being human

[malakijr]

My friend Jaclyn wrote this and posted it yesterday. Yeah, it has some typos, but I'm not going to edit it. I'm really proud of her for posting it in the first place. Back when I met her, she was shy and quiet and ashamed of showing her feelings, and I'm really proud of how far she's come, so I wanted to repost it here.

Comments

[carrieslife]

I like what she wrote.

If I would have shared my feeling about how I was feeling and my life etc., I would have never gotten into the trouble I did. I should have spoken out and said "hey! this is how I feel, I'm bored, and lonely, I feel unimportant and unloved and like a nothing..." and maybe if I did I wouldn't have gone to the aternative and would have never ended up where I did. But one thing good that came out of it is, I suppose I never would have gotten to where I am today, or become who I am today... and I know now I will never hold anything back. If feels a hell of a lot better to get things out then to keep them bottled up. And I also know if I go to one person and they don't listen there is always someone else. I may not have many friends anymore but I know I can find at least one person to listen.

[malakijr]

I like what she wrote too. I definitely think the "be happy, smile, pretend nothing happened" attitude is a big part of whatb screwed me uop so much when I was a Chritsina. I even had people from my camput ministry who reported to my campus minister's wife when I was walking around camput and wasn't smiling, and she'd sit me down and talk to be about it because she waid christinas were always supposed to have a joyful smile. It's nuts. People are supposed to feel emotions! I feel like Christopher Reeve in the "Villiage of the Damned" remake when the little alien kid asks him what's wrong with their race, they're perfect, they don't let emotion get in the way, they take action, they're beautidul, blah blah blah and he screams "YOU SHOULD FEEL! YOU SHOULD FEEL!" That's totally me. :-p

And this is how many typos I have when I don't ude spellcheck.

[malakijr]

I'm not vegan, but dairy makes me really sick and I prefer to make as much stuff without it as I can.

I would KILL for a soy latte. I could actually make one with the soy ice cream I have, but I want my soymilk, dammit.

I think it's funny how both me and your other friend wrote million page long responses that were longer than your original post. Yay for long-windedness!

[malakijr]

I disagree with what your friend said, but she was really nice about it and she's being honest. Why the fuck can't my friends ever be like that? My Christian fans flamed the shit out of me. no fair. But in the end, everything she says comes from that place I was talking about, that place where you have to change everything you have to be good enough for god, and I just don't think god would condemn people who are gay to a life of celibacy. I don't think it makes sense. Or that they'd have to bury their attraction in order to have sex with someone they aren't attracted to their entire lives so they can get married. How is that healthy? I just can't believe that and if that means I can't be a Christian, that means I can't be a Christian

[pewter_wings]

Once upon a time, if my husband had someone to talk to, his life and mine would have been so much easier.

But people want to hurt, to punish instead of help.

[malakijr]

I agree. And people want others to bury that. there's a certain point at which you do need to repress your feelings, like I have to at work, but then once I get out of work, I should be able to express my feelings. At the last church I went to, when people were following me around campus and reporting back to my campus minister's wife when I "didn't have a joyful Christian expression" it was too much emotional manipulation for me. And even in small doses I think it happens a lot, people want others to pretend everything is good all the time. Dude, people need to vent, they need to let out their emotions or they'll explode. I think a lot of people want to pretend evil and pain don't exist so they want people not to complain or be honest with how they feel. It sucks.