Part 8 - Screw You, We're From Texas
*I drank my first beer on the Louisiana State Line. My first time to see the other side.*
They drive across the Lake Charles Bridge at about four in the afternoon on New Year’s Eve. Jensen’s never been here, never seen the iron pistols built into the guardrails on the bridge, never seen the riverboats. He takes it all in while Jared tries to remember the way to the casino.
They decided that for New Year’s Eve at a casino they should suit up, even though it meant Jensen had to go home to get a suit and risk running into Amy. Jared’s only seen him in a suit a few times, a handful of weddings and one funeral, but he never got to gawk at him like he gets to now. Jared likes the way Jensen blushes when he realizes Jared’s checking him out, likes the way he says take a picture, it’ll last longer, and sometimes adds pervert, just for good measure. He can’t wait for the day when he can just tell Jen how fucking sexy he is, tell him all the things he makes Jared want to do to him, but today is not the day. He doesn’t want Jensen to freak out any more than he’s already freaking out, because Jared had to go and make it sound like he was planning some degenerate sex vacation.
Which, he wouldn’t object or anything. But he knows some shit just doesn’t come easy for Jensen; he knew this was gonna be a fucking slow process going in, and not just when it comes to sex, but he wouldn’t take it back, not in a million years. He just wants Jensen to relax and have some fun, gamble a little, drink a little, and get off as many times as is humanly possible. What’s wrong with that?
They play some blackjack, shoot some craps. A group of girls at the roulette wheel beg them to join in, and Jared is immensely entertained by watching them all fall all over themselves to get Jensen’s attention. Not that he can blame them. Jensen flirts and jokes, easy and charming, and it makes something burn warm in Jared’s chest to know Jen’s not like this very often; he’s only like this when he’s comfortable, when he feels totally secure, and Jared knows it’s the fact that he’s standing here, that it’s his presence making Jensen feel comfortable enough to let loose and have a good time.
They lose big at roulette, drink truly terrible free champagne with the ladies, countdown to midnight and share kisses all around. They keep playing and drinking until Jensen’s drunk enough that Jared doesn’t even worry when he leans over Jensen from behind, lets his arm fall over Jen's shoulder and wrap down across his chest, nuzzles up to his cheek and tells the girls sorry ladies, I’m taking him home. Jensen just smiles and shrugs as Jared mouths at his neck, and Jared watches from under his lashes as the girls’ eyes go wide, then narrow and hot. The boldest one, the blonde in the black dress, leans in close.
“Sure there’s no room for a third?” She smiles with lips red as sin, wet tongue sneaking out to lick at the side of her mouth, and Jared’s not even tempted. If he didn’t already know he was a fucking goner, he got his proof right there.
He just leers and shakes his head, steers Jensen to the elevators.
As soon as the door closes on the sweet ass room Jared got them, he throws open the curtains so the lights come in off the lake, turns off the overheads and leaves a lamp on in the corner, and pushes Jensen down on the bed. Jensen laughs deep down in his throat as Jared crawls up over him and straddles his waist.
“Is this the part where you do filthy shit to me?” He’s smiling, looking drunk and happy and not at all worried. Still, Jared doesn’t want to get too cocky.
“Only if you want me to,” he grins down, unbuttoning Jens shirt and sucking on his neck, his chest.
“Always want you to, Jay,” Jensen’s panting. “I want, I just-“
“Shh.” Jared kisses him, hot and dirty. “I know. I promise, I really, really do.”
He slides off the bed and tugs at Jensen’s shoes.
“I know, for instance,” he tosses the shoes, followed by the socks, into the corner, “that you get nervous every time I blow you, because you’re tallying up how many you owe me.”
He climbs up and works at Jensen’s belt next.
“You think I’m keeping track, but I don’t give a shit.” With a yank Jen’s pants come open, and Jared slides his fingers under the waist, under the elastic of Jensen’s underwear and tugs. Jensen groans and lifts his hips and his cock slides free, bobbing dark and swollen against his belly. Jared smirks and swipes at it with his tongue, makes a few wet, leisurely swirls around the head, listens to Jensen whimper before he moves away, tugs the pants all the way off. He stands at the foot of the bed and starts with his own clothes, and Jensen’s eyes come open, focus just long enough to watch Jared’s shirt come off, then his clumsy fingers are finishing with his own shirt, tossing it aside while Jared’s shucking pants and shorts, socks and shoes, all as fast as he can.
They both hiss and buck, grab on tight when they’re finally pressed skin to skin, head to toe on the bed.
“If I wanted to suck your dick,” Jared grins down at him, “do you think you could suffer through it?”
Jensen stares blankly, and starts to look uncomfortable.
“It’s just not really fair.” His gaze is locked somewhere around Jared’s jaw, not meeting his eyes. “You know, when I don’t-“
Jared clamps his hand over Jensen’s mouth, shakes his head.
“You seem to think it’s some act of fuckin’ charity I’m performing, dude. Did you ever think I might like it?”
“Do you?” Jensen croaks, when Jared takes his hand away. “Like it, I mean?”
“I love how you taste,” Jared purrs against his neck, slotting their hips together, grinding down until Jensen whimpers. “I love how your cock feels in my mouth and how you sound, how you look when you come.”
“You forgot smell,” Jensen pants, and smirks up at Jared with half-closed eyes.
“Yeah, well, I love that too.”
“Well I guess since you love it so much,” Jensen’s grinning again now, “I wouldn’t want to deprive you.”
= = = = =
They stumble to the complimentary breakfast buffet with stubbly faces and sunglasses on, shirts rumpled and voices ragged. They see a couple of the girls from last night, looking to be in much the same condition.
The sight of them seems to jog Jensen’s memory.
“Did you tell them we were…?”
Jared laughs.
“Not in so many words, but I think they got the picture.”
Jensen just sips his coffee, doesn’t react.
“That blonde one in the corner? She asked if we had room for a third.”
Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up over the rim of his cup.
“She wasn’t serious.”
“She definitely was, man. She totally wanted to be the meat in an us sandwich.”
“Okay. Dude.” Jensen puts his cup down, waves his hands in front of his face. “Never say us sandwich again. I’m close enough to puking already, come on.”
Jared smirks and notes that Jensen is acting more like himself every day, and less like the zombie-fied version of himself that showed up on Jared’s doorstep a few weeks ago.
They get back to the room, pull the blackout shades, strip down to their underwear, and crawl into blissfully clean, cool sheets.
“After breakfast nap is like, the best invention ever,” Jared mumbles, yawning as he curls on his side.
Jensen doesn’t say anything, just spoons up behind him and wraps an arm around his middle, and sighs. Jared slides his hand over Jen’s and smiles into his pillow.
When he wakes up they’re in the same position, and he eases out from under Jensen’s arm, goes to pull the curtains back. It’s already looking dusky outside, short days this time of year, and he looks back at Jensen on the bed and thinks for the first time that it’s a new year, and he’s already got everything he wants. He takes a minute to say good fucking riddance to the old one, because 2008 sucked ass.
He starts up the water for a shower, lets it heat up while he crawls back onto the bed, bites at Jensen’s neck and ear until his eyes open.
“I’m getting in the shower.”
“Mmmkay.”
“Big fuckin’ shower; you could come, too.” He nuzzles along Jensen’s jaw, kisses his chin, his cheek. “You know, if you wanted to.”
He goes back to the bathroom, shucks his boxers and climbs in, but leaves the bathroom door open. He doesn’t know if Jensen will join him or not, but it’s his new approach, literally and metaphorically: just keep leaving the doors open, and when Jensen’s ready he’ll walk through them.
When Jared turns around from rinsing shampoo out of his hair to see Jen propped in the doorway, watching him through the steamy glass of the walk-in shower, he thinks his new approach is fucking genius.
= = = = =
“I think about it, ya know.”
Jensen’s breathing against the back of Jared’s shoulder, bodies lined up against each other in the dark. They had a nice dinner, they played some poker, and headed to bed early. Now three hours later, they’re actually going to sleep.
“I know you do.”
“You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”
Jared snorts.
“You give me way too little credit for how well I know you, Ackles.”
“So tell me, smart guy.”
“I know you think about doing stuff we don’t do. I know you think about sucking my dick. I mean why wouldn’t you? It’s a great fuckin’ dick.”
Jensen huffs a laugh, breath warm against Jared’s skin.
“I was being serious.”
“So was I.”
He wants to turn over, wants to kiss Jensen stupid and tell him to stop worrying, that Jared is totally fine with things how they are and he knows they’re only gonna get better. But he thinks Jensen chose now, when it’s dark and Jared’s not even facing him, to bring this up. So he stays where he is, waits for Jensen to say whatever he needs to say.
“I just want you to know, ya know? I don’t want you to think it’s some kinda fucked up thing where I expect you to do for me and I lay back and enjoy the ride. That’s not. I mean, that’s not how I want it to be. I don’t want to make everything so fuckin’ difficult, I really don’t.”
Jared reaches back, runs his hand along Jensen’s thigh, pulls his leg up flush against Jared’s own. His fingers grip tight, and his voice is fierce.
“I don’t think you understand, man. All I care about, all I want in the whole fucking world is this. You, here with me. That’s all. The rest is whatever, it’s gravy; it’ll happen when it happens. You got enough shit to worry about right now, okay? Don’t make this another thing, when it doesn’t need to be. I want to be something good for you, Jen, not something else for you to feel bad about.”
He feels Jensen’s eyelashes flutter along his skin, feels a hot kiss pressed against his shoulder blade.
“You are good for me. You’re the best thing I’ve got, man. Best thing, by far.”
*Time will bring you down, and time will make you cold. I’ve turned my back
some time ago, and now I’m going home.*
“He cleared out half the closet for me,” Jensen picks at his fingernail. “And put another dresser in the bedroom.”
Elise just nods. Her pad’s sitting on the table as she’s sipping her tea; she doesn’t use it much anymore.
“And is that a good thing or a bad thing? Or are we still undecided?”
Jensen shrugs.
“I’m glad he wants me there.”
“But?”
“He said there’s no rush, he just wants me to know I have the option. It’s this thing he has about leaving doors open and letting me walk through them when I’m ready. He has a whole philosophy.”
Elise laughs. Jensen can’t remember if he’s ever heard her laugh before.
“Sounds like he’s got dealing with you pretty well figured out.”
Jensen just smirks at her, like no shit.
“I don’t want to disappoint him. I’m afraid I’m gonna freak out and bail and fuck him up even worse than I did before.”
“Are you feeling like you want to bail?”
“No. God, no. I just. It’s fuckin’ scary, that’s all. I mean things are great how they are, but it’s like it’s not real life, yet, or something. If this is it, if this is what we’re gonna do. Like, with our lives, I mean. It can’t be just us, in a fuckin’ bubble.”
“Is this what you want to do with your life, Jensen?”
“Yeah. “ He doesn’t hesitate, he knows the answer to that one as easy as if she’d asked do you want a million dollars? “But just because you want something doesn’t always mean it’s right. Or that it works out.”
She knows everything about him by now - everything. She knows about the guy in college, about the serial womanizing that included suspiciously little in the way of actual sex. She knows about his sex life with Amy, and his sex life with Jared, in pretty embarrassing detail. She also knows all about the moral and religious arguments that he can’t just reason away, the ones he keeps coming back to that tell him this can’t be right, that he shouldn’t be doing this, no matter how much he wants to or how right it feels. And that’s before you even get to the guts-churning fear that claws through him at the idea of anyone he knows, God forbid his family, knowing the truth about Jared. Elise knows it all, and Jensen trusts her pretty much implicitly at this point, has come to rely on her advice. This time her advice is simple.
“Have you talked to Jared about how you’re feeling?” She looks at him pointedly. “Because if you want to give this thing between you a real chance, you’re gonna have to make an effort to learn to let him in.”
= = = = =
Jensen waits until they sit down to eat before he brings it up. He’s trying to learn to have the hard conversations face to face, in the daylight, not just in bed in the dark.
“So I was talking to Elise about you. Again.”
Jared smirks.
“Anything in particular, or just about my general awesomeness?”
“About me moving back in.”
The smirk slides away and Jared’s face gets serious. He knows Jensen puts a lot of stock in what Elise says.
“What did she think?”
“She thought I should talk to you about my concerns.”
“Whoa, hey,” Jared holds his hands up, “talking, you? I don’t know man, seems drastic.”
Jensen rolls his eyes, takes a sip of his iced tea.
“Apparently I have to learn to let you in. Or something.”
Jared just smiles.
“Sounds painful.”
“And you’re making it so much easier.”
Jared puts his fork down, looks Jensen in the eye.
“Sorry. For real, I want you to talk to me if you have stuff on your mind. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So?” Jared raises his eyebrows. “You have concerns?”
“You could say that.”
“Such as?”
“Well, to start with it’s a little concerning that you don’t seem to have any.”
“Who says I don’t have any?”
“I just mean, I don’t know if it’s gonna be as great and easy as you think it’s gonna be. I’m not sure you’re thinking it all the way through, man. I mean there’s a big difference in being roommates and, ya know. Living together.”
“Wait a second,” Jared shakes his head. “Do I think it will be great? Hell yes. Do I think it will be easy? Dude, I’m not stupid. Of course I don’t think it’s gonna be easy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it. It definitely doesn’t mean we shouldn’t even fucking try. And if you ask me, living together is way better than being roommates, no question. I get to sleep in the same bed with you every night, for starters. That gets my vote, any day of the week.”
Jensen can’t argue with that kind of logic, but he doesn’t know how to say what he really needs to say, doesn’t know how to ask what happens if they try, and fail. Luckily, or frighteningly, Jared seems to actually know Jensen as well as he likes to claim.
“Look, I know, man, okay? I know you’re scared you’re not gonna be able to go the distance here, and I know all the reasons why. I knew what I was getting into, and I don’t know you if you noticed, but I didn’t exactly drag my feet about getting into it anyway.”
“Exactly.” Jensen shakes his head, rubs at the back of his hair. “It’s like you just think it’s all gonna work out and, I mean. What if it doesn’t, Jay? What if I can’t do it? What if it comes down to it and I just. Can’t?”
He closes his eyes, then looks at the ceiling fan, watches it spin. He breathes deep and tries to concentrate on saying what he means.
“I’m just. I want to make this work, you know I do. But I’m afraid of what happens if I can’t. I’m so fucking scared of letting you down, man. Of fucking up your life, even more than I already have.”
Jared listens intently, nods along, then levels his gaze at Jensen.
“I know, man, I do. I don’t wanna let you down, either. But there are no guarantees in life, Jen. All we can do is try our hardest; go for what we want and fight to make it work.”
He shrugs, shakes his head.
“I don’t know about you, but if I’m gonna fuck it up, I don’t want it to be because I was too chicken shit to go all in.”
Jensen drops his face into his hands. It’s annoying sometimes, how Jared always insists on making so much sense.
Jared stands up to clear his plate, holds his arms out to Jensen.
“Do we need to hug it out?”
Jensen blows out a breath, manages a short laugh.
“Guess it can’t hurt.”
He stands up and Jared immediately wraps him up in a signature bear hug.
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he whispers, “I just don’t want you to be scared to do what you do want to do. That’s all.”
= = = = =
The weekend after Jensen’s thirty-first birthday, he rents a UHaul and Jared drives to Round Rock with him to help him collect his stuff. He called Amy three times, asking her to call him back; she never did, so he finally just left a message saying he was coming this weekend. He texted her and emailed her too, just to be sure.
Jensen hasn’t spoken more than a few absolutely necessary words to her in over three months; he’s not surprised to find the house empty when they get there.
They pack up his closet, all his shoes and clothes, his couple of boxes worth of childhood soccer trophies and field day ribbons, birthday cards from relatives over the years and high school yearbooks, and the old guitar he learned to play on, the one his dad gave him for his thirteenth birthday.
They haul all the furniture out of the guest room - the bed, dresser, mirror and night stand that used to be in Jensen’s old bedroom. Jensen carefully stacks everything from inside the dresser and nightstand, mostly extra bedding and wedding gifts they’ve never used, in the corner of the room. He takes the sheets and comforter and pillows that go with the bed, and a quilt his grandmother made; only things he owned before he married Amy. Everything else he leaves for her.
The couch, the living room TV and the dining table and chairs all technically fall into the category of things Jensen owned before he was married, but he feels bad enough already without leaving Amy to come home to an empty house. Anyway, Jared already has all those things, Jensen doesn’t need them anymore, and he’d rather just make it as easy as possible. He packs up his books and cd’s, his coffee maker and his Tech Fiji coffee mug, his Texas Tennis water bottle and his Texas Tech Magnet off the fridge, and that’s it. The bookcase his parents gave them, the one that was in Jensen’s great-grandparents’ house when he was growing up, that’s the only other thing he really wants.
It’s mostly full of his and Amy’s medical journals and Anatomy text books, a few photo albums, and some framed pictures. Jensen boxes up the books that are his, and leaves Amy’s stacked neatly against the wall. If he can’t remember, or he’s not absolutely sure, he puts it in Amy’s stack. He feels bad leaving the pictures in their pretty frames just lying on the ground, so he moves them to the mantle. Jensen only takes one, a family picture of him and his parents and his brother and sister, taken for the church directory when Jensen was in fourth grade. Amy loved it because of his bad bowl haircut and buck teeth. Jensen loves it because his big dumb grin reminds him how simple things were once. He also takes the photo album his mom made for them, full of Jensen’s family pictures.
Then he just stands there for awhile, looking around helplessly.
Jared’s been hanging back, only helping when requested or when there’s something heavy to carry, mostly staying out of the way. Jensen’s staring at the pictures on the mantle, frame after frame of shots from the wedding, when he sees Jared coming in the mirror over the fireplace.
“Everything okay?” Jared shrugs like he knows it’s a dumb question, but what else do you say in a situation like this?
“Yeah, just.” Jensen shrugs back, meets his eyes in the mirror. “You know it was almost a year ago exactly we had that party here for my birthday.”
“Yep. Kinda crazy huh, what a difference a year makes and all that.”
“You know.” Jensen looks down at a picture of him and his groomsmen, raises his hand to grip the gilt-edged frame. “When you guys were leaving that night, I realized. Man, I wanted to go with you. I wanted to do anything but stay here, honestly. And then you hugged me, and.”
He stops and bites his lip, can’t raise his eyes even though he can feel Jared looking at him in the mirror. He knows if this were another place, another time, Jared would be behind him right now, arms around him, kissing him. But right now, in the house he shared with his wife, Jared keeps his distance, doesn’t even touch him. When Jensen finally looks up, Jared just nods.
“How ‘bout we go home, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Jensen leaves the picture on the mantle, smiling faces of Jared and Vic and Martinez standing next to Jensen in their tuxedos, the vests in Amy’s favorite shade of baby blue.
= = = = =
Once they’ve carried all the boxes inside, carried in the furniture and set up the bed in Jared’s old room, put the bookcase in the back bedroom where Jared’s old college desk is, Jensen comes back from returning the UHaul to find Jared sprawled sweaty and exhausted on the couch. He’s been itching to touch all day, and now he can.
He walks straight to the couch, straddles Jared’s lap and kisses him hard, hands on either side of his face.
“Whoa,” Jared pants when they finally breathe, “I should help you move more often.”
Jensen just smirks and slides off the couch, onto his knees, and pushes Jared’s thighs apart with his hands. He watches Jared’s eyes go wide.
Jensen’s done this a few times by now, but not on his knees in broad daylight, in the middle of the living room. The thing is, right now, today, he’s too tired, too emotionally drained to think, much less over-think. Today, he just doesn’t give a fuck about bad and good, wrong and right. Today he just wants what he wants.
He puts his face against Jared’s stomach, feels the damp and smells the sweat and salt of his t-shirt, and breathes deep. His fingers hook under the elastic of Jared’s basketball shorts and boxers.
“Dude,” Jared’s voice comes out quiet, almost choked, “I need a shower.”
“Good,” Jensen mumbles, nosing Jared’s t-shirt up and out of the way so he can lick at the smooth, salty skin underneath. The smell of him, the taste of him makes Jensen’s head swim, makes his dick hard, and he rubs his face into the crotch of Jared’s shorts.
“Holy shit,” Jared pants, “seriously?”
Jensen just grins into Jared’s lap and yanks down on his shorts.
Soon enough he’s got Jared’s come on his chin, dripping down his throat into the neck of his t-shirt, on his hand. Jensen stands up while Jared lays there gasping, heads for the stairs.
“Wait!” Jared’s fingers snake around his wrist. “Where you going?”
Jensen just grins.
“Shower. I’m kinda filthy, don’t know if you noticed.”
“I noticed,” Jared snorts, rolls his eyes. “But what about you?”
“Save it for later,” he shrugs. “No big deal.”
Jared’s hand lets go of his wrist, sneaks down to palm the front of his shorts.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Jared grins, and gives Jensen’s still-hard cock a firm squeeze.
Jensen whimpers and flinches backward out of Jared’s grasp, holds up his sticky hand.
“Later, promise.”
Jared’s still sprawled on the couch with his cock out while Jensen starts up the stairs.
“Fine,” he calls after Jensen’s retreating back, “but no jerking off in there. And don’t think I won’t know!”
*The eyes of Texas are upon you, all the live-long day.*
As soon as school’s out and Kelly’s free of her third graders for the summer, she and her friends head out on a seven-day cruise, just the girls.
“Dude,” Chris says on the phone, “time to party like it’s 2003.”
“Dude,” Jimbo says at the bar, “we see Chris more than you these days. What the fuck?”
“Dude,” Jordan says at the second bar, “is it gonna be like when you lived with Ackles before, when you two just hung out together all the time and said screw you to the rest of us?”
“Dude,” Scotty chimes in, “that’s kinda how it seems already.”
Jared goes out with them every night that they ask that week, but he gets the picture.
“Dude,” he tells Jensen, “I think we gotta socialize more.”
Jensen looks alarmed.
“What do you mean?” He looks at Jared like Jared is proposing something horrible.
“I’m just saying, I think if we don’t leave the house more, or at least have people over here, said people are going to start getting their feelings hurt.”
He doesn’t say people are also probably going to start getting suspicious, especially since Jared is now on record as being into dudes, but he lets Jensen draw his own conclusions on that one.
“I’m saying pool party next weekend, what do you think?”
Jensen doesn’t have to say it, Jared knows he’s thinking all those people are going to fuck up the pH in the pool, but he nods his head, and Jared grins.
“Good man.”
= = = = =
Jared drops his laptop at the foot of the stairs and calls for Jensen. He doesn’t get an answer; since the truck is in the driveway, Jared’s betting on the pool. Through the back doors, he can see Jensen in his black board shorts, laying in the same deck chair he always lays in out by the water. The steady rise and fall of his chest says that if he’s not asleep, he’s got to be damn close, and God, Jared’s been having fantasies that started just like this for fucking years now. He’s struck suddenly by the realization that he doesn’t have to fantasize, not anymore. Jensen is here now, Jensen belongs to him.
He takes the stairs two at a time, changes into his trunks and slips out the door, closes it behind him as quiet as he can. He’s careful not to let his shadow fall across Jen’s face as he approaches, stands beside the chair and just looks.
Jensen has his aviators on, skin sunscreen-glossy and sweat-slick, shining in the late afternoon heat. He’s spent enough time by the pool already this year that he’s brown from the sun, fine hairs on his belly glinting gold where they run down into the top of his shorts. His lips are parted, arms flung up over the top of his chair. He looks like an offering, and Jared wants nothing more than to take him up on it. Jared steps deliberately into the space between the sun and Jensen’s face, watches Jen stir, licking his lips and shifting in his chair before he lowers his shades enough to look up at Jared over the top of them.
“Were you going for creepy? Because, ya know…mission accomplished.”
Jared just shakes his head and grins.
“Not exactly what I was going for, no.”
Jensen looks at him carefully, takes a minute to note the obvious tenting at the front of Jared’s shorts, and raises his eyebrows.
“What brought all this on?”
“If you have to ask that, you seriously underestimate how good you look laying there.”
Jared’s expecting Jen to deflect, to make a joke or roll his eyes, but instead he meets Jared’s gaze, doesn’t flinch. His teeth dig in to his bottom lip for a minute before he responds.
“Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Not lookin’ too bad yourself, Padalecki.” Jensen’s still peering over the top of his shades, lets his eyes go slow and hot down over Jared’s chest, even lower, before he drags them back up to meet Jared’s.
Jared grins, maybe even blushes, can’t help it. Jensen just doesn’t say things like that, they never say things like this, and it’s exhilarating, freeing in a way. He swings his leg over Jensen’s chair, lowers himself to sit across Jen’s thighs, and leans down. He sucks on Jensen’s sweaty, coconut-scented neck and breathes deep, high on the heat and the smell of Jensen and summer.
“You know I used to watch you like this, before. Think about how hot your skin would be, how hot your fuckin’ dick would be under those black shorts, fuckin’ baking in the sun. Used to wish I could touch you like this, anytime I felt like it. Wanted to so bad.”
The noise Jensen makes is part groan, part whimper - just a low, desperate grumbling sound, and his fingers clutch at the bare skin of Jared’s back.
Jared’s got Jensen’s shorts yanked open, has himself laid out on top of Jensen in no time, sweaty skin sliding, and Jensen’s so hot it feels like he’s sizzling, the hard weight of his cock burning in Jared’s hand as he jerks it fast and ruthless, eyes glued to Jensen’s open lips and erratically fluttering eyelids.
As soon as Jensen gasps and jerks, as soon as Jared feels the hot rush of sticky wetness over his fingers, he sits back and pulls his dick out, his strokes just on the wrong side of painful but he doesn’t give a shit; he’s watching Jensen watching him and thinking of all the times he imagined this, or something like it, and all the times he told himself it was never gonna happen.
“Thought I’d never get to do this,” Jared grunts, voice strained and so fucking close to the edge. “So fuckin’ glad you came back, Jen. Don’t know what I woulda done.”
Jensen’s eyes are glassy, a little wild. He makes another whimpering, grumbling noise and grabs a fistful of Jared’s hair, hauls him down for a bruising kiss. The pressure of Jensen’s firm belly, the heat of that blazing skin sliding against his cock is all it takes, and Jared’s done, rutting against that smooth heat, spurting in between them while Jensen’s tongue fucks his mouth.
Jen’s hand loosens in Jared’s hair, eventually; the kisses turn slow and easy, Jared’s spent cock sliding through the mess he made on Jensen’s skin.
If it was up to Jared he’d drag them both into the pool by way of cleaning up, but Jensen’s been working all week to get the pool looking perfect for the party tomorrow, and Jared knows better than to fuck with that. So instead he forces himself to his feet with a groan.
“I’ll go get something to clean up with.”
Jensen just grunts, but his hand reaches out, fingers close around Jared’s wrist.
“I’m glad, too.”
At Jared’s blank look, he shrugs.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done either. You know, besides be fucking miserable.”
Jared nods down at him, and he knows he’s beaming like an idiot but he can’t be bothered to give a fuck.
= = = = =
One pool party turns into two, then three, then suddenly it’s a standing invitation every Saturday. People show up, bring beer and booze and meat, the occasional bag of weed; they grill and drink and smoke, and play increasingly ridiculous pool games. Jared buys tiki torches and orange longhorn lights to string around the backyard. Jensen’s original response of you’ll have to kill me first is modified, after much pleading, cajoling, and repeated blowjobs, to fine, whatever, so the longhorn lights stay.
“Man, how’d you talk him in to that?” Vic asks one afternoon, sitting in the shade with a very pregnant Lisa, both of them sipping bottled water.
“I have my ways,” Jared smirks, and Jensen blushes and glares.
It’s Saturday of the long July 4th weekend, everyone having unanimously decided to forego the annual trip to Willie’s 4th of July Picnic so Lisa can lay on a raft in the pool instead of sitting out in the miserable heat while her ankles swell, when Jimbo gets off work earlier than expected and stops by unannounced. He wanders out of the house in his work clothes, shirt and tie and long pants.
“Ackles, where are all your clothes, dude?” He’s gesturing with the beer already in his hand. “I tried to jack a pair of shorts but your drawers are all empty.”
Jensen gets the look on his face that he always gets when he’s flustered; he ends up just looking kind of pissed off and confused, and doesn’t say anything.
“He hasn’t moved all his stuff back yet,” Jared breaks in. He didn’t even know Jimbo was here, much less that he was inside rooting around in their shit. Jared reminds himself that he needs to have a serious talk with their friends about boundaries.
Of course Jimbo assumes that the downstairs bedroom, the one that used to be Vic’s, then Jared’s, the one that now has Jensen’s old furniture in it, is Jensen’s room. Jared says a little prayer of thanks that Jimbo didn’t venture upstairs.
“I’ll find you something.” Jared pulls himself out of the pool and towels off as fast as he can, before Jimbo decides to continue his self-guided tour of their dresser drawers.
“Dude I can’t wear your shorts. I might as well just wear my pants.”
“No, I know,” Jared waves him off, yells over his shoulder as he hurries inside. “I said I’ll find something.”
He’s upstairs digging in Jensen’s bottom drawer when he hears the stairs creak behind him, and goddammit they’ve got to get a door for this fucking room. He grabs a pair of Jensen’s burnt orange athletic shorts, one of about 400 pair he has with the crossed tennis rackets in white on the leg, Texas Tennis emblazoned above them.
“Here, these get mixed in with mine sometimes. Too many pairs of orange shorts, ya know?” He tries to keep his voice casual, but he can see Jimbo’s shrewd gaze already scanning the room. The two dressers, the bed with two stacks of pillows at the head and blankets tangled and crumpled at the foot, the shoes everywhere in two different sizes.
The fucking picture of Jensen’s family on the picture rail in Jared’s bedroom.
Jared watches Jimbo’s eyes get wide, and fuuuuuck.
“Okay,” Jared holds his hands up, “just wait.”
“No,” Jimbo’s shaking his head, “Dude, come on, no way!”
“Just settle down,” Jared tries. “Don’t freak out.”
He figures it’s a little late to tell him it’s not what it looks like. Especially since it’s exactly what it looks like.
“Ackles?” Jimbo shakes his head. “Dude, I can’t even.”
“Jimbo, listen, you can’t say anything okay? You can’t, man.”
“I can’t just.” Jimbo is shrugging, head shaking, eyes wide. “I can’t keep this a secret. You can’t make me keep this a secret! Dude, come on! I can’t be in charge of this information, no way. You know I don’t have a poker face, Jay, shit!”
“No, man, seriously, you’ve got to. Jensen will fucking freak if he finds out you know.”
“Nah, no way, fuck that. How am I supposed to look at him and act normal when I know this? Jay, you know me. I can’t do it, no way.”
Jared thinks for a minute, imagines Jimbo staring at Jensen and stammering and acting like a dickwad, which he totally will. Jared sighs, quickly weighs Jimbo being an idiot versus Jensen possibly having a fucking meltdown.
“Fucking. Fuck!” He runs his hands through his hair, tugs and twists some. “Fine. Just stay here. Don’t touch anything, and don’t fucking move.”
At the door he yells for Jensen, watches as he hauls himself up out of the pool and dries off, shuffles in the back door.
“What the hell?”
He looks worried already. Jared guesses the look on his face probably isn’t helping.
“Okay, listen. Jimbo came upstairs when I was looking for shorts for him.” He stops there, hopes that Jensen will infer without him actually having to say the words.
“Yeah.” Jensen’s tone is flat, suspicious.
“Dude, think about how that room looks, come on.”
Jensen’s eyes close and he breathes deep and slow.
“Shit,” he says without opening his eyes. “Motherfucker.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Jen,” Jared feels a little panicky, a little worried about what Jensen’s going to do.
But Jensen just clenches his hands into fists, and opens his eyes.
“He still up there?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go.”
Jared swallows his shock and follows Jensen upstairs. Jimbo’s standing at the end of the bed, and for a few seconds they all stand there, looking at each other. Jared can’t take it for long, he has to say something.
“Okay. So now you know,” he nods to Jimbo, “and now we know that you know.”
“I have to tell Vic, okay? Just Vic.”
Jared watches Jensen’s face turn pale under his summer tan, and shakes his head.
“No, dude, come on. We don’t want anyone to know okay? Not now, just, not yet.”
Jimbo actually has the decency to look pained.
“I know Jay, I get it man, it’s just. Look.” He shoots a quick look at Jensen then lowers his head. “Look, they want to ask Ackles to be the Godfather of the kid and everything, and I just. Vic can be weird about shit you know? I just think he should know, I think I need to tell him. Now, before the baby.”
Jared’s eyes go wide.
“What, to give him a chance to decide Jensen’s, what? Suddenly some kind of pervert who can’t be allowed near children? That’s fucked up man.”
He could go on, but Jensen holds his hand up.
“Jay, just stop.” Jensen sinks down on the end of the bed, puts his head in his hands. “He’s right. That’s a big decision, I mean. That’s their kid, man. Jimbo’s right.”
Jared thinks Jimbo and Vic can both go fuck themselves, but it seems he’s all alone on that side of the fence. He opens his mouth, but then thinks better of it, and closes it again.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen says to no one, maybe to the floor. “I’ll take care of it.”
= = = = =
The dominoes just keep falling. Jared hates that it wasn’t a conscious choice they got to make, that they didn’t do it on their own terms; hates that their hand was forced by prying assholes with boundary issues, but Jensen seems to be handling it okay, all things considered.
He told Vic on the 4th of July. Jared wasn’t in the room, but Vic and Lisa left soon after and Jensen won’t talk about it. Jared’s pretty sure they haven’t spoken since. Jensen says that based on Vic’s reaction to the Mark-and-Jared storyline, he’s not that surprised. Jared doesn’t ask what that means, is pretty sure he doesn’t really want to know. Jimbo says Vic is just a stubborn asshole and he’ll get over it, and Jared really hopes, for Jensen’s sake, that he’s right.
Jared and Jensen agree that there’s no way their secret is safe for long, not with the Frazier boys and their fucking mouths. They’re under the microscope now, the clock’s ticking, so they get as pro-active as they can. They decide that’s better than the alternative anyway - one awkward afternoon of standing in their bedroom while a nosy friend slowly realizes what’s up with the sleeping arrangements was more than enough, thanks.
Jared has lunch with Jordan, figures he’s already told him about one guy, another one shouldn’t be so hard. Jordan just shakes his head, says, Ackles, man. Didn’t see that coming, but I totally should have, and goes back to drinking his beer. Jared buys him another one, just for being cool.
Chris is Jared’s oldest friend, technically his best friend if you don’t count Jensen into the equation, which Jared isn’t sure if he should now, or not. Either way, Chris is a scary one, the one that Jared really, really doesn’t want to lose, so he chickens out and asks Kelly to come over one evening to help him with some made-up emergency with his clothes or his hair or something only Kelly would truly believe is an emergency. She sits at the table with him and Jensen while Jared stammers and stutters around for awhile, before Jensen finally rolls his eyes and blurts, he’s trying to tell you we’re…together. Kelly’s mouth opens and closes, then opens and closes again. Jared starts to make a smart comment about her looking like a fish, but decides now probably isn’t the time.
Finally, she shakes her head like she’s not sure she heard right, closes her eyes and opens them again like maybe she’ll see something new and different about the two of them, sitting there across from her shoulder to shoulder.
“You two.” She points from Jared to Jensen and back again. “You’re - you know.”
“Sharing the upstairs bedroom. And yes, that means what you think it means.” Jared blows out a long breath, and waits.
Kelly shakes her head slower, like she’s taking it in, then finally she nods instead.
“Wow,” she says, slow and soft, almost reverent. “That’s like, whoa. That’s really. I mean, wow.”
“Yeah.” Jared waits, tries to remember to breathe.
Suddenly her face splits into a huge grin.
“Oh my God,” she gasps, “you’re like totally in love, aren’t you?”
Jared and Jensen stare uncomfortably at the table top, and Kelly squeals.
“Y’all, seriously. That’s the cutest thing ever. “
She shoves her chair back and rounds the table, flings herself between them with an arm around each of their necks.
“I’m so happy for you both, honestly. Oh my God! This is so exciting!”
Jared slowly unwinds her arm from his neck and clears his throat.
“Thanks Kell, that’s really sweet, but. Um. I’m kinda worried about telling Chris.”
“Oh, him,” she rolls her eyes. “I’ll handle him. Don’t sweat it.”
Three hours later he gets a text from Chris, so you’re in gay love with Ackles????? He texts back with looks that way, and the immediate response is felicitaciones, bro. word around here is it’s fuckin adorable. Jared snorts, shows Jensen his phone, and watches as Jen exhales, watches as the pinched look leaves his face. Jared knows he was really worried, really scared that Chris wouldn’t take it well and Jared would be upset, so Jared hauls him in close and kisses him hard and dirty, just to say thanks for having my back.
By the time the night of Jared’s previously-planned birthday party rolls around, everyone knows. There are a few no shows at the party Jared is pretty sure would have come otherwise, namely Vic and Lisa, but for the most part everyone comes and acts as normal as can be expected, considering the assholes they choose to keep as friends. There’s a lot of cat calling and lewd comments, Jensen’s face is the color of a tomato all night, and when Jared blows out the huge cloud of 27 candles on his giant cake, Jimbo and Chris are beating their cake forks against their tumblers full of whiskey and vodka and yelling kiss, kiss, kiss like they think they’re at a wedding. Of course Jensen would rather cut his own arm off, no way that shit was gonna happen, but Jared still thought it was kind of sweet the way their friends booed and hissed in disappointment when Jensen stubbornly refused.
PART 7 < > PART 9
| MASTER POST | PART 8 LYRIC CREDITS |