A Changed World
Sam knew he should be happier, this was what he’d been hoping for longer than he’d known, someone else would be Abhorsen-in-Waiting. Yet it didn’t feel like a relief, he could see how Lirael knew it was the right thing for her to take up the bells. Looking back in the mirror explained how and apparently she was his aunt but she’d read the Book of the Dead on her own and had pipes that worked like bells that she knew how to use. While he was a Wallmaker and it must be more right than being Abhorsen-in-Waiting but he doesn’t know what being a Wallmaker even means. In the old rhyme they became stone and mortar, which while it would help to rebuild the Old Kingdom would hurt.
He’s been at points where he almost welcomed Death but he doesn’t want that, he wants to hold Kait and tell her that he hasn’t forgotten his duty. If he could find the words, he’d also like to tell her that he can’t imagine a life without her but this isn’t the time for that. For now he’d just be happy if she wasn’t disappointed in him or for anyone to think he can’t do what he needs to. There may never be a time for that with the Destroyer tangled up with Nick and having to save the Old Kingdom and all the confusions of her world. Everything has been happening too fast and now he has to find Nick with Lirael and be Wallmaker with a new surcoat that doesn’t feel like enough. The Clayrs have their library, the Abhorsens have the House and the Book of the Dead, the royal family has Belisaere, what does he have as the first Wallmaker in who knows how long?
He’s been at points where he almost welcomed Death but he doesn’t want that, he wants to hold Kait and tell her that he hasn’t forgotten his duty. If he could find the words, he’d also like to tell her that he can’t imagine a life without her but this isn’t the time for that. For now he’d just be happy if she wasn’t disappointed in him or for anyone to think he can’t do what he needs to. There may never be a time for that with the Destroyer tangled up with Nick and having to save the Old Kingdom and all the confusions of her world. Everything has been happening too fast and now he has to find Nick with Lirael and be Wallmaker with a new surcoat that doesn’t feel like enough. The Clayrs have their library, the Abhorsens have the House and the Book of the Dead, the royal family has Belisaere, what does he have as the first Wallmaker in who knows how long?