you really do know how to torture a poor girl. and damn girl keep up the river and mal sex. . .so hott. . .not really processing thoughts other than that was hott. i liked this session of FAA it was good. the picture HILARIOUS
LOL Well, I might take a break from the NC-17 content on the next chapter, mainly because it's going to be mighty sad... so yeah... But the FAA sessions might get better and better!
The obvious errors that I caught. There were some others that I didn't not, just because the language was just a bit awkward is all.
She lover her brother, how could she dare hurt him?
Should that be, she loved her brother,..?
She pushed her lips onto his, her chest pushed on his as he let his hands caress her back, her waist, her hips and finally her butt.
You used pushed twice in one sentence. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Maybe change the first one to pressed e.g. She pressed her lips to his, …
He let himself thrust upwards, fucking her hole with rapid thrusts enough to make her moan his name in a tone that made him feel like he would’ve reached the peak of his orgasm right then and there, but he wouldn’t come, not before her at least.Maybe loose the ‘hole’ in this sentence. It just sounds odd and makes you wonder which hole you’re actually talking about
( ... )
lol! Thank you, my unofficial beta *fixes* Honestly, I just want to bang my head every time I realize I did a typo. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A FUTURE ENGLISH TEACHER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Anyway, glad you liked it. I'm so nervous when using Jayne, don't know why, so I try to use him as briefly as possible. Glad it hit the spot. Nah, I'll try not to make any of you wait long... I hope :) Thank you for the comment, and the fix :) You are such a doll! *hears the rooster crow... shoots him*
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She lover her brother, how could she dare hurt him?
Should that be, she loved her brother,..?
She pushed her lips onto his, her chest pushed on his as he let his hands caress her back, her waist, her hips and finally her butt.
You used pushed twice in one sentence. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Maybe change the first one to pressed e.g. She pressed her lips to his, …
He let himself thrust upwards, fucking her hole with rapid thrusts enough to make her moan his name in a tone that made him feel like he would’ve reached the peak of his orgasm right then and there, but he wouldn’t come, not before her at least.Maybe loose the ‘hole’ in this sentence. It just sounds odd and makes you wonder which hole you’re actually talking about ( ... )
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