I had my Dudes here this weekend, and had many moments like the ones you're describing. (I'm especially proud of how close they are with one another. With a 5-1/2-year age gap, they might have remained pretty separate, as my sister and I have; but they're really best friends and adore one another.)
And yet my parenting style was as different from yours as could be. I think the moral to the story is that it's possible to have great kids using pretty much any parenting style that is respectful and non-abusive, as long as it includes love and connection.
I do believe that the longer I do this, the fewer absolutes there are. (Oy, that was a tortured sentence, and I apologize for subjecting you to it. But I think you'll understand what I was getting at...)
I like Julia a lot. I don't know your son Cord, but suspect it's probably better for him that he figure things out on his own than that you fix any situation for him, including the car.
I'm with Link on the blood draw. I had it done for the first time in spring '08, and the young woman who did it warned me when she was going to stick the needle in so I could look away if I wanted. I was like, "are you kidding? This is SO COOL." And I asked her not to put medical tape over the cotton, since the bleeding stops so quickly and tape pulling off my skin hurts more than the needle.
Yeah, I think we're all doing okay. There's no way to tell for sure how much of that is due to your parenting (at least not with only four data points--you'd need to pop out another 11 kids to reach the minimum n for a valid statistical analysis, and controlling third variables would be hell) but I figure you've earned the right to be proud of yourself.
I've had this open in a tab for a couple hours and all that shows up of the title is "The Kids Are All..." and I keep thinking it's the Cobra Starship song title, "The Kids Are All Fucked Up." :P
I know I still have a lot of messed-up attitudes and beliefs that are not healthy, and it's been a long struggle to identify, own and isolate them from all of you. I'm sure there are a number that are so deeply seated that I'm not even yet aware of them, but the ones I've consciously worked on seem to have stuck (needles, for one. Sizeism, racism, and ageism are others that come to mind). It was far easier to block out societal expectations that were goofy, like consumerism and sexism (throwing out the TV was probably the best step towards that end) than dealing with my own internal crap.
I like what essaying said about her boys being friends. I really love that you all seem to be pretty connected to each other. That photo of you and Cordell from your graduation weekend is on my laptop background, and I love it.
Linc's bandaid fell off in about an hour, and he's been proudly showing off the little dot. And it looks like Clay might join in the study, if his schedule allows, so I might have another kid bleeding for science again soon.
I talk on the phone with both Cord and Clay just because I enjoy their company. They're both a lot cooler now that I don't have to live with them. (As are you. As, I'm sure, am I.)
Interestingly, I definitely feel like I connected more with Linker when I was living with him. Probably has something to do with how fast little kids develop--he's kind of a new person every time I see him, now. Tell him I'm proud of him, and I'm glad he's doing his part for science.
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And yet my parenting style was as different from yours as could be. I think the moral to the story is that it's possible to have great kids using pretty much any parenting style that is respectful and non-abusive, as long as it includes love and connection.
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My former therapist is not her old self anymore -- if she were, she would not be posting even this much to a publicly available blog -- but the few cogent sentences at the beginning of this message of hers to me may also make sense to you, as far as parenting goes.
http://www.robertamariaatti.com/journal/2011/1/12/one-more-thing-before-i-do-my-brain-work-which-i-really-need.html
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Wow, your old therapist looks like a pretty interesting person. Thanks for sharing!
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Yeah, I think we're all doing okay. There's no way to tell for sure how much of that is due to your parenting (at least not with only four data points--you'd need to pop out another 11 kids to reach the minimum n for a valid statistical analysis, and controlling third variables would be hell) but I figure you've earned the right to be proud of yourself.
I've had this open in a tab for a couple hours and all that shows up of the title is "The Kids Are All..." and I keep thinking it's the Cobra Starship song title, "The Kids Are All Fucked Up." :P
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I like what essaying said about her boys being friends. I really love that you all seem to be pretty connected to each other. That photo of you and Cordell from your graduation weekend is on my laptop background, and I love it.
Linc's bandaid fell off in about an hour, and he's been proudly showing off the little dot. And it looks like Clay might join in the study, if his schedule allows, so I might have another kid bleeding for science again soon.
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Interestingly, I definitely feel like I connected more with Linker when I was living with him. Probably has something to do with how fast little kids develop--he's kind of a new person every time I see him, now. Tell him I'm proud of him, and I'm glad he's doing his part for science.
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