(Untitled)

[ana_sedai]

Title: Dark Fire
Author: Ana Sedai
Rating: PG
Character(s): Mal, River
Prompt: 026 - Dark
Word Count: 1,116 (Darn it, I was this close…)
A/N: 24/100 for Mal/River Joss100. (Almost one quarter through.  Whew.)  
Update (11/18/06): I revised the last couple of paragraphs slightly.  I hope it flows a bit better now.

Summary: An unexpected kiss in the

Comments

[gwenfrewi72]

I love how you've written Mal's struggle to try and do the right thing. Even though we all know he's gonna fail in the end. *snicker*

Keep up the excellent work.

[anonymous]

I love your stories! I was so excited to see a new post... and it was definately worth the wait! You write them so well!

[ninamazing]

YES, A KISS. God I needed that. :P And yours was FANTASTIC, the way you described it -- yes yes yes, exactly what a Mal/River kiss should be.

I also liked the description of the toothpaste. It's amusing, and it makes everything seem more real. And River's words to him at the end -- yes, meshes perfectly with the thoughts of his that she's reading, and her own thoughts. It's pretty naive to assume that River should have someone who doesn't understand darkness. Oh, Mal. Two dark souls can make their own light together; why don't you understand?

Your story is exactly how I'd picture something happening between them -- Mal FINALLY giving in after a long while, then not so much -- but the end felt rushed for some reason. You'll probably see what I mean if you just skim it and look at the changing paragraph length. Anyway, you were worried about word count, so. :P

LOVE it, Ana. *clings* Probably going to go read the kiss again.

[ana_sedai]

Nina, you're right. I was never quite satisfied with how I ended this, but I was trying to maintain the word limit, so I said the heck with it. That does it. From now on, if it takes more than 1,000 words, it takes more than 1,000 words. No more of this counting crap. Vive le resistance! ;)

I'll probably revise this sometime in the next day or so. Here'e hoping it works.

And thanks for your insights, both complimentary and critical (in the good way, though). It means a lot to me that you give them. And I loved the team effort that you posted several days ago. Ah, long pieces, something this fandom has far too few of. :)

[nindeoronra]

Hooray!!! Great job, and I'm definitely going to be re-reading this one.