family Room’ written on it.
They walked inside and sat down. Jensen leaned forward and looked at the doctor. “What’s happening with Jeff?”
The doctor assessed him and said, “When Mr Morgan was admitted…”
“Call him Jeff,” Jensen said. “He always says that Mr. Morgan is his dad.”
The doctor smiled and then said, “Okay, well when Jeff came in he had, as you know been in an accident between his car and a truck. It appears Jeff had driven through a red light and the truck didn’t have enough time to slow down or stop. The impact between the truck and the car caused Jeff to be pushed up against the side door of his truck and he was trapped. The crash has, I’m afraid resulted in Jeff sustaining multiple serious injuries. He has facial lacerations which aren’t particularly serious, and a broken leg, which was trapped against the steering wheel. He has a broken eye socket and skull fractures.” He stopped as he heard Jensen suck in his breath.
“Do you want me to carry on?”
“Yes.," Jensen said, his voice very quiet and shaky.
“So the broken leg and facial cuts are easily treatable. The main problem we have is the skull fractures and the broken eye socket. At this moment in time we have indications of a swelling on the brain so we are doing a cranial drain.” At the perplexed look on Jensen’s face the doctor added, “Sorry I mean we have drilled a hole in Jeff’s head and placed a stent in to drain off the excess fluid that is building up around the brain. When Jeff hit his head, the brain sustained a massive trauma and and is swelling, and if we don’t get the swelling down Jeff could end up with brain damage.”
As he finished he saw Jensen go green at the gills and quickly reached for the wastebasket in the room. As Jensen hurled into it, Jared placed his hand on Jensen’s back and rubbed gently.
“Go on doc.” Jared said, knowing that Jensen needed to hear all that was wrong with Jeff.
“So, while we drain the fluid we have Jeff in a medically induced coma. This brings me on to probably the worst problem.” He paused looking at Jensen and knew instinctively that this was the hardest part of his job. “I’m sorry but we have had to amputate his left arm below the elbow.”
“Oh god!” Jensen groaned, heaving into the wastebasket again.
“I know this is hard for you, but the arm was trapped between the seats and the paramedic on site reported that there was a lot of blood loss and made the decision to amputate.” He paused as Jensen continued to heave over the wastebasket. “I’m sorry," he said.
“When can I see him?” Jensen asked croakily from the wastebasket. “I need to see him!”
“If it means anything I think Jeff will survive this.”
“But without his arm and with possible brain damage?” Jensen said sharply. “Thanks doc, thanks for nothing!” he shouted at the end.
“Jensen!” Jared shouted. “I’m sorry doc, he’s just upset.”
“I know. I’ll be back.” He said as he got up to go back to Jeff.
Jared sat there for a few seconds and said “Jensen, I know you’re upset but…”
“Upset? Upset?” Jensen shouted getting louder and sounding more hysterical as he went on, “Of course I’m fucking upset. Jeff may die, he’s lost an arm, and he may have brain damage. Should I be calm about this? Of course I’m fucking upset.” Spent Jensen plonked himself back down in the chair, “Oh god! This is all my fault, if we hadn’t argued he wouldn’t...”
“Jensen you can’t blame yourself.”
“Why not?” Jensen asked, “Why not? I mean if I had manned up and come out we wouldn’t have been arguing, he wouldn’t have stormed out and we wouldn’t be where we are now!”
Jared couldn’t argue with Jensen so just sat there while Jensen got up out of his chair and started to pace around the family room.
“I’m going outside to ring Eric and Clif, I’ll get you a coffee and bring it back with me.” Jared said as he walked out the room.
Saturday 3:05pm
“What the hell I keeping the doctor?” Jensen said, still pacing the room.
“Jensen please, stop pacing you are making my head spin!”
“Sorry.” Jensen apologised sitting down in the chair and drinking his 3rd cup of lukewarm coffee. “I just don’t know why it’s taking this long? Why can’t I see him?”
“I don’t know.” Sighed Jared.
Suddenly the door opened and Doctor Kowalski came through. Jensen shot to his feet and said “Doc, can I see him now, is he ok? Is he awake?”
The doctor looked gravely at Jensen and said, “In answer to your first question, yes you can see him but I need to go through some things with you beforehand.”
“What things?” Jensen asked apprehensively.
The doctor looked at Jensen compassionately then said, “You need to realise that Jeff is seriously ill, is unconscious and has had major surgery. He needs to be kept stable and calm when he wakes up.”
“Okay, Okay.” Chanted Jensen, “We can work around this. So he’s lost an arm, he’s still going to be ok.”
“As I said we need to talk about the other injuries as well.”
As he motioned for them all to sit down, Jensen sat next to Jared and perched on the end of the chair, obviously anxious to move on and get to see Jeff, finally.
“The reason why it’s taken me so long to get back to you was that we have done a double operation, my colleague has removed Jeff’s arm and I have worked on the broken leg which has been pinned back together and is stable.”
“Yeah.” Said Jensen, starting to rock back and forth. “Go on.”
“So, the swelling on Jeff’s brain doesn’t seem to be getting worse so I’m going to keep the stent in overnight and then, tomorrow morning, I’ll remove it and we have to just wait and see.”
“When will we know about possible brain damage?” Jensen asked
“I’m not sure, if…. I mean when he wakes up…”
“What do you mean if!” Jensen shouted and shot up out of his chair, “He’s going to wake up.”
“Calm down Jensen.” Jared said firmly, placing his arm around Jensen and squeezing him. “Let the doc finish and then we can go and see Jeff.”
“Sorry,” Said the doctor. “When he wakes up we will know more, at the moment we don’t know. I’ll start waking him up tomorrow and we’ll see how that goes then.”
They all sat in the family room for a few moments in total silence, each thinking their own thoughts on Jeff. After a few seconds the doctor stood and said,
“Stay here and I’ll get a nurse to take you to see Jeff.”
Saturday 3:15pm
Jensen and Jared waited patiently in the family room for the nurse to come and get them.
Silently the door opened and a small blonde haired woman came in and asked “Jensen?”
“Yeah that’s me!” Jensen said, bouncing up out of the chair and practically running towards her.
“I’m Sam, I’m going to be Jeff’s nurse for his stay here. If you would like to come with me…”
“Can I come as well?” Asked Jared.
“Of course, the doctor has told me to make sure you come as well.” She said and with a bright smile she turned and walked out and down the corridor.
As they walked quietly down the corridor Jensen began to feel anxious and nervous. What if Jeff didn’t wake up? What if he was brain damaged? How would Jensen cope? Jensen stopped walking so suddenly that Jared crashed into him from behind.
“Jen?” He queried, “You ok?”
Feeling ashamed of himself, Jensen looked at Jared and whispered, “Yeah, sorry, just an attack of nerves I guess.”
“I can understand,” Jared said gently, rubbing his hands up and down Jensen’s arms, “But everything will be fine.”
The nurse Sam stopped at room number 502 and turned to Jensen and Jared and said, “He’s in here, now don’t worry about the machines or the beeping.”
Pushing open the door Jensen walked towards the screened bed and walked around the screen.
Lying deathly still on the bed was Jeff. There was no movement from him, and Jensen thought he looked very peaceful, except for the bandages around his head, his leg in a cast, the massive bandage and cage around Jeff’s left arm and a machine that seemed to just beep.
Sucking in a breath Jensen slowly walked to the bed. He vaguely heard the nurse say something to Jared and then heard Jared say to Sam,
“He’s his partner.”
Walking closer to Jeff Jensen reached for Jeff’s right hand and clasped it in his two hands. He leaned down and gently kissed Jeff’s hand. “I’m sorry babe,” he whispered as a single tear rang down the side of his face and splashed onto Jeff’s hand.
Saturday 4:30pm
Jensen sat on the uncomfortable chair by Jeff’s bedside with his hand gently clasping Jeff’s right hand. His thumb was rubbing gently across the back of Jeff’s hand as if to reassure himself that Jeff was really alive. He was feeling miserable. Jared had gone to get him a cup of coffee and said that he was going to call people and let them know that Jeff was holding his own.
As he sat by Jeff’s bedside Jensen remembered how happy they had been the night before all this started. It was only something stupid, but they had spent the night watching a re-run of one of Jeff’s favourite movies while curled up against each other in the sofa. The fire was on and Jensen felt it was very romantic. About halfway through the movie they were making out like teenagers and by the end of the movie Jeff had been making love to Jensen over the back of the sofa for about 40 minutes. They came together and in the afterglow, while curled up again on the sofa Jeff had said he loved Jensen for the first time. Predictably Jensen had ignored Jeff’s words and made some simple joke and dragged him to bed.
Jensen realised how happy he had been then and also how happy he was with Jeff, how just waking up in his arms every morning made him smile, how coming home to him was such a pleasure. He loved it when Jeff rang him during the day just to talk to him.
“Fuck,” he sighed as he leaned over the bed and kissed Jeff’s cheek, “I’m so sorry babe that I’ve never told you I love you before. We’re going to get through this and I promise I will make it all up to you.”
As he sat there listening to the breathing machine and the bleeping machine he tried to remember the number of times he had been good for Jeff and then brought to mind the overwhelming number of times he had been bad for Jeff. He felt his heart stutter when he realised that he had not been a good boyfriend to Jeff and how much Jeff had put up with to be with him. Jensen realised that he almost never went to see Jeff in LA, it was always Jeff coming to Canada - even when Jeff was filming, whenever he had time off he would fly up to spend a precious few days, even hours with Jensen, it was never the other way round.
Jensen suddenly let go of Jeff’s hand and stood up; walking towards the window he looked out over the grey sky and clasped his hands around himself, suddenly feeling shaky and queasy. What a bastard he had been! Jeff had only asked that Jensen love him and what had he done? He had hid their relationship like some dirty filthy shameful thing.
Turning around Jensen stalked back to the bed and leaned over Jeff, kissed his cheek again and said “Never again! Never again will I deny us Jeff.”
Returning back to the uncomfortable chair he grasped Jeff’s hand and kissed the back of it and said, “I love you and the whole world will know it.” He promised.
Saturday 9:30pm
Sam quietly pushed open the door to Jeff’s room and walked slowly towards the bed. Jensen had finally fallen asleep, still clutching Jeff’s hand through the bars of the bed. He didn’t look comfortable, but had fallen asleep with the upper part of his body draped halfway over the bed with his head turned towards Jeff, as if he would be the first thin Jensen saw when he woke up. Not wanting to disturb him, but knowing she had to Sam gently placed her hand on Jensen’s shoulder, rubbed gently and said, “Jensen?”
“What?” he grumbled,
“Jeff? Is there coffee?” he asked, mumbling sleepily.
“What?” asked Sam, then realising that Jensen was still half asleep she squeezed his shoulder again and said “Jensen, you have to wake up. Jeff’s parents are here.”
Going from asleep to wide awake in seconds, Jensen had a momentary spell of dizziness as he jumped up and said, “What?” looking confusedly around the room as if he were expecting them to be in the room with him, “What did you say?” he asked again.
“Jeff’s parents are here, we are just about to bring them up. Do you want to stay?” Sam asked
“Of course I’m bloody staying!” Jensen shouted, “I’m his fucking boyfriend!”
“Calm down.” Said Sam, “I just wanted to warn you before we bring them in.”
“Sorry.” Said Jensen sheepishly, “I’m no good without coffee.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sam said as she left to get Sandy and Richard.
As the door closes, Jensen suddenly feels a stab of fear pierce his heart. What if he parents don’t want him here? What if they ask him to leave? He’s met Sandy and Richard before a couple of times, but he is pretty sure they won’t have a clue that he and Jeff have been together for almost a year! Jensen knows he is going to confess to Jeff’s parents how much of a shit he had been to Jeff, and hoped to god that they had it in them to let him be a part of Jeff’s life when he gets out of the hospital.
Quietly the door opens again and Sam is there, behind her - practically crowding up against her are Jeff’s parents. ‘Sandy looks pretty distraught’ is the first thing that pops into Jensen’s mind, followed quickly by ‘you idiot! Of course she’s distraught, that’s her son.’
Quickly Jensen walks across the room towards them. Seeing Jensen Sandy rushes forward and clasps him in a big hug.
“Jensen!” she sobs, “I’m so glad he’s not on his own.”
“I’m sorry,” weeps Jensen, “I’m so sorry.”
As they stand there, a huddled duo of grief and anger, Richard walks into the room and puts his arms around both of them.
They stand there for a few seconds then, gently, the break apart and look towards Jeff.
“Oh!” is all that Sandy can say as she walks towards him. Tenderly she rubs the back of her hand down Jeff’s cheek. Jensen watches as Jeff’s eye’s roam under his eyelids. Excited he startles Sandy when he shouted, “Do that again! He moved his eyes.”
As they all crowd around the bed Sandy rubs his cheek again and they watch as his head turns towards her hand.
“Baby, it’s mom. Wake up for me.” She whispers and picks up his hand to kiss the back of it.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Jeff’s eyelids flicker as he turns towards her voice again.
“That’s right. Wake up for me!” she orders as his eyes open.
Suddenly Jensen is filled with hope that things are going to be ok. Although he realises that he is also slightly jealous that Jeff reacted to his mom but not him.
Jeff doesn’t appear to be looking at anything and seems confused. His eyes keep moving as if he is searching for something but they don’t stop long enough for him to fixate on anything.
Knowing he has to do something Jensen moves toward Jeff and grasps right shoulder, careful to not touch the bandage across Jeff’s arm. He leans over the bed and says clearly, “Jeff, its Jensen.”
Jeff turns towards Jensen and smiles. As Jensen stares into Jeff’s eyes he can see that Jeff loves him. He leans further over and says into his ear loud enough for his parents to hear, “I’m sorry Jeff. I’m sorry for the argument, I’m sorry for being a chicken, I’m sorry for messing this up, but most of all I’m sorry it takes for you to almost die for me to admit that I love you.”
At the shocked gasps from Sandy and Richard Jensen kisses Jeff on the lips.
As he pulls back from Jeff Jensen hears Jeff sigh “I…..”
Suddenly Jeff’s eyes close, his head droops and the machines start to bleep louder and more ferociously than before. Alarmed Jensen steps back a few steps as Jeff starts to convulse and twitch. Rapidly doctors and nurses arrive and push them all out of the room.
As they stand outside the room looking in through the window Jensen watches as Jeff starts to thrash on the bed, flinging his one good arm out wide.
“Oh god!” says Sandy, clutching Richard to her.
Jensen could feel his heart clenching and can feel his heartbeat racing as he stands there watching Jeff convulse on the bed. Feeling helpless he shouts to Sam, “help him dammit!”
“Jensen I know you’re concerned but please come with me and let the doctors do their job.”
Swiftly the curtains are closed and Sam ushers them back to the family room.
Sunday 01:20am
“Jensen?” Sandy asked softly looking from her chair to Jensen who was staring out of the window.
“Yeah?” he said turning slowly to face Jeff’s parents. He knew what was coming and steeled himself for their condemnation. After all, he was responsible for this mess, wasn’t he?
“Do you want to tell us what’s been going on?” said Richard, looking carefully at Jensen.
“About what?” Jensen heard himself say.
“Well you kissed Jeff.” Sandy said patting the chair next to her and continued, “Jensen please come and sit down. You’re wearing the carpet out.”
“Sorry,” he grumbled as he placed himself down on the chair. “So I guess you want to know about me and Jeff?”
“That would help.” Snarled Richard, “I didn’t think you were gay? How long have you been together? What was the argument about?”
Jensen closed his eyes as Sandy grasped his hand and gently rubbed his hand. Knowing that he couldn’t put it off any more, and feeling that he didn’t want to Jensen told them about how they got together, how long they’d been together, and finally about the argument. All the time he was talking Sandy and Richard had not said a word, when he finally finished talking he looked at Sandy to see her face full of compassion and then looked to Richard. Richard was livid.
“So,” Richard sneered, “you couldn’t man up and be a proper boyfriend and now my son has to pay for it, well thank you Jensen! Thank you for nothing!” With that he stormed out of the family room.
Sandy got up and turned to go after Richard, as she went out of the door she turned to Jensen and said, “I’m sorry about Richard, he’s just upset.”
“No,” Said Jensen, scrabbling to get up “No, really I completely understand. I was a shitty boyfriend and I promise I’ll make it up to him when Jeff gets out.”
“I hope you do,” she said sadly “I think Jeff is going to need as many people around him to tell him they love him no matter what,” said she pointedly “when he wakes up.” With that she walked out the door to find Richard.
A couple of minutes later Sam came back and said that Jeff was stable and did Jensen want to sit with him. Not waiting Jensen jumped up from the chair and followed her back to the room.
The room was back to being silent except for the breathing machine and the bleeping machine. Jeff was back to ‘normal’ in that he was still, oh so still, lying in the middle of the bed.
Jensen sat on the chair by the bed again and grasped Jeff’s right hand through the bars of the bed again. Raising it to his lips he kissed the back of his hand and mumbled, “I’m here Jeff and I won’t be leaving you again until it’s time to take you home.”
The doctor had removed Jeff’s stent and had administered a drug to wake Jeff up at around 8am so Jensen, Sandy and Richard had sat at Jeff’s bedside patiently waiting. It became rapidly apparent that there was no sign that Jeff was about to wake up. Jared had returned at 10am with coffee and muffins for everyone. He could tell that Jensen was getting more and more stressed that Jeff hadn’t woken up. Deciding to get Jensen away for a walk or even another coffee though, was a complete failure.
“No!” Jensen shouted, “I’m not leaving him. I want to be here when he wakes up.”
“Jensen, the docs have said it may take some time for Jeff to wake up. At least go for a coffee? You’ve been here for almost 24 hrs and I think you need a break…”
“A break?” Jensen snorted, “I don’t need a break, I need my boyfriend to wake up!”
“Jensen?” said Sandy, “I think you need a bit of fresh air. Staying here isn’t doing you or Jeff any good.” She put her hand up to stop the protestation she could see about to spill out of Jensen and said, “And Richard and I want some time alone with our son. Please just go.”
Feeling that he had somehow let Jeff down Jensen left the room without saying another word. He knew that Richard was still angry with him and, although he didn’t want to, he decided to grab a coffee.
Sunday 11:50am
“Why isn’t he waking up?” Jensen said, anguished. He still held Jeff’s hand through the bars of the bed.
“I’m sure it’s normal.” Jared said.
“I don’t know what I’ll do it he d…” Jensen stated
“He won’t.”
“You don’t know that do you?” Jensen demanded, “We still don’t know if Jeff is brain damaged yet.”
“You just have to be patient.”
Jensen kissed the back of Jeff’s hand and rubbed it back and forth over his cheek. “I don’t know if I can be this patient.” He whispered. He knew he was being irrational but realising that he loved Jeff and that he wanted everyone to know it meant he wants Jeff to wake up so he can explain it to him.
Monday 7:30pm
Jensen has been pacing the room for hours and is so tired he feels he can just fall asleep standing up. Sandy and Richard have been in and out and although Jared had been in and gone, he had just come back.
Jensen was striding across the room, biting his nails and generally feels that if he stops moving he will fall asleep and then miss something.
“Jensen,” Sandy said quietly “why don’t you at least go and get some sleep? We’ll call you if…”
“For the last time,” he says exasperatedly “I’m not leaving him!”
The doctor, Sam, Jared, Sandy and Richard have all tried to get him to go home, have some food and get some sleep but Jensen feels that if he leaves Jeff something will happen - so he has decided not to leave.
As the argument starts again between them Jared suddenly notices that Jeff is looking towards them.
“Guys!” He shouts excitedly, “Guys look!”
At his excited words and pointing finger the occupants of the room turn to see Jeff awake and indeed, watching them.
Quickly Jensen rushes towards Jeff and grabs his hand. “Jeff, Jeff! Are you ok? Can you hear me?” He’s still worried about possible brain damage
As the every one else rushes up to Jeff’s bedside Jeff looks at Jensen and says,
“What’s all the fuss about?” with a smirk.
Jensen leans over the rail and kisses Jeff hard and fast. Jeff looks startled for a second and looks past Jensen to his parents. Jeff pointedly looks between his parents and Jensen, when Jensen says “Nothing much, just hanging around for my boyfriend to wake up.”
With that he sees Jeff’s face light up and knows that, even though there will be good times and bad times, whatever the future holds, the challenges they face, they will face it together as partners, equals, lovers and friends.
THE END
Art link: Art Masterlist
Prompt Number: 2019
Artist: embroiderama
Fic Title: CRASH
Author: marchia43
Fandom/Genre: SPN/RPS, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Established relationship
Pairing(s): Jensen Ackles/Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8022
Warnings: Swearing? Maybe? Nothing major
Summary: Jensen has always been afraid of admitting he is gay and in a relationship with Jeff. What does he do when Jeff is seriously hurt in an accident?
Author's Notes: I'd like to thank embroiderama for their wonderful artwork and for putting up with me when my real life went haywire and although I finished the fic, I feel it needed to be much bigger. Hopefully when my life sorts itself out I can re-write the ending and make it the story it deserves to be.
On another note: I have no idea about JDM's parents and have therefore omitted descriptions of them.
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction people! none of it is real.
Friday 11:30pm
“Sure you don’t want to come for a drink?” Jared asked
“Nah,” said Jensen, “Jeff’s waiting for me.”
Jared looked around to make sure no-one was listening and said, “Look, I know it’s none of my business but isn’t it time you came out to people and said you were in a relationship with Jeff?”
Jensen’s head jerked up as he was buttoning up his jacket and he hissed “Shhhh!”
“I don’t know how Jeff puts up with you.” Jared sighed, as Jensen looked at him crestfallen.
“I don’t know either.” He agreed.
“Okay, so what time are we due back to film that fight scene?”
“Monday 7am I think.”
“Right, well have a nice weekend. What are you two up to?” Jared asked.
“We’re going to a restaurant and then to bed,” Jensen looked at Jared and saw his lewd look and hastened to add, “to sleep!”
“Aww you’re no fun. You’ve been together how long now?”
“It will be one year in 3 weeks,” Jensen smirked.
“Damn Jensen, you could have had a baby in that time…if one of you was a girl!” Jared laughed and punched Jensen on the arm, sprinting off to his trailer yelling, “See you later!”
Jensen looked at Jared as he ran off and watched as the door opened and he was greeted by Gen who was holding their kid Thomas. Jared kissed Gen on the lips and plucked Thomas from her arms and started to swing him up in the air. Jensen watched this happy family scene enviously for a few moments, realising that he would never have this.
As he wandered back to his car he waved at his bodyguard/driver/friend Clif, who was talking to one of the runners for the show, and got in the passenger side to wait for Clif to get in to drive him home. He texted Jeff to let him know he was on his way back to Jeff’s place. ‘I’ll be at your place in about 20 minutes. Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? Where are we going?’
By the time Clif got into the car and drove off Jeff had replied, ‘It’s a surprise! See you shortly, love me.’
Jensen smiled at the kisses at the bottom of the text and put his phone in his jacket pocket then laid his head on the glass and tried to catch a quick nap before getting to Jeff’s.
It seemed that as soon as he had gotten comfortable Clif was shaking his shoulder saying, “Jensen, wake up, we’re here at Jeff’s.”
Groaning, Jensen extricated himself from the car, stretching his back and almost hearing his vertebrae click back in place.
“I’m getting too old for this,” He said.
Clif looked at him and said, “Wow, the youth of today - definitely don’t have the stamina anymore, do you!”
“Hey!” shouted Jensen indignantly, although the smirk and the crinkling around his eyes gave away the fact that he wasn’t particularly annoyed.
“Are you making fun of my boyfriend? I’ll let you know he has plenty of stamina!” Jeff's voice suddenly boomed near them.
“Shhhh!” Jensen shushed, looking around guiltily, “keep it down, someone may hear you!”
Clif looked at Jeff as Jensen was looking around and saw the look of hurt that passed very quickly over his face. He didn’t think Jensen would have been able to see it and felt sorry for Jeff. Jensen’s continued reluctance to ‘come out’ in public was a well-known issue in their relationship since it started. Although Clif was one of Jensen’s most trusted friends, he was only one of three people who knew about their relationship: Jared, Clif and Jensen’s PA Tracy.
When Jensen and Jeff had met on the show, the two of them had become fast friends. They would often meet for drinks etc. when they were back in California where they both had houses, or when they were in Canada Jeff would pop over to see Jensen for a day or two. After a few months of this Clif became aware that something was happening between Jeff and Jensen.
Jensen appeared more relaxed, laughed more and generally seemed happier. Clif only realised what was making Jensen happier when one day Jensen was sick and passed out from dehydration. Clif took him back to his apartment and, after unlocking the door, he let himself into Jensen’s apartment clutching an almost unconscious Jensen to his side, aiming to drop him off in bed and dose him up with Tylenol.
Almost as soon as he had got the door open Jeff shouted, “Hey babe, you home so early? How come? Left early to come back to bed with me have you?”
As Clif stood there in the doorway clutching a now passed out Jensen, Jeff came through the bedroom door dressed in nothing!
Clif smiled as he remembered the look of utter horror and embarrassment on Jeff’s face when he saw them, quickly replaced by one of concern for Jensen.
Clif had never given an opinion to Jeff or Jensen on their relationship but he secretly hoped Jensen would someday pull his head out of his ass, come out publicly and admit his love for Jeff.
“You ok Jeff?” Clif asked
“Yes, thanks Clif. Thanks for dropping Jensen off.” Jeff turned and walked back to his apartment door.
Jensen looked sadly at Jeff’s quickly retreating back and turned to Clif and said, “Yeah, thanks Clif. See you Monday.”
Why? Why did he always fuck it up? Jensen asked himself as he trudged towards Jeff’s apartment. Jensen knew what a bastard he had been and how hard it had been for Jeff to be in this relationship with him. He knew he needed to come out at some point but was scared the effect it would have on his career and, if he was totally honest with himself, he was scared of other people’s opinions.
He walked back through the apartment door, quietly closed and locked it and walked to the living room where he knew Jeff would be.
The apartment Jeff had bought was very large and ultra modern, all whites and stuff. Not really Jensen’s cup of tea but then he liked the owner more than the place.
“Jeff, I’m sorry,” Jensen said as he came up behind Jeff who was staring out of the window at the skyline. Jensen slid his arms around Jeff and leaned in to kiss the back of his neck. Jensen had always thought Jeff was hot, even when he was playing his son in their TV show. Although Jeff was 12 years older than Jensen he had the look of a father with his slightly scruffy beard. Jeff had worked on the show for a bit of a laugh while he looked to advance himself into movies, which was his ultimate goal. Since leaving the show Jeff had worked on some huge blockbuster movies and was extremely successful. He felt the shiver in Jeff and smirked. “Come to bed babe," he whispered, mouth pressed up against Jeff’s neck as he ran his hand down to cup Jeff’s crotch. “I can make it up to you.”
Suddenly Jeff jerked out of Jensen’s hold and turned round to push him away. Hurt, Jensen watched as rage flashed across Jeff’s face as he stalked over to the sofa’s and turned back to face Jensen.
“I can’t believe you sometimes!” he yelled, “I thought when we started this that you would come around to coming out and showing off our relationship! Now all you want is a quick roll in the hay - but heaven forbid anyone find out about it.”
Jensen stared at Jeff, shocked. He knew Jeff really was hurt by his behaviour earlier on but Jensen wasn’t expecting this reaction.
“Jeff, you know I can’t...” Jensen pleaded.
“Can’t or won’t?” Jeff demanded.
“I can’t, if I come out my career will be ruined!” Jensen begged, “Jeff, I really can’t come out!”
“Do you love me?” Jeff shouted
“Yes!” Jensen shouted back “You know I do!”
“Then why can’t you admit it? People aren’t as narrow minded as they used to be?”
“It’s all right for you!” Jensen shouted. “People already know you’re gay, they don’t know that about me!”
“But Jensen has that made a difference in my work? Have I been turned down for roles because I am gay?” Jeff said, “No, so please before it’s too late, for me, please give us a chance and come out. ”
There silence as Jensen and Jeff stared at each other.
“Jensen,” Jeff sighed as he walked towards the front door, “I don’t know what to do, so I’m going out for a drive. Don’t wait up for me.”
Jensen stood there feeling helpless as Jeff walked out the front door, closing the door quietly on his way out.
“Shit!” Jensen snarled as he walked to the sofa, sat down and put his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, and squeezed his eyes closed as tears trickled out the sides of them.
Saturday 2.15am
As Jeff jumped up and down he knew he should go home but he was having fun, for the first time in a long time. He was at a well-known gay club in town. Currently he was pressed up close and personal to some twink called Sam? Sean? Something beginning with S. The club was loud and packed with men jumping and dancing to some really heavy rock music. Sam, Sean, whatever his name had come up behind Jeff and practically plastered himself all over him. He was a type that Jeff would normally go for, tall, muscular and handsome. However Jeff wasn’t really feeling up to some bump and grind with a random guy, he wanted to bump and grind Jensen, but Jensen wasn’t going to bump unless it was in private…
Suddenly the guy slid his arms down from Jeff’s chest where they had been for about two minutes to his crotch. At that moment Jeff realised that he didn’t want to be here and where he wanted to be was about a ten minute drive away.
Jeff sighed as he reached to pull the guy's arms from around his waist.
“Sorry kid,” he said, gently pushing the guys arms back towards him. “I have somewhere to go and someone to be with. It’s been great, thanks.”
He watched as the kid’s expression went from lust to resignation. “Your loss old man,” he said as he sauntered off to another guy on his own.
Moving quickly from the dance floor, Jeff left the club and walked to the underground car park to pick up his car. He’d only had one beer so he knew he was fine to drive home. As he got into his pick-up truck, Jeff thought about calling Jensen to tell him he was on his way back and that they would talk then, but decided not to in case he was sleeping.
As he got in his car and drove back, Jeff realised that he had been pushing Jensen from the start to ‘come out’ in their relationship and although he hadn't had problems getting work, he knew how small minded some people were. Jeff also realised that Jensen was giving him as much of himself as he could - Jeff would have to play the waiting game and hope that someday further on down the line Jensen would decide, on his own that there was nothing scary about him declaring his love for Jeff. Jeff knew that he wanted to be with Jensen for the rest of his life, he loved him. It was as simple as that. The look on Jensen’s face when he woke up and scrunched his face up while rubbing his eyes was so adorable, not that Jeff would ever admit it to him.
As Jeff drove down the main street to his apartment he remembered the fun times they had had, the good time, the sexy times.
Jeff shook himself out of his memories and realized with a sudden jolt that the light over the intersection was red, he was about to go through a red light. Panicking, Jeff slammed his brakes on but was unable to stop the car as it hurtled across the crossing. As he looked up Jeff saw a truck barrelling down the road directly toward him. Jeff glanced down at his mobile phone ‘Call Jensen now!’ flashed through his mind, and just as his arm reached the phone he heard the horn blaring on the truck.0 Suddenly metal was Jeff felt himself get slammed up against the window; he heard glass shattering and sharp pains started to make themselves known, then it all went black.
Saturday 6:30am
Jensen awoke lying on the sofa; he’d fallen asleep exhausted after last night’s argument. Standing up he clicked his back into shape and decided to go and see if Jeff had snuck back in last night. Normally when they had arguments and one or the other stormed out, they normally got back together sometime during the evening and everything was fine. It wasn’t like Jeff to stay out all night.
“Jeff?” Jensen’s sleepy croaky voice asked. Pushing open the door to the bedroom Jensen could immediately see that no one had slept here last night.
“Jeff?” he shouted pushing open the bathroom door and finding it similarly empty.
Jeff had never left Jensen alone in his apartment for an entire night without calling, and Jensen was starting to worry - what if Jeff had gone out and spent the night with someone else? Jealousy reared its head in Jensen. He didn’t want Jeff to see anyone else; they hadn’t exactly got a ‘normal’ relationship but it had always seemed like they had a one-man relationship and not an open relationship,
Wandering back to the living room, Jensen picked up his phone from the table and scrolled down the menu to find Jeff’s name and called him. No reply. As it went to voicemail Jensen left a message.
“Jeff, look, I know I’ve been an idiot, please call me when you get this.”
Jensen decided to shower and have breakfast and the see if Jeff replied to his message.
Saturday 7:00am
“Okay Jeff, I know you’re annoyed at me but call me, please.”
Saturday 8:30am
“Jeff! Just fucking call me will you?”
Saturday 9:15am
“Jeff, please! I’m really worried. Please call me… I’m sorry.”
Saturday 10:45am
Jensen was going nuts. There had been no reply from Jeff from his cell and Jensen was literally pacing around the living room. He knew that Jeff always had his phone on, he never turned if off in case of an emergency (or unless he was filming, in which case he had it on silent.) He’d called 6 times and just got the voicemail. He’d texted and got no reply.
Realising that he was out of options Jensen called Jared.
“Hey Jen,” Jared said laughing, “you won’t believe what little T has just done…”
“Shut up!” Jensen snarled, “ Jeff’s missing; I need your help.”
“What?” Jared spluttered, “What happened?”
“We had an argument last night and he s-s-s-stormed out,” Jensen stammered.
Jared could tell that Jensen was on the verge of a panic attack. “Calm down!” he ordered, “Tell me what happened.”
Jared could hear Jensen suck in a big breath to calm himself. “Jeff left last night and hasn’t been back since,” Jensen stated.
“Well maybe he slept at a friends house?”
“Are you stupid?” Jensen shouted, “He doesn’t have any friends here in Canada apart from you, me and Clif.”
“Jensen?” Jared said steadily, “Jensen calm down! I’ll call Clif and then call you back, ok?”
“Yeah, sorry,” Jensen whispered as he put the phone down.
Seven minutes later, Jensen was pacing the room clutching his phone in his hand when it rang, startling him.
“Yes!” he barked into it.
“Jensen, I’m on my way over to the apartment. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” Jared said.
“Why?” Jensen croaked, suddenly nervous.
“Not on the phone.” Jared said as Jensen sank into the sofas, all the worst scenarios rushing through his head.
“Has something happened to him? Is he dea…?”
“No,” Jared said sharply, “I’ll be there in about 5 minutes Jen, so get ready to let me in and open the door.”
Trembling Jensen pushed himself up off the sofa and walked to the apartment door, by the side of the door was a monitor and a phone to allow people to buzz the apartment they wanted to go to and the person inside would press the button to unlock the front door. A couple of minutes later, Jared appeared at the door. Jensen pushed the button as Jared was walking towards the door and let him in. It would take Jared about a minute to get to the apartment so Jensen left the door open as he walked back to the living room.
Shortly Jared barged into the apartment and walked into the living room. Sitting down beside Jensen, Jared placed his hand on Jensen’s thigh. “Jensen, this morning Jeff was in a car accident,” Jared began as Jensen clutched his arms around his waist and started to rock back and forward.
“No, no, no!” he murmured, “This is my fault. Oh my god!” Jensen vaulted up from the sofa and as Jared tried to catch him he sprinted for the bathroom, where he threw up his breakfast.
Jared stared at the bathroom door and decided he’d better go and see if Jensen was ok. As he neared the door the odious smell of vomit hit his nose and he tried to hold his breath. When he walked into the room Jensen was bent over the toilet still heaving.
Reaching down, Jared helped Jensen up and leaned him up against the cabinet. With one arm across Jensen’s chest and the other turning on the tap to wet a cloth, he flushed the toilet with his foot.
Grabbing the washcloth he wiped Jensen’s face, staring into Jensen’s glazed eyes Jared knew that he needed to get Jensen to Jeff as soon as possible. “Jensen?” Jared said, “Jensen we’ve got to go to the hospital.”
Grabbing Jensen and grabbing his phone and keys, he practically manhandled Jensen out of the room, down the stairs and to his car.
As they drove to the hospital Jensen seemed to pull himself together and asked, “How did you found out Jeff was in a car accident?”
Jared looked over and said “Eric.”
“What?”
“I called Clif, who called Eric. Clif told Eric that he was waiting for Jeff at his apartment and he wasn’t there. When he asked if Eric knew where he was, Eric said that he had just been on the phone to Jeff’s parents. When Jeff was admitted to hospital the nurses found his wallet and inside it had contact details and Eric’s number, so they called Eric to let him know.”
Jensen looked out the window at the streets; Vancouver was a lovely city but right now all he could think about was car crashes, blood and Jeff. “Why didn’t Eric call me?” Jensen said.
“Why would he?” Jared asked pointedly. “As far as the world is concerned, you’re just co-workers and friends. You’re not partners. You aren’t entitled to know, are you?”
Jensen groaned and put his head in his hands. “Oh god! I’ve really fucked this up.” He said miserably.
“Eric said Jeff’s parents will get the next plane up. He thinks they will be here sometime this evening.”
Saturday 11:25am
As Jared pulled up outside the hospital and parked the car, Jensen started to feel a sense of dread. What if they didn’t let him see Jeff? What if they wouldn’t let him in? What if he died before Jensen could make things better? Could he cope with that? What if Jeff was paralysed or had lost a limb, did he want to cope with that? What should he do?
Suddenly he became aware that Jared was looking at him as if he was waiting for a response to a question Jensen hadn’t heard.
“What?”
“I said,” Jared spoke slowly, “are you ready? Do you want more time?”
“Time for what?” Jensen repeated slowly.
“Before you go in and see Jeff.”
“No!” Jensen said sharply, “Let’s go!”
Quickly getting out of the car, they both walked shoulder to shoulder into the emergency room. They walked up to the receptionist at the front desk and immediately hit a snag.
“We’re here to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan, he was brought in a couple of hours ago,” Jensen said quietly.
“Are you related to him?” she asked
Jared looked at Jensen and saw him grow pale as he realised the situation they were in. “No, we’re friends. Is there any way we can see him or his doctor?”
As he could see the nurse start to shut down on them he heard Jensen plead,
“Please, his parents won’t be here until later this evening.” Jensen looked at the nurse pleadingly, “Please it would mean a lot to us, we work with him.”
The nurse looked up at them and could obviously see that Jensen was desperate to see Jeff. “I’ll page the doctor and see what he wants to do, so sit over there and I’ll get back to you., she ordered.
20 minutes later Jensen was ready to bounce off the walls. “What’s keeping them?” he groaned.
“Jensen, it’s going to take some time for the doc to get here, he has to prioritise Jeff.” Jared said. He could see that the strain of waiting was getting to Jensen. The fact that they didn’t know if Jeff was dead or alive was making it worse.
Unexpectedly, a short young doctor arrived and called out, “Family of Morgan?”
Jensen shot up and practically ran to the doctor, “Yeah, that’s me.” He gasped, suddenly feeling breathless and nervous.
The doctor looked up at Jensen and asked, “Can I ask what relationship you have with Mr. Morgan?”
Jared watched as Jensen stilled. ‘Please, please,’ he prayed, ‘let Jensen do the right thing for once in his life.’
Jensen stood looking at the doctor, who appeared to be about 12 with dark curly hair and warm brown eyes that made Jensen want to trust him. “I’m his boyfriend,” he heard himself saying. “We live together. I love him.” Suddenly he felt a tear escape and land on his cheek, and he realised that he was crying. He felt Jared’s arm creep around him and he was enveloped in a hug.
“Okay,” said the doctor. “I’m Doctor Kowalski, follow me.”
As he turned to leave, Jared looked down at Jensen and saw that he was literally on the edge of a panic attack. “It’s going to be ok,” he promised as they followed the doctor to a small room with ‘Family Room’ written on it.
They walked inside and sat down. Jensen leaned forward and looked at the doctor. “What’s happening with Jeff?”
The doctor assessed him and said, “When Mr Morgan was admitted…”
“Call him Jeff,” Jensen said. “He always says that Mr. Morgan is his dad.”
The doctor smiled and then said, “Okay, well when Jeff came in he had, as you know been in an accident between his car and a truck. It appears Jeff had driven through a red light and the truck didn’t have enough time to slow down or stop. The impact between the truck and the car caused Jeff to be pushed up against the side door of his truck and he was trapped. The crash has, I’m afraid resulted in Jeff sustaining multiple serious injuries. He has facial lacerations which aren’t particularly serious, and a broken leg, which was trapped against the steering wheel. He has a broken eye socket and skull fractures.” He stopped as he heard Jensen suck in his breath.
“Do you want me to carry on?”
“Yes.," Jensen said, his voice very quiet and shaky.
“So the broken leg and facial cuts are easily treatable. The main problem we have is the skull fractures and the broken eye socket. At this moment in time we have indications of a swelling on the brain so we are doing a cranial drain.” At the perplexed look on Jensen’s face the doctor added, “Sorry I mean we have drilled a hole in Jeff’s head and placed a stent in to drain off the excess fluid that is building up around the brain. When Jeff hit his head, the brain sustained a massive trauma and and is swelling, and if we don’t get the swelling down Jeff could end up with brain damage.”
As he finished he saw Jensen go green at the gills and quickly reached for the wastebasket in the room. As Jensen hurled into it, Jared placed his hand on Jensen’s back and rubbed gently.
“Go on doc.” Jared said, knowing that Jensen needed to hear all that was wrong with Jeff.
“So, while we drain the fluid we have Jeff in a medically induced coma. This brings me on to probably the worst problem.” He paused looking at Jensen and knew instinctively that this was the hardest part of his job. “I’m sorry but we have had to amputate his left arm below the elbow.”
“Oh god!” Jensen groaned, heaving into the wastebasket again.
“I know this is hard for you, but the arm was trapped between the seats and the paramedic on site reported that there was a lot of blood loss and made the decision to amputate.” He paused as Jensen continued to heave over the wastebasket. “I’m sorry," he said.
“When can I see him?” Jensen asked croakily from the wastebasket. “I need to see him!”
“If it means anything I think Jeff will survive this.”
“But without his arm and with possible brain damage?” Jensen said sharply. “Thanks doc, thanks for nothing!” he shouted at the end.
“Jensen!” Jared shouted. “I’m sorry doc, he’s just upset.”
“I know. I’ll be back.” He said as he got up to go back to Jeff.
Jared sat there for a few seconds and said “Jensen, I know you’re upset but…”
“Upset? Upset?” Jensen shouted getting louder and sounding more hysterical as he went on, “Of course I’m fucking upset. Jeff may die, he’s lost an arm, and he may have brain damage. Should I be calm about this? Of course I’m fucking upset.” Spent Jensen plonked himself back down in the chair, “Oh god! This is all my fault, if we hadn’t argued he wouldn’t...”
“Jensen you can’t blame yourself.”
“Why not?” Jensen asked, “Why not? I mean if I had manned up and come out we wouldn’t have been arguing, he wouldn’t have stormed out and we wouldn’t be where we are now!”
Jared couldn’t argue with Jensen so just sat there while Jensen got up out of his chair and started to pace around the family room.
“I’m going outside to ring Eric and Clif, I’ll get you a coffee and bring it back with me.” Jared said as he walked out the room.
Saturday 3:05pm
“What the hell I keeping the doctor?” Jensen said, still pacing the room.
“Jensen please, stop pacing you are making my head spin!”
“Sorry.” Jensen apologised sitting down in the chair and drinking his 3rd cup of lukewarm coffee. “I just don’t know why it’s taking this long? Why can’t I see him?”
“I don’t know.” Sighed Jared.
Suddenly the door opened and Doctor Kowalski came through. Jensen shot to his feet and said “Doc, can I see him now, is he ok? Is he awake?”
The doctor looked gravely at Jensen and said, “In answer to your first question, yes you can see him but I need to go through some things with you beforehand.”
“What things?” Jensen asked apprehensively.
The doctor looked at Jensen compassionately then said, “You need to realise that Jeff is seriously ill, is unconscious and has had major surgery. He needs to be kept stable and calm when he wakes up.”
“Okay, Okay.” Chanted Jensen, “We can work around this. So he’s lost an arm, he’s still going to be ok.”
“As I said we need to talk about the other injuries as well.”
As he motioned for them all to sit down, Jensen sat next to Jared and perched on the end of the chair, obviously anxious to move on and get to see Jeff, finally.
“The reason why it’s taken me so long to get back to you was that we have done a double operation, my colleague has removed Jeff’s arm and I have worked on the broken leg which has been pinned back together and is stable.”
“Yeah.” Said Jensen, starting to rock back and forth. “Go on.”
“So, the swelling on Jeff’s brain doesn’t seem to be getting worse so I’m going to keep the stent in overnight and then, tomorrow morning, I’ll remove it and we have to just wait and see.”
“When will we know about possible brain damage?” Jensen asked
“I’m not sure, if…. I mean when he wakes up…”
“What do you mean if!” Jensen shouted and shot up out of his chair, “He’s going to wake up.”
“Calm down Jensen.” Jared said firmly, placing his arm around Jensen and squeezing him. “Let the doc finish and then we can go and see Jeff.”
“Sorry,” Said the doctor. “When he wakes up we will know more, at the moment we don’t know. I’ll start waking him up tomorrow and we’ll see how that goes then.”
They all sat in the family room for a few moments in total silence, each thinking their own thoughts on Jeff. After a few seconds the doctor stood and said,
“Stay here and I’ll get a nurse to take you to see Jeff.”
Saturday 3:15pm
Jensen and Jared waited patiently in the family room for the nurse to come and get them.
Silently the door opened and a small blonde haired woman came in and asked “Jensen?”
“Yeah that’s me!” Jensen said, bouncing up out of the chair and practically running towards her.
“I’m Sam, I’m going to be Jeff’s nurse for his stay here. If you would like to come with me…”
“Can I come as well?” Asked Jared.
“Of course, the doctor has told me to make sure you come as well.” She said and with a bright smile she turned and walked out and down the corridor.
As they walked quietly down the corridor Jensen began to feel anxious and nervous. What if Jeff didn’t wake up? What if he was brain damaged? How would Jensen cope? Jensen stopped walking so suddenly that Jared crashed into him from behind.
“Jen?” He queried, “You ok?”
Feeling ashamed of himself, Jensen looked at Jared and whispered, “Yeah, sorry, just an attack of nerves I guess.”
“I can understand,” Jared said gently, rubbing his hands up and down Jensen’s arms, “But everything will be fine.”
The nurse Sam stopped at room number 502 and turned to Jensen and Jared and said, “He’s in here, now don’t worry about the machines or the beeping.”
Pushing open the door Jensen walked towards the screened bed and walked around the screen.
Lying deathly still on the bed was Jeff. There was no movement from him, and Jensen thought he looked very peaceful, except for the bandages around his head, his leg in a cast, the massive bandage and cage around Jeff’s left arm and a machine that seemed to just beep.
Sucking in a breath Jensen slowly walked to the bed. He vaguely heard the nurse say something to Jared and then heard Jared say to Sam,
“He’s his partner.”
Walking closer to Jeff Jensen reached for Jeff’s right hand and clasped it in his two hands. He leaned down and gently kissed Jeff’s hand. “I’m sorry babe,” he whispered as a single tear rang down the side of his face and splashed onto Jeff’s hand.
Saturday 4:30pm
Jensen sat on the uncomfortable chair by Jeff’s bedside with his hand gently clasping Jeff’s right hand. His thumb was rubbing gently across the back of Jeff’s hand as if to reassure himself that Jeff was really alive. He was feeling miserable. Jared had gone to get him a cup of coffee and said that he was going to call people and let them know that Jeff was holding his own.
As he sat by Jeff’s bedside Jensen remembered how happy they had been the night before all this started. It was only something stupid, but they had spent the night watching a re-run of one of Jeff’s favourite movies while curled up against each other in the sofa. The fire was on and Jensen felt it was very romantic. About halfway through the movie they were making out like teenagers and by the end of the movie Jeff had been making love to Jensen over the back of the sofa for about 40 minutes. They came together and in the afterglow, while curled up again on the sofa Jeff had said he loved Jensen for the first time. Predictably Jensen had ignored Jeff’s words and made some simple joke and dragged him to bed.
Jensen realised how happy he had been then and also how happy he was with Jeff, how just waking up in his arms every morning made him smile, how coming home to him was such a pleasure. He loved it when Jeff rang him during the day just to talk to him.
“Fuck,” he sighed as he leaned over the bed and kissed Jeff’s cheek, “I’m so sorry babe that I’ve never told you I love you before. We’re going to get through this and I promise I will make it all up to you.”
As he sat there listening to the breathing machine and the bleeping machine he tried to remember the number of times he had been good for Jeff and then brought to mind the overwhelming number of times he had been bad for Jeff. He felt his heart stutter when he realised that he had not been a good boyfriend to Jeff and how much Jeff had put up with to be with him. Jensen realised that he almost never went to see Jeff in LA, it was always Jeff coming to Canada - even when Jeff was filming, whenever he had time off he would fly up to spend a precious few days, even hours with Jensen, it was never the other way round.
Jensen suddenly let go of Jeff’s hand and stood up; walking towards the window he looked out over the grey sky and clasped his hands around himself, suddenly feeling shaky and queasy. What a bastard he had been! Jeff had only asked that Jensen love him and what had he done? He had hid their relationship like some dirty filthy shameful thing.
Turning around Jensen stalked back to the bed and leaned over Jeff, kissed his cheek again and said “Never again! Never again will I deny us Jeff.”
Returning back to the uncomfortable chair he grasped Jeff’s hand and kissed the back of it and said, “I love you and the whole world will know it.” He promised.
Saturday 9:30pm
Sam quietly pushed open the door to Jeff’s room and walked slowly towards the bed. Jensen had finally fallen asleep, still clutching Jeff’s hand through the bars of the bed. He didn’t look comfortable, but had fallen asleep with the upper part of his body draped halfway over the bed with his head turned towards Jeff, as if he would be the first thin Jensen saw when he woke up. Not wanting to disturb him, but knowing she had to Sam gently placed her hand on Jensen’s shoulder, rubbed gently and said, “Jensen?”
“What?” he grumbled,
“Jeff? Is there coffee?” he asked, mumbling sleepily.
“What?” asked Sam, then realising that Jensen was still half asleep she squeezed his shoulder again and said “Jensen, you have to wake up. Jeff’s parents are here.”
Going from asleep to wide awake in seconds, Jensen had a momentary spell of dizziness as he jumped up and said, “What?” looking confusedly around the room as if he were expecting them to be in the room with him, “What did you say?” he asked again.
“Jeff’s parents are here, we are just about to bring them up. Do you want to stay?” Sam asked
“Of course I’m bloody staying!” Jensen shouted, “I’m his fucking boyfriend!”
“Calm down.” Said Sam, “I just wanted to warn you before we bring them in.”
“Sorry.” Said Jensen sheepishly, “I’m no good without coffee.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sam said as she left to get Sandy and Richard.
As the door closes, Jensen suddenly feels a stab of fear pierce his heart. What if he parents don’t want him here? What if they ask him to leave? He’s met Sandy and Richard before a couple of times, but he is pretty sure they won’t have a clue that he and Jeff have been together for almost a year! Jensen knows he is going to confess to Jeff’s parents how much of a shit he had been to Jeff, and hoped to god that they had it in them to let him be a part of Jeff’s life when he gets out of the hospital.
Quietly the door opens again and Sam is there, behind her - practically crowding up against her are Jeff’s parents. ‘Sandy looks pretty distraught’ is the first thing that pops into Jensen’s mind, followed quickly by ‘you idiot! Of course she’s distraught, that’s her son.’
Quickly Jensen walks across the room towards them. Seeing Jensen Sandy rushes forward and clasps him in a big hug.
“Jensen!” she sobs, “I’m so glad he’s not on his own.”
“I’m sorry,” weeps Jensen, “I’m so sorry.”
As they stand there, a huddled duo of grief and anger, Richard walks into the room and puts his arms around both of them.
They stand there for a few seconds then, gently, the break apart and look towards Jeff.
“Oh!” is all that Sandy can say as she walks towards him. Tenderly she rubs the back of her hand down Jeff’s cheek. Jensen watches as Jeff’s eye’s roam under his eyelids. Excited he startles Sandy when he shouted, “Do that again! He moved his eyes.”
As they all crowd around the bed Sandy rubs his cheek again and they watch as his head turns towards her hand.
“Baby, it’s mom. Wake up for me.” She whispers and picks up his hand to kiss the back of it.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Jeff’s eyelids flicker as he turns towards her voice again.
“That’s right. Wake up for me!” she orders as his eyes open.
Suddenly Jensen is filled with hope that things are going to be ok. Although he realises that he is also slightly jealous that Jeff reacted to his mom but not him.
Jeff doesn’t appear to be looking at anything and seems confused. His eyes keep moving as if he is searching for something but they don’t stop long enough for him to fixate on anything.
Knowing he has to do something Jensen moves toward Jeff and grasps right shoulder, careful to not touch the bandage across Jeff’s arm. He leans over the bed and says clearly, “Jeff, its Jensen.”
Jeff turns towards Jensen and smiles. As Jensen stares into Jeff’s eyes he can see that Jeff loves him. He leans further over and says into his ear loud enough for his parents to hear, “I’m sorry Jeff. I’m sorry for the argument, I’m sorry for being a chicken, I’m sorry for messing this up, but most of all I’m sorry it takes for you to almost die for me to admit that I love you.”
At the shocked gasps from Sandy and Richard Jensen kisses Jeff on the lips.
As he pulls back from Jeff Jensen hears Jeff sigh “I…..”
Suddenly Jeff’s eyes close, his head droops and the machines start to bleep louder and more ferociously than before. Alarmed Jensen steps back a few steps as Jeff starts to convulse and twitch. Rapidly doctors and nurses arrive and push them all out of the room.
As they stand outside the room looking in through the window Jensen watches as Jeff starts to thrash on the bed, flinging his one good arm out wide.
“Oh god!” says Sandy, clutching Richard to her.
Jensen could feel his heart clenching and can feel his heartbeat racing as he stands there watching Jeff convulse on the bed. Feeling helpless he shouts to Sam, “help him dammit!”
“Jensen I know you’re concerned but please come with me and let the doctors do their job.”
Swiftly the curtains are closed and Sam ushers them back to the family room.
Sunday 01:20am
“Jensen?” Sandy asked softly looking from her chair to Jensen who was staring out of the window.
“Yeah?” he said turning slowly to face Jeff’s parents. He knew what was coming and steeled himself for their condemnation. After all, he was responsible for this mess, wasn’t he?
“Do you want to tell us what’s been going on?” said Richard, looking carefully at Jensen.
“About what?” Jensen heard himself say.
“Well you kissed Jeff.” Sandy said patting the chair next to her and continued, “Jensen please come and sit down. You’re wearing the carpet out.”
“Sorry,” he grumbled as he placed himself down on the chair. “So I guess you want to know about me and Jeff?”
“That would help.” Snarled Richard, “I didn’t think you were gay? How long have you been together? What was the argument about?”
Jensen closed his eyes as Sandy grasped his hand and gently rubbed his hand. Knowing that he couldn’t put it off any more, and feeling that he didn’t want to Jensen told them about how they got together, how long they’d been together, and finally about the argument. All the time he was talking Sandy and Richard had not said a word, when he finally finished talking he looked at Sandy to see her face full of compassion and then looked to Richard. Richard was livid.
“So,” Richard sneered, “you couldn’t man up and be a proper boyfriend and now my son has to pay for it, well thank you Jensen! Thank you for nothing!” With that he stormed out of the family room.
Sandy got up and turned to go after Richard, as she went out of the door she turned to Jensen and said, “I’m sorry about Richard, he’s just upset.”
“No,” Said Jensen, scrabbling to get up “No, really I completely understand. I was a shitty boyfriend and I promise I’ll make it up to him when Jeff gets out.”
“I hope you do,” she said sadly “I think Jeff is going to need as many people around him to tell him they love him no matter what,” said she pointedly “when he wakes up.” With that she walked out the door to find Richard.
A couple of minutes later Sam came back and said that Jeff was stable and did Jensen want to sit with him. Not waiting Jensen jumped up from the chair and followed her back to the room.
The room was back to being silent except for the breathing machine and the bleeping machine. Jeff was back to ‘normal’ in that he was still, oh so still, lying in the middle of the bed.
Jensen sat on the chair by the bed again and grasped Jeff’s right hand through the bars of the bed again. Raising it to his lips he kissed the back of his hand and mumbled, “I’m here Jeff and I won’t be leaving you again until it’s time to take you home.”
The doctor had removed Jeff’s stent and had administered a drug to wake Jeff up at around 8am so Jensen, Sandy and Richard had sat at Jeff’s bedside patiently waiting. It became rapidly apparent that there was no sign that Jeff was about to wake up. Jared had returned at 10am with coffee and muffins for everyone. He could tell that Jensen was getting more and more stressed that Jeff hadn’t woken up. Deciding to get Jensen away for a walk or even another coffee though, was a complete failure.
“No!” Jensen shouted, “I’m not leaving him. I want to be here when he wakes up.”
“Jensen, the docs have said it may take some time for Jeff to wake up. At least go for a coffee? You’ve been here for almost 24 hrs and I think you need a break…”
“A break?” Jensen snorted, “I don’t need a break, I need my boyfriend to wake up!”
“Jensen?” said Sandy, “I think you need a bit of fresh air. Staying here isn’t doing you or Jeff any good.” She put her hand up to stop the protestation she could see about to spill out of Jensen and said, “And Richard and I want some time alone with our son. Please just go.”
Feeling that he had somehow let Jeff down Jensen left the room without saying another word. He knew that Richard was still angry with him and, although he didn’t want to, he decided to grab a coffee.
Sunday 11:50am
“Why isn’t he waking up?” Jensen said, anguished. He still held Jeff’s hand through the bars of the bed.
“I’m sure it’s normal.” Jared said.
“I don’t know what I’ll do it he d…” Jensen stated
“He won’t.”
“You don’t know that do you?” Jensen demanded, “We still don’t know if Jeff is brain damaged yet.”
“You just have to be patient.”
Jensen kissed the back of Jeff’s hand and rubbed it back and forth over his cheek. “I don’t know if I can be this patient.” He whispered. He knew he was being irrational but realising that he loved Jeff and that he wanted everyone to know it meant he wants Jeff to wake up so he can explain it to him.
Monday 7:30pm
Jensen has been pacing the room for hours and is so tired he feels he can just fall asleep standing up. Sandy and Richard have been in and out and although Jared had been in and gone, he had just come back.
Jensen was striding across the room, biting his nails and generally feels that if he stops moving he will fall asleep and then miss something.
“Jensen,” Sandy said quietly “why don’t you at least go and get some sleep? We’ll call you if…”
“For the last time,” he says exasperatedly “I’m not leaving him!”
The doctor, Sam, Jared, Sandy and Richard have all tried to get him to go home, have some food and get some sleep but Jensen feels that if he leaves Jeff something will happen - so he has decided not to leave.
As the argument starts again between them Jared suddenly notices that Jeff is looking towards them.
“Guys!” He shouts excitedly, “Guys look!”
At his excited words and pointing finger the occupants of the room turn to see Jeff awake and indeed, watching them.
Quickly Jensen rushes towards Jeff and grabs his hand. “Jeff, Jeff! Are you ok? Can you hear me?” He’s still worried about possible brain damage
As the every one else rushes up to Jeff’s bedside Jeff looks at Jensen and says,
“What’s all the fuss about?” with a smirk.
Jensen leans over the rail and kisses Jeff hard and fast. Jeff looks startled for a second and looks past Jensen to his parents. Jeff pointedly looks between his parents and Jensen, when Jensen says “Nothing much, just hanging around for my boyfriend to wake up.”
With that he sees Jeff’s face light up and knows that, even though there will be good times and bad times, whatever the future holds, the challenges they face, they will face it together as partners, equals, lovers and friends.
THE END