New World (again)
Title: Conflict
Series: New World 8
Author: marbleyes
Pairing: Jess/Jules
Rating: PG-13 (for one F-bomb)
Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my plot.
Warnings: Unbeta-ed
Author's Note: Yeah, I'm still plugging along in this series. I will finish eventually, I swear.
Parts 1-7 found here, here, here and here.
***
“All right ladies, hustle in, hustle in,” Coach Smith yelled from the side of the pitch. Jess joined her teammates in jogging over to form a loose, lumpy circle around the coach. “Now, this is the last you’ll be seeing of me for a while.” He held up his hands. “Don’t go celebrating too hard - I’m not finished yet. I expect each and every one of you to keep up with your training over break. I don’t want anyone to be sluggish come January. Got it? Good. Have a good holiday.”
Beth, one of the girls on the team, caught up with Jess as she was leaving the pitch. “So, got any big plans for break?” she asked.
Jess smiled. “No, not really. Just going home to see my mum and dad. Oh, and my sister and her new baby, my nephew. I’ve really been looking forward to it.”
“That’s cool,” said Beth. “You’re close to your family then?”
“Yeah, mostly. Sometimes they can be overbearing, but it’s just culture, you know? And I know it was hard for them to let me come all the way here, so they’ll be glad to have me home for a bit. What about yours?”
“Oh, mine. I’m the fourth of seven kids, so I doubt they even miss me,” Beth laughed. She paused and cocked her head. “So, do they know about you and Jules?” she asked.
Jess scoffed. “God, no! They’d probably have multiple heart attacks if they knew about that. They’d freak if I was dating a boy who wasn’t Indian - I don’t know what they’d do if they knew I was a - if they knew about me and Jules.”
Beth nodded and rolled her eyes. “Parents.”
“Hey Jules,” Jess said as the two girls folded clothes, packing for their trip home, “Have you told your parents about us?”
“Yeah, right,” Jules replied. “After the way my mum reacted? Do you remember what she did at your sister’s wedding? No way. And besides,” she added, stretching and walking over to plop down on Jess’s bed, “I wouldn’t want to let her know she was right.”
Jess laughed. “Okay, that makes sense.”
Jules grinned and pulled Jess down to the bed next to her. “So I guess we’ll just have to be careful,” she said huskily, rolling on top of Jess and propping herself up on her arms, “and extra quiet.” She lowered her head to place a long, gentle kiss on Jess’s lips.
Jess reached up and pushed a lock of sandy hair behind Jules’s ear. “I guess so,” she murmured as she let her fingers lightly trail down Jules’s jawline.
“Speaking of telling people things,” Jules said slowly, shifting over onto her side next to Jess, “what are you going to tell Joe?”
Jess sat up. Joe. She hadn’t really thought about him in a while. They had e-mailed back and forth the whole time that Jess had been in California, but Jess had become slower and slower to reply recently. She’d just been so busy, she told herself. Classes, final exams, the team, Jules… Besides, the e-mails had seemed more and more platonic recently, and Jess wondered if there would even still be anything there when she returned to Hounslow. Maybe that’s what she was hoping.
“I - I don’t know,” she said finally, her head down. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
Jules pushed herself onto her elbow. “Well, you’ll have to think of something. Joe’s a good guy - He’ll probably be fine with it. Well, once he’s gotten over the heartbreak of losing this beautiful girl,” Jules teased, rubbing Jess’s thigh playfully.
Moving away from Jules’s touch, Jess looked down at her hands. “Why do I have to tell him anything?” she asked quietly.
The bed shifted as Jules got to her feet and stood in front of Jess. “Are you serious?” she asked. “Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“Why does he need to know?” Jess replied, meeting Jules’s eyes. “It’s not any of his business what I do or who I’m with.”
“So, what? You were just going to go home and leap back into his arms like nothing happened?” Jules asked, her voice rising.
“Well, no, but…” Jess began.
“Were you going to tell him anything?” Jules was yelling now, her voice higher in pitch and volume.
“I don’t know! I told you I hadn’t thought about it!” Jess found her voice getting louder to match Jules’s.
“I can’t believe this,” Jules said through gritted teeth, walking away towards her desk. “Why won’t you tell him?” she asked again, leaning back against her desk, fingers gripping the edge.
Jess sighed. “Because… because he doesn’t need to know! We can’t go around telling everyone at home about us!”
“Why not? It’s not like he’s going to tattle on us to our parents!”
“But what about everyone else? Our friends, the old Harriers, or people from high school?”
“And why can’t they know?” Jules shot back.
“Because… because we just can’t do these things at home, Jules! It’s all well and good for us to be together here, but things are different at home! I can’t be with you there!” Jess yelled, exasperated.
“Oh. I get it. You’re ashamed of me.” Jules’s anger was calmer, quieter, but no less intense.
Jess lowered her voice. She didn’t want to fight with Jules. “No, Jules, that’s not what I meant…”
“No, I think that’s exactly what you meant,” Jules snapped. “It’s okay to be with me when we’re here, at school, far away from anyone who matters, but as soon as you get back to people who could judge you, you’ve got to be the good little Indian daughter again, who wouldn’t dare do anything so terrible as to ‘kiss an English girl!’” The last was said in a mocking Indian accent. “Well, that’s fine. I won’t stand in your way.” Jules returned to her packing, folding clothes a bit too quickly and slamming her dresser drawers with much more force than usual.
Now Jess stood. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” she yelled. “You don’t have any idea what it’s like to be me.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she forced her voice through the lump in her throat. “To grow up with people always telling you that what you’re doing is wrong when it feels right, and never being Indian enough for them or English enough for anyone else. To live with knowing that you’re going to let somebody down no matter what you do. And I’m sick of it! Maybe, for once, I just want something in my life to go the way it was supposed to.”
Jules’s dry eyes stared into Jess’s tearful ones. “Forgive me for fucking up your life.” The anger in her voice was frightening. She threw a few more shirts into her suitcase before grabbing her things and heading for the door. “I’m sleeping at Liz’s place. Enjoy your flight,” she said, slamming the door behind her so hard the hinges rattled.
Jess sat back down on her bed, wrapped her arms around herself, and started to cry.
Series: New World 8
Author: marbleyes
Pairing: Jess/Jules
Rating: PG-13 (for one F-bomb)
Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my plot.
Warnings: Unbeta-ed
Author's Note: Yeah, I'm still plugging along in this series. I will finish eventually, I swear.
Parts 1-7 found here, here, here and here.
***
“All right ladies, hustle in, hustle in,” Coach Smith yelled from the side of the pitch. Jess joined her teammates in jogging over to form a loose, lumpy circle around the coach. “Now, this is the last you’ll be seeing of me for a while.” He held up his hands. “Don’t go celebrating too hard - I’m not finished yet. I expect each and every one of you to keep up with your training over break. I don’t want anyone to be sluggish come January. Got it? Good. Have a good holiday.”
Beth, one of the girls on the team, caught up with Jess as she was leaving the pitch. “So, got any big plans for break?” she asked.
Jess smiled. “No, not really. Just going home to see my mum and dad. Oh, and my sister and her new baby, my nephew. I’ve really been looking forward to it.”
“That’s cool,” said Beth. “You’re close to your family then?”
“Yeah, mostly. Sometimes they can be overbearing, but it’s just culture, you know? And I know it was hard for them to let me come all the way here, so they’ll be glad to have me home for a bit. What about yours?”
“Oh, mine. I’m the fourth of seven kids, so I doubt they even miss me,” Beth laughed. She paused and cocked her head. “So, do they know about you and Jules?” she asked.
Jess scoffed. “God, no! They’d probably have multiple heart attacks if they knew about that. They’d freak if I was dating a boy who wasn’t Indian - I don’t know what they’d do if they knew I was a - if they knew about me and Jules.”
Beth nodded and rolled her eyes. “Parents.”
“Hey Jules,” Jess said as the two girls folded clothes, packing for their trip home, “Have you told your parents about us?”
“Yeah, right,” Jules replied. “After the way my mum reacted? Do you remember what she did at your sister’s wedding? No way. And besides,” she added, stretching and walking over to plop down on Jess’s bed, “I wouldn’t want to let her know she was right.”
Jess laughed. “Okay, that makes sense.”
Jules grinned and pulled Jess down to the bed next to her. “So I guess we’ll just have to be careful,” she said huskily, rolling on top of Jess and propping herself up on her arms, “and extra quiet.” She lowered her head to place a long, gentle kiss on Jess’s lips.
Jess reached up and pushed a lock of sandy hair behind Jules’s ear. “I guess so,” she murmured as she let her fingers lightly trail down Jules’s jawline.
“Speaking of telling people things,” Jules said slowly, shifting over onto her side next to Jess, “what are you going to tell Joe?”
Jess sat up. Joe. She hadn’t really thought about him in a while. They had e-mailed back and forth the whole time that Jess had been in California, but Jess had become slower and slower to reply recently. She’d just been so busy, she told herself. Classes, final exams, the team, Jules… Besides, the e-mails had seemed more and more platonic recently, and Jess wondered if there would even still be anything there when she returned to Hounslow. Maybe that’s what she was hoping.
“I - I don’t know,” she said finally, her head down. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
Jules pushed herself onto her elbow. “Well, you’ll have to think of something. Joe’s a good guy - He’ll probably be fine with it. Well, once he’s gotten over the heartbreak of losing this beautiful girl,” Jules teased, rubbing Jess’s thigh playfully.
Moving away from Jules’s touch, Jess looked down at her hands. “Why do I have to tell him anything?” she asked quietly.
The bed shifted as Jules got to her feet and stood in front of Jess. “Are you serious?” she asked. “Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“Why does he need to know?” Jess replied, meeting Jules’s eyes. “It’s not any of his business what I do or who I’m with.”
“So, what? You were just going to go home and leap back into his arms like nothing happened?” Jules asked, her voice rising.
“Well, no, but…” Jess began.
“Were you going to tell him anything?” Jules was yelling now, her voice higher in pitch and volume.
“I don’t know! I told you I hadn’t thought about it!” Jess found her voice getting louder to match Jules’s.
“I can’t believe this,” Jules said through gritted teeth, walking away towards her desk. “Why won’t you tell him?” she asked again, leaning back against her desk, fingers gripping the edge.
Jess sighed. “Because… because he doesn’t need to know! We can’t go around telling everyone at home about us!”
“Why not? It’s not like he’s going to tattle on us to our parents!”
“But what about everyone else? Our friends, the old Harriers, or people from high school?”
“And why can’t they know?” Jules shot back.
“Because… because we just can’t do these things at home, Jules! It’s all well and good for us to be together here, but things are different at home! I can’t be with you there!” Jess yelled, exasperated.
“Oh. I get it. You’re ashamed of me.” Jules’s anger was calmer, quieter, but no less intense.
Jess lowered her voice. She didn’t want to fight with Jules. “No, Jules, that’s not what I meant…”
“No, I think that’s exactly what you meant,” Jules snapped. “It’s okay to be with me when we’re here, at school, far away from anyone who matters, but as soon as you get back to people who could judge you, you’ve got to be the good little Indian daughter again, who wouldn’t dare do anything so terrible as to ‘kiss an English girl!’” The last was said in a mocking Indian accent. “Well, that’s fine. I won’t stand in your way.” Jules returned to her packing, folding clothes a bit too quickly and slamming her dresser drawers with much more force than usual.
Now Jess stood. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” she yelled. “You don’t have any idea what it’s like to be me.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she forced her voice through the lump in her throat. “To grow up with people always telling you that what you’re doing is wrong when it feels right, and never being Indian enough for them or English enough for anyone else. To live with knowing that you’re going to let somebody down no matter what you do. And I’m sick of it! Maybe, for once, I just want something in my life to go the way it was supposed to.”
Jules’s dry eyes stared into Jess’s tearful ones. “Forgive me for fucking up your life.” The anger in her voice was frightening. She threw a few more shirts into her suitcase before grabbing her things and heading for the door. “I’m sleeping at Liz’s place. Enjoy your flight,” she said, slamming the door behind her so hard the hinges rattled.
Jess sat back down on her bed, wrapped her arms around herself, and started to cry.