two - steps towards redemption

[dowhatimust]

[The general is sitting against a brick wall of a warehouse, his fingers steeped together after he has turned the video on. He is quiet for a long moment, before he finally spoke, his voice soft

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[riseaknight]

video;

[He's been watching these battles, this cruelty. He's never seen these enemies before, never faced angels, and demons, only men bent on using religion to their purposes. He... can't even say he's surprised, though it's a little hard to take. He'd never been unbelieving, just always thought himself outside that grace. Which he'd been raised all the same that angels were killers as well. The texts were not so kind after all, not for a many worrying over his dead wife.]

Words only ever reach so far when men hunger for war. It doesn't matter how much you reason with them. They can comprehend, and still wish for more blood.

[But he'd thought the will of heaven was far more than that. Though he says nothing, eyes just cold and assessing.]

[riseaknight]

He is. Or was, I suppose it's been a long time since he's been alive. [Balian frowned, sighing.] So I have been taught. To be bold and upright that God may take notice of our actions in our selves. [he looks down at his chest, as if he could see this line. Of course not, but still he wonders. But Castiel's words are not lost on him, that a leader should envy having love.] Strange how that occurs. To have the love is more taxing then just the fear.

More than... I ever thought I could have.

[dowhatimust]

He is someone who made an impression on you - he is an important person. [He pressed his lips together.] You have a greater grasp on faith than many I know. [He pressed his fingertips together.] Love is ... complex for angels.

[He nodded slowly.]

[riseaknight]

He stood in for my father, in many ways, when my own passed. [to give him the clip around the ears, when it was needed, and set him to rights again.] It was not an easy thing to have. I... lost much to have it. [his whole life had been set on it's head. He once thought he would die only a few hundred meters from where he was born, and that would be all he ever knew.]

Then, there is not much difference between angels and men. [it's his attempt at a joke, a smile curling faintly at the corner of his mouth.]

[dowhatimust]

...I did not know my own father. I wish I had had that connection. [He had to stumble on, on his own, and he can still feel that strain. Still, he loved his father without question.] I am sorry. For your losses.

Sometimes, less than either side believes. [The General looks strained.]

[riseaknight]

I thought I did... but I was not the child of the man I thought I was. [So had Balian, even though he had no idea he wasn't his son. Worked hard as he had been taught.] They are long gone now, and I no longer mourn as deeply as I did.

[but he would never forget his wife, carrying his child, and his father so much later. He'd learned instead, simply, to live with the grief.]

It seems the way of things, when battles go on too long, they seem without end, and you can no longer believe that they are right, or just. Then you cannot remember why you even fought to begin with, when giving in would of been easier and with less suffering.]

[dowhatimust]

I always know whose child I am. [Really, who the Father of all children was, one way or another. It was hard to imagine life without that Presence. He worked hard to preserve everything that Father had built.] But you shall always love them, all the same,

[Yes, he understood that at least. Loving long after the Voice had gone quiet.]

Yes, but you know if you stop ... innocents will suffer even more. I fight for them now. I am unimportant, in such concerns,

[riseaknight]

Sadly for mortals, confusion is inevitable in some regards. [but the love and the want to be a good son had never changed, not matter which father, heavenly or otherwise.]

Yes. It's always the way of it, in the end.

[dowhatimust]

Yes, I find that to be sadly true. Hopefully you will all sort yourselves out, without us. [Because one way or another, you would have to.]

Seems hard to believe.