Happy at Last

[mamamoomoo]

When someone who grew up frum has never been happy, never felt loved and accepted, and was always depressed about their life and everything in it... finally finds happiness... with a goy, I don't know what to feel. I dont want to begrudge their finally feeling happy. Why should i wish them a life of misery and suffering, as that is all yidden and

Comments

[ruchel]

I dunno... I think these people would have ended up finding the right Jew (if they really were halachically Jewish to begin with)... or maybe, it was their destiny and their "test" to be alone and still keep the faith... it sounds horrible but so is dying in a gas chamber or something.

making your own happiness

[anonymous]

I don't think any partner or friend can make you happy. You have to make yourself happy. That's not to say that life isn't a whole lot better with friends/ a spouse, but it shouldn't be a thing of "I was miserable and suicidal, then I met dh, now I'm happy" -- that's unhealthy dependence.

I think sometimes people decide they can never be happy in a certain life, so they don't try anymore, but start looking for ways out. There is no way for them to be happy in that life because they've decided there's no way for them to be happy in that life, even if objectively speaking it's possible. IMO this is true in many divorces, also true in many cases of people leaving Torah, or leaving any other significant relationship/way of life. Once you leave, you allow yourself to be happy because you expect happiness again. And because the immediate source of discomfort is gone (if the only source of happiness is that the immediate source of discomfort is gone, however, the happiness may be short-lived).

At least that's my theory of the day :).

-ora