(What a Shame)

[paraplu_ie]

Title: (What a Shame)
Author: Paraplu_ie (EDIT: All writing will now be posted from my new journal, mizjane. Please add that journal, and not paraplu_ie. Thanks!)
Rating: PG-13? Mild references to violence and blood, nothing gory.
Pairings/Characters: Mal and River. Mal/River implications.
Spoilers: None for film or series
Summary: River

Comments

[srichard]

Mmm, sweet and just lovely.

[paraplu_ie]

Thank you.

[ninamazing]

Whoa. Awesome. I wish I had serious criticism to offer, but I just don't.

Here's what I liked:
1 - Visually stunning. And the parallel structure and voice are really fantastic as well -- couldn't save her what a shame.
2 - It didn't quite end the way I expected. It wasn't happy, and it wasn't sad -- it just was, which is a pretty good description of the way life runs on Serenity. I'm not quite sure how you did it, but HURRAH. :P

River-in-Mal's-dreams is an oft-used construct for good reason, and you did some great things with it here. I hope to see more from you!!

[paraplu_ie]

Hoorah! It worked! :) I'm always a little uncomfortable with Firefly fic that has an overly happy or too-tragic ending. The impression I always got from the show is that life throws a lot of stuff at the crew, good and bad, and they're always very good about taking it in stride, and doing what has to be done, because that's just what you do. So I'm glad I was able to capture a little of that.

I'm also glad the "what a shame" lines came across right. They're my favorite part, because they're meant to bring in the rhythm of the pulse I mentioned as well as keep the dream... well, dream-like.

Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate them. <3 You'll hear more from me. I already want to write more, maybe along this same line. Will she dare to tiptoe into his head again? :) She got a good scare.

[ninamazing]

Oh, and sorry, but I had to say something about this --

His hand wasn't on the gun, but neither is it around the neck of the man whose hand was, and for him, that's a failure and a murder all the same.

Perfect. Mal blames himself for everything (poor Mal) and at the same time has a really twisted morality code (scary Mal!). And you got all that across pretty sweetly right there. ;)

[paraplu_ie]

That icon makes me all shivery. :D

[paraplu_ie]

I appreciate it! :)

[tearsofaphoenix]

I really like this. It's a great starting point for their relationship and for their realization to what they mean to each other.

[paraplu_ie]

Thanks. :) I like a good lead-up.