FIC: Marry Me a Little (3/3)
Title: Marry Me a Little (3/3)
Author: mallory_mike
Pairing/Character: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 1,927
Rating: PG-13 for very brief mention of sex
Summary: Robin's in trouble, so Barney decides to come to her rescue.
Disclaimer: I don't own How I Met Your Mother, I just live there.
Author's Notes: Inspired by Raul Esparza's performance in this vid: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AzA97oMW2_M
Betaed by roland44
The final part!
Saturday morning at the apartment had been awkward. Robin felt awful evading Ted’s questions about what she’d been up to last night.
“Oh, you know...just hanging out with Barney. Laser Tag, getting drunk...the usual”, she had to stifle a giggle on that last word. Ted just nodded, a knowing look in his eyes.
“I understand. It’s totally cool.”
It was as though all the oxygen had left Robin’s body.
“It is?” she squeaked.
“Of course. It’s good to do something to get your mind off your problems once in a while,” he smiled. The faint glimmer of pity in his gaze was almost too much for Robin to take. Would that look go away after he found out? Or would it get worse?
She’d know soon enough. Tonight was the night she and Barney were going to break the news.
* * * *
Barney was supposed to meet her at the apartment in a couple of hours, and together they’d go down to MacLaren’s and tell Ted, Marshall and Lily about their...arrangement. But Robin was getting restless. The anticipation was starting to become too much for her. After leaving a note for Barney, she decided to head downstairs. Gauge the moods of the group. Yeah. That’s it. Everything was totally under control.
She stepped inside MacLaren’s, seeing them sitting at their usual booth. Marshall must have been mid-joke, as Ted and Lily had burst out laughing. Marshall spotted her, and animatedly waved her over.
“Hey, I was just talking about you!”
Robin’s gut turned to ice. She silently slid into the empty seat next to Ted.
Marshall mistook her silence for curiosity.
“I was asking around at work today, and there’s gonna be tons of PR positions opening up at Goliath National Bank. I could hook you up, no problem.”
Lily chimed in cheerily.
“Now, we know it isn’t exactly journalism, but it’s still working with the media. And you’ll be able to renew your Green Card,” Lily punctuated her sentence with an impressive display of jazz hands, “Yay!”
Robin sighed, relief flooding her body. Then, a tiny spike of anger flared up as she processed what Marshall had said.
“Wait...how long have those jobs been available.”
Marshall shrugged behind his mug of beer.
“I dunno. A few days maybe. I only just found out. I’m surprised Barney didn’t mention it. Ted said you two were out all night.”
Everything went red.
“BARNEYANDIGOTMARRIED!” came tumbling end-over-end out of her mouth.
The next five minutes were a blur. She vaguely remembered calling Marshall a girly douchebag after he’d started ranting and raving about the sanctity of marriages, and vows, and commitment, and all that crap. She didn’t see what happened to Ted. One minute he was there, the next he had vanished. Eventually, she found herself slumped on the floor of the ladies' room, sobbing and gasping for air.
Oh my God.
She cried harder than she had ever cried in her life. Messy, disgusting, ugly sobs wracked her body as her whole life came crashing down. Her career was a joke. Three years in New York, and nothing to show for it but a pitiful stint on some half-rate news network? And the less said about the Japan debacle, the better.
She heard the door to the bathroom swish open. Robin peeked out from under her tear soaked hair. Lily, holding a handful of napkins, softly padded over to her. Gently, she kneeled down next to Robin, brushing the hair out of her eyes. As Lily handed her a napkin, Robin spoke.
“What the hell was he thinking, Lily?” another sob escaped her lips, “is this some kind of sick game? Some insane plot to get me to have sex with him again? Oh God, I changed my name for him!” She loudly blew her nose as Lily made soothing noises of comfort.
“Robin...I’m pretty sure it’s more than that.” Robin snorted.
“Come on, Lily! Grow up! It’s Barney,” she spat out his name like a swear word. Lily clucked her tongue at her.
“Yeah...it’s Barney. You of all people should know by now...he would never hurt any of his friends,” Lily considered what she just said, “...except for Ted, that one time. But karma hit Barney with a bus for that, so I’m writing it off as a cosmic mulligan.”
Robin chuckled softly through her tears. Lily smiled and continued.
“I should have told you this sooner, but...wait, did you really change your name to Robin Stinson?”
“Scherbatsty-Stinson.”
“Oooh. Hyphenated. Nice. Anyways, I should have told you before now, but....Barney is...
Lily knit her brow, clearly struggling with something. Robin’s curiosity piqued.
“Barney is what?”
Lily bowed her head, glancing up a Robin between the strands of her bangs.
“....’sinlovewithyou.”
* * * *
Robin’s head throbbed, as though her brain was threatening to explode. It was all so overwhelming and strange and new and scary and confusing...and a lot of other adjectives she didn’t care to list. Barney was in love with her? Was it love? Or just lusty leftovers from their one ill-conceived night?
Robin took a deep breath. She would deal with Barney later. Right now, there were more important fences to mend. As softly as she could, she slipped the key into the lock of her and Ted’s apartment. She could hear him quietly clanging around in the kitchen. Robin mentally steeled herself, and entered.
Ted’s back was to her, fiddling with something on the counter. Robin tentatively spoke
“Ted?”
“I made coffee. You want some?” his voice was harsh and clipped. Robin felt like she’d been slapped.
“No...thank you,” she opened her mouth to speak again, but he turned suddenly and roughly brushed past her to the dining table. Robin stared after him. She exhaled sharply.
“For God’s sake Ted, say something!”
Ted angrily threw down the newspaper he was pretending to read.
“Fine! You want me to say something, I’ll say something! Why not me?”
Robin was stunned.
“What?”
“You heard me. Why not me? If I’da known that’s what you were willing to do...I...I would have asked you Robin...” he slumped forward in his chair, taking his head into his hands. Slowly, Robin sat down beside him. She lovingly put her hand on his arm.
“Ted,” she began, “it would’ve been wrong. The story of how you lived happily ever after doesn’t have room for a chapter where you bailed out your Canadian ex-girlfriend,” she patted his arm, “Marriage is important...to you. You can’t waste it on me.”
Ted didn’t move, didn’t speak. Finally, she heard him sigh.
“I would’ve asked you.”
Robin smiled, blinking back tears.
“I would have said no.”
The truth hung heavily in the air between them. Ted placed his hand over hers.
“I know.”
* * * *
The whole way over to Barney’s place, she planned out exactly what she was going to say to him. She decided there would be no freaking out, no flying off the handle. She would be calm...cool...mature. She braced herself when she reached his door, and knocked.
Barney answered, one ear plastered to his cell phone. He nodded to her in greeting.
“Hold on a sec, T-Dog,” he covered the mouthpiece with the palm of his hand, “Hey, I’m glad you’re here, I’m on the phone with my company’s travel agent. What do you think: Vegas or Monte-Carlo for the honeymoon? Vegas is classic, but I’m thinking our money would go further in Monaco...”
“You sick, demented bastard!”
This was not one of the pre-planned responses. Barney uncovered the mouthpiece.
“I’m gonna have you call you back. My wife and I are about to have our first fight.”
He shut down his iPhone with a tap.
“Come in, please,” he led her to the couch, and went to his kitchen, “you want something to drink? Scotch? Wine? Fifteen-year old cognac?”
Robin wasn’t in the mood for games. She looked him squarely in the eye.
“Marshall told me about the PR jobs at GNB. Did you know?”
She expected him to lie. She expected him to charmingly evade the question. Hell, she even half expected him to run for the balcony, and make a jump for it.
She didn’t expect the truth.
“Yes.”
Robin gaped, at a loss for words. When she finally found her voice, she retorted.
“So, what? Instead of getting me a job, you thought it would be funnier to marry me?”
“No.”
“Is this a sex thing? Are you trying to get me into bed again?”
“No! Well, I was kinda hoping....but, No!”
Robin set her jaw.
“So, what is it? Are you in love with me?”
Barney flinched. Robin pressed harder.
“Are you in love with me?”
“I....I...”
“BARNEY!”
“YES!!”
Barney recoiled at the sound of his own voice. He stumbled backwards into the fridge, hanging on for dear life. Robin’s knees nearly gave out from under her. She sank down onto his couch.
“You married me because you love me?”
Barney moaned quietly.
“No.”
Robin rolled her eyes.
“Then why?”
Barney pulled himself up, and leaned over the counter towards her.
“Because you’re better than that, Robin.”
Robin scoffed.
“What’re you talking about?”
Barney slammed his fist down on the counter.
“Damn it...I hate this...I’m not good at...Robin...you’re a good reporter. A damn good reporter. Good enough to land just about any position you want,” he stopped, “both sexual and careerwise,” he pointedly avoided her death glare, and continued.
“Yes, I could have gotten you an easy job. Not just at GNB or Altrucel,” he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, “It’s more than possible that I could get you a job almost anywhere you want, with a single phone call,” he paused, “well except in certain parts of Korea....”
“But you’re better than that. Sure I could hand you a job on a silver platter, and you’d get to stay in New York, and everything would be okay for a while. But you’d always doubt yourself. You’d feel that, maybe you weren’t good enough to manage on your own. I couldn’t do it, Robin. Not to you. Please don’t ask me to. Do not, do not, DO NOT ask me to.”
“So I proposed to you instead. Because you and I both know, at the end of the day, your career is far more important to you than any marriage or relationship,” Barney walked to the door, to his briefcase, “ but if that’s really the way you want it...”
He pulled out the envelope containing their divorce papers. He damn near tore it open and slammed the papers on the table in front of her. Before Robin could respond, he pulled a fountain pen from his jacket, and signed his name. He silently slid them towards her, handing her the pen.
“I’m sure Marshall can get you a really great position. You’re welcome.”
Robin stared at the documents. It all seemed so simple. One little signature, and everything that had happened could be undone. So why was she hesitating? She glanced over to where he sat, arms crossed, glaring at the wall. Something caught in her throat. It felt like her life was flashing before her eyes...yet she wasn’t in any danger....at least not from anything physical. Ted was right. The main things you see are the stuff you love.
Ted...Barney...Marshall....Barney....Lily....Barney....Barney....Barney.....
She picked up the divorce papers and neatly tore them down the middle. Barney’s head snapped up at the sound. Robin swallowed hard.
“Thank you.”
It wasn’t a loveless marriage after all. Robin smiled.
It may not be completely sexless, either.